A/N: I have no rights or affiliation with the characters presented within this piece
Second Chances
Chapter 1: Lost
Spinelli groaned as he bent back over the toilet bowl, he had the urge to throw up again but all that came out of him was a dribble of bile mixed with a little blood. He rested his head against the cool porcelain, these days this was his solitary consolation-the refreshing feel of the chill pottery on his hot dry, skin. He didn't know how long this had been going on, at least a couple of months he thought.
The two previous months of his life had been truly awful but primarily because he had watched the people he cared most about going through so much pain. Jason's life had been ripped to shreds. He had been embroiled in a mob war that had culminated in the kidnapping of his son Jake.
Spinelli had been responsible for finding every scrap of information about the Russians-their finances, their property holdings, their ships. Any piece of information could end up being the clue to finding where they were holding Jake. While Jason desperately searched for Jake in every part of Port Charles and its environs, Spinelli was glued to his laptop. They never slept, until their systems wouldn't stand it for another minute and then they would crash for a few hours.
Elizabeth haunted the penthouse, she was hollow-eyed and silent. Her eyes followed Jason's every movement when he was present, their expression a mixture of forlorn hope and desolation all wrapped up in clearly discernible and implacable hate. It was evident to Spinelli that whatever would be the outcome of this unbearable situation, and he fervently hoped that it would resolve with Jake back in his mother's arms, he was watching the death knell of Jason and Elizabeth's love. Jason knew it as well and he looked at Elizabeth as much as she stared at him. The difference was that his gaze was filled with pain, anguish and an awful longing love.
Spinelli had been exhausted as he worked day and night. That was when he had first noticed his symptoms. His stomach hurt all the time and he couldn't keep food down. He had constant indigestion and he was losing weight.
Maxie had noticed it the first time she had been able to see him in two weeks. She was shocked at his appearance when he opened the penthouse door to her knock. "Spinelli! You look terrible! When was the last time you ate, slept…"
"Maxie," he said striving to keep the impatience out of his voice, "I appreciate your concern but I don't have time for you right now. I don't have time for anything. I have to find Jake. I need to fix this for Jason."
Maxie was stunned, he wasn't calling her Maximista, he wasn't inviting her in and he wasn't going to let her be a part of this.
"Spinelli…" even Maxie could hear the whine.
"I'll see you some other time." The door closed with a finality worthy of Jason.
He had found something at least he thought he had and Maxie's interruption had caused him to lose his train of thought. He went back to his laptop, ignoring the burning in his stomach, he cleared his mind of everything and thought about what he had been doing. Yes, the check to the property management company, It had been written two weeks ago which was when Jake was taken but it hadn't been cashed until today.
"Damnit!" He thought angrily, "This was it, had to be and if they had only put the fucking check in the day after they got it.!" He was so furious with some anonymous realtor that he hadn't even registered his use of profanity. He wasn't himself and knew he never would be again if Jake wasn't returned safely.
He snapped open his cell phone. Jason answered on the first ring. "Yeah."
"Stone Cold, it's 374 Oceanside Drive. You need to go now!"
Jake was crying. His whole world had been turned upside down two weeks ago when he had been ripped away from his Mother. Now, it had happened again. The large, soft lady that had been taking care of him and sang him soothing lullabies in a language he didn't know had disappeared. Instead, he was being held fiercely by this strange man who looked down at him with brilliant blue eyes which shimmered with unshed tears. "It's okay Jake, you're safe now. No one can hurt you." His voice was gruff.
Jake struggled, he didn't want this man, he knew who he wanted, had wanted for weeks. "Mama! Mama!"
"Jake! Oh, God, Jake. Give me my baby!" Elizabeth practically ripped her son out of Jason's arms. "Mama's here, you're safe now baby. No one will ever take you away from me again!" She crooned softly all the while she was rubbing his back in comforting circles. Meanwhile, her eyes blazed as she looked at Jason. "You will never come near him again!" she whispered with a vicious sibilance.
After Jake's rescue and Elizabeth's irrevocable rejection of him, Jason went on a rampage. He broke the back of the Russian organization within the week. He showed no mercy, the only soldiers that escaped were the lucky few that managed to get on the last Russian freighter leaving Port Charles.
By the end of ten days, Jason had cemented his position as the premier mob boss of the city. Not even the Zacchara organization under the new auspices of his prior partner, Sonny Corinthos would challenge Jason these days.
Once he had routed the Russians and cemented his position, Jason gave into his depression. He drank, frequently and a lot. Spinelli grew rather adept at putting his quarrelsome or maudlin, depending on the type and amount of alcohol imbibed, mentor to bed after one of his binges.
Truth be told, Spinelli grew to prefer a drunken Jason to a sober one. When he wasn't drinking, he was usually hung over and he was always mean. He was bleeding men to the Zacchara organization. His men, hardened soldiers that they were, couldn't stand up under the pressure of Jason's icy gaze as he unfairly berated them about small infractions of rules that he seemed to be creating on the spot.
Sonny Corinthos was aware of the internal disintegration of Jason's business. He knew that he could just sit back and let it implode. When that happened he would step in and either make Jason an offer he couldn't refuse or more simply swat him out of the way.
The way Sonny saw it was that Jason had stolen his organization, the one he had built from the ground up. He had tried to reach out to Jason, tried to be conciliatory but Jason always rebuffed him. So, now that he was self-destructing, Sonny had no compunction about reaching out and taking back what had always been his…
"Spinelli," he's in a foul mood, well, when isn't he, these days? "Get down here!"
Spinelli closes his eyes, he simply lacks the stamina for a confrontation with Jason. He's not sure if he can talk him out of a temper one more time. Spinelli knows he can never, will never leave Jason but he is at his wit's end about how to help him.
Another, "Spinelli!"
He wipes a dribble of blood off his chin and bends down to rinse the acrid taste out of his mouth. He catches his reflection in the mirror as he straightens up and is shocked. He doesn't recognize himself-his eyes are sunken in his face, dark circles underline them, his cheekbones are prominent and his complexion is grey. Sighing, he turns away from the mirror.
"Where the hell were you?" is the greeting Jason growls at his roommate as he comes down the stairs holding onto the banister for support.
"Upstairs, in the bathroom, Stone Cold. The Jackal is feeling a little under the weather."
Finally, something that was capable of penetrating the fog of alcohol and self pity. "What's wrong with you?" Jason peered at Spinelli intently. It was the first time he had looked at him, really seen him in weeks. "You look awful!"
"The Jackal thinks that might be a case of the pot calling the kettle, Stone Cold," Spinelli gave a sigh of relief as he sank into the soft, yielding cushions of the sofa.
"What do you mean?" Jason snapped at him.
"When was the last time you showered, shaved, changed your clothes, slept, ate something or drank something that wasn't alcohol based?" Just going through the list, wore him out and closing his eyes he slipped onto his side and was asleep in moments.
Jason was worried. It was the first emotion besides grief and fury that had brought itself to his attention in a long time. He looked at his sleeping roommate with concern. He really did look bad and he was so skinny!
He hadn't thought about Spinelli in any sense except as an emotional crutch throughout this entire ordeal. He had depended on Spinelli to work his magic to find Jake and he had. Then he had come to Jason, almost crying, and apologized that so much time had elapsed that he hadn't been able to locate the safe house sooner-that he had failed Jason.
Jason had just waved him away wearily, "Jake's back because of you" or something like that was all he had managed. Instead of sitting him down and telling him the absolute truth, "You saved my son's life and my sanity and I owe you everything".
Then he had a date with a bottle and another one and really anything that was on exhibit in the window of a liquor store-he wasn't picky. Just not beer, no, it was difficult to get seriously drunk, without more effort than he wanted to expend, on beer.
So, Spinelli had silently and patiently picked up the pieces that were Jason Morgan night after night. He had tried to reason with him, tried to hide the liquor or take it out of his hand. It was all to no avail.
Once, only once, but Jason remembered it, even through the alcoholic haze he had been in-he shoved him-hard. Spinelli had fallen across the coffee table and he let out an agonized yell as his back cracked into the table.
Jason was immediately sober. "God, Spinelli," he reached down for him and pulled him to a sitting position, "I'm so sorry! Are you okay?' He couldn't believe he had turned on the last person that was still in his life, that hadn't abandoned him as a lost cause.
"The Jackal is fine Stone Cold," Spinelli's back was aching abominably and later he would be black and blue. For now the mental anguish that Jason was perpetually enduring was more important than his own physical pain. "Here let me help you upstairs." Together they went up and after Spinelli had deposited Jason on his bed, he went and took a long, hot bath trying to relieve the burning fire in his back.
As he uneasily watched his slumbering friend, Jason was disgusted with his recent behavior. Never, no matter how bad things had gotten had he ever acted like this. Occasionally, he had gone on a bender or taken his motorcycle out on a suicidal ride but then he had always calmed down and picked up the frayed strands of his life.
Running a weary hand across his face he realized that he had either been drunk or hung over or both now for weeks. Feeling the stubble on his cheeks he began to fully appreciate that everything Spinelli had said about him had been true. He stank, if he took his clothes off he thought they would probably still hold the shape of his body.
Suddenly, he was starving. He headed out to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator proceeded to grab anything which caught his eye. He swigged milk from the bottle and chomped on a chicken leg. He grabbed some of Spinelli's barbecue chips and even gulped down one of his orange sodas. He finished the impromptu binge by devouring a pint of strawberry ice cream.
He went back into the living room to check on Spinelli and saw that he was still asleep. Upstairs he stood under a steaming hot stream of water for a full thirty minutes. Afterwards, he had shaved. He felt lighter and more balanced than he had in months. Now he was ready to head downstairs and see what was wrong with Spinelli but the bed looked so inviting. He thought to himself, "Just twenty minutes..."
Jason awoke with a start. He looked around his bedroom puzzled. This was the first time for a long time he had woken up and didn't have a headache, he felt clear headed, more like himself. Then he remembered, "Spinelli!" He hadn't been feeling well and Jason was supposed to check on him. He had fallen asleep in the afternoon and now it was dark. He looked at the clock and shook his head in confusion-"That couldn't be right!" According to the time he had been asleep twelve hours!
He suddenly felt a sense of urgency, he needed to go find Spinelli and see if he was okay. He went to his room first and cracked open the door but he could see in the dim hallway light that his bed was empty. "It couldn't be," he though uneasily. Spinelli couldn't have slept all this time too, he wasn't making up for weeks of sleep deprivation and binge drinking. "No," he told himself trying to be reassuring, "The kid's just tired, he went through the whole kidnapping thing and then taking care of me. He's just worn out."
Jason went downstairs without making any noise and sure enough Spinelli was still on the couch, looking as though he hadn't moved in the half a day he'd been there. Jason sat down on the coffee table and reached over to feel his forehead. It wasn't hot, it was actually cold and clammy, and his thick unruly hair was plastered across it.
Jason sighed and ran his hand through his own hair in an unconscious mannerism that occurred whenever he was troubled. He didn't know what to do and that was a rare situation for Jason Morgan.
On the one hand, Spinelli might simply be exhausted and a little undernourished from not taking care of himself properly for these past few weeks. In that case, the best thing Jason could do for him right now was let him sleep. Then when he woke up Jason could be the caretaker for a while and try to make up what was owed-though he knew in truth it was a debt that he could never erase. What made it worse was that Spinelli would always see the balance due as belonging solely to him.
Jason shook his head impatiently, such meanderings weren't helping his decision making process. The other possibility was that Spinelli might be sleeping so long and so heavily because he was really sick and needed medical attention. In that situation, the sooner he woke him up and got him to a doctor the better.
"What to do, what to …?" He didn't have a fever, he wasn't restless, and his breathing wasn't abnormal. Jason opted for a compromise-he would let the kid sleep for the rest of the night while he sat down here with him. Then in the morning, he'd reevaluate the situation and decide on a further course of action. It might not have been an entirely satisfactory solution but it would have to do for now.
With the decision made, Jason went and got a blanket to cover Spinelli. Then after cleaning up the mess he'd made earlier in the kitchen, he went out and sat in a chair close to his friend.
Light was streaming through the French doors when Jason once more jerked awake. "Not again!" he thought angry with himself. He'd fallen asleep when he was supposed to be on duty watching over Spinelli.
His roommate, Jason looked over at the couch it was empty. At first he was relieved, that was a good sign. Spinelli had woken up on his own and gone to get something to eat or drink or had gone to the bathroom. The bathroom, he'd been in the bathroom yesterday when Jason came home…
Jason had never run up the stairs so fast in his life. He burst through the door of Spinelli's bathroom and stopped short, he couldn't be seeing this, he simply couldn't. If he just backed up time and ran today and last night and the week before in reverse.
Then he wouldn't be standing in his best friend's bathroom looking at him curled up against the toilet as he… as he once more retched and again more came, more of the red viscous fluid that was already forming puddles around him and on the white porcelain.
Jason closed his eyes, he couldn't look. Yet, Jason had always looked it had been his strength-unflinching looking. Not this goddamn time though, no one should have to see their brother's insides dribbling down their chin, no one… He could still smell it though, it wasn't vomit, there hadn't been anything in his stomach to throw up, no it was just a cloying, sickly sweet smell with a faint under tinge of a metallic odor.
"Jason," one word, a sigh really. Still, it was enough of a catalyst to get him to look, really look. What he saw-well, he was pretty sure it was death-just a matter of when, not if.
Perhaps if he had held onto that concept, that truth, it might have been better for Spinelli in the long run. Jason was stubborn or he was scared or he was angry-probably all three really. That bastard upstairs wasn't winning this one so easily. Jason had sent him lots of presents-even family members-he wasn't getting Spinelli not without a fight he wasn't.
His eyes streaming and his muscles trembling he forced one foot into the room and then another and that was walking. He thought he might have to remind himself how to do a lot of basic things today.
"Spinelli," he was kneeling next to him, his leg in a pool of the stuff, it was unavoidable, besides it was all Spinelli wasn't it? He just wished he could repackage it and put it back where it belonged, where it could fix things.
"Stone Cold," he was awake but weak, so weak that holding up his neck was causing spasms in the muscles. "Help me."
Then it happened again, unable to resist the reflex Spinelli threw up more blood and this time it landed on Jason-on his hands, his shirt, even a little on his face. He didn't care, from thirty seconds ago when he wanted to run away as far and as fast as he could, now he wouldn't leave if he had to swim in the awful fluid.
There wasn't any time, he couldn't go on like this and they couldn't wait, Jason knew it. He picked up his brother, he couldn't possibly weigh so little, Jason could cry. He turned for the door, his foot slipping in the coagulating slime; he caught himself against the sink, preventing a fall.
The trip downstairs, to the elevator, waiting, waiting, pushing the button again and again, thinking maybe the stairs, no, here it is, and then it took forever, hours or minutes or seconds absolutely too long and the doors opened and there was the garage, there it was the SUV, Oh God! the keys, the keys upstairs Fuck! he was out in the street he was running, and it was raining and the red gunk was streaming off him and Spinelli-pink rivers of it, there up ahead, he could see it the tower looming over the city, just get there and they would fix him make him better they would bring him back to Jason, he was through the doors and there was sound and people and they were gasping and staring and Jason didn't know, didn't care, didn't hear-he had tunnel vision, he saw an empty gurney, he hated to have him leave his arms but he knew he had to, then he was yelling, he was shouting-Robin, he wanted Robin, he needed Robin-he got Epiphany-almost as good, because she knew him-both of them, she tried to hide it, but she cared about Spinelli, even if she hadn't, she would always do the right thing because she was just like that…
"Jason!" It was the first sound he had heard since he had entered the ER. He had been having hysterics. It would go down in history. Jason Morgan dripping wet and covered in blood, coming into the ER carrying Damian Spinelli-who looked like a corpse. He was crying and screaming for Robin Scorpio. Epiphany Johnson had hauled back and slapped him-hard. She had done it in order to shut him up and to make him let go of Spinelli so they could examine him. Some that were present wondered why they would bother, just look at him, if he wasn't dead yet, he soon would be.
He just stood there and cried, cried like a little boy. Then he was in her arms and she was shushing him. They were moving the gurney away and when he saw that he screamed, actually screamed, "No!" She held him, stopped him from following, hers was the only contact he would accept. Epiphany had him sit down and for the first time in his life he was injected with a sedative.
Finally, the ER was silent. Well, except for the guy coming down from a PCP high in cubicle 3, but that was a normal ER sound. It would go down in legend, absolute legend. People that saw it, and many more that hadn't, would talk about the day that Jason Morgan went crazy because Damian Spinelli was dying
People called about it, it was a spontaneous calling tree. They called someone to tell them about the amazing sight they had just witnessed, then that person would call someone else.
"Jason Morgan, you know the mob boss, he just lost it in the ER in front of like fifty people. He was crying and ranting about some kid. I don't know, an Italian sounding name-Somelli or something. There was lots of blood- it was probably a hit. Yeah, I know, he can't even protect his own people. How pathetic is that? Who is this kid anyway?"
Eventually the ones that mattered heard and they came, they all came-for Jason, for Spinelli, for both of them. Jason and Spinelli were both unconscious, unaware of the full hallways, waiting rooms, even the chapel…
Maxie Jones, in the chapel-her heart has moved up into her throat. Not Spinelli, he hadn't taken a call from her in weeks. She had been furious with him, missing him so much she cried. Now she knew for sure he had been sick that day. She should have made him let her in, but she had been so hurt by his attitude, his lack of welcome. Well, this was the same altar they had prayed at for Michael Corinthos and that had really worked out well, hadn't it? Yeah, right! God, she couldn't survive one more death, not the death of someone she loved. Well, of course he was Spinelli-impossible not to love. " Love-you idiot!" her soul screamed at her. "If there's no time you need to say it to him…" Well, that's just silly, of course there's time-lots of it, years and years-hasn't there always been? God, anything, absolutely anything…
Sam McCall-she's not exactly there for Jason, though she could have been. Really, how could have she let his friendship slip through her fingers? She did that a lot forgot people-it had always been safer that way, less scary if you left them before they left you. Now Spinelli was leaving in the way that couldn't be fixed. To never see him light up again when she walked into a room-or was that Jason? One thing, she knew, she just knew that no one would ever again call her a goddess. Goddamn tears, so girly!
Diane Miller-"You need to go away Max."
"Why are you so upset? It's just that little punk Spinelli, the boss will be glad once he's gone. Then maybe Jason will come back. I mean he's great with a computer and all that but he's such a wimp and it isn't like he's someone important."
"Mr. Giambatti, if I never see you again in my life it will be too soon!"
"I don't get it, why are you so furious? What did I say?"
"Not important! He's Damian Spinelli-Mr. Grasshopper. He always does the right thing and always worries that he doesn't know what that is. When the truth is that he could give lessons in doing the right thing. I'm a lawyer, I know the moral choice but I don't always practice it. He absolutely did, every time. I saw him do it over and over again. That young man humbled me. If he dies-the world will become a lesser, a darker place. Max, get out and don't ever come back…"
Lulu Spencer and Johnny Zacchara-"He'll be fine Lulu."
"Spinelli's always there, Johnny. When I need him he comes. When I don't, he never minds. I think he loves me."
"I am sure he does, Lulu. Spinelli seems pretty good at finding the room in his heart to hold onto people even if they don't hold onto him. He's a good guy. I hope I get the chance to know him better."
"You will. Spinelli won't die. He knows how much people need him, how they care about him. You know he gave me this book of poems by William Blake and I've been reading them. They're great. I think I could have learned a lot from Spinelli. He's really smart, you know?"
"Well, you should just tell him that when you see him. I'll try and get to know him better myself. He's brave enough anyway."
"Spinelli, brave?"
"Yeah, Lulu, remember when he went in to rescue you when you were kidnapped? How about that time at the Metro Court when they were going to shoot you, unless he opened the safe?" He hadn't even been around during the hostage crisis but he was the one reminding her about Spinelli's efforts on her behalf. Didn't she know this stuff? It was her life after all He guessed Lulu just thought the world was made up of men who all were willing to do whatever it took to save her. Thinking about it realistically though, he could understand why she would see it that way
Carly and Jax-"Have you seen Jason?"
"No, I just got some jumbled phone call from my secretary. Some friend of hers saw Jason bring Spinelli in, they were covered in blood. Then he had a meltdown and they sedated him."
"Yeah, I heard the same thing-sedating Jason! Wow, he must be hurting."
"Since he's probably the reason that Spinelli is lying near to death it seems only appropriate."
"Jason loves Spinelli; he would do anything to protect him."
"Yeah, anything except let him go that is. Besides, from what I've been hearing lately it's Spinelli that has had to take care of Jason, who has mostly been comatose with near alcohol poisoning."
"Things have been bad for him. He has been having problems Jax."
"Imagine that, there are problems in the life of a mob king-pin. Who would have guessed?"
"Why are you here if you can't stand anything about Jason?"
"Carly, get it through your thick skull, I am here for Spinelli. If he makes it through whatever this is, I am going to do my level best to get him away from Jason."
"Good luck with that, the Jackal is a loyal creature unlike some."
Don't talk about yourself that way Carly. After all, you're still here for Jason."
Claudia and Sonny Corinthos -"Don't fuck with me Sonny! I'm staying until I hear what the deal is with Spinelli."
"I say you're my wife and you're coming home with me, rather than hanging around this place waiting on that little freak. If he dies we'll all be better off, especially Jason."
Claudia tossed her hair back glared at him and slapped him as hard as she could. She saw with satisfaction that her bangle had cut his lip.
"What the hell did you do that for?" He ran his thumb across his bottom lip and was furious to see the resultant red streak.
"I don't know Sonny, maybe because Jason wasn't here to do it instead. Too bad really because I imagine you'd be taking nutrition through a straw for the next six weeks if he were. If you ever again give me a cave man line about how I am your wife and I can or can't do this or that; I will have my father kill you. I doubt this many people will be at your funeral! Now, why don't you get the hell out? I don't believe there's one person in this hospital who thinks that you have any kind of claim to be here right now."
Kate Howard and Mike-"Sonny, maybe you should leave. The people involved don't belong to you-not even Jason anymore."
"They belong to you though, Mike?"
"Spinelli does, he's like a grandson to me. He's the sweetest kid I know. It will kill a lot of people if he doesn't make it."
"I don't get it! I don't get how that little idiot…"
"Leave now, Michael, or I might do what Jason isn't here to do."
Diane Miller had been eavesdropping on the dueling father and son and getting more furious by the moment. "Marvelous idea, Mike. While you're recuperating Sonny, I'll be sure to send you a get well present. I would just love to sue you for slander and defamation of character on Mr. Spinelli's behalf."
Kate Howard had remained aloof from the entire discussion, until she was compelled to say something. "People are dying Sonny. You're not wanted and you can't see beyond your own petty grievances." She paused and turned to Claudia, "I am so glad that he's your problem now. Has anyone seen Maxie Jones?"
Coleman-"Hey, I heard that something bad had happened to Spinelli. He's going to be okay right? I keep orange soda in stock just for him. I got used to having the dude around…"
Robin Scorpio, Patrick Drake, Nadine Crowell, & Epiphany Johnson
"So, they're sure…" Robin could hardly get it out
"Yes, we'll get official confirmation tomorrow. They'll run more tests, get more details such as how long and possible treatment options, but it's terminal." Patrick wished desperately he were uttering these words about some anonymous patient, not Damian Spinelli.
Robin wearily dry washed her face with her hands. She had heard about the scene in the ER when Jason had brought in Spinelli. She couldn't begin to comprehend Jason behaving like that. "God, how are Jason-and Maxie-going to cope with this?"
Nadine said with indignation, "Jason, it's always Jason. What about the rest of us, how are we going to cope? Spinelli was my first friend when I came to Port Charles. He was never anything but kind and generous and thoughtful."
Robin sighed, "It doesn't seem fair, he has the biggest heart I've ever seen."
Epiphany said somberly, "Things aren't fair. The good ones, we seem to only get them for so long…"
Nadine looked through the ICU window at Spinelli, who was so small and still amongst all the tubes and machines. "He's so thin."
Patrick said, "There's nothing more we can do tonight, Jason is out like a light. I actually have him in soft restraints because after the way he acted earlier, I don't know what he'll do when he wakes up. God, this is so messed up!"
Robin asked tentatively, even though she knew it wasn't his specialty. "There aren't any experimental therapies, treatments, anything?"
"Not for this, not at this stage-it's palliative care only"
"How long?"
"Weeks, a month at best."
Jason twitched uneasily in his drug induced sleep. He needed to find someth-someone, it was important. A chill coursed through him.
Elizabeth Webber stood looking down at a sedated Jason Morgan, a cruel half smile on her lips. It looked like he was going to know what it was to lose the most precious thing he had, and this time it wouldn't be temporary. She fervently hoped it would destroy him.