Faith In Things Unseen
by Grace
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A/N: Hmm... I don't know what to say. This thing just kinda wrote itself, so if it's bad, don't blame me. Blame my muse.
I guess I'd like to dedicate this to everyone who's ever nicely reviewed any of my fics, because it really means more to me than I can say. You guys are way, way too nice to me!
Well... yep. I don't own anything. I'm sorry if I offend anyone because the quote is from the Bible... it just fit the story, really. I hope you enjoy this weird little angsty-fluff, and happy holidays to you!
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"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
-Bible
I love him, I admit that. I was born loving him; or maybe it wasn't him, but the idea of him. I don't know. All I know is that I love Ron so much that it scares me and hurts me and confuses me and still makes me so happy that sometimes I just can't breathe.
I'd follow him to the ends of the earth. It's really pathetic.
It took me so long to figure this out, even though I always knew it somehow. One day it just hit me: I couldn't be with anyone but him. Not even Viktor Krum, the most thoughtful, considerate, and hell, even handsome (if you squinted) guy that I could ever hope for.
I broke up with him for a boy that couldn't bear to think of me as anything but an annoying little partner-in-crime. I didn't know what had gotten into me, and I didn't want to know. All I knew is that looking at Viktor as a boyfriend suddenly became painful.
It became so much a part of me that I got a little crazy. When Voldemort returned in my fifth year, I didn't give a damn. The only think I could think about was this... feeling that was crushing me. I got so stupid and selfish and crabby and confused, and I knew, I knew that the only thing that could possibly help was the one thing I didn't think I could ever have. It just seemed to much to ask that Ron was in love with me, could ever be in love with me... but I couldn't stop to save my life.
Sometimes I watch him doing his homework, his brow furrowed in concentration, and I just feel this incredible urge to walk over to him and give him the kiss of a lifetime. The shocked look on his face would be priceless, but better than that, at least I would know if I even have the right to hope for anything more than friendship from him. I can never do it, though. Maybe it's the famous Granger indecision; maybe it's because I know how much I could wreck with just one kiss, if it didn't go perfectly. I don't know. But I feel like I should be locked up somewhere.
I know all girls go through a stage like this. Maybe it really is puppy love, but somehow, I don't think so. If I could've chosen a crush, it sure as hell wouldn't have been Ron. He has so many flaws! He's always so stupid, careless, selfish, downright mean, irresponsible... and I love him anyway. I mean, I really, really believe that I do. Sometimes it frustrates me to distraction, but I do. No crush could last this long, through so much.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I know it's terrible of me to feel this way when there's a battle between good and evil going on... but sometimes I feel like, if I didn't have this, I couldn't bear to keep up the fight. It kills me, and I'd die without it. That sure makes sense.
I'm the master of logic, the know-it-all, the brainiac, whatever you want to call it. I got 118% on my sixth year exams (not to brag or anything), and that kind of means I'm a genius. It doesn't matter. This is the hardest problem I've ever had to solve, because I'm not entirely certain that there is a solution.
One of these days, maybe I'll get so furious with myself that I will walk up to him and kiss him. Maybe he'll kiss back, maybe he won't. Maybe he'll shove me off and give me that adorable confused look and ask me what the hell I'm doing. I'll reply, with tears in my eyes, that I don't know, and he'll stop talking to me completely, and then I really don't know what I'll do. I'll go on living, of course; my life will be full, and at the same time, it'll be empty. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it's what would happen, I'm sure.
Whatever I'm going to do, I need to make up my mind. We're graduating in five months, and every time I look into my future, all I see is Ron. I know I'll have to get a job somewhere, make my living, get out on my own; I think it would all clear up if I could have Ron.
But people aren't like that. You can't just have them if they don't love you, and you can't make them love you. You can only have faith that they can, if not now, then someday in the future, far, far away from now. And you can only hope that your faith is strong enough to move that person to you, through the circumstances and the complications and the mixed feelings, because you know that if you can't have this one person, you couldn't have anything worth having.
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A/N: Did you like that? No? Sorry. Yes? Oooh, you are so nice! Could you please review it, pretty pretty pretty pretty please? I'll love you forever! Well, okay, maybe not... but I'd be very, very grateful. Isn't this the season for giving? C'mon, it'll only take a minute of your time and it'll be the best present you could possibly give me! Although I wouldn't say no to twenty bucks... ^_^