Edward:
It finally happened.
The one thing I feared the most but knew was inevitable.
Bella...had left me.
It had finally dawned on her the truth that I had been preaching since our meeting: I was unworthy of her love; she couldn't love the monster I was.
No matter how many times she fold me I wasn't a monster-it isn't me, it's her-I'm too good, the truth laughed in my face as if I were a joke. She thinks I'm a monster...and Jacob isn't.
It was just after the New Born attack when Jacob had finally admitted his own truth. He had imprinted on Bella not too long ago and intended on marrying her once she came to her senses. Something that didn't take too long for her to do.
We were standing in the very field that had once been the grave of over 100 new boens. She had been biting her bottom lip which was the universal signal that she had something on her mind, in addition to that she didn't meet my eyes which meant it was bad. I tried to read her mind and prayed the Heavens would take pity on me and allow me peak into that brain of hers...but there was no such luck.
She looked at her feet and when I begged her to look me in the eyes her brown ones only reached my neck. At that point only our middle and ring fingers were linked...but it didn't take long for her to pull that away from me too.
She said I was too good for this..too perfect. I didn't deserve to be treated the way she treated me. She said she didn't want to become one of those new borns-she didn't want to be a monster like them. But I knew she meant like me. She said she wanted a long happy life with a bunch of shaggy haired childred...and I knew then with who.
I was silent and still on the outside but underneath I was a vulnerable mess twisting in agony. Jane's power was nothing compared to the..betrayl...rejection...With each word that left her mouth it was another wound shredding my heart. Vampires can't bleed, that means we can't heal.
She left me there standing in the open cold and left me to watch her walk away into the woods where I knew he waited. I knew he had been following us since we left my home. I should have guessed this would happen when she cried saying goodbye to my family. Why didn't Alice tell me?
Time zipped by as I let my darkness fold over me. I stood in the same position and supposed it may have been three weeks and four days that I waited unmoving. I wanted to turn to stone...to petrify and to never move or feel or think again. But then I heard Alice's thoughts screaming for me while Carlisle screamed aloud.
Edward you must come home! If only you could see what Esme is going through...You have to come home please...Edward...I'm so sorry...I-I...I didn't think she would...
I knew why Alice said she and not Bella. The very thought of her name had me reverting back to my three week shell and even deeper to..I don't know where but very very far away. That far away place was one reason I did not want to go back. No one could hide their thoughts from me-no one but her-and everyone of them would have burning memories of her and what used to be. It would feel like having every particle of skin pulled from my bones.
Her absense.
No that would be a better fate then what actually awaited me.
As they called I knew I should have run. I wanted to. But without her I was nothing. I could think but I could not answer. I could remember but I couldn't forget. It was then that I realized the biggest thing that was missing now. It was my will...my will to do anything. When I had been under the impression she was dead I was driven by my promise to join her but what now? There was no way I could follow her where she had gone.
Unless...was there still the option of Heaven for someone like me? Could Carlisle be right? Could I find happiness in something after?
Edward no! We are coming I know where you are! Please! Don't move!
I didn't know what she was talking about.
What she had seen I was unsure, she was still too far away.
I enjoyed the distance. I wanted the others, everyone else, to be too far away like she was. She wasn't gone...just...out of reach. Too far for me to follow. She was somewhere warm and welcoming. I place I would never belong. It was then that Carlisle and Alice appeared, standing with arms extended at their sides as if to catch me should I choose to run. What they didn't know was that even if I wanted to I couldn't move on my own.
I couldn't do a thing.