All in all I do have to say that it was one of my best pranks ever.
It was something that only a genius, Ex-Shinigami; Ex-Captain of the Technology Department in Soul Society (like me) would have been able to come up with. In fact, while I explain it to you, I will completely understand if you lose track of the story so many times that you'll need me to use footnotes. I'll go over every single detail over and over again if you want me to.
I really don't mind anyways.
Especially since the prank turned out so greatly.
And, to think, it all started with a wet dream.
x.x.x
The red-haired Shinigami had been waiting outside for maybe a little over two days now.
I guess the appropriate thing to assume was that he needed a place to stay.
But, that's just not the way I wanted him to think I was thinking about it.
"Aburai. I didn't think you felt this strongly towards me!" I called out, "you've been sitting there for two days now! We're you waiting for me to come out so you could confess your undying feelings for. . ."
I paused, as I realized his face had turned the exact colour of his hair. "Well?" I asked, encouragingly. Making sure to smile at him.
He glared hotly at me.
"You're such a perverted old man." He muttered.
I only cackled in response.
"Well, if that's not the reason, what else could it possibly be? Hm?"
I toyed with him, smirking as he glared at me. Trying to look somewhat intimidating and failing miserably.
Especially since he only ended up looking cute.
"There are actually TWO reasons, which have absolutely NOTHING to do with . . . anything you just said."
"And, they would be. . . "
"I want you to train me. "
I gave him a sceptical look.
"A lieutenant, wants me to train them? My, my, what does this tell me about Soul Society . . .?"
I said with a playful grin.
"Two, I need a place to stay."
I tilted my head, as I examined him. He was the Lieutenant for one of the strongest captains. I guess training him for a couple of days (weeks, months) wouldn't hurt.
It could be fun!
"…Wait a second. You mean you knew I was there for two whole days and you didn't come outside until now?"
He asked, just realizing the implications of what I'd just said.
I laughed, and really, how could I help myself?
He brought his fist down, smack across the back of my head.
Ow.
I only smiled at him.
"Alright then! I'll train you! But you better do every single thing exactly as I tell you to!"
I made sure to give him a stern and serious gaze before smiling at him once more and leading him to my small but humble abode.
x.x.x
The next morning was my favourite of them all.
I had been taking my usual morning walk, when I just happened to peer into his room.
To my surprise, I had walked in on the Lieutenant…
For lack of better words, jacking off. ( I guess I could have said touching himself, or maybe something a little more naughty, like, pumping his shaft. I don't know. I like the words jacking off. I'll use different ones later.)
But, the thing that surprised me the most!
Was that he still appeared to be asleep.
Oh, this was going to be fun.
It was at this very moment, that I had a mind-blowing revelation.
x.x.x
You really should have been there to see the look on his face.
It was priceless.
So, here's what happened.
I casually walked into his room, and for about half an hour I just stood there staring at him.
He woke up with a shit-eating grin.
Then his eyes opened.
And he saw me.
Ha.
His eyes widened, and he sort of just lay there for a while.
"Um, Urahara?"
"Any particular reason why you were moaning my name out in your sleep, Aburai?"
Oh, I was a genius.
His eyes widened, as he tried to remember the part of his dream that involved me. His face was bright red, as he quickly noticed, and pulled his hand out of his pants.
"I-I. . .Um. . . Well, I must have. . .Are you sure you heard right?" He practically squeaked.
"Well, I guess you're right."
I nodded, in agreement.
But, come on. I just had to add more.
"But, that really doesn't explain why you moaned out, 'Kisuke, oh fuck, Kisuke. . .Urahara, I need you inside of me. . . .', does it?"
His face paled considerably.
Because, really, what the hell were you supposed to say to that?
I shook my head.
"Listen, Renji. I really don't mind. In fact, I find it quite flattering. Just, a tip for next time. If you're going to have a dirty dream, please don't start screaming in your sleep. I heard you all the way from downstairs."
I sort of stood there for another five minutes, waiting to see if he would say anything.
Then I left the room, making sure to, sway my hips as I did.
x.x.x
I almost didn't hear the, "how did he know?" from Renji's lips as I left.
Too bad I did though.
x.x.x
Well, after that incident, I had done quite a lot of thinking.
Not only had it backfired on me.
It had also left me with some three degree burns.
I never really pictured the red-headed Shinigami to be gay.
Let alone to have a crush on me.
Ah.
Well, I think I need to have a talk with him.
I should probably do that soon.
x.x.x
"Um. Renji?"
I inquired.
He had been ignoring me for quite a few hours, so it had been hard to find him.
Especially considering I had only been searching ten minutes.
"What?" He said, his face very flustered.
I hadn't even done anything.
Yet.
"Actually, it's a funny thing really."
"…what?"
"You know how before I had told you that you were moaning my name in your sleep (which you probably were)?"
"…yes?" He asked, as his face grew even redder.
"Well, I didn't really hear anything. I was just joking. No hard feelings right!" I said with a grin.
His jaw dropped.
"Oh, and one more thing. . . I did hear that thing that you whispered, and you didn't want me to hear, but I ended up hearing anyways. . ."
His eyes were really wide at this point.
"Bye!"
I shouted, as I ran.
x.x.x
Well that was awkward.
x.x.x
I didn't expect him to knock on my bedroom door later that night.
"Tessai, really. I don't appreciate you sneaking into my bedroom every night. . . ."
"It's Renji."
Well, this was new.
I really had not gotten used to him living with me.
I guess it's only been a day and a half.
But still.
"Well, why are you waiting outside? Come on in!"
I encouraged.
I did (contrary to popular belief) want to get this over with.
However, the Shinigami seemed to be catching me off guard a lot today.
I didn't expect him to be clad in a pair of pyjama bottoms, and wearing nothing to cover up.
His Godly and very muscular physique.
Hm.
I looked downwards at my crotch.
Well, this was interesting.
x.x.x
Before I knew what was happening, I had him pressed up against my bedroom wall.
Ravishing his mouth with my expert tongue.
Ah, I guess you want me to explain the bits in between too, don't you?
I really did want to just skip to the juicy details.
But, if you insist.
x.x.x
He didn't look at me as he slowly explained everything to me.
"Well, you cant really control what you dream about. . .And, well. You sort of tricked me into telling you. . .So, I really didn't think anything of it when I had that dream. . ."
I raised an eyebrow.
Had he just come out of the shower or something?
"And, I really don't like you like that. And, I am definitely not gay. . ."
He was dripping wet.
And his hair, which was usually up in a ponytail, was plastered over his face.
Hm.
"What If I told you I thought you were really hot right now, and I wouldn't mind fucking your brains out?"
x.x.x
Which leads me back to the juicy part.
I ground my leg into his crotch, and he let out a loud grunt.
He tangled his hands in my hair, which caused my hat to fall off of my head.
He began humping my leg, and moaning into my mouth.
Yeah, I was that good.
"Bed. Now."
He snapped.
And I couldn't agree with him more.
You can pretty much assume what happened from then on.
x.x.x
Ha! You thought I'd skip the best part in the entire story?
He was writhing and moaning underneath me, as I ground my hips against his. Grinding our cocks together.
He arched his back, trying to bring our bodies closer together.
Our lips crashed together, as he shoved his tongue (or tried to) into my mouth. I easily dominated him.
I moved my hands down to his chest, and squeezed and played with his nipples.
His legs wrapped around my waist, as he dragged our lower parts closer together. (ha-ha, lower parts).
Then I moved from his lips, trailing a set of kisses, and licks towards his ear. I began to suck on his lobe, and tease the inside. I made sure to breathe heavily, and as soon as I did, I practically felt him shudder beneath me.
I moved my hands lower, until they trailed along the waistband of his pants.
His breath hitched in his throat
"Tell me what you want, Renji."
I murmured, (Is it just me, or is murmur a funny word?) while dragging my tongue along his ear.
"Fuck!" He grunted underneath me, as he released a shaky breath.
"Want me to fuck. . . "
"Shut the fuck up!" He snapped, crushing his lips against mine once more.
He tasted rather nice actually.
Like peppermint toothpaste.
Mm.
I quickly tugged his pants off
He moved to pull my hakama off, and I smirked, as I helped him.
Suddenly we were both naked.
I was settled in between his legs, and his face was flushed and facing the left.
I was pumping my fingers in and out of his ass. (I'm sorry, but there's really no words I can use to describe that, that would make it sound good.)
He was moaning, and almost screaming.
I began to suck his cock, as I continued to prepare him for entry.
x.x.x
"Wait, you. . .What? Why would you put your fingers. . .Why am I even listening to your. . ."
"Ichigo, I wasn't finished my story. Interrupting me is very rude, you know."
He glared, and his brow twitched.
"Okay…So then"
x.x.x
I fucked him so hard.
I shoved myself into him (after putting a considerable amount of lubricant on my shaft), and began to bury myself into him.
And, at first, of course he was screaming in pain.
But, it got so much better.
I had never felt so good in my entire life, and afterlife before.
Really.
I recommend him. . .
"Fuck, Kisuke. . .ah, Gods. . ."
I thrust into him, pushing harder and harder every time. Oh, God. You should have heard him moan.
x.x.x
"Listen, could you just please untie me. I really don't think I can handle anymore of your story."
"It's almost over, damnit!"
I snapped.
Before sighing, and shaking my head.
"You virgins wouldn't understand!"
His face flushed, and he glared harder.
x.x.x
I pumped his dick, as I thrust into him.
And, I really would have never pictured Renji as a screamer.
But he was, and fuck was it sexy.
I pushed inside of him harder, and quickened my pace.
"Kisuke! Fuck, oh God! Please!"
I moved his legs, so that they rested on my shoulders as I pushed in even deeper into him.
He continued to scream.
It was only a few more thrusts before he spilled his seed. . .
x.x.x
``Spilled his seed?``
``…Well, you know…``
He gave me a blank stare.
Had this kid never had an orgasm before?
``Oh, Ichi. I`ll have to show you some time.``
He lifted an eyebrow.
``…I don't think I want to know afterall.``
``Ah, well. Your loss.``
x.x.x
I think we did end up coming at the same time. Our bodies reaching climax in unison.
Once I had emptied myself inside of him, I pulled my limp member out, and laid on top of him. Trying to regain some composure.
I heard his breathing steady beside me.
I chuckled softly.
x.x.x
``So wait. What the hell happened after that. . .``
``Well, that's the point where I rushed to your house at 2AM in the morning to tell you everything.``
``…What? So you just left him there?``
…
Oh my.
I guess I did.
``Well, Ichigo! I`ve got to run! It`s been nice chatting with you…!`
I quickly scampered to the window.
``Wait! You haven`t untied me…!``
``Bye, Ichigo!``
x.x.x
Like I was saying.
It really just was the best prank ever.