Author: sangre antigua/TR4G1C [old penname].
Rating; Title; Pairing; R; The Hardest Part of This is Leaving You; JackxBobby/Slash.
Summary: Bobby has to leave, but Jack doesn't want him to. Can Jack get him to stay? JackxBobby/slash.
Warning/Disclaimer: No owning Four Brothers. D: This realization blows, haha. Um—there is going to be slash (nothing graphic), but just so you know. I change the ages, too…yeah, yeah, yeah. XD
- - - - -
The sound of a zipper sliding shut had never hurt Jack's ears before. Not until today, at least.
As he stood in the doorway of Bobby's room, leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, the sound of the zipper being shut was deafening him. It not only hurt his ears but it also closed up his airways and constricted them until he had to gasp for breath, not to mention it made his eyes fill with tears. It was so painful, watching Bobby stuff a good portion of his belongings into a few tattered suitcases.
With each sliding of a zipper, Jack felt his heart break more and more.
Bobby was leaving him—how could he leave?
Jack needed him.
"Bobby…" Jack mumbled, clearing his throat loudly.
Bobby stopped abruptly and turned around, glancing over his little brother quickly before returning to his packing. He huffed under his breath, as if dismissing the blond watching him, and carried on with what he was doing. Bobby didn't want to talk to Jack, he really didn't. This…concerned Jack, but at the same time it didn't. It would be much easier on Bobby if Jack just walked away.
But Jack wasn't going to walk away. "What are you doing?" Jack asked.
"I'm making a scrap book, Jackie. Ya' wanna help? Can you work tha' big boy scissors for me while I pick out my favoritest picture ever?" Bobby snapped, not meaning to sound as testy as he did. "I'm packing, Jackie. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Why?" Jack continued, losing his breath, completely ignoring Bobby's insults.
Because I love you and I can't stand it. I need to get the fuck out of here. This is wrong, wrong, wrong… Bobby thought bitterly to himself. He zipped his last suitcase harshly and hunched forward, his hands pressed firmly down on separate suitcases. "Because."
"Because why?" Jack whispered. He wanted to go further into the room instead of just looming in the doorway of it, but he couldn't muster the strength to move.
"Because I need new scenery. Because I'm tired of Detroit. Because I have to," Bobby responded quickly. He looked up from his dry, scarred hands to look at Jack, who looked as hurt as Bobby's own heart felt.
"You don't have to do shit, Bobby," Jack hissed.
"But I do, Jackie. I do. I gotta get out of here. I can't spend the rest of my life in Detroit. I love the city, I love you guys, but I gotta go," Bobby insisted. "There's really nothing for me here anymore. Just bad memories, good memories, shady cops, dodgy gangbanger wanna-be's, regret…"
"There's us, Bobby! We're here! I'm here! How can you just…leave?" Bobby had been leaving since Jack turned fifteen—but he had been returning almost ceremoniously since Jack was fifteen, also. This time, though…it was serious. Bobby had never taken more than one bag with him on his little trips away from home—this time he had three, each filled to the brink with clothes and trinkets that Bobby deemed worthy of taking.
"Jack, don't give me this guilt shit. I have to go. Just let me do what I have to." Bobby nodded his head a few times for good measure before clearing his throat again. Slowly Bobby picked up his three bags and rose to his full height before beginning towards the door. He expected Jack to move as soon as he approached, but Jack was stubborn and just stood straight up to block the pathway even more. "Jack…move."
"No, I have to stay right here." Jack's blue eyes searched Bobby's dark brown ones for a little while, trying to read whatever Bobby was thinking. Bobby was hard to read, though—despite that fact, Jack was up for the challenge. He had to fight to keep Bobby here; he had to.
"No, you have to move your fairy ass," Bobby growled. He didn't want to talk to Jack this way, he didn't want to be even more of an asshole than usual—but Jack didn't understand. Bobby had to leave. Bobby had had feelings for Jack almost as soon as the teen came into his life and they were so fucking uncomfortable. How Bobby had managed to live with them for so long was completely beyond his comprehension.
Those feelings were not only uncomfortable, but they were so horribly wrong. Morally and religiously wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
"Just give me a straight answer, Bobby. Why are you leaving? For real," Jack pushed, exhaling jaggedly.
Because you know I love you and you're frightened to fucking death? Jack mused.
Because I love you and I'm fucking scared, Jack, Bobby hissed mentally.
"Because my eyes don't match the snow."
"Bobby! Be serious for once—please!"
"I'm being serious when I say I don't have a fucking answer, Jack. I just don't."
"Why the fuck don't you have an answer? You can answer everything else on the face of the planet! Why not this one, huh? Cat got your tongue?"
"This isn't twenty-fucking-questions, Jack! Just let me do whatever the fuck I have to do," Bobby snarled, shifting his eyes away from Jack. He couldn't look at the other. Jack was always so emotional; looking at him during this fight just broke Bobby's heart more than it already was.
Jack's sensitivity was probably one of the first things that Bobby had noticed about him when he first arrived at the Mercer household. Jack showed his emotions so much that Bobby could see the other's heart just…snapping in half in the pupils of his eyes. "Move, Jack. C'mon."
Jack didn't budge. He wasn't going to budge. Not unless Bobby decided to use force.
Bobby wouldn't do that…he knows me too well…the seventeen-year-old told himself.
Oh, but Bobby would. He was desperate to get away from Jack's questioning, piercing blue eyes. So, softly the twenty-eight-year-old shouldered his way passed the teen opposite him. And even though the motion was gentle, Jack was caught off guard and nearly fell over. He stumbled back, eyes wide and jaw nearly on the floor, as Bobby began down the stairs.
"Bobby! Get the fuck back here! Bobby!" Jack screamed, chasing after the other after he collected his marbles. He stomped down the stairs quickly and jogged out of the house, eyes on Bobby's back the whole time. "Bobby, c'mon! Get the fuck back here! You can't leave!"
"I can leave, I'm going to leave, and you can't stop me. Now princess, go inside and prune your hair. You're going to be late for the ball if you don't stop fuckin' around out here," Bobby returned, opening the trunk to his car, setting down his bags to do so. As soon as he got it opened and went to grab his bags, Jack shut it violently. Bobby glared at him. "Why the fuck do you want me to stay Jack? God damn!"
Because I love you.
"Because you said you'd never leave me!" Jack cried, his eyes filled to the brink with tears. "You said you'd always be there for me!"
"Is that what this is about? Jack, I'll call you as soon as I get wherever the fuck I'm going!"
"Is that what this is about? What the fuck, Bobby! You promised you'd never leave me! You promised!" By this point the duo were shouting at each other. Normally this fiasco would have drawn nosy eyes onto their shouting forms, but the people living around had taken note that they were Mercers, so they kept their noses out of the situation—if only for this once.
"Jack…"
"Tell me why you're leaving me!"
"This isn't that easy, Jack!"
"Is it because I don't deserve you?"
"Jack…!"
"It's because I'm not good enough, right? Right!"
"Jack, c'mon, you know that's not it!"
"Is it because you could never love me?"
"Of course I love you, Jack!"
"No you don't! You could never love me—not the way that I love you!" Jack screamed, silencing Bobby, making his jaw clamp shut. Tears streamed down the teen's face, causing Bobby's pain-filled eyes to shy away, unable to look. "I love you, Bobby Mercer. With all of my fucking heart. And you're leaving me!" Jack clenched his fists and hung his head. "You knew, didn't you? You knew I loved you and you let me follow you around like a lovesick puppy! Didn't you?"
"Jackie…c'mon…stop cryin'…"
I love you, Jack.
Why are you doing this to me, Bobby? I fucking love you!
"I can't, Bobby! I just can't! It's not that easy for me! I can't run away from shit when life gets hard! You can't stand that I'm actually a fucking fairy—let alone for you! And that's why you're leaving, huh? Because you're ashamed of me!" Jack's voice got louder and louder and with each octave he passed, his voice cracked more and more. A loud sob pulsed through Jack's body, making his whole being contract inward a bit. "That's why you're leaving me…!"
"I'm leaving because I love you and it's not right! Jackie, I love you so fucking much—it's not…it can't…we can't…I just can't do it!" Bobby replied.
Jack gawked at him for a moment, his tears stopping as well as his breathing. When it started back up again, it grew harder and more violent. Soon Jack was shaking like a small tree standing before a giant storm. "I l-love you, Bobby! You can't go! Fuck being right or wrong! I-If this is wrong—I don't want to be right!"
"I can't, Jackie…I can't…" Bobby whispered. Hesitantly, Bobby outstretched one of his arms and brushed his knuckles against Jack's face, pushing tears away from peachy flesh.
"Why not?" Jack pestered, leaning into the hand despite his efforts. "I need you."
"I need to get out of here, Jack…" Bobby whispered.
Jack stepped closer, expecting Bobby to step back. Bobby didn't. "But I need you more," Jack insisted. "If you hadn't been here, I would've ran away. If you hadn't been here, I would've…I would've…" He sobbed continuously until Bobby drew him into his arms. Jack clung to him for dear life, his chest going in and then flying out in rapid succession, almost like a gun being shot off against Bobby's chest. "You can't leave me…" Jack whispered, feeling his knees becoming weak.
"I have to, Jackie…" Bobby replied. Tears slowly crept into Bobby's eyesight and before he knew it they were sliding down his face. He cursed God inside of his head before he patted Jack's back, beginning to pull away.
As he did so, Jack whined from the lack of contact and fought to keep his spot within Bobby's arms. Like when he was trying to read Bobby's mind, Jack got nothing from his attempts. Bobby fought fiercely to keep away from him while Jack did the exact opposite.
Bobby had to leave—it just wasn't right, loving his younger brother. It made him…sick, it made him hurt. He couldn't corrupt such a sweet, innocent thing like Jack. He couldn't. Jack deserved better.
"Bobby, please…" Jack protested.
Bobby looked away for a moment, again unable to look into Jack's eyes, and when he returned was caught off guard by Jack's lips pressed to his own. His mouth was wide open from shock, thus allowing Jack's warm, pink tongue to protrude into the cavern of his mouth easily. Jack forced him against the trunk and continued to kiss him forcibly, screaming inside of his head for Bobby to kiss back, if even in the slightest.
Bobby wasn't kissing him back.
And it didn't look like he was going to.
So Jack began to pull back, his insides dying and turning hollow. His head felt heavy and his chest felt light, but painfully so. He bawled hard, although quietly, and began backing up when Bobby grabbed both sides of Jack's face and drew his mouth back. Feverishly Bobby pried Jack's lips opened with his tongue and kissed him demandingly.
Jack melted into the shorter, but older, male and put his everything into that one, heated kiss.
When Bobby pulled away, Jack whined loudly and shook his head. "No…no…please stay Bobby…please…I love you…"
"I love you, too—but I have to go," Bobby said back, his voice soft and pain filled. "Please, Jack…I have to go."
Jack reluctantly stepped away from the trunk, arms crossed loosely over his chest, and sobbed to himself as Bobby opened his trunk, finally able to put his bags inside. He watched sadly as Bobby closed the trunk and flashed him a heartbreaking look. Lastly he turned his head when Bobby walked to the driver's side of the car. "Bobby, please…" Jack whispered, more to himself than anything.
"I love you, Jack," Bobby croaked. Then he got inside his shabby vehicle, fished out his keys whilst a few tear drops rolled down his flushed face, and started his car. A sad roaring sound erupted from the car as it was turned on, like it was crying with Jack and Bobby. Actually, it sounded just as sad as Bobby felt.
Jack loved him back—but they…they couldn't. Evelyn wouldn't accept it, Jeremiah and Angel wouldn't accept it, the greater portion of the world wouldn't accept it. It could never be.
Hopefully Jack would come to terms with it like Bobby had.
Jack watched as Bobby slowly begin driving away. The old rustic car stopped at a stop sign about twenty feet away from where Jack was standing, so Bobby used the few seconds that he had on his side to look back at Jack. By this point in time, Jack was crying heavily and shaking visibly, staring at Bobby from his spot on the sidewalk. While they had talked, neither of them seemed to notice the snow on the ground and the air bustling all around them.
When the street was cleared and Bobby was just about to place his foot on the gas, Jack fell to his knees. The holes in the kneecaps of his acid-washed jeans filed with snow, but the boy didn't mind. His tears felt like freezing against his warm cheeks and his heart longed to be ripped from his chest, but the boy didn't care. The one true person that had never given up on him (other than Evelyn) was leaving him, and taking his world along with him.
Despite the breakdown that Jack was going through, Bobby kept going, tears now furiously falling down his face.
You have to leave, Bobby. It's for the greater good. You can't be with him, you just can't. Everyone you know will be against it. People will shun you. He'll find someone else…someone who will love him…never leave him…
Please come back, Bobby…I need you…
Bobby slowly came to a stop in front of some random house. He took a deep breath and let the sadness that he felt wash over him before he began to really think about what he was doing. Was running away from this situation going to help anything? He had to come back each and every holiday, so he would see Jack a lot and it would just…tear them apart each and every time.
And since when did I give a flying fuck as to what anyone else thought about me? Bobby realized.
And with that, Bobby snatched his keys out of the ignition and threw his car door open. He pocketed his keys and then began running for Jack, whom was still hunched over on his knees, crying.
Jack heard his footsteps, though. He heard Bobby's feet slapping the ground quickly, angrily. He lifted his head to see the elder male running for him and stood up shakily, like a new born fawn unsure of how to work its legs. He wiped his nose against his sleeve and watched Bobby crash into him, arms furiously clutching at his body, holding him close. Jack melted against the other again and cried on his shoulder, telling Bobby just how much he needed him, just how much he loved him.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Jack…" Bobby cried, kissing Jack hotly. "I won't leave. I won't leave."
- - - - -
After hugging and kissing each other for what felt like en eternity, Jack and Bobby put a few inches of space between them and caught their breath. None of them spoke but occasionally each of them would leave a butterfly kiss on the other's cheek, or even their mouths, symbolizing what they would like to say but couldn't find the words to.
"Jack…what're we going to do?" Bobby asked softly, lifting his head so that his forehead touched Jack's.
Jack kissed his lips softly, both sets, his own and Bobby's, plump from excessive force, and shrugged his shoulders lazily. "I don't know…"
"What if Ma' doesn't approve?" Bobby proposed.
"I'll still love you," Jack returned surely. "What if Angel and Jer don't approve?"
"I'll kick their asses," Bobby snorted. "And I'll still love you."
Jack giggled sadly and kissed Bobby again, feeling the other's warm tongue slide between his bruised lips. It didn't thrash about and claim everything it could like it had before. This time it rubbed about gently, sensually against Jack's own tongue.
They both had been waiting so long for this. Why did this have to be tainted by such…such misery?
After having their foreheads returned together, they stood in silence, swaying a tad in unison. Each of them thought deeply for a solution to their problem. Sadly, none of the answers fit all of the equations well enough for the two to decide on one.
They could stay and just say fuck it to everyone else.
They could hide it and do what they could, when they could.
They could act like nothing ever happened—fat chance of that.
Bobby could get back in his car and just drive away—like Jack would allow him, like Bobby would want to, now.
They could always run away together…
"Bobby, Bobby…" Jack whispered. "Let's go. You and me. Right now. Just us."
Bobby opened his eyes and met Jack's, searching through them. All he found in those orbs was love and certainty—it made him smile weakly. "You don't have any clothes, Jack…"
"We can buy more! I can wear yours! I can wear the stuff on my body right now! Please, Bobby, please take me with you."
"You really want to go?"
"Yes!"
Bobby took Jack's hand, looked at their house, and then led Jack slowly to his car. He got in the driver's side and Jack got in the passenger's side, both of them sniffling softly. As Bobby put his keys back into the ignition, he looked over at Jack. "Are you sure about this? Mom's going to kill us both."
"At least I'll be with you," Jack said.
"Cheesy little fairy," Bobby joked, sniffling loudly to clear his nose and throat.
Jack just smiled and listened to the car start. Slowly but surely the scenery around them began to change.
Slowly but surely.
"I love you," Jack whispered.
Bobby freed one of his hands and took Jack's. "I love you too. You didn't know how hard it was, thinking of leaving…you don't have a clue."
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Author's Note: Sequel later?! Most likely. (: