-1Author : Laura (alwaysbluex)
Summary : "Blair's takes a slow drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke invade her lungs and seep slowly out her nose. " What happens those two weeks during the holiday's she's completely alone and without anyone? Post 2x13.
Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl.
A/N: I know I should be working on my other stories, but I felt inspired to write this, what can I say?
ALSO, working on a new chapter of Are You Kidding and Help Me Forget. I'll put them up soon!
Blair's heels clanked loudly on the stairs as she made the ten flights to the ground floor. Her heart was thumping along to the beat of Britney's latest album, her eye's still flashing with the images the strobe lights produced. Usually the elevator was the ride she would opt to take, since her heels were hell to walk in. But tonight she needed to touch the cold metal banister so she could feel something. Not once doubting her lack of grace, that she would trip and fall. The elevator was filled with familiar faces, with sad looks. They all knew Chuck had left, and they all saw how much she loved him, and how much he had hurt her. It was seen in her big brown eyes all the time, she absolutely hated it.
The cold air hit her face all at once, Goosebumps forming instantly on her slender arms. She looked down in disgust. They looked flabby and unflattering today. She really should have wore the sweater like her mother suggested she do. Suddenly she felt the urge to stick her finger down her throat as deep as possible. That way she would have some release to all the tension she was feeling at this very moment. But she knew for a fact their wasn't anything to throw up. Just glasses of champagne ran through her veins, giving her a slightly warm feeling that crept to up to her cheeks, making them flushed.
She quickly opened her clutch grabbing the second to last cigarette she had left. It was disgusting, horrible, and completely wrong for her to be smoking. But it brought her such comfort in so many ways she just didn't care about the negative affects at this point. She grabbed her diamond encrusted lighter and lit up, the smell of smoke instantly invading her nostrils making her sigh in relief. Slowly she took a drag of the stick between her fingers, letting the smoke invade her lungs, and seep slowly throughout her nose.
It reminded her of the one person she vowed not to think about. The one person Serena said she needed not think about during the holiday's. The holiday's were Blair Waldorf's time. To throw extravagant Christmas eve parties, and scandalous new years eve bashes. So she took Serena's advice and kept herself reasonably busy, planning one of the best new year's eve parties since the new millennium. Inside the champagne flowed freely, the dance floor was filled with people wearing tacky "happy 2009" hats, and drugs were secretly laced around the dark corners of the party. Not with Blair's permission of course, but she let it slip because truthfully, none of it mattered anymore.
The cigarette now dangled from her well manicured fingers as she thought over the last few weeks, and how she had came to be this. When she woke up to Chuck's letter, she felt nothing but sadness wash over her. Those three words were being shoved back down her throat, and she needed them out of her life. Completely out, because never again would she utter those words. She put love on a pedestal, it really was nothing special, at least not anymore.
Tears dripped from her cheeks onto the paper, black mascara swirling with her salty tears. Quickly she tore up the note to rid herself from it's presence. The note was never written, and the note never existed. This wasn't Blair Waldorf. If he didn't want her help, then she wouldn't help him. Her heart was tugging at her, telling her to hop on a plane, find him, do whatever it takes. But her head told her it would only cause more unneeded self destruction. Things no eighteen year old ever should have to handle.
Quickly she headed for the bathroom, oddly this was her safety zone. A few years ago it was for unhealthy reasons. But now, she would take a seat on the clean plush rug, that was her favourite shade of beige and rid herself from her thoughts, or she would take a steaming hot shower. As if all the bad thoughts could float out the crack in the window with the heavy steam.
She turned the shower on first, as high as the heat would turn so the room could steam up. That way she could avoid seeing her reflection in the mirror. She was sure she looked like hell, and that weird pang in her stomach telling her it needed to be smaller is not what was needed right now. Slowly she stepped in, wincing at the pain it brought to her cold flesh all at once. How long she stood in that shower under the steaming hot heat, she doesn't remember. All she remembers is Dorota finally coming in after minutes of excessive banging and a soft robe being pulled around her now shivering frame. Maybe she couldn't just ignore his missing presence.
"Your Mama and Cyrus leave for trip tomorrow." Dorota said softly, tucking her into the silk covers. Blair meekly nodded, turning away from her maids gaze. The one that showed pity and concern. Looking weak was a hard thing for Blair to deal with, she absolutely hated being vulnerable.
"Serena already left with Aaron." Dorota continued, pulling a strand of hair out of Blair's face.
She sighed, her eyes becoming glassy. "What are you getting at Dorota?" she spat, not meaning to sound rude, she just wanted to be left alone.
"Should I stay with you for holidays Ms. Blair?" she questioned, a sad smile lingering on her lips.
She shook her head quickly and sat up. "No, Dorota, it's Christmas, you should be with your loved ones."
"But-"
"No." Blair interrupted quickly, faking a wickedly sweet smile. "I'm good here, and if I do happen to get lonely, well I'm sure I can join my mother and Cyrus at the resort."
Dorota thought for a moment and then nodded. "That's true Miss Blair." her smile began to light up. "I better go pack, you be good, remember-"
"god is always watching?" Blair said, a slight smirk on her lips.
"Good Miss Blair." she nodded, patting her arm softly.
Blair watched the maid leave her room and finally the tight smile from her lips was gone. She was going to be completely and utterly alone these whole two weeks. Even after everyone came back and things were said and done. She knew who wouldn't be seen for awhile, and this made her heart ache. Quickly she decided she needed to forget completely, and enjoy herself.
Silently she tip-toed out of bed and headed to her massive closet, inspecting her evening wear. She opted on the short red mini dress she hadn't had the chance to wear. Fun was what she wanted, and she would definitely get it looking like this. Quickly she zipped the dress on, it hugging her curves, leaving little to the imagination. She smiled slightly, actually pleased with what she saw in the mirror.
She opened the drawer where she left her finishing touches to any outfit, the head band. All the beautiful designer headbands had their own place, sorted by designer, and then by colour. Looking at them she felt a lurch in her stomach, deciding head bands weren't for her at this time. Swiping some sheer gloss on her lips, and wrapping herself in her long black pea coat she headed for the hallway. Stilettos in hands so her stealth get away wouldn't be shot to hell when her heels hit the tiles.
Down the foyer, and out the door she left with ease, slipping her heels on as she went. The shivering December air nipping at her ears. Quickly she whistled, immediately hailing a cab. Holly really had taught her well. She smiled as she got in and took a seat in the back.
"Where to miss?" The Cab Driver mumbled, choking on the smoke coming from his mouth.
She wrinkled her nose, she absolutely hated the smell of cigarettes.
The address rolled off her tongue, because she had been there many times to pick up a wasted Serena.
Oh, tonight was defiantly her night to forget.
A/N: So, timeline's will be jumping back and forth. The story started at new years, where she goes outside and thinks about the last two weeks of her life. She's letting loose, possibly loosing her mind. Review and let me know what you think!