Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Spoilers: loosely based on season 5

Authors Note: just be gentle with me…

Part 1: The Park

"Uncle Lucas, why do you hate honey buckets?" James asked.

Lucas turned his gaze away from the ball game on TV and turned to his nephew. "What?"

"Why do you hate honey buckets?" he asked again. "Mommy said you hate them."

"Cuz it's the shit!" Skills replied.

"Don't swear in front of my son," Haley said, swatting Skills on the arm as she passed by.

"Sorry," he apologized.

Returning to the conversation at hand, Lucas cleared his throat, trying to come up with an excuse; he did not want the truth to come out.

"They're unsanitary," he lamely replied.

Haley turned to Lucas with a frown, "what are you talking about?"

He looked up at his childhood friend wide-eyed. Surely she wouldn't tell in front of everyone. Would she?

"Cuz this cracker's scared his ass gonna get stuck in the thing," Tim announced.

"Tim, you're not black. Just say he gets stuck," Nathan replied, turning his attention to the conversation.

Everyone turned to Brooke as she let out a snort and burst into laughter.

"Seriously? How does that even happen?" Rachel asked rolling her eyes, unimpressed at the revelation.

Peyton raised an eyebrow in his direction. She was about to ask him if it was true when his bright red face answered her unspoken question. She shook her head, unable to believe that her boyfriend had the ability to lock himself inside a porta potty. How embarrassing.

"So, do we get to hear the story or not?" Rachel asked, filing her nails.

"No," Lucas replied.

"Oh yes we do," Skills intervened.

"No, we don't."

"I want to hear the story, Uncle Lucas!"

"Now we definitely gotta tell the story," Skills said, settling himself on the couch.

Lucas groaned in frustration as the room erupted into a wave of pleas.

"Alright! Fine," he shouted, quieting the room.

"YAY!" James squealed as climbed into his uncle's lap.

"Tim, don't say anything," Lucas warned, "or I won't tell the stories."

"There's more than one? This day is getting better by the minute!" James exclaimed.

"Honey, calm down. It's just a story," Haley told her son.

Lucas glared at Haley "It is not just a story-"

"You're right, it's several embarrassing stories. Now get on with the show," Rachel demanded.

The port-a-potty hater turned his glare to the redhead. "You know, I don't even have to tell you the story."

"If you don't tell us the story, then we'll just have Tim tell it to us," she shot back.

Luca's face dropped as he realized that it would be best coming from his mouth. Who knew what Tim would add to the story; he had been there for two of the incidences. He let out a deep sigh and reluctantly prepared himself for the humiliation that was to follow.

It was senior skip day at Tree Hill High and Nathan and Haley had decided to spend the gorgeous Thursday at the park. Accompanying them was Lucas, who claimed that he had better things to do than sit in school and have their brains melt, and Tim, who was back home for a long weekend. It was the perfect day for such an outing; the sun was bright and radiating heat, the sky was clear, and Luca's hadn't brooded in over two weeks.

The four had just grabbed some lunch and decided a trip to the park would be fitting. Shortly after their arrival, Nathan and Haley headed off into a far corner of the park for some alone time. After all, once the baby was born, all their attention had to go to the baby.

Leaving Tim and Lucas to themselves, they stood in awkward silence until they spotted a game of Ultimate Frisbee going on.

"Wana join the game?" Tim asked, pointing over the hill top, in the direction of the game.

"Sure, why not?" Lucas replied. Anything was better than standing in the middle of the park doing nothing, especially with Tim.

"Alright, let's go whoop their asses!"

Broody shook his head and followed Tim across the hill top. Within minutes they were both enjoying themselves; their laughter and voices carried across the park.

---

Haley pulled back from Nathan, sitting up. "Did you hear that?"

Nathan frowned in disappointment. They were about to get down to business. "Hear what?"

"I think I heard Lucas and Time both laughing. That never happens."

Nathan reached around her and lifted her shirt above her head in response. He was hot and ready needed to get back to what they started immediately. He pulled her head in close and whispered against her soft, tender lips, "I don't care," and passionately kissed her. Her hands snaked through his hair as they continued where they left off.

---

Twenty minutes later, Lucas was in trouble. He needed to use that bathroom and the only one available was the Honey Bucket sitting on top of the small hill. He glanced over at the forest and decided that he wouldn't make it in time.

Excusing himself from the game, he rushed up the hill and stepped into the malodorous stall. Taking a step backward, he fanned his face to get away from the smell. He longingly glanced at the trees that didn't reek of shit. Holding in a deep breath, he stepped inside and slammed the door shut causing the porta-potty to shake. He held his hands against the walls attempting to steady to bucket. Once he felt safe, he quickly went about his business.

Tim looked up at the honey bucket wondering what was taking Lucas so long to use the bathroom. He continued staring at a group of junior high boys made their way up the hill towards the honey bucket.

Tim chuckled, "they're going to be in line for a long time." He continued watching as the boys started throwing rocks at the honey bucket.

---

Lucas was about to unlock the door when the Honey Bucket wobbled. Holding onto the walls again, he wondered what was going on and what the thud against the plastic container meant. He could hear the voices of young boys from outside and once again attempted to get out.

Before he had the chance, the bucket shook violently. Pressing his hands further into the filthy walls, he realized what was happening. The junior high boys were going to knock it over.

At the same time his hand reached for the handle, the bucket tumbled down the four foot hill, into the sand. He yelled as loud as he could for help, but no avail, as the young boys cheered in victory.

---

"I think that was the best sex we've ever had," Haley sighed into Nathan's bare chest.

He grinned. "I think so too." He was about to suggest round two when they heard cheers coming from the other side of the park. He glanced at his radiant wife and asked, "want to go check it out?"

"Sure."

They quickly got dressed and headed for the clearing. Turing towards each other in confusion, they headed toward the sand where a crowd was standing.

"What do you think happened?" Haley asked Nathan.

"I don't know."

The closer they got, the stronger the nauseating smell became.

"Tim, what happened?" Nathan asked, looking down at the toppled Honey Bucket.

Laughing, Tim replied "he's stuck inside!"

"What?!" the married couple exclaimed at the same time.

"Yeah. Those junior high boys knocked it off the top of the hill!"

Nathan rushed towards the toppled bucked, trying to find the door. Realizing it was lying against the sand, he shouted "Lucas, you ok?"

"Do you think I'm okay? I'm covered in shit!" he roared.

"Sorry man," he replied. "I'll get you out of there soon."

He glanced around the crowd, who were all standing and doing nothing. "Someone help me," Nathan shouted.

Three other men stepped up to help turn the bucket over. "On the count of three, we'll roll the Honey Bucket to the right. One, two, three."

There was a thud, and a moment later they all heard Lucas shout "that hurt!"

Nathan looked at the others, "again on three. One, two three." With a final roll, Lucas crawled out.

The smell was so strong that everyone stepped back two feet. Humiliated, Lucas looked at the three guys that helped and thanked them.

"Shows over!" Haley announced, waving her hands in the air, dispersing the crowd with her pregnant belly. Once they were gone, she turned to the three men and thanked them for their help.

"No problem" they replied, leaving the scene.

She plugged her nose and faced her best friend. "You're not coming back home with us smelling like that."

"You might want to take a dip in the lake. I'll see if I have some clean clothes in the trunk.

Lucas was as clean as he could be ten minutes later. He still reeked of shit, but the smell wasn't as strong as it had been.

"Hey Lucas," Nathan called to his brother. "These were the only thing I would find."

Lucas gratefully took them and headed toward the forest to change. His face fell as he saw what Nathan had brought him. "Are you serious?" he mumbled to himself.

"Are you done yet?" Haley asked.

"Almost!" He unwillingly put the clothes on and appeared from the trees.

As if his day couldn't have gotten worse, everyone erupted into laughter.

Snickering, a passer-by commented, "pink's a good color on you."

Haley crossed her arms and said in a serious tone, "you better not stretch my sweater. Brooke made it for me for my birthday."

Slouching, Lucas let out a deep sigh. He was in need of some serious brooding.

-TBC-