I returned home to find my wife Lydia packing. "You're leaving me! Please don't go. I'll do whatever you need. Anything. Just please don't leave me." I bawled. She wraps her arms around me. "Not like that. I am leaving. But I'm leaving Whiterun, not you. Delphine offered me a position with the Blades. You are my Thane, my love and my wife. And that will never change." she says.
She cups my cheek. "You are dovahkiin, the last Dragonborn. You must defeat Alduin. And perhaps joining the Blades can help you in that goal. I always dreamed I could join them if they still existed. Thanks to you my Thane, they have returned." She tells me.
I want her to be happy, my lovely Lydia, how I will miss her terribly. I do when I'm away, and I never feel such joy as I do coming home to her. She was the first to look past my title of Dragonborn. The fact that I was a Breton, I learned a couple of things since coming to Skyrim. Unless you are a Nord they don't trust easily.
I stand on my toes and kiss her. She leans forward and down so I can be on my flat feet again. I choke back tears. "I don't want you to go…but I understand. I'll miss coming home to you." I nuzzle her neck. "Oh, my love. You can still come home to me. It will just have to be at Sky Haven Temple. I did ask Delphine if I could stay here at our home and still be in the Blades." She strokes my hair.
"She told me, that once Alduin is defeated and I'm trained in their ways, I could return. So it's mostly temporary. But she didn't give me a definite time." She says. I kiss her neck and take her hands.
"I promise you then my love, when Alduin is nothing but ashes, I will retire and stay at Breezehome. And when your training is complete we will go and adopt a couple of kids. And even if your duties take you other places, know that I will always be home and waiting for you to come home to us." I see tears in her eyes.
"I would really love that. But for now, let's go to bed." She said. "But I'm not tired yet." I said. "You will be." She says cockily and sweeps me into her arms bridal style and carries me to the bed.
Her touch is gentle, loving and soft. I can feel her every emotion in every touch. Her kiss filled with love and desire for only me. Her hands and fingers speak of passion and desire, in the absolute need to fill me, tease me, play with me until I become undone.
Her body is protective as we ride each other's thighs. Her heart, mind, and body cherishes me as we finally exhausted from our love making fall asleep in each other's arms.
I wake up in a couple of hours, I feel cold, lonely, and like I'm already missing a part of me. I look to the space next to me in bed. My heart aches with love for this woman. I stroke her face and slide a lock of her hair over her ear.
"I love you so much Lydia. I hope you know how much and I show you that every time we see each other." I whispered to her she takes my hand and turns me so that my back is to her chest.
She snuggles closer and kisses my lips at an awkward angle, but I still love it. "I do. Rhea, I know it, and I feel it. Even when you are away and all I have are your letters. I feel your love for me in the words you write and speak. I hope you know, that I love you just as much." She says. "Always my love." I tell her. We snuggle back into the covers and I feel her heartbeat against my back. Strong, sturdy, slow and for me. As my heartbeats for her.
I get up earlier then Lydia for once. I gently kiss her cheek and find some clothes to wear. I had planned on staying home with Lydia for at least a week, but I guess the plans have changed as usual. I pack my own bags and make breakfast for us, something else Lydia did.
I would miss her home cooked meals. No one cooked like her. Again I hold back my tears. "Rhea?" she asks. "Down here love." She comes down with just her sheer robe, I feel cold. Damn her Nord blood. "You made breakfast? You hate cooking." She says. "No I don't, I just love your cooking better. Breakfast is almost done, if you want to go change." I said.
"No. I'm fine. Comfortable actually. You must be really cold." She says as she enfolds me in her arms. "Getting warmer. Lydia…" I strangle out feeling aroused. I could feel her every curve beneath that sheer robe, see it too. "Breakfast first love, the we enjoy another meal entirely." She says.
It had been four months to the day that Lydia and I had arrived at Sky Haven Temple. We had managed to be able to see each other once a month, for a couple of days. Most of that spent in her bed.
It was a bit earlier than usual. It had only been two and half weeks since we last saw each other, but I was worried. Usually Esbern and Delphine would send letters with Lydia's. But this time I had only received a letter from Esbern. What worried me about this letter, well, more like a message was the content. "Return to the temple at once. We have news." It said.
I had a foolish notion, that perhaps they had found something to use against Alduin. In my heart though I knew, I would not like this news. It became upper most in my mind, when Lydia was not there to greet me. "Where is she? Where's my wife Esbern?" I asked. He was silent and just led me to another room.
There was my Lydia, on a table wearing her Blades armor. She was pale, lifeless. I ran to her hoping it wasn't true. My heart broke. She was gone. My Lydia, my wife, my love. I fell to my knees and wept, my sobs loud. I'm sure it could be heard all through the temple. I stilled long enough and breathed in. I stood. "What happened?" I demand barely controlling my thu'um.
"I sent her out to contain a pack if werewolves. I went with her. We were doing great until vampires appeared out of nowhere as soon as the sunset. Then another pack of werewolves came and were fighting with us." Delphine says.
She fusses with her armor.
"I was surrounded, she was trying to get to me to help. The master Vampire appeared and grabbed her. He sunk his teeth in her, and drained her dry, then broke her neck. A werewolf killed the master Vampire and I almost lashed out at it as it went to sniff her body. I don't know why. Then it just sat there in front of her. Warning off the other werewolves, from trying to eat her." she shares.
I can picture it. "Once all the opposition was down it allowed me to put Lydia on its back and carried her here. Then it nodded at us nudged Lydia and left." Delphine said. I nodded and stiffly walked out into the open and let my thu'um vent my rage and pain. The temple shook a bit. Then I fell to my knees again pouring my salty tears onto the snow covered ground.
I heard a mournful howl in the distance. I called out to it.
A lone werewolf entered my line of sight. "Come. I'll not hurt you." I said gentle but firm. It approached slowly. I made no move, it lay on the ground close to my feet and nudged my hand. I scratched its ears. It looked around and nudged my jacket, I removed it and put it on top of the wolf shivering slightly.
Then I heard some popping sounds and it turned into a friend of mine and Lydia's. "Hello Aela." She sat next to me wrapped in my coat. "I can't stay long. Skjor is being suspicious of my comings and goings. If they knew, that you have known the Companions were werewolves, they would kill you." She says.
She scoots closer sharing het warmth. "I've lost one good friend. I will not lose another. I am sorry about your mate. Lydia has been my friend since we were girls. I came to offer my shoulder to you for a time. And to warn you. Delphine, I do not trust her. Something is off about her. I'm not sure of what though. All I do know is that she knew where the master vampire was. She followed him, but couldn't actually see him." She said.
"Why would she not warn Lydia then?" I asked. She puts her arm around me. "I do not know Rhea. Have you done anything she didn't want you too?" I think a moment. "She had a bunch of things she wanted me to do. I told her I would get to them when I could. Mostly searching for old Blades relics." I said to Aela.
Shrugging i lean closer to her warmth. "I told her I needed to focus on the dragons, Alduin and finding a way to get this blasted civil war to stop, so we can all fight the dragons. She seemed to accept it. But that was two months ago." I said.
"Why would she make a move now? I've been doing what she needs in regards to Alduin. I just didn't think relics were all that important right now." I said. "I do not know either. We will watch her. During the fight Lydia had dropped something very important and the vampire tossed something of hers when he grabbed her. I picked them up. As soon as I could." She takes the pouch off her neck, which gives me a glimpse of her toned body.
I open the pouch and emptied it in my hand. "Her wedding ring, how did it come off?" I asked that thing was stuck on her. "She removed her gauntlet. A vampire threw some kind of acid on it. Her other hand was still protected enough for her to remove the one then quickly take the other. Then she stabbed a werewolf, not my brethren and the blood loosened it. It came off in her next attack."
I smiled at the other item. "Amulet of Mara. I was so nervous when I wore it on the day I proposed to her. I gave it to her after we married." I turned it over. "R and L. Our initials. I engraved them myself. My first time doing it to. I told her I had done that months ago, shortly after she became my housecarl." I shared with Aela.
A breeze passes and Aela tenses. "Skjor. He is looking for me. I need to change again." I hear the popping again and she is in her wolf form. She lays at my feet, which is where the other wolf finds her. I assume it's Skjor.
He growls at me like I am after his mate. I knew about this issue too. He rushes her. I stand in front of Aela, not that she needs me too, but she seemed tired and weaker after turning back. I use one if my thu'ums in its weakest capacity and he goes flying a few feet up and away. He doesn't rush again he just sits there in what looks like a skulking posture.
The next night Aela is there in her human form Skjor not far from her and the rest of the Companions stand in silence. Neither Lydia or I had joined the Companions, but we were on friendly terms with them. And they respected both of us Lydia more so because she was a 'true Nord'. As they would say.
The respect they had for me originally was just that I was Dragonborn. As time passed their respect became more of my skill in battle and the deeds I had done for them. I was part of the Companions, but not actually a member. I smiled at what Lydia called us. "We're the mercenaries for the mercenaries."
After the eulogy, I put my wife's wedding ring and amulet of Mara back on her. Kissed her forehead and with another dragon shout, set her pyre ablaze. Aela and the others went ahead back to Whiterun. Skjor stayed and beckoned me to speak to him for a moment.
"I am sorry about Lydia. She was a good woman. I was poisoned once by a wolf trap I didn't see when I was going for a walk to clear my head after the tenth time Aela turned me down. Lydia went out of her way and carried me to the Temple and got the antidote for me. I was so weak afterwards, I could barely move. She nursed me back to where I could at least barely walk and secretly helped me walk back to Jorrvaskr. She knew I didn't want to seem weak to the others." He said he took my arm in the warriors greeting of respect. "Thank you Skjor. Skyrim is lesser for her loss." He nods at me and joins the other.
I didn't stay at Sky Haven for long. I couldn't. I took her ashes with me to High Hrothgar and the highest peak if the mountain, The Throat of the World. The great dragon at the top, Paarthurnax had become the only dragon, to not attack me on sight, and soon enough became a friend and ally.
"I heard you Thu'um all the way up here, and felt your loss. Although I didn't shout overly loud I answered yours with the same mourning. I built her a resting place." I followed him to a secluded and well-hidden mausoleum.
I carried her ashes and a lot if the items she cherished, that she had smartly not brought with her considering anything else she brought was confiscated by Delphine, to be redistributed among the other Blades. I knew she valued them but not cherished them. In a sarcophagus that was just two slabs of marble, I looked at it.
"It should look like her." I said out loud. "It can the brothers have the tools and know how. I'm sure they would do it for you." He suggests. I shake my head. "No matter how talented they are; they could never do her justice. I should do it, but under their supervision." I said. He nods. "I will carry it down most of the way for you and have them meet you." He says.
I work on it for months, relenting to let them help, with the condition that they only work on designs and not her likeness. They get the bottom portion of it and begin decorating to my specifics. Once nearly done with Paarthurnax's help I finish it in her mausoleum.
"It is well done. Rhea, she is as beautiful now as she was in life. What do you plan to do now?" He asks. "Finish what I started. Alduin will fall and this war will end, and when those are done, I will help who I can until my death, then I will join my Lydia to rest. And I want to be put at rest up here, my ashes and hers in the same mausoleum." I tell him firmly as I place her ashes where here head should be.
I lay out her wedding dress. "She loved this dress, she had been secretly making it since I became her Thane." I explained. "She was a warrior wasn't she? Should she not be lay to rest with her armor as well?" He asks. "True she was a warrior, but this is what she cherished, when she could be at home and truly let her feminine side show. She donated all of her old armor to the Blades when she joined them." I said.
Laying out her favorite shoes. "Do you wish you had not let her join?" He asked. I chuckled. "Sorry, but once Lydia decided on something she never let it go. But if it had been my choice, yes Paarthurnax I do. But in all honesty, I loved her too much to deny her anything she desired. So either way she would have been there. Mostly I wish I would have stayed with her. Then, maybe just maybe she would be alive still." I told him
"You would take blame, where there is none. You are strange Dovahkiin." He answers. I place the axe of Whiterun over her wedding dress. "Strange indeed." He murmurs. "Well she was a warrior, and this axe began it all. When I was made Thane, and she was assigned to me Jarl Balgruuf gave it to me. She cherished this as much as I did." I answer him. He looks at me his great head laying just inside the entrance.
"Paarthurnax, can I ask you an extremely large favor.?" I ask. He nods. "Well, you see I still have the bones of the first dragon Lydia and I fought, can you help me turn them into something new?" I ask. "I will make them into a sword and shield for her." he takes the bones from me.
I get to melting down ebony, to make a way for me to seal her sarcophagus. He returns hours later and I am painting the lid. "Rhea?" He says I grab the sword and shield from him. "Thank you Paarthurnax. I didn't like having to ask you to defile on of your brethren's remains. I just haven't learned that skill yet." I said.
I jump a little when I feel his great head and snout nuzzle me. "Rhea, I can feel your pain, why do you do this? Put yourself through the pain if her loss over and over again, while you lay her to rest?" I turn to him and pat his jaws and lay my head on his nose.
"Because I don't know how to do anything else…" I start to cry. "She was the first and only person I had fallen in love with. I listen to my heartbeat and all I hear is hers, I can feel hers. I remember the touch of her lips, the taste of her skin, and I hear her voice as clear as if she were still with me. I am focusing so much on her resting place, because if I don't… I'm not sure if I can breathe." My tears fall more.
"She was my everything. She was the promise of home and life. I get so tired of, Dragon born this, dovahkiin that. Do this for us, fight that. Bleed for us. The only thing that kept me going, sane, and helping was knowing that I was coming home to her. And…now. I just don't know. Why should I fight?" I sob and collapse to the floor.
He curls his long neck around me. "Fight for her still. Fight for the love you two once shared. Fight for those who cannot fight themselves. Fight for the children and other lovers, so that they may not know your same loss. But most importantly, fight because you know Lydia would want you to." He said.
"How?" I ask. He nudges my ribs and I lift my arms his head lays on my lap. "One second at a time, then one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time." He says. I continue to cry as my head lays on him, until I fall asleep.
It takes me another month to completely finish her mausoleum and laying her to rest and little by little it hurts a little less. "Ok Paarthurnax, seal it up." I said. "You are feeling lighter, even by a little, it's a lot." He says. He uses a controlled breath of ice to gently freeze to perfection the melted ebony, into a strong seal.
The only entrance now is an underground path from behind the word wall and a long tunnel, which was guarded by not only natural barriers to get up here, but a very large, and very powerful dragon guarding it. "Where will you go now?" he asks.
"Falkreath, and then Whiterun. I need to face Breezehome at some point. Falkreath, because the Greybeards think there is a word of power at a tomb nearby and to see my surrogate mother. I'll need everything I can to beat Alduin, and I will need her to give me the strength to move." I reply.
"I wish you luck then. I will be here whenever you have need of me." He says. I nuzzle his nose. "Thank you my dear friend for everything." I kiss his nose and as I walk past my wife Lydia's resting place I bow my head and send a prayer and the love I still bore for her, to her.