Not as a big brother, but in more ways than one, like someone who looked up to a celebrity crush. They found all the good points about them enchanting. The bad points, turned moot.
It was a long time ago that she'd last seen him. If she was honest, her latest thoughts didn't center around Craig, so much as the divorce she'd gotten three weeks ago.
Spinner had been great at first. Stand-up and increadibly loving. But when he found out he couldn't have kids... Well, it took a turn from there.
Instead of being sad, he'd taken his anger out on Emma.
The memory of raised fits coming at her face had broken her down. Brought her back to when she felt less than. The days she'd discovered her eating habits, or lack there of.
No. She wouldn't go back there. Not again.
So, she'd swallowed everything back, going to the one man she knew she could trust. Her dad was the title in every way, but blood. He'd helped her seek the right person and with his help, she'd gotten the divorce he'd convinced her that would have been for the best.
She sat in a downtown Toronto coffee shop, the lighting low, the night closing in on eight.
The people one-by-one would go on the stage to sing a personal song. Most about break ups. Heartbreaks. The mistakes and coulda-shoulda-woulda's, they had formed words about.
When someone got on stage, a couple of people clapped louder, harder, more than anyone else had been clapped for. The spotlight turned back on, and Emma lost her breath.
Craig Manning put the guitar strap around his neck, adjusting the tuning and stumming down to hear the chords. Deciding they were in tune, he smiled to the people in a thank you, and walked the few short steps to the mic.
The light focused on only him, the darkness around the small audience seemed to darken that much more. She sat up straighter, seeing Craig's eyes move about the room. The moved right over her, the dark too thick for him to see her through. She had no idea if he'd see her anyway. Recognize her from the little Emma, she once-upon-a-time was.
"It's nice to get away sometimes. That's what this song's about," he spoke. His voice was the same, yet different. As if currently, he'd found a downfall. If she knew him well, she'd say it was more than likely over a girl.
He strummed again, then took a breath into the microphone, the first words coming out.
"I've sworn there were no more roads for me. So I sat right by this tree. I waited expectantly." He took a pause, looking down at his guitar as his fingers moved around the neck of it. He strummed once again, even harder and worked into a melodical rythm.
"How could I let myself go so easily? I worked all the way up, only to fall. And I've got no one to see me. The real me is screaming. Please, don't let me down. And I've asked, please, don't watch me drown. I know there's more, but I don't know my way. Please help me, just stay. Oh..." he took another breath, a short guitar break that let Emma see just how much the words meant to him. He looked ready to cry and at a short glimpse around the place, she could see everyone was completely captivated with him.
When he moved back to the mic finally, the strumming slowed. A lightness that sounded like a sadness that matched her own.
"I've sworn there were no more roads for me. So I sat here, right by this damned tree. I waited expectantly..." A last strum and everyone in the room began to clap. It was more out of respect than anything. Craig Manning was wildly known around Canada, even the States and some other countries. He'd toured around and now he was here, but why?
He nodded to the crowd as the spotlight flicked off, and he walked off the stage, shaking hands of people around the shop. He even took a picture with one of the girls in the room.
Emma held her breath as he made his way to a table to the side of the place. He put his guitar in the case and latched it up, picking it up along with a duffle bag which looked ominous. He wasn't close to home. Where was he staying? Where was he going? What had happened to him?
He started walking passed her, and she had to take a quick breath, only to hold it again.
When he glanced at her, he acted as if she were another person in the place. A quick, but sad grin and his eyes were back on the floor in front of him.
That was until he was halfway to the doors. He glanced back over his shoulder briefly, looking oddly confused. Emma raised a hand in a no motion wave making Craig, stop in place. He took a viewable big breath, then came charging at her in swift steps.
All thoughts were behind her actions as she stood, her arms out already inviting him to hug her. He bent to place his guitar and bag down, then rushed forward, his arms wrapping around her waist as he lifted her from the ground.
She had no idea what it would have been like, running into him. But if she had guessed, it wouldn't have been anything like this. Not at all.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" He asked her.
"I could ask you the same thing, Craig Manning."
Gently, he placed her back down, but his hands didn't leave her waist. She didn't mind. Not with her hands on his shoulders.
"Wow, you look..."
Emma was glad the place was dark enough that he couldn't see her blush. That crush on him had never truly left, of course. She was predictable like that. As Spinner once said.
She pushed those negative thoughts aside.
"You look...like you," she finished in a sigh. Craig smiled, not taking it the wrong way in the least. If there'd been any two people to automatically understand eachother, it had been them. Maybe that was why nothing had ever gone further than friendship between them?
"Where are you staying?" She asked him. He clicked his tongue in thought.
"Across from the Victoria, I know that."
She laughed at him. "You know what you're staying across from, but not where you're staying at?"
He laughed along with her, realizing how dumb it sounded. That's when he stepped back, his hands dropping from her.
"I guess I should probably know since I have to take a cab back."
She shrugged, narrowing her eyes up at him. He was still so tall.
"Just tell them the Victoria and walk across the street."
He laughed. "Where're you staying? Or, where do you live?"
Where did she live? She lived in a hotel room after getting all of her things from hers and Spinner's place early that evening.
"Home," she told him, since it would soon be true anyway. Tomorrow, Snake was coming with a truck to the hotel to gather her things and bring them home. Home at twenty-three. What a waste of time.
Craig, even with his stardom, thought nothing of it. "What're you up to tonight? I mean, do you wanna catch a drink? Or hang out? Talk about what eachother's been up to?"
Surreal. That's the word that would explain this whole thing perfectly.
"Yes. I really do." Even though she didn't want to talk about Spinner, she realized she didn't have to. Craig was so out of the Degrassi-loop, he wouldn't know anything, right?
Craig brightened, obviously estatic. "Great, c'mon. We can order room service. It's on my record company."
"Awesome."
Turned out, old times were one of the happiest things to talk about. Especially with what had been going on lately.
Craig had gone on tour and been perfectly fine, until a night with one girl, he let himself forget how much he'd overcome with the help of Ellie.
The girl was a model, nothing special, but it took one look at her doing coke to do him in. He snorted that line and had so-so sex, and that had been that.
He was on a two week binge of snorting before shows and snorted before tv appearences. At least he was caught before he did something stupid.
That was what lonliness did to you. Turned you against not only other people, but against yourself, most of all.
His producers suspended him. Like he was a child in school and he fully deserved it.
Telling this all to Emma made no impact on her. She didn't offer sympathy, but she didn't get angry in the least. Overall, she was completely understanding and simply let him talk it all out.
He couldn't help bringing up, Spinner. That whole marriage had seemed like some really weird joke and he still couldn't picture it. When she instantly fell into the horror story, he knew exactly why she was letting him know. He'd spilled his secrets, and now she felt more than willing to do the same. They trusted eachother on a level he couldn't understand, but didn't mind in the least.
The memory of Emma, coming to him and only him to be the one to accompany her to see her father, popped into his mind. Such a long time ago and yet, he could feel everything. The way she'd clinged to him for support. So young and fragile. Scared, but so brave.
And here she was, a woman which was obvious and plain to the eye as day, but still young and fragile. Still scared, and still so brave. He looked up to her in a way, and he let her know that.
She wiped the few tears that had fallen after telling her story. "Why's that?" She asked in a short chuckle.
"Em, not many people are able to walk away. Do you know how many women make excuses to stay? How many take the beatings because more than anything, they're afraid no one else will love them? In some sick way, they think those men care. Even with the hurtful words and the bruises to follow them..."
Emma was silent, but staring at him. Those brown eyes, so innocent, but so full of an energy. Purely life. Purely woman.
"Did you know when I was younger, I wondered if you'd ever look at me the way you did, Manny?" The name Manny, brought a sour taste to his mouth. For too long was he obsessed. More than obsessed, he'd needed to be needed. The same went for Ashley. But Emma had wanted him to be interested in her? He had to admit, he'd never looked at her that way when they were younger. She'd always been a friend. Like a best friends little sister or something.
"Yeah? Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"Because Manny loved you. I couldn't do that to my best friend."
He nodded at her, admiring her that much more.
"I've always been selfish. Especially when it comes to relationships. Love." He looked out over the city lights of Toronto. They'd taken spots on the balcony. The top floor of the Merachi Hotel. Emma hadn't had a coat, so he gave her one of his old hoodies to wear.
She sighed, pushing her light blonde hair from her face. With the city lights shining on the strands, he found he wanted to reach out. To feel how soft those strands might be. However, they were old friends catching up and it was getting late. She'd probably head back soon.
He continued. "I feel like I'll never have enough of it, you know?"
She grinned into the crisp air, more at the city than at him. "You just need to find a balance. To find someone who's able to love and adore you, whom you can love and adore as well. You and I are in the same boat right now."
He kept silent, wanting her to talk more. About anything really, but the subject they were on was giving him a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"I need to find it as well. You're problem is, you can't seem to love yourself less. My problem is I can't love myself more. Kind of the same thing, right?" She finally looked at him. Her big brown eyes beckoning to his own. He swallowed hard and nodded. She must have seen something there, because she quickly looked back over the view.
"I keep meeting women who love me too much."
"That right there is selfish, don't you think?"
"How?"
"You can't possibly love someone too much."
"Yes, you can, Emma. Sometimes it can break people down. Or break them apart."
She thought about it for a moment and ended up nodding in agreement. "You're right. I loved him too much and it broke him."
Craig frowned, touching her arm. "That's not what I meant. Not at all."
"It's okay, Craig. I know I messed up. I know he messed up. I know I was too young..."
"No, Emma." He wouldn't let her bring herself down over it. Especially since he was the one to start it. Or at least, he was the one to finish it. "You're more than that. Look at what you did. You left. Sometimes, things are meant to happen to help make you stronger..."
Her cold fingers touched his hand, she was smiling. For once, he wasn't indie turned star. He wasn't labeled as a the newest and younger, less-of-an-asshole, John Mayer. For once he was Craig Manning. In the simplest of ways. He was just, Craig and she was just, Emma.
Emma was staring up at him and the whole atmosphere changed. She must have felt it too, because she was suddenly looking around like there'd magically be a clock in view. "I should get going. Snake will be there in the morning, early and I should get some sleep."
Unless she wanted to sleep there. Not with him, but he could take the other bedroom, since there was two, along with a livingroom.
"Okay," he replied to her.
Emma smiled and Craig made a point of helping her downstairs and getting the front desk to call a cab. He insisted on paying, not wanting Emma to have to, and had the cab driver take her all the way to her hotel.
When they'd hugged, he knew he was lingering, but then again, so was she.
"Let's talk soon, alright?" He didn't want to lose contact with her again. Ever. For some reason, the night had brightened him. Newly sobered from coke for only one week, and this was the first time he didn't feel so alone. The first time he felt like his old self. For the first time, he was smiling genuenly.
It didn't feel right though. Her leaving. Before falling asleep, he decided he'd take a trip back to a town he knew by heart. A town that was apart of him. A town with a school where he'd most grown up.
A school called Degrassi.