If Karkat had been paying more attention, he would have never missed his boyfriend's entrance into the kitchen behind him.
But, as it were, his head was buried in the refrigerator, sifting through junk that probably should have been thrown out weeks ago.
So, it wasn't until firm hands gripped his hips in a hold that was just a touch too firm for Gamzee's usual casual affections that he grew aware of the clown's presence. Which, of course, caused the smaller male to jump, his head slamming into the freezer from below, and lo and behold, there goes that stream of curses that Gamzee really should have been expecting.
It seemed he was, of course, as he eased Karkat gently into a standing position, removing his hand from its protective position atop his head and giving the injured spot a quick kiss.
"Don't fucking sneak up on me, you stupid shitfucker!" Karkat whirled in the doorway of the still-open fridge and glared the nine inches up to Gamzee's lazy grin.
"Aw, Karbro, a clown wasn't all up an' gettin' his intentions at startlin' his cute li'l motherfucker none." He had the nerve to pout, just a bit, and that made Karkat soften, however grudgingly. "Guess that means a honkin' brother ain't ta be helpin' his mouth 'round an' down ta no surprise blow jobs."
Karkat actually /sputtered/. "What?! First off, what did the English language ever fucking do to you, never mind, actually, don't answer that. I'm sure it was something traumatic and clown related. Secondly, /surprise blow jobs/?! Are you even serious? We're in the kitchen, for fuck's sake! Are you even aware how disgustingly /depraved/ that is? No, you're probably not, actually, forget I fucking asked, I – "
It seemed there was something that could get Karkat to shut up, aside from spontaneous kissing. That something was Gamzee's lanky form dropping to his knees, loud cracks meeting Karkat's ears from the long limbs as deft hands worked the button of Karkat's jeans open in a matter of seconds. His breath hitched as they were tugged down to his knees, and okay, yeah, that was, wow, that felt really nice. Small sounds left the shorter male as a hot mouth enveloped him through his boxers, hands back in place on his hips.
He got a grip on himself, though, and pressed a hand against Gamzee's forehead, pushing his mouth away forcefully. "What – I – you said no surprise – we're still in the kitchen, Gamzee!"
Gamzee blinked slowly up at him, gave a small glance around to seemingly confirm that yes, yes this was the kitchen, would you look at that, and his lazy smile returned. "Well, motherfuck, ain't that real bitchin' true, brother."
Karkat was sure if he glared any harder, Gamzee's eyes would catch on fire. "I mean, this isn't our bedroom, you brain fried cockstain!"
His boyfriend had the nerve to laugh. Who was Karkat kidding? Gamzee always had the nerve to laugh. "Your cute motherfuckin' self just needs to –"
"Don't you fucking tell me to get my relax on, Gamzee, we're in the kitchen, the knives are in here!"
"– get yer self a taste of adventure there, my ninjalicious partner a' love. Relax real smooth an' let a clown take care'a shit, yeah?" The juggalo waggled his eyebrows up at his boyfriend.
Who proceeded to groan and hit the back of his head against the freezer door. "Tell me you did not just quote Jake fucking English."
"Alright, Karcrab, I didn't."
Karkat should have opened his eyes at that point, but of course he didn't, so naturally he was extremely surprised to feel his boxers tugged down quickly, a small squeak leaving his throat at the cold air from the fridge sweeping over his now-bare ass. When he did open his eyes and look down, they didn't stay open for long, as he was met with the sight of Gamzee's mouth taking in his – oh look at that Karkat was getting hard – erection, straight to the hilt. He nearly choked from the sudden heat, his head falling back again into the freezer door, a low strangled groan leaving his throat. "F-fuck, Gamzee, shit, I—just, fuck!"
Karkat's hips began to jerk forward but long fingers tightened on his hips and held him firmly in place, causing a whine to leave that was really meant to be a frustrated noise. After a few torturous seconds of that, unable to move as Gamzee's strangely long tongue worked around the length in his mouth, the clown finally began to move his head, still keeping a tight hold on Karkat's hips. He pulled his mouth off a bit, enough for Karkat to hear a quick intake of air, then back he went for more, swallowing immediately as he took in /all/ of him. The twenty year old wasn't huge by any means, but he liked to think he had a decent size to go on, and it amazed him how easily Gamzee could just deep throat him like that, right off the bat. Then again, Karkat was usually the one down on his knees, though always behind the locked bedroom door.
Lack of sheets beneath him to grasp onto, Karkat's fingers flew forward, grasping smooth long locks of hair, twisting into the curls tightly. He quickly loosened them, concerned he might be hurting Gamzee, but a muffled moan met his ears, vibrating around his cock, and Karkat experimentally tightened his hold again, groaning with Gamzee that time. Well, his boyfriend liked hair pulling as much as he did, it seemed. He could oblige.
A bit of a tug to pull his mouth off met him with a hard suck and another pleased sound, and he waited for Gamzee to get another mouthful of air before he pulled his head forward again, mewling himself as his member went straight for the back of Gamzee's throat. His juggalo boyfriend may not have been letting him fuck his mouth, but he sure wasn't doing anything to stop Karkat from pulling his mouth off and on him. A shiver ran through his body and he whined, fingers tightening when Gamzee swallowed hard and gave a bit of a small, though careful, press of his teeth to the length. Fuck. /Fuck/. That felt. Just. Fuck.
Karkat's eyes slipped open, and widened instantly, his cheeks growing hot. He was staring at the kitchen ceiling. Oh god, they were still in the fucking kitchen, how could he fucking forget that?! The door of the fridge was still open on the side of him, and he was, in a way, trapped between it, the cold shelves behind, and Gamzee on his knees before him. This was by far the most depraved and.../kinkiest/ thing he'd ever done, it was so shameful, and god help him it made his balls tighten and his hips stutter forward past Gamzee's tight grip.
Gamzee didn't seem to mind much, though, just giving a satisfied hum around his dick. His grip tightened on the trembling hips in his hands and suddenly he was bobbing his mouth on and off almost too fast. Karkat groaned, his fingers clenching. It was exactly what he did when he was trying to get Gamzee to finish quickly, and fuck, it was working on him. The hum of the refrigerator kicked on, reminding him once more just where he was, and small whimpers left him as he panted for air. "F-fuck, G-G'mzee, I-I'm –"
His sentence was broken off and punctuated with another crack to the freezer, the fleeting thought of 'Thank fuck I have a hard skull,' and a long, faltering moan as his hips stuttered forward, finally cumming down his boyfriend's throat.
Karkat was vaguely aware of his fingers being untangled from Gamzee's hair and a cold sensation as his mouth left his softening erection. He shivered a bit but focused on holding himself up as his pants was tugged back up and fastened around his waist. He felt Gamzee sliding up his body, then a kiss planted on his forehead after. He was grateful the clown didn't try kissing his mouth after that, his cheeks heating at the thought of how kinky that would be as well.
He felt Gamzee's hand brush past him and he cracked an eye open, frowning to see him retrieving a Faygo from the shelf behind him. Gamzee gave him a grin that was much too pleased for Karkat's opinion as he cracked the bottle and turned on his heels, strolling from their kitchen into the living room, where Karkat heard the television flick on. He glared after Gamzee, the expression softening into a scowl as he heard the television go silent, a sure sign his lover was pulling up Netflix, likely to put on one of Karkat's favorite movies.
He slammed the fridge behind himself and grumbled his own way to the couch, where he proceeded to curl up next to Gamzee's side, fighting back a smile as his boyfriend selected his movie queue and wrapped an arm around the smaller male, pulling him into his chest.
"...You know," Karkat mumbled after a minute, his eyes planted on the floor. "I uh. Suppose I could get more used to, you know. Your weird sense of 'adventure', as you so stupidly called it. Within reason, of course."
Gamzee just chuckled and took a long swig of his drink, passing it to Karkat, who predictably wrinkled his nose and shoved the bottle away.