AN/I'm back after about 1,000 years! (oops) Anyway, this is just an alternate ending to the season 4 final. I would rant about that episode, and the whole season really but... that would take up a whole page. So without further adieu, I give you, Once Again. Please feel free to review and maybe drop some ideas in there as well! -Danielle
After Erin rejects Jays call, she turns and heads back to her car. She knows where she's headed, she just doesn't know if she's made the right choice, all the while, Hanks earlier said words are echoing in her head, "Don't look back." She slows to a stop at a red light and closes her eyes just for a moment. She takes a deep breath, she's made up her mind. Or so she thinks.
Once she gets back to her building, she finds a parking spot and heads up to her apartment. Once she enters, she stands in place for a minute. She looks around and mentally tells herself that she's made the right decision. If she stays she won't have a job, her mother goes to jail for who knows how long, not to mention the department will never leave her alone. If she stays she'll have Hank. the unit, her family, her friends, Jay. She doesn't know if she still has him. If he still has her. But she wants him. No, she needs him. She quickly shakes the thought of staying out of her head. Of being back with him. Loving him. She instead, switches her thoughts to leaving. If she leaves she gets a fresh start, she could start a new job with the FBI, she could have a fresh start, she could finally get the chance to make something out of herself without her mother interfering. But that would mean she has to go. Go to New York. That city. That place. The place where her best friend was raped and murdered. The place where her best friend's killer, killed so many other innocent women. She will be forced to face her demons everyday in that city. But she's made up her mind, she's told Jen she wants the job. She's made a commitment. She has to go.
She continues through her apartment to and into her bedroom where she then opens her closet. The closet that still holds over half of his clothes and shoes. She zones out for a moment but quickly regains her composure and grab her duffel bag from the top shelf. She sets the bag onto her bed and starts to take out some clothes and proceeds to lay them next to her bag. She's almost finished packing when she hears footsteps approaching from her hallway. She knows who the footsteps belong to. She memorized his footsteps. She memorized him. His smell, his face, his body, his smile, his eyes, him. She sucks in a deep breath and slowly turns around to find Jay Halstead staring back at her.
"Hey." She chokes out.
"Um, hey?" He questions her, " What are you doing Erin?"
Erin doesn't answer. Instead, turns back around and continues packing as if he isn't there. If she's being honest, it's the hardest thing she's ever done; turn her back on him, ignore him.
"Erin." She hears him call to her. She continues to ignore him because if she doesn't finish packing now, she never will.
"Erin." This time there's a hint of annoyance in his voice. Still she ignores him.
"Erin, please look at me. I need you to look at me." At his final plea, she finally turns around. His eyes match her with unleashed tears.
She notices their situation and thinks back to their past situation a few long weeks ago and then back to his pleading eyes as she replies to him bitterly, "Hmm. Just a few weeks ago we were in this same spot. Except you were the one leaving. Not me."
"Erin that's not fair- wait, you're leaving? Were you even going to tell me?"
"Like you would have told me if i hadn't shown up when I did?"
"Even if you wouldn't have shown up when you did, I would have waited till you did. I would have told you!"
Silence fills the room for what seems like forever until Erin speaks up, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. What you were going through, what you may still be going through, is real and I didn't mean for my emotions to come out that way. You had your reasons for leaving. I'm just upset is all."
"Don't apologize. What you said was true. It might not have been worded the way you wanted it to be but it was the truth, it is the truth. You're right, I did leave. And it was so incredibly stupid of e to. I know now that it would have been so much easier to fight my demons with you by my side but I didn't want you to. I thought it would be easier for you if you didn't have to worry about me. You don't deserve to have to worry about me all the time. You deserve so much more than me and my problems and I didn't want you to have to suffer through them with me. And even when I pushed you away, you still made sure I was okay. You still let me drive, you still had my back, you still showed up to Molly's on my birthday when you didn't have to. And when you left Molly's that night, there was never a time where I hated myself more for leaving you. You were hurting so bad and all I wanted to do was help you and go home with you, trust me. But I couldn't. I wasn't sure if you wanted me there, hell, I'm not sure if you even want me here right now. All I'm sure of is that I still love you Erin. I always have and always will and everyday since I left you regret it. So if you are planning on leaving right now, I'm begging you, don't. Please don't leave me. I can't lose you again. You're all I have, I need you Erin. Please don't leave me."
He was crying by the time he finished, as was Erin. Jay had never poured out his heart as much as he did right then. He needed her to know how awful he felt about leaving her. If there was any chance, he was going to say and try any and everything he could to make her stay. He couldn't lose her. Not again.
The room was silent for the second time that night. All that was heard was the ragged breathing of the pair. That was until Erin spoke up. "Jay, I, I don't know what to say."
"Say you'll stay. Whatever deal you were offered or accepted, decline it or take it back. I need you."
"Why couldn't you have said all of that when we talked this afternoon Jay? No one would talk to me or tell me anything! My mother was arrested by the FBI and I just wanted an out! I wanted you! Why couldn't you have said that then Jay? Before I'd made up my mind?"
"Because I was scared Erin!"
"Of what? What did you have to be afraid of then?"
There was the silence again. For the third time that night.
"You weren't even scared were you? You just didn't want to talk to me about my "mommy issues" anymore. You were tired of my complaining and every other issue in my life. You were tired of me, weren't you?"
"No that's not true Erin, not at all! You walked away saying you had to go. I was going to say so much more if you wouldn't have left but I was scared."
"You still haven't told me what you were scared of-"
"I was going to propose! Okay? I was scared! I was losing you and I couldn't have that. I need you Erin, so much more than you think. I realized my mistakes and I thought you needed me. I knew you were struggling and I wanted to show you that I was back and I was there to stay for good if you'd have me. No matter what has happened or what is going to happen to you. But then you left before I could say anything."
"You were going to propose?" Erin said so quietly that if he wasn't listening for a response so intently, he wouldn't have heard it."
"Yes. Will told me I was making a mistake. That I was being irrational. That you didn't want to be saved. I told him that you're all I think about and that you've been there for me, every step of the way and I meant it, you have. Ans I want to save you like you save me. Everyday Erin, whether you realize it or not. You saved me. You save me."
"Jay, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't have a job. My mom's in prison. I'm not a cop and I may never be one again."
"Say you'll stay. I will be there with you every step of the way. You will beat this. We will beat this because I'll be there to help you. The whole unit will. Please Erin, call whoever and tell them you're staying. I can't lose you."
"Okay."
"Okay? Okay what?"
"I love you so much Jay. And I might have forgot that for a minute but I know I never stopped loving you. I won't ever stop. And if I leave now, we might not ever get this chance again so I'm saying okay. Okay to staying, okay to you. I'll call Jen. I'll tell her that I've changed my mind. I love you and I need you to. More than you may ever know."
As soon as Erin finished her statement, Jay crosses the room in two strides. He cups her jaw and crashed his lips onto hers for the single most passionate kiss the pair had ever shared. He missed her lips just as much, if not more than she his.
Once the pair broke apart, Jay rested his forehead against Erin's. Their breathing was heavy and fast, but that didn't stop Erin from speaking.
"Ask me,"
"What?"
"Ask me to marry you."
"What? Are you serious? I mean are yo-"
"Ask. I'm sire." Erin interrupted his rambling and told him one last time.
Jay face immediately broke out into the biggest smile as he lost himself in Erin's eyes.
After about thirty second Erin swatted his chest and laughed at him, "Ask me you idiot."
"Oh yeah." Jay chuckled.
Jay stuck his hand in his right, front, pant, pocket and pulled out his mother's ring. He took a step back and lowered himself onto one knee.
"Erin Lindsay, will you make me the happiest man in the galaxy and marry me?"
"Yes. Absolutely you dork."
Jay stood up and captured Erin's lips against his. He took a step back and slipped the ring onto her finger.
"I love you so much Erin, and I'll spend the rest of my life showing you as much."
Erin responded by crashing her lips back down to his. He quickly picked her up and gently threw her onto their bed, where they showered each other with love until their bodies collapsed onto their bed. Jay pulled Erin closer and snuggled into her back as he wrapped his arms around her bare front. They fell asleep in each other's arms once again.