Haha this is the Naruto version of my little book of crack! I hope everyone also likes the Inuyasha, Akatsuki and Bleach little books of crack! Lol If you just began reading my stories I want to say that somehow an Uchiha ends up in most of the chapters... I guess they're just that special... enjoy!

Hyuga Neji- The caterpillar

Neji this, Neji that, Neji look, Neji come here. Neji was sick of all the attention he was getting from his classmates. Why couldn't they just leave him alone to train in peace?

His inner voice kept telling him to just ignore them and keep training, but he had been listening to his inner voice for the past two hours and clearly it was not working.

He had got almost no training done because each time he was about to try a jutsu someone jumped in front of him and distracted him. Half of the time he was tempted to yell at said person, but he was Neji and he would never lower himself to doing such a thing.

However, he was beginning to question that theory when Ino jumped in front of him and screamed 'I miss Sasuke' at the top of her lungs.

Finally getting enough of this he quietly stood up and ran into the forest. Unknown to him Ino was now smiling as Kiba gave her money.

She had bet that her screaming would drive Neji away, and Kiba had bet against her. Needless to say, Ino won the bet.

Later...

Neji ran through the forest quietly, but not before making sure no one was following him. When he had made it to a clearing he stopped and looked around.

Peace and quiet surrounded him like a warm fuzzy blanket. He deemed this place good enough to meditate at.

There wasn't a soul in the area for miles, and that was great news. Neji walked to the middle of the clearing and sat down in a meditating pose. Then he took several deep breaths and began to mediate.

Even later...

Yummy, a human was here! The mysterious being crawled over to the meditating form of Neji and made a smile that showed all of its very sharp teeth.

Then it circled Neji and decided that the 'yummiest' part of him was hand. After making sure Neji was deep in meditation mode it crawled up on his hand and then... chomp...smack.

Neji had been meditating in peace and silence, but then suddenly some wormy thing bit him in the hand. It had even made a distinct 'chomping' noise.

So, he quickly smacked it and he watched in disgust as the thing peeled itself off him hand and jumped in the grass. Damn, that was one creepy caterpillar.

The distraction had made him now realize it was mid afternoon and it was time for lunch. He got up off his spot in the clearing and began walking into the forest.

However, when he just took a few steps past a large oak there was a slithering sound behind him. Neji quickly turned around and narrowed his eyes when he saw Orochimaru standing by the oak.

Orochimaru smiled at his with his usual creepy smile and then said, "Neji, I have come for your eyes."

Neji got into a defensive stance and then said, "You can try." Orochimaru said nothing and then ran at Neji with a slimy sword in his hand. Before Orochimaru got close Neji closed his eyes and then said, "Byakugan."

When he opened his eyes he was shocked to see Orochimaru running at him with no clothes on. What the hell, when had he had time to do that?

Out of shock Neji deactivated the Byakugan and then jumped back a hundred feet. When he looked at Orochimaru again he saw his clothes were on again.

He shook his head, how the hell did he keep doing that.

He shook the creepy thought out of his mind and reactivated the Byakugan. Once again, when he looked at Orochimaru the creeper had no clothes on.

But wait, something was missing... Neji looked down a bit and then, "OH SHIT MY EYES!"

Neji had seen Orochimaru's little wee wee, and the sight of that had made poor Neji faint and try to poke his eyes out at the same time. Orochimaru looked at Neji silently.

What was he screaming about? Then the fully clothed form of Orochimaru walked over to Neji's body, poked it once, and then took out his eyes quickly.

At Orochimaru's evil lair...

Sasuke wandered around Orochimaru's base quietly. Orochimaru had promised him new eyes today, and he was getting impatient. Maybe he had just said that to test his patience.

Stupid Orochimaru, one of these days he was going to kill him. Orochimaru walked into the room a few minutes later with a glass jar that had two eyes in it. Sasuke walked over to Orochimaru and said, "Transplant them now."

Orochimaru nodded and then led Sasuke to the operating room. Then Orochimaru performed the procedure and led the blindfolded form of Sasuke back to his room.

The next day Sasuke woke up early and was very eager to try out his new eyes. He got out of bed quickly and went down to the training room.

Orochimaru was already there and he smirked at Sasuke. Sasuke wasted no time and activated his new half Sharingan half Byakugan and looked toward Orochimaru with narrowed eyes.

Everything looked normal and nothing felt wrong so he was ok with that, but still there was something that he couldn't put his finger on. He tried a few techniques with his new eyes and when satisfied he left to go eat breakfast.

Later that day, Sasuke went to train by himself for a bit with his new eyes. Near evening Orochimaru walked in the room but, ohmygosh, he was naked.

Sasuke could practically feel his eyes bulge out of his sockets and he yelled, "Orochimaru, put some clothes on!" Orochimaru looked at him in confusion, he was fully dressed and he had no idea what Sasuke was talking about.

So, he just stood there and Sasuke was starting to twitch when he said, "Did you hear me? I don't want you walking about naked!"

Now Orochimaru twitched and said, "Sasuke, I'm not naked. You're imagining things." Sasuke narrowed his eyes and said, "I. Am. Not." Then he ran at Orochimaru with his sword out and cut his head off.

What an anti-climatic death for poor snakey.

Much later...

It was raining outside, but Sasuke didn't care. Today was the day he was supposed to face off and kill his brother.

Itachi was already at the building they were going to fight at and he looked poised and ready for anything. Sasuke stood a few feet in front of his most hatred enemy and activated his eyes.

Itachi looked at his little brother as he activated his eyes but then twitched when he saw Sasuke pointing at him with a horrified expression on his face. When Sasuke had activated his eyes for some reason he saw Itachi standing naked in front of him.

He pointed at him in horror and then screamed, "Itachi what the hell I don't want to see that!" Itachi raised his eyebrow and said, "I do not know of what you speak little brother."

Sasuke dead panned and then screamed, "PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Itachi shook his head and then said, "I am wearing clothes, what is wrong with you?"

Sasuke made a gagging noise when he accidentally looked down below Itachi's waist and then fell to the ground twitching violently.

Itachi looked at his brother have a seizure in front of him for a while and then wondered if he was insane when Sasuke screamed 'its so big!' at the top of his lungs.

Finally Sasuke had one last spasm and died. Wow, that is just so... strange. Itachi shrugged and walked over to the body.

Then he carefully took Sasuke's eyes and went to go get Madara to transplant them for him.

After the operation...

Itachi looked around the room quietly, he had just gotten Sasuke's eyes and he was getting used to them. When he saw Madara he gave him a nod and then he heard Madara say, "Try them out."

Itachi did as he was told and activated his new quarter Byakugan and three quarter Sharingan. When he opened his eyes to look at Madara he resisted the urge to gag.

For some unknown reason Madara was now naked in front of him. Itachi twitched and then said, "Madara I'm not gay, put some clothes on." Madara looked at him in confusion, "Itachi what are you talking about? I am fully clothed."

Then it hit him, Madara was wearing clothes, but he couldn't see them. So he deactivated his eyes and saw that his guess had been correct.

Then Itachi shook his head and said, "This can only be the work of the nakeleous caterpillar."

Madara shook his head in confusion and said, "The what? Itachi, what are you talking about?"

Itachi got up and then said, "The nakeleous caterpillar is a caterpillar that bites humans and makes them only be able to see everything naked. Since these eyes are part Byakugan I am guessing that Neji got bitten by the caterpillar and Sasuke somehow got his eyes. Now that I have his eyes I just saw you naked."

Madara looked at him quietly but then grinned at him before saying, "Did you like what you saw?"