A/N: This idea came to me while watching Friday's episode (Pandora's Box). It's written from Ian Edgerton's point of view like he's writing a letter to Terry. Contains mentions of one sided relationships (slash and otherwise) and it's rather angsty.
Disclaimer: I don't own Numb3rs
Dear Terry
He's not sleeping. Or, at least, he's not sleeping well. I don't need Reeves' profiling to tell me that. I can see the bags under his eyes, the annoyance at the smallest things. No one else seems to notice, not even Charlie. His genius kid brother can't see that there's something wrong. And here I am, the sniper, actually hoping for some kind of human connection.
I try to hold my tongue when I'm alone with him, try not to ask what's wrong. Instead, I manage to say the wrong thing. I mention the spree shootings, and how all they wanted to talk about was him.
He lets it slide, but I can tell he's not pleased. I've pinched a nerve. Something he's moved past that he never wants to address again. He's dealt with it, and he doesn't want to hear me comment on it.
All I can think to relieve the annoyance I feel at myself is that I didn't mention you.
The kid comes through, as always. Through it all, though, it amazes me at how different Don is from when I first met him. It always strikes me how everyone else seems to change while I stay the same. That's what I get for watching the world go by from behind a gun, I guess.
Thing is, there's things that never change.
You for instance.
All of this time, all of those years working with you, and he's still not over you. I think he's incapable of getting over you. He's invested so much of himself into you that whatever part of him could have hoped to have another relationship is with you. I doubt he knows it, and I'm surprised that I can tell.
Maybe it's because I want to make a move, to try and break down that shell of his. Thing is, I'm afraid of what I'll find behind it. Breaking down that wall might mean breaking him down. As much as I want to be with him, I don't want to be responsible for him falling apart.
I love him too much for that, Terry.