You woke up early, too early for you. You don't fall asleep until 3 AM and never wake up before 9. It's barely 8 and you're already sitting in the breakfast hall, playing with a breakfast you'll never eat. You're staring into the bowl of chocolate cereal, watching the milk change colour. You swirl the spoon around the bowl one last time before sighing heavily and pulling a handheld gaming console out of your pocket. You hunch over it, the chocolate mess in the bowl still untouched besides those few stirs. Each time the door opens, you look up, hope glittering in your eyes for a fraction of a second only to be replaced with sorrow when you realised the person was a girl, or had brown hair, or just wasn't him.

You run your hand across your face, wiping away the tears that have yet to percolate past your closed eyes, encouraging them.

I cannot sit and survey you any longer. The thought of looking at you as you mentally and physically break down is demoralizing, to say the least.

You still don't see me as I stand. You don't realise I am walking towards where you are sitting until I'm already there. You don't fully comprehend what I'm doing until my arms are wrapped around your neck, holding you.

I hold you until I get a reaction, any reaction; it would be more than I've seen from you in the last few days. Ultimately, the reaction I get isn't the one I anticipate. I expect you to shout at me, to tell me to get off and to leave you the hell alone. Instead, you let your game fall to the floor and raise your arms ever so slightly before wrapping your arms gently around my waist, somewhat timorously, as if you don't want to hold too tight in case I may leave too.

I could never tell you, but as long as it is necessary for you to be happy, I will always be here. Nothing could ever change that.

Then my grip tightens as I realise, as I'm also scared now. Scared you'll leave me one day to find him.

It is also then I understand, no matter who you are or what you do, the trepidation of the inescapable is always there in the back of your mind.

You, Matt, do not fear the imminence of death, you are instead scared of losing those who matter to you. He matters to you. He matters more than most people. To lose him, would destroy you beyond understanding. And although I know how much it hurts you, it hurts him too.

The End