Lonely Christmas - Chapter 1 - Denial
So it's that time of the freaking year again.
Snow days, decorations of wreaths and lights, sales in every store, carolers, sleigh riding, presents, the smell of pine trees. Ornaments. Eggnog. Stockings.
I hate every minute of it. Bah humbug.
Honestly, Christmas is such a waste of time and money, and makes those who don't have a family feel that much more lonely. And that was what I was trying to explain to my friend Andrew.
"But you're wrong, Darien!" Andrew argues.
We have this discussion every year...and every year, I always win. I'm always left alone in my apartment, while I hear the kids next store playing happily with whatever "Santa" gave them.
Then comes the usual invitation.
"You know you're more than welcome..." Andrew starts.
"...to join you and your family for the holidays. I know, I know." I say miserably. I know I'm being stupid about this, burdening my best friend year after year, but I can't help it. "It's your family's time...I don't want to feel like the odd one out."
"Which is why you need to get a girlfriend!" Andrew exclaims. I raise my eyebrow and gave him a 'yeah right' look.
"Look who's talking," I mutter. Andrew sighs.
And then I give him my take on women. Again.
"Women suck," I said flatly as I watch Andrew roll his eyes, "Seriously. They're only out for money and gifts, and then when they get tired of you, they leave you for someone else. Rinse and repeat."
"Not all women suck, and you know it," Andrew says, shaking his head. I open my mouth to say something, but he continues, "Give me one 'sucky' thing about Serena."
I sigh, resting my head on my cheek, looking up at him. "Just one?" I ask. He nods. I feel like I can go on forever on the subject as I take a deep breath. "She's a crybaby."
"So she's a bit overdramatic sometimes," he says. I can't help but chuckle at the understatement. "She means well, though...she only cries at times when she hurts herself or feels bad for others. Is that so bad?"
"...Well no, I guess not..."
"So that doesn't count. Give me another example."
I ponder this for a second. "She's got an annoying laugh."
"Oh, it's not that bad!" Andrew argues thoughtfully, "and laughing is a sign that she's having fun."
"She's clumsy."
"Yeah, but if she was your girlfriend, that could work to your advantage...if she fell, you could catch her and wrap her in your arms..."
My eyebrow shoots up again. "Do you have a thing for her, Andrew?" I snicker.
Andrew glares at me. "No! God Darien, I'm just trying to help you here. Cut me some slack!"
My grin doesn't leave my lips as I shake my head, sliding off my stool. I pay for my hot chocolate. "I'll see you later."
As I walk down the street it begins to snow a bit. I stick my hands in my pockets. I can't wait to get home, take a hot shower, and just go to bed. God, I hate the holiday season...it makes me even more depressed and lonely than usual.
Deep in thought, I didn't even anticipate the impact this time.
"Oof!" I cry, stumbling back a bit. I open my eyes to see Serena on the floor, rubbing her nose gingerly. I sigh. How annoying! "Can't you watch where you're going and walk at the same time, Meatball Head?" I ask.
Serena glares up at me with an expression I'm all too used to seeing. "Sorry, Darien..." she mumbles. I watch her as she gets up and dusts herself off, eyeing me with annoyance one more time before continuing past me. Chuckling, I walk on.
Andrew's and my conversation replays in my head, and I try to think of something bad about Serena that Andrew can't give me an excuse for. I think about our encounter that happened just seconds ago...she apologized for colliding with me even after I called her 'Meatball Head'...and I was just so annoyed with the fact that she hit me that I didn't even bother to help her up.
What the hell is the matter with me?
I sigh as I reach into my pocket and pull out my apartment key, Serena still fresh on my mind as I walk into my building. I think about the collision, imagining different ways the encounter could have gone. I can't help but think of what it may have felt like to have caught Serena, holding her tight to my form as she clung to me, head against my chest. She would look up to me slowly, apologize, and we would let go of each other.
My heart wrenched, and I blinked in surprise at my body's reaction. Something inside me is telling me that I wouldn't want to let go of her fragile, delicate form.
These thoughts are scaring me. I open my door and walk into my apartment, shutting the door quickly behind me, as if that would stop thoughts of Serena from following me inside.
So it's that time of the freaking year again.
Snow days, decorations of wreaths and lights, sales in every store, carolers, sleigh riding, presents, the smell of pine trees. Ornaments. Eggnog. Stockings.
I hate every minute of it. Bah humbug.
Honestly, Christmas is such a waste of time and money, and makes those who don't have a family feel that much more lonely. And that was what I was trying to explain to my friend Andrew.
"But you're wrong, Darien!" Andrew argues.
We have this discussion every year...and every year, I always win. I'm always left alone in my apartment, while I hear the kids next store playing happily with whatever "Santa" gave them.
Then comes the usual invitation.
"You know you're more than welcome..." Andrew starts.
"...to join you and your family for the holidays. I know, I know." I say miserably. I know I'm being stupid about this, burdening my best friend year after year, but I can't help it. "It's your family's time...I don't want to feel like the odd one out."
"Which is why you need to get a girlfriend!" Andrew exclaims. I raise my eyebrow and gave him a 'yeah right' look.
"Look who's talking," I mutter. Andrew sighs.
And then I give him my take on women. Again.
"Women suck," I said flatly as I watch Andrew roll his eyes, "Seriously. They're only out for money and gifts, and then when they get tired of you, they leave you for someone else. Rinse and repeat."
"Not all women suck, and you know it," Andrew says, shaking his head. I open my mouth to say something, but he continues, "Give me one 'sucky' thing about Serena."
I sigh, resting my head on my cheek, looking up at him. "Just one?" I ask. He nods. I feel like I can go on forever on the subject as I take a deep breath. "She's a crybaby."
"So she's a bit overdramatic sometimes," he says. I can't help but chuckle at the understatement. "She means well, though...she only cries at times when she hurts herself or feels bad for others. Is that so bad?"
"...Well no, I guess not..."
"So that doesn't count. Give me another example."
I ponder this for a second. "She's got an annoying laugh."
"Oh, it's not that bad!" Andrew argues thoughtfully, "and laughing is a sign that she's having fun."
"She's clumsy."
"Yeah, but if she was your girlfriend, that could work to your advantage...if she fell, you could catch her and wrap her in your arms..."
My eyebrow shoots up again. "Do you have a thing for her, Andrew?" I snicker.
Andrew glares at me. "No! God Darien, I'm just trying to help you here. Cut me some slack!"
My grin doesn't leave my lips as I shake my head, sliding off my stool. I pay for my hot chocolate. "I'll see you later."
As I walk down the street it begins to snow a bit. I stick my hands in my pockets. I can't wait to get home, take a hot shower, and just go to bed. God, I hate the holiday season...it makes me even more depressed and lonely than usual.
Deep in thought, I didn't even anticipate the impact this time.
"Oof!" I cry, stumbling back a bit. I open my eyes to see Serena on the floor, rubbing her nose gingerly. I sigh. How annoying! "Can't you watch where you're going and walk at the same time, Meatball Head?" I ask.
Serena glares up at me with an expression I'm all too used to seeing. "Sorry, Darien..." she mumbles. I watch her as she gets up and dusts herself off, eyeing me with annoyance one more time before continuing past me. Chuckling, I walk on.
Andrew's and my conversation replays in my head, and I try to think of something bad about Serena that Andrew can't give me an excuse for. I think about our encounter that happened just seconds ago...she apologized for colliding with me even after I called her 'Meatball Head'...and I was just so annoyed with the fact that she hit me that I didn't even bother to help her up.
What the hell is the matter with me?
I sigh as I reach into my pocket and pull out my apartment key, Serena still fresh on my mind as I walk into my building. I think about the collision, imagining different ways the encounter could have gone. I can't help but think of what it may have felt like to have caught Serena, holding her tight to my form as she clung to me, head against my chest. She would look up to me slowly, apologize, and we would let go of each other.
My heart wrenched, and I blinked in surprise at my body's reaction. Something inside me is telling me that I wouldn't want to let go of her fragile, delicate form.
These thoughts are scaring me. I open my door and walk into my apartment, shutting the door quickly behind me, as if that would stop thoughts of Serena from following me inside.