Greetings, please enjoy ^^
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi-sensei
Naruto's Little Problem
Naruto peeked his head cautiously through the shredded strands of the curtain that hung in the doorway leading out to the hot springs. His eyes narrowed as he closely surveyed the unsuspecting area outside- Yamato sat in the calmly steaming pool with his still back facing the blonde (obviously sleeping) and besides the few singing crickets and frogs and the glistening night sky over head, the spring was completely solitary.
"Hn." he smirked in his satisfaction and then stepped out from the protection of the curtain, his nude body instantly feeling the sting of the cold night air, hissing from the chill he ran quickly up to the pool and jumped in.
He swam to the middle and slowly lifted his head out of the relaxing water, his closed eye stare immediately falling on a courteously smiling face.
He jumped up and stood in the water as he pointed and shouted with wide furious eyes, "SAI! How the hell!"
The paler boy just cocked his head to the side as his eyes fell and Naruto's face reddened as he realized what he had done. "ARGH DON'T LOOK AT IT!" he ordered as he fell back into the water again, only his glaring blue eyes visible now.
Sai's smile didn't falter, "There's something different about it." he said and Naruto cocked a hesitantly interested brow.
"Wha-what do you mean?" he asked after lifting his head out the water a little more.
"I don't know, I think it got smaller."
The blonde's eyes flashed red before he attacked, he wrestled with his teammate for a few seconds, seriously trying to drown him, before he realized that it was Sai he was having close bodily contact with and the pale nin would be probably enjoying this even if he was dying. Naruto could tell that the other boy was a little disappointed when he suddenly stopped and found a legal distance away from him, the perv.
"You know Naruto." he said after a while.
"What!" Naruto shot; he was still a little pissed.
"This little problem of yours might turn into a big one, figuratively speaking, because literally I don't think it could ever be that big."
With his arms stubbornly folded in front of him Naruto turned his heated stare onto Sai, oooh how he wanted to hit him. But Sai ignored the threatening look and just continued, "I read that when close romantic relationships, such as the one you maintain with Sasuke-kun, reach a particular level, both participants usually make the mutual decision to deepen the relationship further and consent to take part in copulating activities with one another." when he was finished Sai stared blankly at the 'what the fuck' expression the blonde had on his face, it took him a while also to realize that Naruto didn't understand a word he just said.
"What he means Naruto is that he believes you and Sasuke-kun would be having sex soon." Naruto jumped when Yamato spoke without even opening his eyes. I thought he was asleep!
"Um-yeah, what does that have to do with you? It's between the teme and me." he told Sai.
"But Naruto, as your friend I have to tell you that this would be problematic for you." the other boy said with a smile that was genuinely proud of itself.
Naruto rolled his eyes as he fell back, he saw where this was going now, Sai just wanted to give him some advice, "Well, what is it, spit it out."
"You cannot have sex with Sasuke because your dick is too small." Sai said with a smile that went beyond irony, the next thing the ANBU nin felt was a heavy punch in the face. And Naruto raised his hand to hit him again. "But I heard it from Sasuke-kun himself that he would not be satisfied with such a tiny cock."
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
The next day Naruto was enjoying some precious time with mentioned boyfriend in their apartment, they were cutting up vegetables for their lunch (yeah, not exactly romantic, but when you're a busy ninja with a serious relationship and important health to keep up with you use any moment you can get your hands on, so for Sasuke and Naruto this was their romantic lunch date- in preparation).
"Naruto, would you pass me that small penis." Sasuke said and the blonde felt a cold chill run down his spine.
"WHAT?" He exclaimed spinning his head around at a now slightly irritated Sasuke, why does he have to be so loud?
"I said- pass me that small pimento dobe." he told his boyfriend with a strained voice and Naruto sighed.
"Oh- hehe right, sorry. Here you go."
A few moments later Naruto went into the fridge to get a few more ingredients, "Hey Sasu."
"Hn."
"Should we put some carrots in there to?" he asked.
"Yeah, why not? Bring one over." he said and Naruto pulled one out.
"I don't like that one dobe, it's too small."
"What?" Naruto asked as he suddenly paused in the spot and Sasuke felt annoyed again because he knew the idiot heard him.
"I said like the large ones, get me a bigger cock."
Naruto's mouth fell open as he dropped the vegetable in his hand and Sasuke's eyes narrowed, "Fine, I'll get it!" he said as he walked over to the fridge and simply picked out the largest carrot and with an irritated glance at Naruto went back to the counter.
An hour later Naruto sat at the table as Sasuke washed the dishes, he was seriously confused right now, either he was going crazy or Sai's the devil, or both, but everything out of Sasuke's mouth for an hour now has been freakishly pointing to one thing.
"Naruto, what's wrong with you?" Sasuke suddenly asked making the blonde jump out of his thoughts; he looked up to see those dark obsidian bulbs on him. He couldn't help but think his boyfriend looked really hot slightly frustrated but trying to be patient in his cutely loose fitting casual clothing and slightly pillow ruffled hair (they woke up really late that morning and decided to just skip breakfast and make lunch together, a relationship needs spontaneity you know.).
He just smiled as he felt his shoulders relax a little, "Nah- I'm fine dattebayo." he told him.
"Hn- how about this for dessert?" Sasuke said as he turned to the fridge again to take out two popsicles.
Naruto nodded and Sasuke handed him the cherry one as he took the green tea flavored. A part of the blonde did find it weird that Sasuke, the guy he's known since early teens to hate sweets, even though it was green tea (bleh- he could never like that flavor) would be eating a popsicles. But any thoughts about that were immediately crushed when he glanced to his side and saw how the Uchiha was licking up the long, broad shaft of the popsicle.
Naruto felt his cheeks heat up a little from the blush as he followed his boyfriend's tongue as it finally reached that blessed peak and he licked quickly at the point before opening his mouth wider and taking most of the body of the popsicle in. Naruto gulped as he watched Sasuke deepthroat the lucky ice-cream treat and almost got a nose bleed when Sasuke closed his eyes and moaned before he pulled it out, a green, sticky sweet strand of juice and saliva still connected between the two.
"S-Sasuke." he heard himself mutter, he could feel his forgotten popsicle dripping over his hand but he didn't care. Sasuke looked up at the obviously aroused blonde beside him and with a smirk he rest his popsicle down and went over to him. He straddled Naruto in his seat and sat on his lap, then claimed his lips in a heated kiss that made the blonde's head spin.
"Mn." he moaned against Sasuke's dominating lips, he kind of liked it when his fierce uke took the lead.
Then Sasuke suddenly pulled away and glared determinedly into Naruto's eyes, "Dobe, I'm ready to do it with you." he said, it took the blonde a couple of seconds to recollect his thoughts from the muddle Sasuke's kiss had left it in, then his brain played back his boyfriend's words and his eyes widened.
"What? Ri-right now?"
"Why not?" Sasuke said as a smile that was so sexy and darkly roguish played on the Uchiha's lips sending all types of electrified shivers all through the boy under him. Sasuke moved his head closer and licked Naruto's nape then trialed his tongue up to the blonde's ear making Naruto hiss. "Naruto, I want your thick, long cock in me right now." he whispered into his ear.
If it were a any other time Naruto probably would of gratefully obliged by throwing his ravened haired uke onto the table and ravishing his brains out, but that particular use of words made the blonde a little more than terrified. So instead of onto the table he threw Sasuke halfway across the room.
"WHAT THE FUCK DOBE!" Sasuke shouted as he landed on his feet, like the agile ninja he was, right in front of the stove.
"AH I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!" Naruto panicked as he stood.
"What was that for Naruto?" Sasuke asked and the blonde noticed the falter in his boyfriend's usually high held confidence, not just anyone could catch onto these signs but after years with the teme Naruto could tell when he's been hurt or when his insecurities has been triggered (yeah, Sasuke has insecurities).
Naruto came closer to Sasuke, "Nothing, iiiit's j-just that- um-"
Sasuke raised a skeptical brow at him making him sweat a little. "Well- y-your birthday is coming up soon right? So I thought that maybe we could make it more special you know?"
The teme seemed interested.
"I think our first time should be on your birthday, that way we will always remember it." he told Sasuke with one of his special smiles, Sasuke wouldn't admit it but Naruto knew the smile always gets him.
"Tch." Sasuke said as he turned away, he walked towards the door way, "Fine, on my birthday."
Naruto watched him go hesitantly, he was fighting within himself if he should just ask his teme or not. If Sai was right then Naruto's little problem was going to be the end for him. But Sasuke won't really dump me just because I'm a little on the small side would he? He didn't think so, but still, the proud Uchiha tended to stick to his word and can be surprisingly disregarding when he wants to.
"ARGH THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" Naruto cried out as he hit his head with his fists. Why'd I have to born so small! Did my dad have this problem? Maybe it runs in the family! The bastard- giving me the Kyuubi and a tiny cock- that's just cruel!
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Naruto decided that he couldn't just blindly accept Sai's word, even though the guy was an ANBU nin, thus one would think he would be exceptional at gathering good information, and when he shared his info with Naruto he did it with the blonde in mind, even though he failed miserably at it, he just wanted to help Naruto out.
He thought that he would have to investigate this claim himself before he made the decision to panic, it's just that he didn't know how, he couldn't just ask Sasuke. After some contemplation he decided that he would have to employ the almost godly skills in deriving information authenticity that only girls could provide, in the form of Ino and Sakura of course. After a fair amount of teasing, giggling and straying way too far from the point, which Naruto had prepared himself for because I mean it was Ino and Sakura, the three finally ended up with a plan.
At the end of that week the entire rookie nine….and Sai, was to attend a party hosted by Ino and Sakura at their apartment. Around the time that everyone had arrived and the party had really picked up, as in when everyone was respectably half drunk or almost there, Ino shouted, "Okay, who wants to play truth or dare!"
"What?" Shikamaru scowled at her, "Seriously Ino, aren't we a little too old-"
"Okay! Everyone sit in a circle on the floor."
"*sigh* Troublesome."
Everyone slowly complied and soon the game had kicked off and to their surprise it was pretty fun, they got to see Neji dared to talk like Lee for the rest of the night, Hinata forced to makeout with Naruto (as Sasuke glared), Shino shared with all the things his bugs could do that only Kiba knew about and Sakura was forced to flash any one that asked her boobs for the next week.
"FINALLY!" Naruto exclaimed when the bottle's top, that Ino had spun, stopped on Sasuke and the raven watched him questioningly. Naruto grinned nervously, "Finally- you're the last one Sasu, when you're done we can finally go home." he covered up nicely.
Ino just grinned devilishly at the impassive boy at the mercy of her will, "Let's just get this over with." he said to her.
"Sasuke-kuuun," she said, "Truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"Okay! Truth it is!"
"*sigh*"
"Do you like the big ones? And what's your most deepest, darkest fantasy? Don't hold back!" she asked two.
"Huh? What does that mean Ino?" Choji asked her and Ino looked at him like he was stupid.
"It doesn't matter, it isn't your question."
"She's talking about you-know-what Choj" Kiba told him with a smirk.
"What?"
"You know-"
"I-I d-don't understand either." Hinata said.
"Yes, I want to know too, what do you mean Ino-chan?" asked Lee.
"She's referring to cocks." Kiba.
"You want to know if Sasuke-kun likes large chickens?" a pitifully naive Lee.
"NO IDIOT!" an annoyed Ino. "I'm talking about dicks, wieners, pricks, woods!"
"Why didn't you just say penis?" Neji.
"…." fainted Hinata.
"I don't know, I just prefer to say cock, got a problem?"
"WOULD ALL OF YOU SHUT UP SO THAT SASUKE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION!" Naruto shouted, he felt like he was about to pull out his hair, and everyone looked at him including Sasuke who was enjoying the little deviation as it meant everyone had forgotten about him. Stupid dobe, ruining it for me. "Erm- go ahead Sasuke." Naruto said regaining his composure.
"Well- if you must know, I do like it on the larger side, and my fantasy is for my boyfriend to rip into me with his massive, hard cock. I don't care how much it hurts or if I can't walk for weeks after, I just want him break into me over and over again until I beg him to stop (which he better not), and when he's done with me I won't even remember who or what I am, cause all I'll want and ever need is that thick muscle inside of me all the time."
Sasuke waited patiently in the shocked silence that followed for his friends to notice that their noses were bleeding (except Hinata, she was still out of it from the penis comment, and Lee thought that Sasuke was talking about eating a really good piece of chicken). Sakura was the first snap out of it. "Excuse me." she said as she held her nose and ran to the toilet.
"Hn, dobe, let's go home." Sasuke said then and a very distraught Naruto agreed.
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Sasuke's birthday was a week away. That gave Naruto exactly seven days to find a way to make his problem bigger, figuratively speaking. And the dobe tried everything, he ordered special pills off the internet- luckily Kyuubi was there to prevent overdosing, but those did nothing besides giving him one painful day long boner. Then there was this patch thing which proved useless also, Naruto called the company's number but when a little girl answered and told him that "Mummy said no refunds." he gave up on it. Then of course there was the pump, the thing actually really intimidated him, even though Naruto's problem was undesirably small he still loved it and he couldn't see himself putting his Chibi into that machine. He couldn't trust it.
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
On the day of Sasuke's birthday Naruto was sitting where he usually did when he was brooding, on that special high spot where he got that perfect view of the village and past Hokages. As he looked with worry stricken eyes onto the solemn faces carved into the mountain he wondered if they would find this future Hokage pitiful and unfit for the title.
"There you are Naruto." said the person Naruto sensed nearing. Kakashi walked over and sat besides his old student.
"You were looking for me?" Naruto asked him and then his hopes shot up, "Is it a mission!" he asked excitedly, if he went on a mission Sasuke will be forced to post pone their first time.
"No, it isn't. The Hokage knows as well as everyone how special tomorrow is." he told Naruto.
"Oh- wait, WHAT!"
Naruto watched as Kakashi smiled behind the mask, he put his hands up in a defeated way, "Sasuke's birthday remember? We thought that you would be spending it with him."
"Oh, yeah I will," Naruto said it like it was a disappointment, which just made Kakashi's smile even wider behind his mask.
The two fell silent for a while as they looked at the view, then Kakashi asked, "So, do you think he would mind?"
"Who?"
"Sasuke, he seems to have his hopes up for something big doesn't he?"
"Yeah, well he already has that katana so I figured that just a couple of custom made kunais would be enough you know, I got a pretty okay box and stuff, and Sakura-chan said she'd wrap it for me-" Naruto paused his rant when he realized the glint in Kakashi's eyes.
"IT WAS SAI WASN'T IT! WANTING TO HELP ME MY ASS, HE'S DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!"
"Why would Sai do something like that Naruto?"
"IT'S CAUSE HE'S THE DEVIL! JUST MORE PERVERTED!"
"Naruto calm down." Kakashi waved his anger down, "He asked me to help you."
"And how do you plan on doing that huh? There's no time, we're doing it tonight."
"Come closer." his past sensei said and Naruto gave him a cautious glance before he gave in and brought his ear closer to the notorious nin.
"There's a special jutsu that'll make you larger." Kakashi whispered into Naruto's ear and the blonde laughed.
"Yeah right Kakashi, you're not getting me with that."
"I'm not kidding Naruto." Kakashi said more seriously, then he sighed, "Fine, I'll tell you something that I've never told anyone else."
"What what what!"
"I once had the same problem, but then your father, the 4th and my sensei, taught me the same jutsu."
"HA! I knew that it was because of him!" Naruto exclaimed at the news of his dad knowing the jutsu, "Sorry continue."
"Well, there isn't much to say, I used it and it worked, it worked very well."
"You only used it once?"
"That's all it takes, and your little problem will never be the same."
"Hmmmmm. Okay, fine, teach it to me!"
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Naruto stepped into his apartment at around nine that night, he knew he was a little late but he had had an argument with Kakashi when the older ninja told him the dangers of the jutsu.
"I'm home!" he called out as he took his shoes off but he stopped when he looked up at his apartment. All the lights were off, he could only see ahead of him with the help of the soft, wavering light of many floating candles. Yeah floating, for a moment the blonde just stood there trying to figure out exactly how his genius boyfriend did that (if he were to ask of course Sasuke might have said something like "Look closer usuratonkachi, only a dobe like you wouldn't see the strings.").
"You're late." said a single voice in the quiet of the room and Naruto's eyes shot up at Sasuke. He wasn't wearing anything that special in particular and yet Naruto marveled at how damn hot the bastard looked standing in his tight, black, casual clothing, his body bordered by the paled darkness of the room. His hair was definitely fixed, not ruffled but standing as it usually does. Naruto's eyes fell to the line of exposed waist right under Sasuke's short t-shirt.
"Sorry." Naruto told him, "I – er-"
Naruto wasn't given a chance to explain, Sasuke came up to him, took his arm and pulled him closer, "I can't wait any more Naruto." he said, Sasuke pressed his lips against Naruto without kissing him, the blonde thought of how good he smelt, Sasuke always had an amazing scent but it was even better tonight. He wrapped his arms around the Uchiha's exposed waist, feeling that hot, smooth flesh under his hands. He took the lead and captured Sasuke is a deep long kiss. In the middle of it Naruto felt Sasuke sneak his hand over to one of Naruto's which he had still around the raven's waist, Naruto let him move his hand down to cup the firm ass that was tightly clothed in the black pants he had on, and when the blonde squeezed it he moaned.
"Mn. Naruto. Bedroom. Now." Sasuke told him firmly between kisses and the blonde complied.
On their bed Naruto could taste Sasuke's longing, he was surprised, he didn't know his icy uke wanted him so badly. Sasuke kissed back so roughly and passionately, pulling Naruto into him, he held on tightly and grinded against the blonde hungrily. If Naruto wasn't so nervous he would have been already making the Uchiha scream but he was hesitant in every action which made Sasuke take the lead, though the raven didn't mind that at all. He could tell his dobe was anxious but he dismissed it thinking that Naruto would turn into the sex beast he knew he could be as soon as he's inside him. And with this thought making him even more excited Sasuke moved to start undoing Naruto's pants only to be stopped suddenly by two strong hands.
"NO!" Naruto shouted as he grabbed Sasuke's hands away from his crotch, he got off from on top of the other boy and sat up.
"What is it?" Sasuke asked him.
"Um- I – I gotta go use the toilette." he said and Sasuke raised a brow at him.
"Are you serious? Now?"
"I need to get ready!" Naruto told him sharply as if he were insulted, "You can't just jump me like that when I just get home you teme!" and with that Naruto jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom closing the door behind him.
"Okay. Calm down." he told himself in a soft voice so that Sasuke wouldn't hear. Naruto sat on the lidded toilette seat as he tried to even out his breathing.
"You need to make sure that your pulse is even, you can't be too excited." he remembered the words Kakashi told him just a while ago. He felt pretty calm now, so Naruto proceeded in taking all his clothes off, then he sat again.
"Then do the hand signs I told you."
Naruto closed his eyes as he put his hands together, "Uma, Hebi, O-Ushi, Tora, Ryu, O-hitsuji." he said as he did the respective signs and he kept his hands in the sign of the last one.
"Now this is the part that gets tricky, you have to flow your chakra down there, into your 'problem', but if you don't do it carefully, Naruto, if you don't flow your chakra in gently you penis will… explode."
Naruto exhaled slowly as he remembered that last part, sweat gathered and slipped down his forehead and neck as he kept deathly still and concentrated with all him might. Not a sound except the beat of his heart and the steady undercurrent of silent anxiety that he was at the same time fighting down.
I can do it.
I will be larger- FOR SASUKE!
The blonde slowly opened one eye and looked down at his Chibi, OH MY GOD! IT'S WORKING! he exclaimed in his head as he saw before his very eyes his problem becoming larger, Naruto could also see the chakra, the blue strings of it moving through his erecting member. He couldn't help but smile, but then- HUH!
Naruto's eyes widened as he saw the head of his erection bubble to an abnormal size, it was painful too, he could feel the skin stretch dangerously. He closed his eyes again tightly, consentrate, consentarte, CONSENTRATE! he told himself and soon he could feel it return to a more normal size. That was really scary, he thought, he understood now what Kakashi meant, if he wanted this to go smoothly he couldn't be distracted. Okay, just a little larger, he thought as he pushed more chakra down.
But then his eyes shot open again when he heard the door open, "Dobe, what the hell are you doing this lo-" Sasuke stopped when he saw the scene before him, but his eyes soon widened in shock when Naruto screamed at the top of his lungs in pain and a loud "POP!" erupted in the room.
.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..
Naruto awoke gradually in a hospital room, he couldn't remember how long he had been there, or how he had gotten there, what he did know was that he didn't have to worry about his problem anymore because he no longer had one.
"Don't worry Naruto- pfft- I- I'm sure- ahem!- you'll be fine." Kiba told him at his bedside as he tried his best not to laugh, the nin was red eyed and weak, everyone else was in the lobby laughing their ass off and he was nominated to be the one to go in and cheer the sad blonde up.
Naruto didn't even have the will to hate him, he was in way too much pain.
"Kiba." he said weakly.
"Yeah?" Kiba said between his hands that he had placed on his mouth in an effort to keep it all in.
"Where's Sasuke?"
"He's waiting outside, I'll go get him."
A few minutes later Sasuke came into his room and Naruto reached out for his hand as he neared but the Uchiha wouldn't take it. "Sasuke?" he said with tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry I-"
"It's okay Naruto, but there's something I have to tell you."
"What?"
Sasuke looked into Naruto's eyes, the raven's dark eyes expressed nothing really, except a little pity that quickly turned into disgust when Naruto sniffled, "I'm sorry Naruto but I'm breaking up with you."
"WHAT! OW!" Naruto cried out when he moved and his empty crotch pained.
"I think I could have tried to live with a tiny cock but I can't live with none at all."
"But-" Naruto felt like his world was closing in, really, everything behind Sasuke had blurred.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not changing my mind, I don't love you any more, I never did, I loved the idea of having a boyfriend with a huge penis and I thought you would be large because you're a hero and you have the Kyuubi in you, but now I know that all that Hokage talk was you compensating for your little problem. So we're done- hmmm, I wonder where Sai is?"
"NOOOO!"
Naruto jumped out of sleep, his eyes searching franticly in the dark as for a few second he was still disoriented in the thick shroud of his dream.
"It- it was- dream." he said to himself, "The weirdest, scariest dream ever!" He looked down at the one besides him, Sasuke slept soundly, even when Naruto screamed he didn't wake up and Naruto knew that only when he's in their bed and they're next to each other does he sleep so defenselessly. But Naruto couldn't help but feel some type of anxiety.
"Teme, hey teme." he shook his boyfriend gently and Sasuke woke up instantly grumpy.
"What the hell Naruto? This better be good." he said as he glared two drowsy dark eyes at the annoyance above him.
"It is. Sasuke would you still love me if I had a really small problem- I mean penis- or if I accidentally blew my it off trying to make it larger because I thought you had some type of weird fetish for gigantic cocks?"
Sasuke just stared at the crazy dumbass that woke him up in the middle of the night, a day before an important mission, just so that he could ask him questions about his penis. If Naruto didn't look so genuinely concerned he might have threw him out of their apartment. He mentally sighed, Naruto.
"Yes dobe," he said, "I'd love you no matter what."
Naruto smiled widely as he felt the oppressing weight the dream had left lift off of him. Naruto shifted closer and hugged Sasuke tightly, "Love you too. You can go back to sleep now."
Sasuke glared at the head of blonde hair snuggling closer to his chest as he wondered if he wanted to know what that could have possibly been about.
The end
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