The last few years had passed by in a blur of noise for Jackie, well except that last year, 1983 had dragged maliciously slow, each day felt emptier than the last.
It's strange how things had turned out, she always had a plan, knew what she wanted, knew how life worked.
God, how stupid had she been.
She'd come into the 80's with a head full of hope and dreams and for a while it was okay, she was okay.
Then Fez asked her to marry him, out of nowhere and in front of all the people she loved; but she never got to answer his question. Her flickering gaze finding Hyde over Fez's shoulder was the only answer he needed.
They hadn't spoken much after that, he needed time. That time turned into sweet, informal birthday and Christmas cards.
He was another of the people she loved that had left her behind. Kelso and Brooke had tried to stay in touch, but work and Betsy kept them so busy. She and Donna never really got back to what they were, they'd smile and nod in the street, sometimes they even made small talk but neither sought out the other.
She'd lost her sister.
And Hyde, well, she lost him so long ago… his indifference to her had constantly picked away at the never healing scab that coated her heart.
If it wasn't for Eric and his parents Jackie wondered what would have happened to her; how alone she'd truly be.
On Tuesday's she'd go and have tea with Mrs Forman, who'd somehow managed to teach the helpless little socialite how to cook the most perfect apple pie you've ever eaten.
Saturday was more often than not spent in the garage with Mr Forman, after that day with the flashlight her interest in cars had sored and for a long time she kept that passion hidden, until there was no one left to hide it from anymore.
Now, thanks to Red, she could take apart a car engine blindfolded and then piece it back together with touch alone.
Then there was Eric, her best friend.
I know it's crazy right?
Eric Forman and Jackie Burkhart; Best friends.
If you'd have told her that was even a possibility six years ago she'd have kicked you so hard in the shins your bones would have wobbled for a week.
Their strange connection began a few weeks after he'd come home. Eric was playing catch up with the people he loved who'd turned into strangers, Donna became mean, Hyde cruel, Fez was successful, Kelso responsible and Jackie was quiet.
His world had turned on its head so yeah, he needed a drink, he didn't know she'd be there, sitting alone in a dark corner.
That night they barely talked, three weeks into it they pretended like it didn't matter, pretended everything was the way he'd left it.
By week six Eric was sobbing into her arms about how fucked up everything was.
They'd laugh later, him joking about how the Devil had comforted and soothed him, had let him pass out in her bed while yelling at him to drink the water she was practically forcing down his throat.
So by the time her relationship with Fez blew up the idea of getting a place together was the most natural thing in the world.
Kitty cried.
Donna wasn't happy.
Hyde didn't say a word.
Red was just happy he was moving back out.
Everything was okay, 82' was okay… she was going back to school; Majoring in Fashion and Minoring in Engineering. She always smiled sadly at how proud the old Donna would have been and how the old Jackie would have recoiled in horror.
Eric had started up his own little comic book store that made his eyes fill up with that childlike joy he'd almost forgotten. Him and Donna were trying to make a go of it. She was going to Collage too, Jackie saw her around campus sometimes and shared awkward small talk when she came around the apartment.
It sucked.
Fez had moved to New York after getting a job with La Coupe, one of the most famous Salons in the country.
Michael and Brooke got married that summer, Jackie had helped make her dress, Hyde wasn't invited. Brooke said it was in case he got drunk and caused a scene like he had at Betsy's birthday party, him and the girl they'd hired to play Cinderella could be heard from way beyond the closet.
Hyde seemed okay I guess, Jackie didn't really know, even after all that time it hurt too much to be near him. He ran Grooves, drank, went through most the girls in town, had fun. He'd even moved out of the basement and into his own apartment just above the store.
But that was last year, before 'it' happened.
7th November 1982, four days before Veteran's Day.
Randy had locked himself out of the store and took the side entrance to the apartment upstairs to get Hyde to open up… the ambulance arrived less than five minutes later.
Almost 12 hours to late.
Steven J Hyde lll… was dead.
Alcohol poisoning.
Kitty couldn't seem to do anything but cry, screaming about how her boy was gone.
W.B. wouldn't talk to anyone, just locked himself away.
Angie started drinking just to stop crying.
Leo had checked into rehab.
Donna broke down in a sea of tears.
While Eric just broke. He was stiff and silent as he cried. That little light left inside of him finally snuffed out.
Fez had come home and felt almost empty at the truth.
Kelso was convinced it was a burn, because it was Hyde. Hyde didn't die, he couldn't… but he did.
Edna actually showed up to the funeral, hand in hand with Bud, they didn't stick around long after Kitty started screaming at them.
Shocker.
It didn't seem to hit Red until after the funeral, him and Jackie were working on the car and in a moment of silence, noticing one of Steven's old rag's he used to clean the El Camaro, Red broke.
Jackie had never seen Red cry before.
That's when it hit her.
She ran to the basement, into Hyde's old room and fell to the cold hard floor in a fit of tears, tearing through old boxes to find something, anything to prove he'd been there, he was real… and once he was hers.
That was where Eric found her, sobbing into one of Hyde's old t-shirt. He didn't say a word as she scooped her into his arms, letting her punch and scratch and scream.
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't right.
He was really gone.
The following weeks were hell, cleaning out his apartment had been torture, Fez had already flown back to New York, Kelso went home to his wife and daughter, while the Forman's tried to hold each other together.
That left it to Jackie, Donna and Eric.
It hadn't gone well.
Ever since Hyde's funeral the tall girl would sneer at the sight of the brunette she once called family. It all come out in a screaming match, how the ex-redhead blamed Jackie for their friend's death, after all he wasn't such a heavy drinker before Chicago.
Eric had stepped in, calling Donna out on all her mistakes, on how Hyde chose Sam, chose to drink, chose wrong.
Jackie had fled the apartment in tears. Unable to cope; to breathe.
When Eric came home that night he crawled into her bed and cradled her into his chest, arms wrapped tight around her middle as he told her Donna wouldn't be coming around anymore.
He spent the next few weeks at the bottom of a bottle or high as the sky, Jackie there to watch over him each time.
Cleaning off his chin as he puked and cried, morning a woman that didn't exist anymore.
One day she came home and found him outside their apartment building, a small fire raging inside a trash can. Eric was stone, cold and hard even as tears rolled down his cheeks and he fed pictures and years' worth of memento's to the flames.
He was supposed to meet Donna that morning to talk… she made him choose.
In her words "Me, or that bitch that killed your best friend."
He didn't know her anymore, his Donna was gone, maybe she'd left with Hyde.
He wasn't sure, but as Jackie's tiny arms wrapped around his bony waist, silently trying to comfort him, to let him know it was going to be okay, he knew he'd made the right call.
After all, who'd choose a stranger over their best friend.
It was a year to the day that Steven was gone and again things had changed.
The only ones who talked regularly where Jackie and Eric, Kelso called every few weeks, but never visited. Last they heard Fez was opening his own Salon and Donna had moved the Chicago on some scholarship.
Jackie was currently sat buddha style near the cash register in 'Super-Reads', Eric's store, while trying to finish some homework.
Honestly if Pam Burkhart walked in now she wouldn't be able to recognize her own daughter.
Jackie had taken to wearing Steven's shirts, no, she hasn't lost her girly fashion crazed mind, her hair and nails still held their perfect Jackie magic. It's just that she couldn't bear to get rid of them, good will be dammed because these where Steven's shirts and they smelled like him.
Like cigarettes, pot and that sweet burnt sugar smell that was just him.
She needed them.
She spared a glance at the small tattoo on the corner of her wrist, it was a birthday present from Eric. When she told him, she wanted a tattoo he assumed a butterfly, or some flowery girly thing bust instead she'd spent months researching exactly what she wanted and when she showed Eric the picture of an open circle made with the sweeping pattern of a brush "It's called a Zen circle." was the only explanation she'd offered. he just nodded in his sweet, Eric way.
"hey tiny-Devil, my mom just called, she wants to know how much longer we're going to be."
Jackie didn't look up from her notes as she shrugged with a small smile of her face "you tell me Twitch. I can do all this in the car so really, you're the one getting yelled at."
"So not fair. I'm calling the suppliers again!" He'd been waiting for a new delivery since 8 am and it was almost 6 now, they'd arranged to head over for a family meal at his parents for 5:30.
Jackie even made a pie.
After dinner they were going to head over to the cemetery with a six pack and have a sad little circle, Red and Kitty had already gone that morning to lay some flowers that Steven would have called sissy and stupid.
They were going to spend the night, it was better to be around family right now, that what Kitty said at least.
It tugged on Jackie's heart knowing how losing Steven had broken the mother of their once tight nit group. Yeah Kitty put on a brave face, smiled and laughed and fed every person that walks through the door. But that smile never reached her eyes, never lasted more than a few seconds.
Red wasn't happy either, his second heart attack had hit hard, another one would probably kill him.
"Jackie why don't you head on over, no point in both of us getting a foot up our ass." Eric handed her the car keys, fiddling with the worn rabbit's foot on the chain.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah, supplier said they'd be another half hour. I'll take a cab after I call Natale."
The old Eric would have made a remark about how the suppliers were clearly run by the Dark Side and Darth Vader was trying to destroy his business.
She'd have given all her Prada shoes to hear him say something with that dorky joyous tone again, but that died with Steven.
Eric said he was just growing up but this was Jackie he was talking to, who knew how he coordinated his underwear and sock draw by colour and that no matter how nice and sweet Natale (his girlfriend of four months) was, she wasn't Donna.
Just like every guy Jackie tried to date wasn't Steven, she either came home frustrated that they were to different from him or distraught because they were so similar. So, she gave up on love.
That's right, Jackie Burkhart gave up on love… mostly because her love had drunk himself to death hating her!
"Okay, but remember I told you, the more you yell at them…"
"…the quicker they move. Yeah I know." Eric offered her a half-hearted smile, as she headed out the door, sharing a half hug as she shrugged on her coat.
She fingered the keys of the El Camaro, Eric had taken possession of Steven's car after it had sat in the garage for few months, but the idea of it rusting away was too much for the skinny man to bear. Especially after the engine had all but fallen out of the Vistara Cruiser.
Jackie flicked on the radio, focusing on the light fog in the road and tried to ignore the fact she was in Steven's car, she hated driving it, knowing he never would have let anyone else behind the wheel. It felt like a betrayal.
But Eric got the car, she got his t-shirt's and they split his record collection.
Believe it or not Jackie actually really liked some of those albums, she'd gotten used to them back when her and Steven were together, after he was gone they where the only thing that helped her sleep, he'd always loved falling asleep to music…
So, she loved his music for him.
But Dancing Queen was still her anthem!
The radio crackled, drawing her attention for a second…
"Jackie…"
Her heart almost stopped in her chest as the crackled voice. Another few seconds of crackling and the song came back on, clear as day.
She was losing her mind.
Once her eyes where back on the road she quickly spun the wheel, avoiding the stag she was about to mow down only for the car to flip on the black ice.
Jackie's head felt like she'd been hit in the head with a sledge hammer, and maybe like she was starting to need glasses because everything was blurred.
Her body screamed at her as she crawled out of the car, losing one of her favourite pumps as she went. Her body gave out barely a foot from the car… she rolled onto her back, her head pulsing and throbbing, blood spilling out into the road like syrup from a fallen bottle.
Now that she'd stopped moving it didn't hurt so much, but she couldn't catch her breath. Instead she tried to focus on the stars, on something beautiful, anything except the fact she was dying.
She was scared, scared of leaving, of what would happen to the people left behind. She wondered if this is what He felt, because there was no white light, no images of her life flashing before her eyes.
She just felt cold and sore, hearing a faint ringing in her ears and then, nothing.
Black…
"Miss Jackie, time to wake up…"
Her eyes snapped open without the pain and ringing she was sure was there a moment ago. The even more confusing thing was the bright pink poster covered walls facing her.
What the fuck?
"Good morning, Miss Jackie."
Jackie's attention was drawn to a stocky Latino lady she once knew "Daniella?"
"Breakfast is waiting, and your parents are already down stairs, now, mush." Jackie watched her old maid walk out the room with shock and horror, after all the woman had been dead for four years!
Jumping out of the bed like it had caught on fire Jackie looked over the room with wide eyes, her room, her clothes even her stuffed teddy bears. Then her gaze landed on the full-length dress mirror in the far corner of the room, meeting the image of her younger, fresher faced self and naturally did the only rational thing she could.
She screamed high bloody murder!