AN: Tissues are required before you read this. I'm sorry. That's all I can say. WARNING for major character death. All mistakes are mine. I'd say enjoy but that might not be the right word. I would appreciate a review if you liked my story.
10 PM, Thursday evening
It was cold that night.
Red had said her goodnights as she always did to her "family", and for Nicky, who she knew was always cold anyway, she gave her one of her pairs of gardening gloves and an extra pair of socks to wear. She had kissed Nicky goodnight, as she always did, telling her she would see her in the morning, as she always did.
Nicky found herself watching Red a little longer as she walked away from her bunk, a cold feeling washing over her. She shivered and bundled up more under her blanket, chalking it up to the weather outside. She was asleep within minutes after that.
6 AM, the following morning
Sunlight was just beginning streaming into the bunks when she next opened her eyes. She sat up slowly, her hair a mess of frizz and curls, and yawned.Another shitty day at Litchfield. Nicky noticed that not too many were up, which was not too unusual but Nicky decided she would take advantage of the early hour, and got her things ready to take with her to the showers.
As she started to walk out of her cell, she noticed a commotion, and when her eyes found the crowd that was causing the commotion, and where everyone was standing her eyes narrowed in curiosity, then confusion, and then...horror. 4:15 AM
Piper normally woke up when Red moved around their cell to get ready for the day. She would wake up for a few minutes and then go back to sleep. Her body was so used to this, that she found herself waking up at an ungodly hour even though she couldn't remember seeing Red wake up for the day. When her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, she looked across the cell and realized that Red was still in her bunk. She figured it must be earlier than she thought, and craned her neck to see the clock in the CO's office. 4:15? Shit. Red would be in so much trouble if she didn't get her ass out of bed. Why hadn't Gloria and the others come to get her?
She tip toed out of her bunk and knelt down next to Red's, shaking her gently to wake her. "Red?" Her voice was a loud whisper. No response. She shook her again. "Red, it's 4:15, you have to get up!" Her voice had climbed a little higher than whispering, but again there was no response.
Piper shook her more, and when she touched Red's hand, she immediately pulled it back. It was ice cold. Oh God. No. "Red? Red?!" She wasn't receiving a response. Piper feared the worst, and she snuck down the hall into the kitchens, to grab Gina and Norma.
Gloria rolled her eyes when she saw her, figuring she was sent there by Red to explain away her absence. "Listen, we got things under control, ok? So go tell Reznikov that she can do the serving today for a change, hmmm?"
Piper shook her head, and went to Gloria, her voice hushed. "Red won't wake up."
Gina was behind Piper in an instant, Norma close behind. "What did you say, Chapman?"
Piper took a deep breath and looked at both of them. "I tried waking Red, and she won't wake up. Something is wrong."
Norma suddenly bolted from the kitchen, and practically ran to Red's cell. She knelt down on the floor beside her friend, and shook her a few times, and when there was again, no response, she reached up with a shaking hand to put two fingers on Red's pulse point, pressing, trying to feel for anything... but to her despair, there was nothing.
Red was gone.
5 AM
Gina had woken up Big Boo, who in turn woke up Lorna. Lorna, being as sensitive as she was, trying hard to keep it together. Nicky was still sleeping, as was much of the inmate population. She knew that it would be she who would have to break the news to Nicky. She wouldn't have it any other way. She just wasn't sure how to tell her. Red was everything to Nicky, she had even told Lorna on multiple occasions that Red was sometimes her sole reason for living.
She watched with tears in her eyes as Norma sat next to her friend, not wanting to leave her side yet. She was humming softly to her, holding her hand. They were all trying to be as quiet as possible. They wanted a chance to say goodbye to their friend before she was taken away.
She must have died in her sleep. Lorna took note to how peaceful Red looked. The worry lines in her face were gone. If anyone deserved peace in this hell hole, it was Red. She had been here the longest, she had paid her dues, she had paid for her mistakes. It broke Lorna's heart to know that Red would never get the second chance that all of them might be granted one day.
When Norma finally moved away to join Gina in the kitchen, Lorna took her turn. She looked at the clock. It was almost 6 AM. She would need to wake Nicky soon.
She reached down and kissed Red's forehead. "Don't worry, Ma. I'll take care of Nicky. She'll be okay, I'll make sure."
When she stood up, she reached over and hugged Piper tightly, bursting into tears. Red was like a mother to all of them, in some way. She needed to get her own grief out now, so when Nicky found out, she could be there for her.
After a few minutes she takes a deep breath and wipes away her tears, and then heads for Nicky's cell, intent on gently waking Nicky and breaking the news to her, but when she looked up and her eyes met Nicky's, she was surprised and suddenly wanted to shield Nicky from this, at least for a few more minutes.
Nicky rushed over to Lorna, and she knew instantly that something horrible had happened. Lorna had tears in her eyes. Her eyes hardened. "What happened?"
Lorna shook her head and grabbed Nicky's shoulders. "Nicky, no...let's go back to your bunk for a few minutes, okay?"
Nicky looked passed her, her eyes focusing on the sea of people gathered around, all of them looking like deers caught in headlights. And then suddenly she realized... Red, Where was Red?
She looked back at Lorna and Lorna couldn't help it when she started to cry again. "I'm so sorry, Nicky. Piper tried to wake her..."
Nicky shook her head and pushed passed Lorna, who immediately followed. She pushed pass the group of people, shouting at them to step aside. She went to Red, and knelt down on the floor beside her. She shook her. "Red? Red!? Come on...stop. Stop this. This isn't funny!" She shook her again, her breathing becoming more erratic as the seconds passed.
Time seemed to move in slow motion, as she looked down at her lifeless mother. She wasn't opening her eyes. She wasn't moving! Why wasn't she moving? Why wasn't anyone doing anything?! She grabbed Red's face, and she gasped in horror when she felt how cold she was. "No. No! Ma...Ma open your eyes! Open your eyes! Please!"
She felt someone's hand on her back, but she violently shook the hand away. She could hear people behind her, they were crying. Everyone was crowding around them now. She could hear sniffling and an occasional sob. But Nicky wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to cry because Red was fine. She looked over at Lorna. "Go get help! Why is everyone just standing here?! She needs help!"
Piper suddenly moved forward. "Nicky...she's gone. She must have passed away in her sleep. I'm sorry."
Nicky narrowed her eyes at her. "Fuck you, Chapman! Fuck you!" She looked around and addressed the crowd of people. "Fuck all of you!"
She turned back to Red, and even though she could feel some of her resolve breaking, she couldn't give up. She would never give up. "Well, someone needs to help me do CPR, or something!" She looked at Lorna. "Come on, baby...will ya help me?"
Lorna burst into tears. "Nicky, stop! Red is gone! She's gone!"
Nicky could feel her eyes blurring with tears. But she couldn't cry. Crying meant she was giving up. She looked back at Red. She leaned down and whispered into her ear. "We gotta prove them all wrong. You are strong. You will be okay." She gently shook her again, one last time, her resolve finally slipping. Red wasn't there anymore. She wasn't breathing. Her skin was cold. She really was...gone.
She felt herself collapsing, her head coming to rest next to Red's on her pillow. She allowed herself to cry, and looked at Red's face. She wrapped her arm around Red, pulling her closer. "Mommy...please...please..." and then she wept, loud sobs escaping her as her body shook with grief. "No, no, no, no..."
You gotta hit rock bottom before you know which direction to go in.
You did good, Nicky. I trust you more than anyone. Look at you! You look like you're dead already! I am cautiously optimistic. It'll be better from now on. I failed you. Little girl, big mouth. Remember what I'm telling you!
Her cries of pain seemed to get louder, and it was only a matter of minutes before two of the new CO's started to break up the commotion, ordering everyone to get dressed, to get to the kitchen, to get to work. Nicky wouldn't move. They were going to have to pry her away. She knew that if the roles were reversed, Red would never let her go.
She clutched onto Red, wishing with all her heart that Red would hold her again, just one more time. She wished she could see Red's smile again, she wished Red would yell at her. She wanted her to cup her face in her hands. She would miss that most of all. "I love you, Mommy. I love you...I won't let them take you away. We'll...we'll always be together..." Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears, hoarse from crying so much.
And that was when she felt it, a pair of strong, masculine hands, foreign to her. She tried to push them away, to no avail. She started to scream. "Leave me alone! Leave us alone! She's my mother! Leave us the fuck alone!"
Lorna and Boo decided enough was enough and they stepped forward, grabbing onto Nicky who started to scream bloody murder at them, telling them that they were letting them just take Red away, that they didn't care! Boo was strong enough that she was able to get Nicky out of the cell, while a few more CO's came to stand guard.
Much to Nicky's horror, they were able to hold her back long enough for Nicky to watch Red's body be taken away on a stretcher. She knew it would be the last time she saw her, and she sunk to her knees, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed.
Welcome to the floor, kid. -
Nicky was barely functioning that day. She couldn't speak. She just wanted to sleep. She needed to cry. She needed a fix. But most of all, she needed Red. She felt worthless. Whenever she felt that way Red was there to remind her that she was worth so much more than she believed, that she loved her no matter what.
Now she was gone. Nicky couldn't grasp it yet.
After dinner was served, she snuck into Red's office, and just looked around. She looked at one of the lockers and cocked her head to the side when she saw a white sleeve hanging out of it. She walked slowly over to it and opened it all the way. She saw the embroidered red letters on the familiar white chef's coat, spelling out the name she knew she would never forget as long as she lived. She took it off of its hanger, and held it up to her face. She let the tears come again, and when she sank down onto Red's chair, she looked at the little table and saw Red's glasses, and she laid her head on the table and cried. Had she done enough? Had she ever really made Red proud of her? Did Red know how much she loved her? She wasn't sure. And that's what was tearing at her the most. She didn't love Red enough. She was a selfish junkie who never deserved someone like Red, and yet she had her anyway. She was one of the best parts of Nicky's life. And now she was gone.
She just wanted her mother back.
-
1 AM, Saturday morning
Lorna couldn't sleep. She got up and went to check on Nicky, and was concerned when she didn't see her there.
It was dark and quiet, but Lorna could hear whimpering, and she knew without a doubt who it was and where it was coming from.
She went to Red's, ummm Piper's cell and her heart broke at the site before her.
Nicky was laying on Red's bunk, sobbing. Red's blanket was clutched close to her heart, and she was curled up into a ball, trying to make herself as small as possible.
Lorna made her way over and sat down beside her, reaching down to push some of Nicky's wild tresses away from her face. Nicky looked up, startled, but relaxed when she saw who it was. She hiccuped and reached for Lorna's hand.
When she gathered enough strength, her voice sounded lilke a little girl's. "It smells like her."
Lorna nods and crawls into the bunk beside her, wrapping her arm around her lover. "I know, kid. I know..."
Nicky burrowed into Lorna, her face buried in her chest. "I want her back...can't she come back?"
Lorna let her own tears fall then. She had never seen or heard Nicky like this before. But she had made a promise to Red, a promise that, dead or alive, Red would make sure Lorna kept. To take care of Nicky. "No, Nick. She can't come back. I'm sure she wants to. I'm sure she's pissed as hell that this happened. I'm sure she is watching over you right now. Maybe she's here with us, who knows."
Nicky sniffled loudly. "I can't do this without her, Lorna. I can't. I miss her so much. It hurts. It hurts more than anything...I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to get high...it will feel better than this...please..."
Lorna kisses her forehead. "Stop. You can get through this and you will. I'll help you, I'm right here. Red loved you so much, Nicky. You can't let her down. You still have to make her proud."
Nicky nods, finally giving in to her exhaustion. "I just want to sleep."
Lorna reaches down and pulls the blanket over them. "Then sleep. I'll stay with you. Tomorrow we figure out a way to go on without her, but tonight we can just miss her grieve."
Nicky yawns, closing her eyes. "Lorna? You think she knew how much I loved her?"
Lorna nods. "I think she knew, kid. I think it was one of the few things in life she DID know. That you loved her."
FIN.