The Distractionary Tales
Prologue
There was a merry lot in a dull brown van,
And before they left they were all sure to use the can,
As their destination was far they needed diversion,
For their worthy chaperone wished to stray from perversion,
Of the couples whom to each other were sitting rather near,
Their future activities the chaperone began to fear,
Thus she wanted to sway their hormonal minds,
From smooching or groping of any and all kinds,
So a suggestion for passage of time was made,
To tell some stories so the tensions would fade,
And thus some clothing was put back on
The moment for some was surely gone,
And certainly the teens could not refuse,
Each believing they were they were the better muse.
Traveling with this stealthy chaperone,
Were six demented teens so glad to leave home;
There was Veronica, who was a bit deranged,
Whose dancing skills left her boyfriend estranged,
People would call her odd if anything at all,
She had a tendency when climbing stairs to fall,
Was inspired to write about nudity and innuendo,
And flipped off many a driver through a rolled down window,
She claimed she could lick forty lions in one muck,
But couldn't for her life hit the broad side of a truck,
At times she seemed so awfully crass,
Which was probably a product of playing low brass,
She loved cartoons, they were her favorite thing on the teley,
She watched them in bed while eating peanut butter and jelly,
She forgot to stay ladylike in her long blue dress,
She worried the chaperone a bit, I must confess,
But embarrassed more was her boyfriend, who tried to hide in his shirt.
Then there was Diana, who was a bit of a flirt,
Who squeaked and giggled and jumped up and down,
Excited about dancing, romance, and her sexy red gown,
She put her bra on once again,
Relived, as strip poker she did not expect to win.
She was as thin as a rail and as tall too,
She was extremely hyper and rarely blue,
Drank coffee like a drunkard drinks rum,
And was quite taken by her date's round bum.
She played guitar in jazz and Jack's band,
A perfect rock babe with hair so blonde and skin so tanned.
Linda was there too, a girl put on God's green earth
To eat very little and attain a thin girth,
To play clarinet and to seem quiet and shy,
Only to party like mad and smoke crack on the sly,
Such a good girl she seemed, such a clean piece of paper,
But when no one was looking, she'd engage in a caper,
Like going down the hill behind her parent's back with her man,
Running off to make out and ditching the band,
Smart she is, but procrastinates, and gets the Canterbury Flu,
And she's a good friend, and our fashion guru.
Also there was Lyle, who'd been graduated for two years,
But not yet was old enough to buy vodka or beers,
So with forged permission was allowed to the dance,
Dragged there by Veronica by the seat of his pants,
He'd rather be at home playing video games and snacking,
Than on a dance floor with highschoolers, many heavily macking.
But his woman he couldn't refuse, for she had him whipped,
Though when this was said the idea was with surety nipped,
None could deny, he looked great in a tuxedo,
Though he felt like a waiter, maybe serving a burrito,
He was sweet often times, silly at most,
He could wipe the floor with anyone at the arcade, he would boast,
And it was true, he always kicked Veronica's derriere,
But that could be because she really didn't care.
He liked to be the best in anything he tried,
When he had something to attain he couldn't be denied,
He worked long hours, and went to school full time,
Cleanliness was godliness to him, he despised all sorts of grime,
Though he spread himself to few, he was indispensable,
He's the only person I knew who thought math was comprehensible.
Richard was next, sitting beside Linda, his love,
He'd taken to staring at the ceiling above,
Not knowing the others as well as they knew each other,
Though there really wasn't much he'd rather or druther,
He'd have fun goofing with his friends at the dance,
but would also be romantic--like a knight with his lance,
He was quite one for smoochy and mush,
A gentleman always, no grabbing some tush,
And although he giggled like a girl a bit in class,
The ladies he never ever would harass,
Linda was his dearest one, his lovely flower,
So far in her presence he never seemed sour.
The last was David, the least he was too,
A goof ball straight, a clown through and through,
He played video games until we thought
That in no time his mind would surely rot,
He was a bit of a dirty one, nothing was left clean,
With him even the most innocent of things could seem
Dirty as a ketchup stain on the train of a wedding dress,
Insults were his calling, he was good at it, I must profess,
The only reason anyone had any attraction to him at all,
And why his attitude to everyone did not appall,
Was because it was all in fun, he wasn't really a jerk,
All guys really had their heads in the murk,
He would at least entertain on the trip with his antics,
Though he was never one for romantics,
He still flirted by throwing things and calling names,
Things most guys his age would consider silly games.