The Damn Disclaimer

I don't own Spyro. Or... anything relating to the Spyro game and stuff.

But, I think I own everything else.

Author's WARNING - This story contains swearing, nudity, and inter-species relationships... and possibly other offensive shit. Hence the M rating. It's my first M story ever. So, just keep that in mind. Also, I didn't want to come back to fan-fiction, but I gotta write SOMETHING or I'm gonna hate myself. Thanks fans.

Please enjoy.

I don't know how I got into this situation.

Well, actually I do. But it sounds better as an introduction sentence if I sound like a confused dumb ass.

I'm writing this on my phone, an umbrella over my head because the sky is crying. It's trying to put out that damn fire over my apartment building. Good thing we were able to safely evacuate the premises. Nothing ruins your Saturday evening worse than ... um... your house burning down.

I didn't want to come back to Fan Fiction. I wanted to do stand up Comedy! I wanted to be a You Tuber! But... *sigh* something happened in my life that brought me back here, to this utterly dried out land of lemons and attempted "creativity" suicide.

After I gave up on my Zootopia fan fictions, I wanted to be a comedian. Travel the world... making drunk strangers laugh. And eventually have enough money to pay for a big dog I've wanted my entire life. That shit is actually fucking true.

Now that I think about it, with my apartment burning down, I admit that my agenda has been slightly altered due to an ironically timed inconvenience.

"Hey, Jimmy!"

Oh no, an old fan fiction friend. Don't make screen contact... or eye contact.

"Wow, it's been years! How's it going?!"

"Oh, hey." I pocketed my phone. I'll get back to writing this later. "Um... do you see a burning building behind you?"

He turns around. "It's hard to miss."

"Well, I miss it already. That was my house."

"Oh, shit, really?" As if this wasn't the saddest damn thing he's heard all day. "I'm sorry to hear that, man."

"Yup. It sucks."

"Well, um, I'll be seeing you around I guess."

"Don't count on it." I retorted.

"You're funny. Ever thought of being a stand up guy?"

"Yes."

"That's great!" Then he pretended to get a phone call. "Hello? Oh, hi mom. You wouldn't BELIEVE who just became homeless..." He walked away. Fuck that guy.

I took out my phone again and wrote those last 100 words or so.

It's not easy to start over again from square one... but that's what we're doing. That's what I'm doing. I've decided to bring you along, because frankly... we need a change in the fan fiction world.

What if the fan... WAS the fiction? How about we let this be YOUR story, not mine. At least... not yet.

But also, the event that transpired in this story before my house burned down, has led me to a friendship quarrel that I don't think will be resolved anytime soon. Between me... and some anonymous purple dragon.

...*...

Some time later. I found you (yes you) standing around, with a snickers bar in your hand, waiting for a bus because you're kind of a loser at this point in the story. I approached you.

"What's up, fellow human Spyro fan? What's your name?

You tell me your name, and ask me mine.

"That's a totally awesome name." I pretend to be impressed. "My name is-"

"Jimmy?" Another voice, vaguely sounding like Spyro's found my ear.

Speak of the fucking devil, "Please go away."

I looked up to see Spyro himself making his way towards me. He looked almost as distraught as I currently was.

"I told you to LEAVE ME alone, Spyro! Go bother the person reading this." I turn to you and gesture to you. Spyro looks at you. I go on to say, "I'm sure they'd LOVE to suck your purple dragon dick right now!"

"I know you're upset. But, please hear me out."

"Fine." I folded my arms. "Attempt your apology."

"Flame and I have been talking... and Carl..."

I groaned.

"... We were wondering if you wanted to stay with us at Carl's place tonight since... well... you don't have one anymore."

I opened my mouth to reject the offer, but then I started to think about it. "I have a better idea."

I turn to you. The reader. "Hey, bozo. I'm volunteering you to take my place. Spyro the Dragon... is DEAD to me!"

"Come on, dude! It was an accident! Please don't be like that." But I was already walking away.

Spyro probably wanted to stop me and make out with me apologetically, but instead, he sighed, looked at the ground. He then furrowed his brow and took off into the air.

You watched as this majestically heart-broken dragon was flying away. You couldn't help but feel ... also... heartbroken.

Nothing happened. Why were you feeling like that? Wait... oh... it was because of exactly that. NOTHING happened... you look down at your phone, and decide to just go back to the YouTube videos of OTHER humans playing the "Spyro Reignited Trilogy."

Your bus arrived. It stopped in front of you... but you no longer had the heart to get on board. You stood up, and instead of walking on... you turned and walked away. The bus driver was like "Fuck this." And drove away.

When the bus passed, you saw on the other side of the road... Spyro? He stood there looking right in your direction.

You turned around to see if he was looking at someone behind you, but the only thing behind you was a homeless guy (not me) smoking a crack pipe, staring at the sidewalk, and laughing his homeless ass off.

When you turned back, Spyro landed right in front of you, almost startling you. "Hey." he said with a solemn expression. "Um... so, was Jimmy serious? Do you really want to suck me off?"

...*...

The rest of the afternoon was like a dream... but it wasn't. Spyro agreed to walk with you, if you let him take a bite of your Snickers. You offered him the whole thing, but he politely insisted on just one bite. What a nice guy!

But let's skip the part where you both make small talk. Mainly because... I don't want to take the time to revise this story, and I wrote what I wrote because I wanted to. You and Spyro end up hitting it off SO fucking good, you don't care anymore about your life. All you wanna do is hang out with this guy. Laugh and joke with him. Share food and candy with him. Maybe even... sleep with him. Who knows.

(I do. I know. And soon, you will too.)

Spyro enjoys your company. He likes you considerably. He asks if you would be up for visiting the apartment he mentioned earlier when he tried to get me to go, and I said no. But in YOUR case...

... Your heart skips a beat, and you choke on your snicker's bar, that you happen to be eating, even though you're allergic to... like, EVERY ingredient at this point because of your new found love, I mean... "friend".

"Kay." You manage to squeak out.

Spyro sees you chocking, and puts his dragon paw on your chest, and if you're a girl, you immediately get a boner. "Don't touch my boob!" ... That's what you say, regardless of your gender. "I'm kidding, please PLEASE touch my boob!"

I'm the writer, and I say that Spyro's boob touch got rid of your choking. You swallow it with ease, with an infatuated dumb ass look on your face, like when Kiara kissed Kovu in Lion King 2 because the moron swallowed an entire coconut or some fucking bullshit.

Anywhats, Spyro and you start walking and talking. "So... you got any hobbies?"

"Oh yes. I read fanfiction sometimes. I'm doing it as we speak."

"Rad." He gives you a smile. "So, you wanna go have sex?"

You tilt your head in befuddlement. "Wait, what?"

"I said, do you work at Fed Ex?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Because that's how I got here." He then laughed, and you realize this purple dreamlike dragon guy is pranking you... and you love it cause you're in stupid love with him right now, you thunder stealing idiot.

"Yes... I work at Fed Ex." You lie. But he knows it somehow and you both laugh like stupid idiot faggots who just discovered fruit flavored condoms.

"Nerd." He touches you on the chest again, but this time it's more of a push, and you get knocked down into a puddle (cause it's still raining, I forgot to mention that).

"Hey! It's still raining! He forgot to mention that! Why did you push me, you meanie!" You powers of observation are stunning. "Now I'm all wet. There's water on my clothes and stuff. I should be mad, but I'm... not. WHY am I not mad? Am I dreaming?"

Spyro sits next to you with a smug grin on his face. "Woopsie. You might wanna get out of those clothes."

"Right now?"

"Sure, why not?"

Wait... everything stops at this point. You try to reassess who the hell you're talking to. Spyro asked you to take your clothes off... he's not talking to anybody else. This is an M rated story. So... who are you to argue with Spyro the fucking dragon, right?

You cock an eyebrow (haha, cock... sorry... don't do weed, kids).

"Okay." You start undoing your pants, even though you're in public, but the situation is so fitting. And you really don't give a shit what anyone thinks of you anymore because there's a DRAGON sitting right next to you!

Spyro's grin gets a bit bigger. "That's right. Bring it out, you piece of shit."

"What did you call me?"

"I said whoop it out... you piece of shit."

"Oh, okay." Now you're getting mixed signals. He said it in such a nice tone, like it was a damn compliment, so you decided to not get offended. Even still, You undress entirely. It's July, it's like 77 degrees in the rain. Plus, in just a moment, Spyro is gonna warm you up. Spoiler alert.

As you're sitting, naked, in the puddle, and you hear and see people around you judging you. "Ignore them." Spyro says, as he stands over you all sexy-like. And if you're a girl, you get a boner.

"Let's get out of here." He gently wraps his arms around you, and you feel his dragon paws and claws on your bare back. He picks you up and your bodies are pressed together. Chest to chest, belly to stomach, groin to crotch. He uses his hind legs to thrust himself, and you in his clutches, into the air, and then used them again to clamp your human ankles up against his lower body to keep your flightless ass from falling or whatever.

Like... what is even happening right now? Is this it? Is he gonna drop you somewhere from high in a rainy sky? With not even your CLOTHES to help you die with dignity? It didn't seem like that. Rather, it seemed like Spyro knew how to be the dominant one in this relationship you both barely formed an hour ago.

So, here you are, in an exquisitely romantic, nude flight with perhaps the most perfect creature in existence. This is by far the craziest thing you've ever been a part of... or involved in... or... both.

You thought you would have this moment with another human your entire life... so it's quite bizarre and sexy that this turn of events has taken place. Fuck the human race. Nobody is willing to have sex with other races anyway. Or as JimmyRabbit likes to call it... other species of human. Sorry, I'm just stating what, in my opinion, are facts.

The only thing that would make this moment PERFECT-ER... is if Spyro could read your mind. And realize how racist you really are.

You want to close your eyes, and slip into a zen state of sorts... but you're so entranced by the fact that you're gliding through the air in the arms and legs of a dragon... NAKED... and you completely forgot that you dropped your snickers bar a while back, thus littering. You piece of shit. (I'm kidding. You're not a piece of shit. You're a piece of pie that Spyro is gonna eat up pretty soon. Spoiler alert.)

The next few moments... you aren't sure if you dreamt it or not, but Spyro was looking down into your eyes as he cradled your head in his dragon paw, hand, claws, whatever. He smiles at you, like you're the most beautiful gem he has ever laid eyes on. Still flying through the rainy sky, through the clouds, and out of other humans' sight... as water trickles down his majestic face, and gently pelts yours. He lowers his scaly head and plants a dragon kiss on your lips.

That little kiss grew into a smooch, and and in a matter of seconds, you didn't who's breath was who's anymore. There's just an essence of fiery chocolate in the air. He clutches your body tighter, closer to his own. You feel his reptilian-ness, and warm scales down your entire body.

And as if the moment couldn't get anymore Perfect-er-er ... he flips his body 180 degrees, and now, the rain is pelting onto your ass and lower back. And... the rest of your backside. your hair (if you have any) is soaked from the rain.

As you lay on top of him, it occurs to you. You are now RIDING a dragon! This is way more intimate than riding on a dragon's back. You are gleefully out of your mind from the idea that you may just be the first human to ride a dragon's belly through the sky! How's that for fantasy fan fiction, faggot?

I debated leaving this sentance out, but fuck it. It's like that part in "The Jungle Book" Where Mowgli is playing with Baloo in the river. However, Spyro is no Baloo, and you are not Mowgli... and this is DEFIANTLY not a fucking river! ... or a kid's story. (Even though Spyro is for kids. But, this is an M story. If you're a kid, get the fuck out, bitch! Don't let me ruin your childhood before it's time.)

Anywhats...

You grind yourself against his smooth body a bit. Your vastly differently sized mouths remain interlocked. You feel his (ice cream cone tipped) tail wrap around your ankle, as the 5th body part (other than his four limbs) keeping you safe from falling to certain death.

The situation was so entrancingly beautiful and amazing, that no number of gems could compare. You didn't even LIKE dragons very much up until this point in your boring ass life. But somehow, Spyro himself was able to convince you in a VERY short amount of time during this rainy afternoon... that you are into dragons, and you simply... do... not... care. It's 2019 people. And it's the internet. Anything goes. We can pretty much fuck anyone, or anything we want. Sorry, but it's true.

And you did... weather he knew it or not... you had an orgasm. Your inner extacy was peaked, and WAY better than every other time you've had an orgasm. All over yourself and between his dragon legs. The rain washed it away... The only bummer was... he probably had no idea. He was too busy sticking his large tongue down your throat and tickling your heart. (metaphorically).

You know in that twitterpated heart of yours that you could've stayed up there, in those rainy skies, with Spyro THE FUCKING DRAGON forever and ever... but... evidently you both weren't just flying for the sake of flying. There was a destination he was taking you to.

As if this day couldn't get a drop more exciting!

...*...

This place was spectacular. Think about, a fucking furry convention (but instead of costumes, it's actual sentient, anthropomorphic animals, like Narnia pretty much) meets that fucking nude club from Zootopia... but fucking humans are there too. It was a fuckin' spacious, castle type of place, with those fucking lights that go up into the sky. I don't know what they're fucking called, and I know it's the late afternoon, but whatever, nobody cares. This is America I think, so, LIGHT IT UP, BITCHES! Fuck!

You both make your landing entrance. You immediately get welcomed by a large black bear usher, who gives you a nice, furry bear hug. He places his giant paws on your shoulders. "Glad you could make it!" He says with a welcoming smile.

"You... don't even know who I am." You whine.

"You're human. That's all that matters." He rubs your head a bit, and messes up your hair (if you have hair). Tustle, diddle, rustle, whatever. Your hair, (if you have any) is a fucking mess now. And it has been for a while. But you don't care. This surreal experience has gotten you to a point where you don't care about a LOT of things anymore. (Like me, when my house burned down today.)

You turn to tell Spyro thank you, but he's suddenly not there. You IMMEDIATELY start to panic. "Spyro! ... SPYRO!"

...*...

He just vanished... as randomly as he entered your life, he un-entered it. Your poor little heart starts pounding. You search for him in a daze, and you haven't even had a tiger's blood margarita yet.

You nervously go in to where the literal party animals are, and you scream. "Help! Where is Spyro!?"

You feel a human hand on your shoulder, and you turn to see a handsome black dude. He's also nude. "Thank goodness! Another human!"

You politely interrogate him. "What's going on? What is this? Where are we? Who are you? WHERE IS SPYRO!?"

"Whoa, hey, easy now." You feel offended that he's speaking to you like you're a goshdamn horse. "Like don't worry about it. You need a drink. Yes?"

You feel your brain scream, Hell Yeah! But your naked face shakes it's head side to side. "Look... I am not taking a SIP, until I get some fucking answers!"

"Whatever." He says. "You're at the "Anthro World Nude Party Club. My name is Black Joe, and Spyro is over there." He turned to point, but he couldn't see the infamous purple dragon. "The fuck? I just saw him, I swear."

"Thanks for the other information, but I'm gonna go try to find him myself. If you don't mind."

As you turn around, you bump into yet ANOTHER naked human. This one is a woman. And your naked "boobs", (if you're a dude) get pressed together. "Mind yourself, Sugar-klutz." She says.

"S-sorry." You say back to her. She was truly something. One of the most beautiful women you've ever laid eyes on... because... you haven't seen a lot of naked women in your pathetic fictional life of construction night jobs, and fast food Midnight jobs. She had a nice butt. And she was either Hispanic, or tan. Whatever you decide you fucking racist.

Anywhats, you've been distracted long enough. Your desire to find Spyro still outweighs the rest of your concerns and curiosities.

Suddenly, you spot him... off in the distance, by the DJ booth, striking up a conversation with the DJ. "Spyro!" You BOOK it like a crazy person, pushing aside any and all mammals that are in your way. You push a cow, and immediately go, "Oh, sorry."

You reached the booth. "SPYRO!"

He turns and sees you, and immediately takes his arm (or forearm, front leg, whatever) off the table he was leaning on. With a look on his face that said something like. Oh, shit... you found me.

You reach him... throw your arms around his neck, and ...

And that's where I'll end it for now. Sorry.

I have a life.

Leave some feedback if you want your story to continue. ;)

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this fanfic so far.