Author's Note: I'm not good at one-shots. I found this one lying around on my computer, so I rewrote it, thinking it was kind of funny and worth posting. I'm probably very wrong about that. XD I apologize for any OOC-ness. And the crappy title. I'm bad with titles.

By the way, what color are Yellow's eyes...?

Maids of Viridian

Red had never been more mortified in his life. He stood there, dressed in a short black dress with a frilly white apron and stockings, holding a pad of paper in his hand and standing in front of a table where there sat his whole group of friends.

Everyone was speechless. Because Red... was in a maid uniform.

Platinum was the first to speak. "Oh... Oh my," she said.

Yellow was blushing furiously, Green was holding his head in his hands and mumbling something under his breath, Gold had just stuck a camera close to the bottom of Red's skirt and snapped a picture, and Crystal and Silver both punched him in the head. Diamond and Pearl were just as speechless as Platinum was, Ruby was commenting on the material of Red's dress, Sapphire was yelling at Ruby to stop being a girl, and Emerald was trying to hold back his laughter.

And Blue? Blue stood in the back of the cafe they were working at, waiting patiently for her shift to begin.

It had started as an argument on what color Yellow's eyes were. Red insisted they were dark brown, while Blue insisted that Yellow's eyes were yellow. Which was ridiculous, according to Red.

So they made a bet. If Yellow's eyes were dark brown, Blue had to go training on Mt. Silver with Red. If her eyes were yellow, Red had to work at the cafe that Blue had a mysterious part time job at, in a maid uniform.

Turns out that Yellow's eyes were indeed yellow.

And then, Blue sprung another bet on him. Whoever got the most tips while working at the cafe got to take the other's tip money as well. Red was all for it.

Until he remembered he had to wear a maid's uniform.

"Can... Can I take your order?" Red asked.

"This isn't very good service," Gold said. "Where's your smile? I DEMAND A SMILE."

Red forced the corners of his mouth to lift into a smile. He knew it wasn't a genuine smile. It probably looked like he was fearing for his life with that smile.

"...Can I take your order?" Red asked again.

Gold stared at Red for a moment before bursting in hysterical laughter. Emerald quickly joined him, and the two proceeded to laugh their asses off.

Everyone gave their orders to Red while Gold and Emerald laughed uncontrollably. Red wasn't angry with them; he knew he'd laugh too, if one of his male friends was in this horrible uniform.

When he came to Diamond's order, Diamond said, "Just a sec... Okay. I've maid up my mind."

The table fell silent.

And then Emerald and Gold were laughing all over again.

As Red turned around and started to walk away, Gold leaned towards him and flipped the back of his skirt up. Red failed to notice this; all he felt was a small breeze.

"He didn't even notice," he heard Gold say.

Red had a feeling that someone (probably Gold) had started making phone calls to certain people, because during Red's shift, all of the people he took orders from and delivered them to were people he knew. Brock, Misty, Erika, and Blaine came into the cafe about a half hour after Red had served his friends their orders, and Misty had run out of the cafe with her face bright red.

Then came Surge and Sabrina, who just stared blankly at Red and didn't order anything at all.

Then Red's mother came in, telling him that he looked darling no matter what he wore, and that she'd fully support him if cross-dressing was his new hobby.

"Gold!" Red stormed the table that his friends sat at.

"Wazzup, bro?"

"Quit calling everyone here to the cafe."

Gold stared at him. "I'm not calling anybody. Crys crushed my Pokégear, so I can't make any calls."

"What? Then who's..."

Red stopped. He hurried to the employee's only area of the cafe, where the kitchen and break room were.

"Blue, this isn't funny," he said.

Blue smiled innocently, not even bothering to hide the Pokégear that she was calling her next person with. "What's not funny?"

"This. Calling everyone to come stare at me. You called my mom."

"I thought she, of all people, had the right to see you like this."

Feeling as though he was close to dying, Red left to go take more orders. Then he froze. Because Professor Oak had just entered the cafe with Green's sister Daisy and Bill. Red scurried to the back of the cafe again, where a fellow maid whose name he didn't know turned him around and forced him back out.

"Red, my boy, what are you wearing?" Professor Oak asked when Red, feeling even more mortified now, came to take his order.

Red suddenly wished he had a time machine, so he could have never argued with Blue on the color of Yellow's eyes. And so he would never have to appear in front of Professor Oak in a maid uniform.

"You look very nice, Red," Daisy said.

Bill just gaped at Red, unsure of what to say.

Yep. That time machine sounded like a brilliant idea right now.

As soon as his shift ended, Red rushed back into the kitchen area and stripped off the outfit right there. He ran in his underwear to the break room where his beloved regular clothes were waiting and hurried to put them back on. Then he hugged himself, glad to be back in his regular clothes.

"Here's your uniform," one of the maids said, tossing the still-warm uniform at him. "Keep it."

He would not keep it. He was going to burn that thing as soon as he got the chance. Oh, but...

Red dug into the apron pocket, pulling out the money inside. He'd sure gotten a lot of tips. He wondered how Blue was doing. He knew there was no point in him attempting to mortify her by calling people there; after all, there wasn't anything weird about a girl in a maid uniform.

Then he heard clapping, cheering, and wooting. He rushed back towards the doors leading into the main cafe area, finding Blue dancing around the cafe. Gold was throwing money bills at her while Silver attempted to strangle him.

When Blue walked back to the table their friends sat at, Gold reached out and slapped Blue's behind. Blue froze, while Silver punched Gold so hard he fell out of his seat.

"Gold, if you ever do that again, I swear to Arceus I'll kill you!"

"What's the big deal? You didn't yell at me when I slapped Red's ass when he passed by!"

"He's not my sister!"

Wait. What. Gold had... slapped Red's...

Could he just die now? That would be great.

At eight o'clock that night, Blue came skipping back into the break room. Gold was dead out in the cafe after Silver had murdered him for flipping Blue's skirt, but everyone was acting as if his dead body didn't exist.

"Hello, Red, I'm done with my shift!" Blue sang. She, Red realized, must have been feeling pretty confident about how well she'd done. He knew why; she had sex appeal, and Red had... What? Entertainment appeal? Was that even a thing?

"Let's count out our tips now," she said. They headed for a table in the break room, spreading them money out and counting the bills.

"I have... 38 dollars," Blue said.

Red's heart leapt into his throat. Wait. She had 38? Which meant...

"I...," Red said, "have 54."

Blue gaped at him.

"What? That can't be right. Let me count, you don't know how to count money."

Red passed his money to Blue, who counted the bills like the pro she was. She quickly paled. "What... How can this be?"

"Guess sex appeal doesn't win against Red appeal," Red said. Oh, Arceus, why did he just say that? Why did he choose those words? He sounded like an idiot.

They came back out to where their friends were waiting for them. "Who won?" Gold shouted.

Blue seemed reluctant to release her tip money. She looked at Red. "But... You're just going to spend it on supplies so you can go up on Mt. Silver! And ignore us!"

Red suddenly realized that this was exactly what he had planned to do as he took the money Blue reluctantly handed to him. He looked around his group of friends, noticing their faces. They all seemed to almost be in some kind of agreement with Blue...

It was true, he did spend a lot of time up there... So maybe...

"I have an idea," Red said. "I was actually planning to do just that, but... Well...

"I heard there's this amusement park in the Unova region. We haven't gone to meet the Unova Dex Holders yet, so... Let's make this a trip!"

Nearly everyone brightened up at that. Gold let out a cheer, throwing his hands into the air. "Dude, how much money did you get?!"

Red flashed him a grin. "92 dollars!"

They all stopped and stared at him. Green slapped his forehead and sighed.

"What?" Red asked.

"Wow, Red. You really don't know much about money, do you?" Blue said.

"I do too!" Red said.

"Is that a bet?"

"You're on!"

And thus, Red was subjected to another day of working at the maid cafe.

Author's Note: But then he got some extra money for the gang's trip to Unova. DO I SMELL A POTENTIAL STORY IDEA? WAHAHAHA.

If I do, by chance, write that story, it will without a doubt be ten times stupider than this. XD