Please be nice, it's the first time I write something in english!
Thanks for reading!
You're going home after a looong work day. You feel really tired, the boss gave you exhausting tasks, "Do this, do that, and also coffee and paperwork, it's not annoying, is it?" (worse, your colleague Matthias didn't stop picking his nose, yuk!). The sun begins to move down towards the horizon, and you'd like to go into your bed. But in your way back, something catches your attention. Yes, there, in front of you, on the bench, there's a book. You take a look around to check the presence of a possible owner, but there's no one for miles round. Never mind, you approach and take the book. Its pages are eared, as if it has been read for hundred times. Though, it looks new: the colors of the cover are bright. But what interest you the most is the title: "OOC: Occult Organization of the Cherubim". The back cover don't say anything but the real definition of OOC, that you know by heart, being a reader of fan fictions. Your curiosity waked up, you put it in your bag and take your way home.
The first thing you do, after taking off you shoes and coat and lying down on the couch a glass of lemonade in the hand, is opening the strange book. You turn the first page.
OOC: Occult Organization of the Cherubim
By Jane Nonymous.
PREFACE
This book if formally forbidden to deadpan and other lovers of first degree.
Warmly recommended to Harry Potter's readers knowing how to read.
THE RECIPE (or how to make a good OOC)
Ingredients:
-Harry Potter
-Hermione Granger
-An entire Weasley family
-Drago Malefoy, supplement Lucius according to the taste you desire
-Professor McGonagall
-Professor Flitwick
-Severus Rogue not too badly injured
-Dumbledore still alive
-James Potter around twenty
-Sirius Black, the same
-Mrs Black's portrait to add some spice
-Voldy without salt
Ingredients to add as you want. (Eventually, the chief recommends one or two Dursley and a skewer of Death Eaters).
Take a Harry Potter. Boil him during a half hour, then add a character of complaining-blasé-saturninedark-haired one. Add a Hermione Granger and a pinch of tart-ization and red-pink-orange nail polish. In a salad bowl, mix Fred and George Weasley, James Potter and Sirius Black. Extract the humour, replace by SM tendencies in the case of Jamesie and Siri et tendencies to plot against everything and everyone. For Gred and Forge, replace by childishness and fill their pockets with candies. Melt in a great cauldron a Minerva McGonagall, a Filius Flitwick and a Dumbledore. Get McGonagall totally in love of Flitwick, but don't forget to add love for dancing and singing. Turn Dumbledore into a vegetarian, friend with flowers and senile. Toss the rest of the Weasley family, except for Ron, with the Malfoy family and some honey. Have Bill in love with Lucius, get Drago jealous of Ginny and playing Monopoly with Percy. Get Mr & Mrs Weasley very snobs and old-britain with an assortment of cookies and teas from the depths of Peru. Let Voldy marinate with Potty until he becomes a Care-Bear/Sister Theresa, it's your choice. Don't forget to give him one, or two, or thirty plastic surgeries. Add Ron to the Harry-Hermione mixture and change him into a narcissistic, arrogant, condescending jerk who thinks he is the king of all-Hogwarts. Add the common sense zest and a humor wafer only at the end. Don't touch Mrs Black's table.
Mix blithely the different containers while singing Claude François in kangaroo briefs, and then you will obtain the perfect OOC! Don't forget to add strawberries and gruel as you wish. Serve fresh.
You close the book without hurry, half amused, half disappointed that the night is already there. Almost with regrets, you get into your room and put the strange book on your bedside table and promise to continue your reading as soon as possible. Curiously, your dreams are full of Potterly characters making bakery...