A/N: Background for this drabble is BullxOFC Katalia have a very close relationship. Katalia is a human mage from Tevinter who fled the Imperium with Dorian's help to escape a bloody rise in Venatori activity. For some time now, she has been distant with her Amatus and Varric knows why.
Angst, tw alcohol, hurt/comfort, the iron bull, katalia, varric, cabot very briefly, dorian mention
Drowning the Pain
Katalia knocked back another mug of Maaras-Lok, gulping the alcohol greedily down even as it burned her tongue, her throat, a hot line all the way to the sickening fire writhing in her gut. "Another." She ordered setting the empty mug sharply down at the bar then running a hand through her dark auburn hair. Cabot's eyes flicked to The Iron Bull, and he ducked away gratefully when the qunari put a massive hand over the mug.
"Maybe slow down just a little bit." Bull rumbled in concern. That had been her fourth pint, and she'd drained the first three just as quickly, but still hadn't told him what was wrong.
"What's wrong Amatus? Can't keep up with a Vint?" She teased, a grin on her lips, but only pain in her green eyes. "I feel fine." For days now, she'd had that pain in her eyes through every grin, every jibe, and every stiff kiss.
"You haven't told me what's wrong yet." His worry almost a growl of frustration. "I'm twice your size, so yeah, I can keep up, but the only reason you're fine is because you drank too fast. That booze is gonna hit you real hard in about ten more minutes." He slid the mug away from her.
"Good." Katalia said bitter anger tightening her throat as he took away the crutch she'd been using to prop her spirits up. "Cabot! Another!" She called demandingly, but the dwarf was busying himself with Varric.
"Enough!" The Iron Bull's large hand completely engulfed her thin shoulder in a tight grasp as he forced her to turn toward him. Quiet fell over the tavern as eyes shifted in their direction. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He snarled in frustration. Six days had passed like this, but tonight was the worst. Before, she'd at least taken her time with the damn drinks.
Katalia tried to jerk free, but he only tightened his grasp. "Nothing's wrong." She insisted, her frantic gaze flicking over the room. "What are you all staring at?!" She shrieked.
Suddenly Varric was there a firm hand grasping The Bull's thick wrist and guiding his hand away from the mage's shoulder. "Why don't the three of us step outside for a minute?" He suggested, his other hand firm but gentle at Katalia's elbow.
Trying to slow her breathing, Katalia tugged her arm sharply to free it, but she got to her feet. The tavern spun, and she shut her eyes, fingers clutching at the bar as she pre-empted the offers of support with a hissed, "I'm fine."
The Iron Bull ground his teeth, his gaze meeting Varric's. The dwarf didn't need to be a former spy to know that was a lie. "Saying it over and over isn't going to make it true Kadan." Bull said softly so that even in the hush that had fallen over the Herald's Rest only the three of them heard his words.
Katalia stared at her boots, unable to meet either man's gaze. "I'm fine." She insisted quietly, taking an unsteady step past them toward the door. Bull had been wrong about his estimate. The Maraas-Lok was already starting to hit her hard.
Varric shared another look with The Iron Bull as he slid off his stool, then they followed her out. A little ways away from the light of the tavern's entrance Bull quickened his step to put himself in front of Katalia. When she glared up at him, he crossed his arms stubbornly. "We need to talk about this, whatever this thing is that's bothering you." Bull rumbled, the pain he felt at not being allowed or able to comfort his lover plain in his voice.
"I'm-" Katalia started, but Varric cut her off.
"Nug shit. Sorry Red, but you've been drowning your pain too much. If you won't tell him, I will." Varric warned.
"You don't even know." Katalia shot back, but she didn't sound certain. Varric wasn't one to make idle threats.
"Hold on a fucking minute. How do you know and I don't?" The Iron Bull demanded. He'd been trying since day one to figure out what had set his lover off, but no one knew, and no matter how he pushed Katalia was refusing to tell.
"Dorian told me." Varric elaborated his expression softening as he saw the tears begin to rise in Katalia's eyes.
"Dorian?! That sneaky Vint bassra! I knew he was avoiding me!" Bull snarled, fists clenching. "I'll wring his sparkly neck. What did he do?" He demanded fury rising.
"Easy Tiny. Sparkler didn't do anything. He was just the messenger." Varric gestured for the qunari to bring it down a notch.
"Messenger? Something happen in the Imperium?" His silver-green eye shifted from Varric to Katalia who was staring fixedly at her boots and blinking back tears. "Kadan...what happened? Something to your parents?" Parents were still a strange concept to him, and though he knew she wasn't on the best terms with hers, something bad happening might still have upset her.
"Fasta Vaas, no. I wouldn't give two shits if they were the ones who were dead." As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt a deep stabbing pain in her chest. Dead. He's really dead. Gasping sharply, she covered her mouth as if that could undo the words that had already escaped.
"Who's dead Kadan...?" Bull asked gently his thick callused fingers catching her chin. Though she tried to resist half heartedly, he forced her gaze up to meet his own.
"..." Katalia stared at him mutely. She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. Reading it had been hard enough. To say it, somehow it felt like it would make it more real, too real, so she'd dived into a bottle to try and escape reality. Closing her eyes in pain, she gestured to Varric managing enough of a noise to make it clear her throat had locked up, the muscles so tight it was hard to breathe as the first tears she'd let Bull see spilled down her cheeks.
The Iron Bull shifted his gaze to Varric and repeated the question. "Who's dead?"
Sighing, the dwarf ran a hand over his hair. He really hadn't wanted to be the one to say it, but maybe the mage needed to hear it from someone else before she could say it herself. "Magister Tenebrius."
Immediately Bull recognized the name. How many long evenings had they spent entwined together talking of the past, sharing their childhoods? Any other name with that title, and he'd have shrugged the news off as one more dead Vint, but that name. "Shit." He'd been the Magister who had taught Katalia much of what she knew, and the one to send her south to avoid becoming part of the Venatori or a victim as others had.
Bull remembered clearly the night three months ago when they'd been talking, and she'd compared the Magister to his Tama; both strict, demanding the best, pushing them to test their limits. For him, that had meant becoming stronger, more attentive, and for Katalia it had been learning Spirit magic and Blood magic, forms of arcane study that were generally recognized as nearly antithetical to one another.
Coughing, Varric drew the Bull back to the present. "I'll leave you two to talk." He said gently. "And Katalia...I'm sorry for your loss. Tiny's not the only one here for you if you need support." When she nodded in confirmation of his words, he turned and made his way back inside.
"Kadan. . .why didn't you tell me...?" Bull asked his voice aching as imagined explanations continued to flash through his mind. Did she not trust him? Had he done something wrong to make her withdraw from him? To refuse to share this pain? She'd been so distant, so quiet and cold, he'd begun to wonder if she was looking for a way to end things. He caught hold of her as she collapsed against him, swept an arm under her unsteady legs, and scooped her up off the ground as she began to bawl noisily.
"I'm sorry Amatus." Katalia sobbed gasping for air between words. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just wanted to pretend it wasn't real...that I was fine. I wanted to forget. Pretend like things were normal, but...I couldn't do it. It hurt too much. I'm so sorry for how I've been acting." Choking back sobs, she stared up at him with a desperate expression. "Can you ever forgive me?"
A thick lump had formed in his throat, and The Iron Bull had to swallow before he could answer. "Of course Kadan." He kissed her forehead as another sob shook her slender frame. "You're my heart. My Amatus." He murmured the Tevene word, letting it roll off his tongue, then kissed her cheek. "I will always be here for you. Always."