Note: Characters Hera, Zeus, and Paris are products of Ovid and Homer's imagination.
The Forgotten Queen
By Sape101
Everything has a story. You just have to take the time to hear it. I've been traveling this world for many years, and I've seen many things, but this story is not about me. This story is about my friend Dandy Lion.
Dandy Lion looks like an ordinary weed because she is an ordinary weed, but long ago she looked much different. Dandy was a human, a very ordinary human, who lived an ordinary life in a small hut with her desperate parents.
Her parents' only goal in life was to find her a husband, so she can move out, and they can finally have the hut to themselves. You see, Dandy's parents loved to dance in the hut, yet they couldn't. Dandy always got in their way. So, they journeyed across the sea to find a husband for their daughter but couldn't find one. Apparently Dandy was very ugly, so they saved up some silver pieces and sold her to the shepherd family next door.
Dandy was supposed to marry the shepherds' handsome son Paris, but for some odd reason he has taken a leave of absence. That was when the shepherd family decided to wed her to his goat instead for half price. Dandy's parent happily agreed to the arrangement. Dandy and the goat lived happily ever after in their isolated shack in the forest.
I am being quite serious. They did live happily ever after. Dandy was not hard to please. Her only goal in life was to make others happy, and her new fiancée was always happy as long as if he was fed. So they were the perfect couple.
Dandy would always tell her fiancée, "I'm so pleased that you are not a fish. If you were, you'd smell worst than you already do." And her fiancée would always reply, "And, I'm so please that you have opposable thumbs. You can use them to feed me when ever I want."
This odd pair tickled the gods. No tickled is too light of a word. This couple pained the gods because they laughed so hard it brought them to tears.
"What an ugly girl," one god said, "I feel sorry for that goat."
"I bet their children would kill themselves," another god said, "because they'll turn out just as ugly."
"No, the grandparents will kill the children," replied the first, " and we will reward them for their heroic deed."
The gods are so nasty, don't you agree? But their laughter and rude comments brought great gifts to the mortals. Once Dandy was wed to the goat, the sun shined bright in day and the stars did the same in the night. Everyone was feed, and happy. Human conflict has ended. Therefore, the mortals encourage this marriage and brought gifts of their own to show their appreciation.
Years have past and suddenly the mortals forgot about the gods. They saw Dandy as their only god and made her their queen. People from all over the world traveled to see her because she would shower them with pearls and rubies. Everyone agreed that Dandy was the best queen, and she announced, "I am so pleased that I now have access to a bathroom. Before I had to go outside." And her fiancée replied, "I am so glad that I can die on this fluffy bed. I always hated laying on the hay." Then the goat lied his head down on the soft pillow and awaited a peaceful death. Dandy and the mortals held a grand burial for him, but that is not important. This story is about Dandy.
The gods stopped laughing. They were not pleased that the mortals were worshiping Dandy and her dead, stinky fiancée instead of them. The gods didn't have a purpose anymore, and this idea worried them, especially Zeus and Hera. This dysfunctional pair concocted a plan to destroy Dandy. Of course, Zeus was too proud (or too afraid I say) to send his bolts down to obliterate the woman, so he left all the dirty work to Hera.
Hera is not one to hold sympathy for anyone. For some odd reason, she liked Dandy, so she performed only one simple spell on her. Dandy had a full head of long stringy hair. After Hera's spell, all her hair blew away with the wind. Dandy didn't seem to mind. "Wow!" she said, "I look much better bald." Suddenly, Dandy placed her crown on her shinny bald head, formed a big smile, and took her place on her golden throne.
The gods couldn't stop laughing, including Zeus and Hera. Hera said, "This girl is just too much. She looks like an old man" Zeus replied, "Yes, indeed! She's happy no matter what. We should blow off her nose and eyes, too. Then she'll look like a crystal ball."
The mortals did not mind Dandy's new look and continued to supply her with gifts. They wanted her to keep the sun out and the stars bright. They wanted her to keep the peace, and she told them, "I don't know how to keep the gods happy." And they replied, "Stay true to herself, and everything will fall into place."
Sounds cheesy, I must say, but their advice worked. The sun continued to shine and the stars remained bright. The dysfunctional Zeus and Hera couldn't take it anymore. They made sure they would destroy her this time. Once again Hera performed another simple spell and turned Dandy into a peculiar flower. Mortals blamed other mortals for Dandy's disappearance. They fought so much, they forgot what they were fighting for, and everything turned back to normal.
Although Dandy was forgotten, she didn't disappear. She and her children are everywhere, and when the wind blows her hair still blows off with it. And whenever the gods need a good laugh, they would look down at bald Dandy. Dandy's response was, "I'm glad I still make others happy."