Dog Days of Summer

Sirius Black One-Shot

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On the evening of September 21, 1976, I found myself curled up beneath a tree on Hogwarts grounds, thanking the gods that the rest of the students were inside eating dinner and granting me this time in peace. School had only been in session for a few weeks, but the pressure of my seventh year and the upcoming N.E.W.T.s was already beginning to suffocate. It wasn't so much the work in itself, but more of my apprehension and unwillingness to accept that this was my final year as a "child".

It was depressing, really. Adults had always said that time passes more quickly as you age, but I had never considered the idea in circumspect. Only now was I beginning to realize how stupid I had been to take my education here for granted; six years I had wasted fooling around in the corridors without a care in the world. I should have cherished the experience more - recognized that my ignorance couldn't last forever. I had grown up here, honestly, and it had become more of a home to me than anywhere else in the world. Hogwarts was more of a parent than the people who had created me.

All right, maybe I was treading into melodramatic waters, but I had neglected to properly pay my respects to the castle that had housed me throughout me teenage years. I truly did love everything about this school: the shifting staircases, eccentric professors, lively ghosts, spurts of chaos, friendly (and not-so-friendly) rivalries, and -

"Hey there, Sawyer. Out here watching the sun set over the Lake, eh? How poetic of you."

- memorable classmates.

Sirius Black plopped down at my side, immediately sprawling out on his back with his hands acting as a support at the base of his neck. He took in a deep breath, grinning broadly at the crisp afternoon air and closing his eyes in contentment. I blinked, staring down at the boy (or was he a man, now?) without an identifiable expression. Sirius's thick, dark lashes parted as he raised himself up slightly and tilted a brow in my direction.

"You mind if I join you, Sawyer?"

I frowned lightly. "You already have, Black, but thanks for the consideration."

"Don't mention it," he said, throwing a notorious flash of teeth towards me before falling back into the grass. It was the smile that made all of the girls swoon, something I was sure he used to his full advantage whenever the situation called for it. But I was experienced with the likes of a Monsieur Sirius Black. I wasn't sure how I managed it, but his face didn't bring more than a tiny flutter to my gut these days. It must have had something to do with how long we had known each other, and the fuzzy memories of his more awkward stages stored in my memory. Despite popular belief, Sirius hadn't always been a replica of Adonis; I had witnessed his cracking vocals, occasional pimple, and gangly growth first hand. No, the Gryffindor heart-throb hadn't always been an object of worship, but he had certainly become one.

It was just another thing I hadn't appreciated. After this year, the beauty of Sirius would deign to rest in my distant memories, along with his puberty-stricken self from the past. I would probably never see him again after graduation.

The sigh that escaped my lips at that realization had been unintentionally loud, piping the interest of the basking male.

"You alright, Sawyer?" he questioned, tone something of nonchalant concern. I held my breath, nodding just once.

"Yeah. Fine," I muttered, not wanting to open up about my thoughts. Especially not to him, in particular. Not just yet.

Sirius hummed in a way that let me know he didn't believe me at all. "If you say so."

I bit my tongue, knowing it was best to keep my worries to myself at this point. I was probably just overreacting. Everyone had to grow up at some point, right? I was just unprepared. There was no use in worrying. I couldn't worry. I needed to decide. Decide what would happen once June came and I was thrust out into the real world. Decide what I would do with the rest of my life. My career, my companions, my home, my family, my schedule…

Decisions, decisions.

"You look like your Gran just died."

I smirked tightly, sending Sirius a sarcastic gaze. "And I thought chivalry was what died."

"Blimey," Siruis breathed, leaping up into a proper sitting position and turning his head to me. "Your Gran didn't really die, did she, Gemma? I didn't mean to rub it in - I didn't know!"

"Relax, Black," I chortled, shaking my head in lackadaisical amusement. "No one's dead. I'm just thinking."

"Oh, right," he sighed, nodding in relief. "No wonder you're so pained, then."

"Ha-ha," I said dully, finding his joke lame. I might have continued to exchange teasing words with him under normal circumstances, but I wasn't feeling up to it at that moment. "What are you doing out here, anyway? Shouldn't you be with your gang of, what do you all yourselves… Wanderers?"

"Marauders," he corrected promptly, shifting to lean back and hold his weight on his arms. "And no, I wasn't in the mood today. I had wanted to spend some time with myself, but I ended up finding you here and couldn't leave a troubled girl all alone."

I shook my head, wishing that he was half the heartless jerk he sometimes acted. "James pining over Lily, is he?"

"Yes," Sirius snorted, looking sickened. "It's just been worse since she's started acknowledging his existence. He never shuts up about her these days. It gets annoying."

"I can imagine."

Lily was a slightly peculiar girl, although both agreeable and attractive when it came down to it. I still remembered the first time we had spoken after being sorted into the same house as first years. She had commented on my name, Gemma Sawyer, by grinning sheepishly and asking if I had a relative by the name of Tom who resided along the Mississippi River in America. I didn't understand, but once she confessed to being a muggle-born I figured it had something to do with non-magical folk. All the same, we were something of friends as the years went by, growing up together as dorm mates and classmates. Of course, sharing a position parallel to the infamous Potter-Black-Lupin-Pettigrew quartet could bring anyone together.

"But really," Sirius went on, resuming his lounge, "what's eating you?"

"Bugs, at the moment," I answered dully, slapping a mosquito that had landed on my forearm. It was an unfortunate side-effect of the lake and forests encompassing the grounds.

Sirius frowned. "Your avoiding the subject. Talk, Sawyer."

"Why should I?" I retorted skeptically. "What makes you think I'd be willing to pour my soul out to you, of all people?"

"You're too cynical," he diagnosed easily, resting his eyes as he spoke. "It's not as if I'm going to make fun of you and spread your secrets around school. I do have some morality in me, you know. Do you really think of me as a complete wanker?"

No, of course I didn't, but I couldn't tell him that. I don't know if he'd ever let me live it down if I confessed that I actually considered him a respectable person on some level. So I kept quiet, letting him make his own assumption as I stared out over the rippling surface of the Lake. The sun was heading down steadily now, nearly half-way buried in the yonder mountains.

Just like my life.

Against my will, I let myself grit my teeth and groan, despite the fact that Sirius was right beside me. Why did I have to keep thinking about that? Drop it, Gemma! Why was I torturing myself like this? I should just push the thought to the back of my mind and put my energy towards enjoying my last year. So what if graduation snuck up on me, and in the end I was hopelessly lost squinting out towards a sightless pit once I got off the Hogwarts Express in June? I would deal with it then. I needed to have fun now, while I still could. I would worry about becoming an adult when I became one.

If only it were that easy.

"Alright," Sirius settled, pulling himself upwards to a crunch and locking his arms around his knees, "you've entirely captured my curiosity. Tell me what's wrong."

I eyed him, not moving and too grumpy to offer more than a look.

"I'm serious," he urged, the pun leaving his lips unintentionally. I rolled my eyes, exhaling through my nose and keeping my lips pursed.

"I know that," I said, "but I don't know why you care. Just drop it - I'm trying to."

"Well then you need my help more than I originally thought," Sirius countered. "See, keeping everything all bottled in will only make things worse for you. Let it out. Share your thoughts with good ol' Padfoot. It'll make you feel better, I promise."

I took a moment to mull over the puzzling idea that he had just (I think) referred to himself as "Padfoot" before forcing my mind back on the matters at hand.

"You wouldn't understand," was the lazy defense that I let out. I didn't believe for a moment that it would hold him off, so I prepared a second attempt right away. "It's a girl thing."

"Ah, I see. One of those sexually biased quagmires that those of the opposite gender are simply unable to grasp the concept of due to laws of nature. Nasty little buggers."

"You know what I mean. Don't be such a prat."

"Actually, I don't know what you mean, hence the inquiry."

I could have wrung his neck. But I also wanted to smile.

The cycle would continue, I knew, until I either told Sirius what was bothering me or one of us died. He was that stubborn, without a doubt. Now that he had gotten himself involved, he wouldn't let the matter go. I began to ponder whether or not that was a particularly bad thing. If he was so insistent on finding out, that meant that he felt a form of camaraderie with me that called for his infamous, irrevocable loyalty. The thought was comforting, albeit a bit frightening. What would happen in June when we parted? I would be miserable at the loss. And not just him - everyone. Everyone that I had come to know during our lessons. There was no possible way that I could keep in touch with all of them. It would be goodbye forever.

"Gemma."

It wasn't just his voice - his suddenly somber voice - that snapped me out of it and demanded attention. It was his fingers curling over my own.

"Gemma," he said again, seeing that my attention was now undivided, "forget your pride and tell me what's bothering you, won't you? I'm starting to get worried."

I let out a breathy laugh, my head spinning. "Sirius Black getting worried? Impossible."

He didn't give a verbal response, but the intensity of his eyes and down-turned brow spoke for themselves. I had to look away.

With my fingers burning and tremors shooting up my arm, I began to wonder what I was really accomplishing by holding back my own concerns . Why couldn't I just tell Sirius? He was in the same position that I was; maybe he would understand. If he could admit his insecurity to me, why wouldn't I do the same for him?

Then again, his touch might have had some kind of influence on my thought process. It was obvious that I wasn't as immune to the workings of the Black family's former heir as I had been led to believe.

I opened my mouth wordlessly for a few moments before I found my tongue. "...Are you afraid, Sirius?"

I made a point of avoiding eye contact, keeping my gaze on the glowing surface of the lake. Despite not having a visual, I could sense the male's falter as his grip tightened on my hand.

"Afraid? Afraid of what?"

I allowed my exhale to fall out of my mouth like a sigh, squinting from the sun's reflecting rays on the waves and lowering my eyes the shore instead. "Graduating, I suppose. Growing up. It's scary, isn't it? Or is it just me?"

Almost holding my breath, I awaited his rebuttal anxiously. Hopefully he would understand and sympathize. I would feel like a fool if it was only me with these sorts of feelings.

Sirius's thumb, nearly a full two times the size of mine, began pacing along my palm. "Yeah," he let out, adding more pressure to the caress. "I won't say it's not intimidating, but that's what makes it fun."

Out of incredulousness, I forgot my nerves and dared to look the boy dead in the eye. "Fun? You've always had a sick sense of humor, Sirius, but that's going a pinch too far."

He grinned in response, tugging lightly on my fingers and reminding my of the connection. I flushed, but found myself unable to look away from the spark lighting up Sirius's gaze.

"You're just letting it get to you," he informed lightly. "It's really not so bad. Everyone's got to do it some time. At least you've got your family behind you, eh? They won't just stand by and let you live out on the streets."

I blinked, sight going unfocused as I thought that over. Of course - was I really so stupid? Why hadn't I thought of that? There was no rush; I wasn't about to be homeless and on my own the day I turned seventeen. My parents wouldn't allow me to dwindle away and get lost in the labyrinth that is the world. They were my support: my nagging, pressuring, sure-steady support. I knew their patience and generosity would have a limit, but I was sure I could milk another few years of housing out of them. Who knew how long it would take me to get on my feet, really; I may not even need that long. I could be a child for a little longer, while I was still a child in school. I wasn't at that crossroad yet, but it was coming. Still as swiftly as ever, but no quite so ominous. I may just survive.

"You're right," I laughed, not grasping how I had lost my sense over something so arbitrary. Smiling broadly, I weaved my fingers between Sirius's and leaned in. "Thanks, Black. That was actually a decent point. I didn't know you had it in you."

He smirked smugly. "I've been know to display my intellect from time to time. I'm glad it was so easy to please you."

I let my head fall onto his shoulder, not even minding his teasing. It was true, apparently. I was stunned myself at how effortlessly he swayed me. It must just be because he was so damn pretty. That, or the fact that he was such a laid-back individual. Being around him made everything seem so simply explained and effortlessly solved.

There was a pang remaining in my gut, though, one that I knew couldn't be soothed by anyone. It would stay there forever, as long as there was still an unknown future ahead of me that I had time to weight my doubts over. I figured that as long as I had a few good mates like Sirius around, however, I may be able to keep that churning at bay. We all needed someone there to reassure us every one in a while, whether it be lovers, friends, family -

My head darted up, eyes catching Sirius', mortified. His smile was small and expectant.

"Sirius," I breathed, appalled at my obliviousness. "I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"Don't apologize," he chastised lightly, pulling me back onto his shoulder. "I brought it up. It's fine."

I settled into his side, still uneasy. "You sure? I mean, what are your plans for after school?"

He chuckled, leaning back to support us with his elbows, and startling me with the sudden incline. "I'm all set, Gemma, no need to worry. I've got my own flat, a good sized savings, and the Potters. They're my family now-a-days, and that's all I need."

I nodded into his shirt, taking in the masculine scent. What was I doing here again? How did this happen? If someone had told me this morning that I would be snuggling with Sirius Black on the sunset-lit grounds watching summer officially close... well, I would have believed it. Honestly, Sirius and I were strange like that. There was no limit to the possibilities between the pair of us.

"You know," he broke the silence after a moment, sounding nostalgically mischievous (I doubted that would ever change). "If your parents go sour like mine did, I wouldn't mind sharing the bed at my place."

I knew (I think) that he was only joking, so I lazily slapped his thigh. "Alright. The Potters seem nice, as long as you don't mind bunking with James. You've had plenty of practice here, I suppose, but you two've had your own separate beds then."

"I meant you and you know it. That was a truly pathetic jest, Sawyer. I barely even understood it."

"Back to last names, are we? And maybe it wasn't meant as a 'jest'. I thought you were serious."

"I am Sirius."

"That was a pathetic jest."

"Maybe, but now you don't have to feel so awful about your failure. Now, anyway, what do you say?"

"About what?"

"About living with me?"

"If my parents suddenly go loopy, then sure, I'll think about it."

"Good. I do love having someone to share my bed with."

"You're acquainted with the feeling?"

"No, but I've thought about it."

"With anyone specifically in mind?"

"Just one... mostly."

"Not very convincing , Black."

"What? I'm a teenage boy - you can't expect me to commit to you so soon!"

"Pig."

"No, dog."

"Why don't you just shut up while I'm still in a good mood. The moon's almost up."

"Fine, have it your way. Adieu summer of 1976 and hello to change!"

He was right in a way, as much as I hated to admit it. We were going through the same dilemma as the seasons, at the seam of a major milestone. Summer was nearly gone, as was our time in school, but there were pros and cons to both sides. It may be the end of an era, sadly, with no definite promise of bright skies on the horizon, but with that chill there was something beautiful. For every hued leaf that fell from the trees there was an opportunity to chase. It could be thrilling if I looked at it the right way. I might benefit from taking Sirius' advice for once. Calm down and look around - you may be surprise at how naturally things fall into place.

"Owch! Sirius - gerroff!"

"Oh, you know you like it. I'm playing the part of a loveable hound keeping you warm."

"You could just give me your blazer like a normal person, not lay on top of me!"

"If I were like any other normal person, you wouldn't love me."

If I told him he was absolutely right, I would have had to kill him.

"Don't you dare lick me, Sirius Black!"

(A/N) Well, there you go - my start of school muse. Is it bad that I've only been in for a few weeks and already ignore my teachers to write? And I only end up doing half-arsed, pointless little plots, too. It's a tragedy.

I've never really agreed with the idea that Sirius was a total womanizer/man-whore in his school days. So many people depict him that way and I really don't know why. So then, he's a good, honest virgin here! I think that makes him even sexier ;D

Happy autumn '09, everyone!