I'M DREAMING OF A SPRITE CHRISTMAS
A ReBoot holiday fable
(With special thanks to Jean Shephard)
"Ho, ho ho! What kinda stupid catch phrase is that?"
"I dunno, Enzo." Bob's snowy face said with a trace of a smile. "I think it
kind of suits him, somehow." The quintet of white figures continued its
pursuit of the bearded fat man in the red suit.
"Well, it doesn't matter - if he makes it to that last cabin we're all
deleted!" Matrix scowled, his oversized snowman simulation ungainly as it
slid down the hill.
"What's the matter, Bob?" a pretty snowwoman with a pink bonnet atop it's
slushy head frowned. "You seem kind of low-res."
"Do I? Sorry Dot." Bob's sighed. "It's just that I feel kinda bad, somehow
- knowing the big guy's background and everything."
"Whaddaya mean - his background?" the small snowboy with the red cap
demanded. "He's just a User!"
"Every game has details you might not see, Enzo." Another snowy figure -
somehow projecting a buxom quality - gently interrupted. "Remember I told
you about back story?"
"Oh - sorry AndrAIa! I forgot. I didn't mean anything-"
"That's all right!" the game sprite laughed. The skiing User banked to his
right as he neared a sheer cliff face, and the powdery group spun to follow.
"So what's his story, Bob? I take it you've played this game before? Matrix
and I sure did - but we didn't worry about the premise."
"Sure. See, what he does is make deliveries to all the houses in the game -
if he gets to all the houses, he wins. You knew that. But what he's
delivering is presents."
"Presents?" Enzo arched a snowy eyebrow.
"Right. I guess there's some kind of User holiday where they all give each
other presents and Ho Ho Ho Boy over there has a job - he goes from house and
makes sure all the good boys and girls get presents. So if we win, it's sort
of like we're spoiling all the kids' holiday - even if it is just a game.
Makes me feel like a Grinch, I guess."
"Grinch?" AndrAIa asked.
"Never mind - another story."
"That's lovely." Dot said softly. "What a nice tradition."
"This is all very interesting - but we've got a game to win!" Matrix hissed.
"And he's almost up to the last house!"
"You're right." Bob nodded, or at least tried to. With no neck, he couldn't
be sure if it translated.
"What should we do? Split up, cut him off?" Enzo demanded eagerly. "A
pincer movement? Spinning wheel?"
"That won't be necessary." Bob replied thoughtfully, surveying the
surrounding hills. "There! That overhang - follow me."
"Bob? What-"
"Trust me, Matrix." Bob smiled. He swerved towards a sheltered half-cave,
the others swiveling to follow. The jolly fat man turned suspiciously,
scarce believing his luck.
"What now?" the snowboy panted once the icy quintet was safely tucked away
under the cornice of rock and ice.
"Watch and learn." The Guardian pursed his snowy lips - no small feat - and
emitted a shrill, piercing whistle.
A low rumbling began to echo across the frosty hillside. Four of the snowmen
looked around in alarm, but Bob merely smiled and folded his arms. After a
nano, a cascade of snow rolled down the mountain, sweeping the alarmed Kris
Kringle and his sack of gifts over the cliff and into a merry oblivion.
"GAME OVER"
"Aw Dot - do I hafta wear this? It's totally basic!"
"You look very cute, Enzo." Dot smiled, looking down at the scowling one meg
sprite dressed in green leggings, tunic and pointy hat. His shoes, too large
for his feet, curled up at the toe, and he sported a pair of prosthetic
pointed ears that matched his hat. "Quit complaining."
"Cute?!" the boy howled. "But Dot-"
"I told you Enzo - Santa can't make his deliveries without an elf to help
him. You should be honored. Besides - you fit into the costume."
"Santa this! Santa that! It's just some dumb User holiday. Why are we
wasting time with it?"
"I think it's very nice." Dot frowned, adjusting the wriggling boy's ears
critically. "Giving presents to people, spending time together. We should
do more of that. Besides, Santa might have a gift for you, who knows? If
you're good."
"Frisket?!" Enzo gasped as the red pooch walked into the command center.
"What's she done to you, Boy?"
"Perfect! Call him Rudolph." Dot grinned.
"What are those things on his head?"
"Antlers." Dot replied proudly. A pair of forked, branching horns were cut
and pasted to the distinctly unhappy dog's forehead. "Santa's sled is pulled
by reindeer, you see. Reindeer are big animals with horns-"
"Oh, Frisket!" Enzo sighed, wrapping his arms around the dog's neck
sympathetically. "She got you, too! Say - where is Santa anyway? And his
sled?"
"Here he comes now!" his sister laughed.
"So just what are we supposed to do, exactly?"
"I really don't know, AndrAIa." Bob smiled. "You know how Dot is when she
gets on a roll like this. Just act surprised and enjoy yourself."
"Surprised? Shouldn't be hard - I have no idea what's going on." Matrix
sighed, sipping his drink. "Ugh! What did you say this was called, Cecil?"
"Egg nog, Sir." The served replied tersely. "Madame insists it is a
traditional beverage during this particular festival."
"Nasty!" the bearded sprite scowled, shoving it away. "How does Dot know all
this stuff, anyways?"
"Research." Bob grinned. "She doesn't do anything halfway, Matrix - you know
that. After that Santa game she decided she liked the idea of this holiday. And
once she got that in her processor, no detail was too small."
"I think she's just got a thing for parties." Matrix sighed. A faint
jingling sound began to filter into the diner. "What's that?" the big sprite
frowned.
"I dunno!" AndrAIa shrugged.
A wide grin crept across Bob's face. "I think I might have some idea!"
"Look!" Matrix pointed, a choking laugh escaping his throat. The doors of
the diner were thrown open and Frisket trudged through, whining. Santa's
sleigh - actually two zip boards with a green blanket draped over them and
several strings of bells attached - was hyperlinked to his collar. Enzo
sat red-faced and muttering atop the sleigh, a red-suited figure behind him,
holding a large sack. A grinning Dot brought up the rear of the odd little
procession.
"Ho- Oh dear." The red-suited figure began. "Line?"
"Ho, Ho!" Enzo whispered urgently.
"Ah yes, thank you Child. Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry Christmas!"
"Phong!?" AndrAIa laughed.
"That beard is you, Old Friend!" Bob chuckled.
"Thank you, Young Bob." the old sprite smiled cheerfully.
"That's a great look for you, Sprout." Matrix chortled, winking at Enzo.
"Real stylish!"
"Byte me..."
"Oh Enzo - you look adorable!" AndrAIa laughed.
"Thanks a lot!"
"But what - what are you exactly?"
"Santa's little helper!" Dot smiled, straightening the squirming elf's hat.
"Isn't that right, Phong?"
"Er - indeed, Child. From my workstation-"
"Work-shop." Dot corrected.
"Yes. My workshop. Where we make the toys for all the good little boys and
girls of the net. Have you children been good this hour?"
"Of course, Phong." Bob chuckled. "I think defeating Daemon and saving the net deserves a few presents."
"Can we please get this over with?" Enzo pleaded.
"I don't know - I think we should all take some time and reflect on just what
the holiday means. What's the rush?"
"I'll get you, Matrix." Enzo growled. "Just wait…"
"These Users must be very strange." AndrAIa mused, studying the oddly dressed
actors in Dot's play. "To come up with costumes like that!"
"Please Phong - the presents?' Enzo begged. "These ears itch!"
"Yes yes, of course Child. Presents, yes. Now where did I put them? Let me
see. Ah! Here we are,"
"Alphanumeric!" the elf sighed, ripping his ears off and tossing them to the
floor. Santa's reindeer sniffed at them curiously and swallowed them in one
bite.
"I guess Frisket got an earful." AndrAIa chuckled.
"Enzo! We're not finished yet!" Dot scolded. "Get back here!"
"Speak for yourself." The boy unattached the sleigh from Frisket's collar
and planted himself safely next to Bob in the booth. "I don't work on
Christmas!"
"Oh, very well. I go to all this effort, the least you can do is play along
for a few nanos, but no! Well, you just sit back and enjoy the rest of the
party, then. Don't give all my planning and preparing a second thought.
We'll be just fine."
"Does she ever stop doing that to me?" Enzo whispered.
"Nope - trust me." Matrix sighed. "I had to run away to the games to get
away from it…"
"Er - Phong, you were saying something about presents?" Bob said helpfully.
"Ah yes, My Son." The old sprite rooted around in his sack for a nano and
handed the game spite a large parcel. "Hmmm. This one is for AndrAIa. Have
you been a good girl this cycle, My Dear?"
Matrix, for some reason, looked distinctly uncomfortable at the question.
AndrAIa blushed slightly and nodded. "Thank you Phong - I mean Santa. Sorry
about that whole plunging you to your deletion business."
"Child?"
"Never mind!" she chuckled, ripping the paper off of the package. "Um -
thanks, Santa. What is it, exactly?"
"It is a sweater, My Child. It is just – well… I thought perhaps you must
get cold-"
"She does!" Enzo and Matrix mumbled simultaneously before turning to stare at
each other.
"Er - given that you wear – well… So little."
"Thanks, Phong. Sorry - Santa! Very stylish!¦"
"Perhaps you could move on to the next gift - Santa?" Dot sighed.
"Yes of course, Young Dot. Let me see, let me see. Ah! Guardian, I believe
this gift is for you."
"Thanks, Santa." Bob grinned, accepting a small parcel from the old sprite.
He quickly tore the wrapping off. "Hmmm. Calvin Sprite Instant Web Scar and Hair Growth kit.. Gee - I wonder whose idea this gift was?"
"Not a clue." Dot mumbled.
"Thanks, Santa. I'll treasure it for seconds."
"You are most welcome, Young Guardian. Let me see now... Well! A gift for
Santa! Isn't this nice."
"What is it, Phong?" Enzo asked curiously.
The old sprite beamed. "'Mister Cocoa'! It comes with an automatic timer!
Now I will not have to rise early to prepare that first cup. The floors in
the Principal Office are very cold at that time of the morning!"
"Well - Santa giving himself a gift isn't exactly part of the tradition,
Phong - at least from what I could tell." Dot frowned. "But you deserve it."
"As do you, Child. I believe I have a present for the Command.com in here
somewhere…"
"Santa! That's not necessary, really-"
"Of course it is, Child. Ah! Here we are. Merry Christmas, Little Girl! I
hope you were good this year?"
"I'm always good." the Command.com replied smugly.
"Don't you ever get tired of it?" Bob asked.
"Don't you ever get tired of being lazy and disorganized, Buster? Oh! This
is lovely, Phong. It's - it's…"
"It is collection of 'Precious Nanos' herbal teas, My Dear." The red-suited
sprite smiled. "Memory Mist, Binome Bliss… They will help you to relax,
perhaps. I think you may be drinking too much java, Child. At least I
assume that's what it is."
"If only it were that simple." Bob sighed.
"Well - thank you, Santa. It was very thoughtful."
"You are welcome, Dot. And I have another gift for you as well." The old sprite handed her a large, loosely-wrapped package.
"Two gifts? How wonderful!" The Command.Com unwrapped the gift and stared at it, puzzled. "What… What is it?"
"A hammer, Child. A very special kind. Now, then…What have we here? Ah - it is a present for Young Matrix. Here you are, My Boy."
"Thank you, Phong." The bearded sprite smiled stiffly, accepting the tiny
parcel. He gingerly removed the wrapping and placed it to the side. He held
up the gift, frowning. "'32-Bit Lotion' - because you itch?!"
"I know it is not easy to talk about such things, Child." Phong nodded
sagely. "Believe me, I recognize someone with a chafing problem when I see
them. A simple application of lotion twice a cycle and you'll be smiling in
no time."
"Stop laughing, Sprout!" Matrix growled. "And stop rolling around on the
floor…"
"Sorry I'm late!" a bizarre-looking figure called, stiffly stepping into the diner and sitting next to Enzo. "I was written in at the last nano."
"Ah, Nullm – er, Welman. How nice to have you with us. I believe I have a present for you in here somewhere, hmmm… Here we are!"
"Windex. How thoughtful."
"Merry Christmas, Dad." Dot smiled. "Sorry we didn't have more time to shop."
"I can hug you now!" Enzo grinned, wrapping his arms around his father's null-bot. "I don't think you'll be as good at baseball, though."
"Is that all, Santa?" Dot sighed.
Phong looked inside in his sack of gifts. "Yes - I believe that we are
finished, My Child."
"Hey!" Enzo shouted, springing to his feet.
"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Dot grinned.
"Of course - how foolish of me." The old sprite rooted around in his bag for
a nano. "Here we are - I nearly forgot poor Frisket."
"Frisket?!"
"For all your hard work pulling my sleigh, Rudolph." Phong smiled. He handed
the dog a rubber null, which squeaked when Frisket grabbed it in his jaws.
The pooch tasted it judiciously for a nano and promptly swallowed it down.
"The gift that keeps on giving." Bob said wryly as the dog coughed and
disappeared into the kitchen.
"So that's it, then?" Dot asked.
"Indeed, Child. A most enjoyable ritual, quite interesting. I believe I
once saw a read-me file about it-"
"Hey!"
"Come on, everyone - Cecil has laid out a lovely Christmas buffet for us."
Dot smiled. "Join me at the bar-"
"No fair! What about me?" Enzo wailed.
"Enzo?" Dot frowned. She winked at Phong. "Oh dear - Santa?"
"Hmmm. I am afraid the gifts are only for the boys and girls who were good,
My Child. We must respect the tradition."
"Very funny, Phong! I was plenty good! I saved the whole deleted net!"
"I dunno Enzo." Dot sighed. "What about the time you lied about your
delivery to Lost Angles and almost got Bob deleted?"
"But-"
"And the time you almost erased Dot's memory with the magnet." Bob said
sadly, shaking his head.
"That was an accident!" Enzo protested.
"And all those times you followed Bob into games when you weren't supposed
to." Matrix grinned evilly.
"Hey - so did you, Nullbreath!"
"And then there's your language." Dot frowned. "Very sad, this is all very
sad…"
"I'm having no part of this." AndrAIa scowled.
"Aw, c'mon!" Enzo pouted. "You're kidding, right? I'm sorry I complained
about the elf suit! Dot? Phong? Please?"
"Well-. Maybe there's something left in Santa's bag. I suppose just this
once we could make an exception. Santa?"
"Perhaps this once." Phong smiled. He reached into his sack and brought out
a small parcel. "Merry Christmas."
"About time!" the youngster scowled. He ripped the bow off and tossed it
aside. "What's this? Mewtwo? Pikachu? Pokemon trading cards?!"
"All the little sprites love these. Or so I'm told." Phong smiled. "Isn't
that right, Young Dot?"
"Of course, Santa. Now what do we say, Enzo?"
"Basic! This is totally basic! These are like, so last hour!"
"What? You don't like them?"
"You bet your ASCII I don't like them! These are for basic little kids! I -
Hey! What're you laughing about?"
"Think he's had enough?" Dot smirked.
"I think so." Bob chuckled. "Santa?"
"Hmmm. There does seem to be one more present lodged down in here…"
"Very funny you guys!" Enzo pouted. "Very funny. I'm laughing so hard I
might just uncompile…"
"Maybe you'll be good next hour." Matrix grinned.
"Here you are, Child." Phong handed the youngster a large box.
"Perhaps this will be more to you liking."
"Thanks." The boy said grudgingly. He carefully removed the wrapping paper,
casting suspicious glances at a grinning Dot. Finally, he held up the
contents, mouth agape. "Awesome! I can't believe it - the Red Ryder Carbine
Action Two-Hundred Shot Lightning Loader Range Model Air Rifle! Dot!"
"Don't thank me - thank Santa!"
"This is alphanumeric! Pixelacious! Totally double-sided, high-density!"
"Just don't put your eye out with that thing." Dot sighed. She glanced at
Matrix. "One of you is enough."
"Dot, this is totally awesome! Can I go outside and play with it right now?"
Enzo begged.
"Maybe in a little while, Enzo. We've just about to eat, remember?"
"Dot? If I may?" Phong interrupted.
"Of course, Santa. What is it?"
The red-suited sprite surveyed the group. "I have written a short poem for
the occasion. Would all of you like to hear it?"
"Of course, Phong." Bob shrugged. He cast a glance at Dot, who shrugged
back. "I didn't know you were a poet, Phong."
"There are many things you do not know about me, Young Guardian." Phong
smiled mysteriously. "Now then… Ahem!" The old sprite cleared his throat
and reached into his pocket, pulling out an organizer.
"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the net,
Not a creature was stirring, bar Frisket (Enzo's pet);
The stockings were hung by the hard drive with care,
In hopes that Hexadecimal would return to her lair;
The binomes were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of energy shakes danced in their heads;
And Matrix much older now home from the games,
Discovers his namesake shares more than his name;
When out upon Baudway arose such a clatter,
Dot rose from her booth to see what was the matter;
To the window she flew her speed quite alarming,
A bit intense I know - but she can be rather charming;
Where who should appear to her wandering eye,
But Bob the Guardian, and he's quite a guy;
Through the city he strode, screwdriver in hand,
What mischief, she wondered, could her lover have planned?
"Bob!" she called out, when to her eyes did appear,
The TV called Mike, his screen frozen in fear;
"He's nuts!" Mike called, "And the screwdriver is mine,
He bought it from me for ninety-nine-ninety nine-ninety-nine!"
To the diner, and inside, did the appliance retreat;
Bob was hot on his heels, he swift on his feet;
"Relax!" Dot scolded, and he stopped in his tracks,
She kissed him at once, and what a wallop she packs;
"It's Christmas - for Enzo, and Andri, and Mouse,
And even old Hex, though I still say she's a louse;
Don't be bothered by Mike on this loveliest of days,
You never could get him to shut up anyways;"
"You're right." Did Bob sigh, as he kissed her again,
"I haven't been this happy since I don't know when."
When out of the diner did Enzo walk grinning,
Then Matrix, and Andri, a trio most winning;
"I'm one lucky sprite, through the web did I roam,
And now, at the last, to call Mainframe a home;
So many sprites that I love, and a place that I like,
I guess with all that, I can even stand Mike!"
Not a word did he speak, as he kissed Dot with glee,
Winked at Matrix and Andri and knelt on one knee,
He hugged Little Enzo and winked at the boy,
To be home with his friends made his heart fill with joy.
But just at that nano were they amazed to be seeing,
A little appliance most enthusiastically fleeing;
And they heard it exclaim, as it ran out of sight.
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
"Cool!" Enzo laughed.
"That was lovely, Santa. Thank you." Dot grinned.
"You old devil!" AndrAIa chuckled. "You just love being on stage, don't you?"
"I don't know what you mean, Child. I am merely a quiet old sprite…"
"Shall we go eat now?" Dot suggested. "I know Cecil has-
"Sacre bleu!" a voice shouted. The sextet of sprites hurried into the
kitchen.
"What is it, Cecil?" Dot asked, alarmed.
"Ze dog! He has eaten my beautiful dinner!" Cecil huffed. Frisket sat in
the corner, sheepishly licking his paws. "Do you have any idea how hard it
is to find a turkey in Mainframe? Do you?"
"Oh Cecil - I'm so sorry." Dot sighed. "But it's the thought that counts.
And we appreciate all of your hard work-"
"Zis is what happens when you allow ze dog inside a fine dining
establishment!"
"I guess we'll have to go out to eat now." Dot frowned.
"I think there's a Chinese restaurant open." Bob offered.
"Look!" Enzo gasped, pointing towards the diner's open back door.
"What in the net?" AndrAIa squinted. "Matrix, what-"
"It is snowing!" Phong laughed.
"Alphanumeric!" Enzo dashed outside and looked up at the delicate flakes of
white dancing through the sky. He deftly caught one on his tongue and
grinned.
The others followed him outside. "This is impossible!" Bob protested. "It
can't snow in Mainframe!"
"Apparently it can!" Dot smiled bemusedly, wrapping an arm around his waist
and looking up. "Although I have no idea how…"
"You wouldn't have anything to do with this - would you Phong?" AndrAIa said
softly to the old sprite, who was standing well apart from the group,
chuckling to himself.
"Who is to say Child, who is to say?" the red-suited sprite smiled. "It is
not so important, is it?"
Enzo scooped a handful of snow from the ground and hurled it at the
unsuspecting Matrix, laughing. "I'll get you for that, Sprout!" the bearded
sprite growled good-naturedly, packing a snowball of his own.
"I don't understand it Dot." Bob frowned.
"Does it matter?" she sighed. "It's beautiful. Isn't that enough?"
AndrAIa and Matrix found each other in the swirling whiteness and kissed for
a long time. Enzo wandered over to Bob and Dot, grinning ecstatically and
laughing. "Merry Christmas, Enzo." The Command.com smiled.
"User bless us - every one." The boy giggled, hurling a snowball at Bob.
"Now you've got the right holiday, Enzo." Bob laughed. Across the city,
binomes poured out into the streets, watching in wonder as Mainframe was
covered in a blanket of white.
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." Phong said softly, patting
his belly as he watched the quintet of sprites frolic in the deepening snow.
He turned and walked back into the diner. "Perhaps I'll just try out that
'Mister Cocoa' now…"