The sleet was falling hard as Sansa approached Castle Black. Her wool cloak was soaked and icy. Her feet and hands were numb to the cold after so long in the frigid weather. It had been several days since she'd last eaten any real food. Ghost had brought her scraps of meat and fish whenever he hunted but there had been so much rain in the past week that she'd been unable to make a fire. Sansa had braved many unladylike tasks since she left the Vale following Ghost but eating raw meat was beyond her tolerance. Not much longer and she'd be there and be safe with Jon.
She knocked on the wooden door that served as the gate of Castle Black. An unfamiliar face opened the door.
"I'm here to see Lord Commander Jon Snow. I've brought his wolf." Sansa said.
The man's eyes widened at seeing Ghost and he opened the door. Sansa followed Ghost inside, still shivering. "Wait here." The man said so Sansa did as she was told. Several minutes passed before she saw him, Jon, coming down the stairs and into the courtyard.
"Ghost, where have you been?" Jon approached his wolf, barely taking notice of the hooded woman who had come with him. Jon barely had to kneel to give the huge animal a hug.
"He came to me in the Vale." Sansa said. "I followed him here."
Jon looked over and saw a few tendrils of wet red hair hanging from the stranger's hood. "Sansa?"
"Jon!" Sansa burst into tears and before she knew it Jon was closing the distance between them, hugging her. She clung to him for several minutes before either of them were composed enough to let go.
"You're freezing. Come with me." Jon led the way to his chambers, taking her by the hand as if she were a child. She didn't complain. It was good to be near him again. "Do you have any dry clothes?" He asked as he shut the door behind them.
She shook her head no. "I lost my things weeks ago."
He shrugged."Then you can borrow some clothes until yours are dry." He passed her a tunic and breeches as well as a black wool cloak. Then he moved to leave the room so she could change.
"Don't go!" She grabbed his arm. "Stay. Please. Just turn around."
He nodded, worry in his eyes as he turned away from her. What had she suffered that had made her lose all propriety like this? After she had changed, he offered her a meal of bread and wine and cheese from the supplies in his chambers. Hunger, made her eat quickly but she still did so carefully, never making a mess or chewing loudly. Jon saw that she was still a lady after all.. He watched her eat, letting her finish before he asked her for details of her past and her journey.
"Where have you been Sansa?" He asked as she finished the last of her bread. "The last I heard you were married to Tyrion Lannister."
"I was, but when Joffrey died Petyr Baelish brought me to my Aunt Lysa. He married my Aunt and promised me I would be safe with him…he lied.." She bit her lip, unsure how to tell him everything that had transpired. "Ghost came to me in the godswood and he showed me a path out of the Vale. He protected me. I would have never gotten here if not for him."
Jon reached for her hand across the small table where they sat. "I'm glad to have you back Sansa, more than glad. But what are you not telling me? Why did you leave your Aunt?"
Sansa wrapped the black cloak tighter around herself. "Lord Baelish was not what he seemed. He pushed Aunt Lysa out the moon door, killing her, he poisoned my cousin Robin… years ago he loved my mother… he said I was very much like her, sometimes he even called me Cat...he started coming to my bed at night and if I resisted he took away food for two days...I was always so hungry...then he arranged for me to marry Harry Hardyng who was heir to the Vale, I think he meant to kill Harry after the wedding and marry me himself…" Sansa brushed away a few tears.
"Gods Sansa…" Jon breathed. "I'm sorry."
"You needn't apologize Jon….I am the one who should apologize to you. I treated you abominably when we were children. I hope you'll forgive me."
"Of course, it's forgiven. We were only children."
She nodded with relief, brushing away more tears.
"You look tired." Jon observed. "We should find a room for you."
Her eyes widened with fear. "Must you? Couldn't I stay here, with you? I've been alone for so long…"
He hadn't expected this request at all. Once when they were children Sansa had come to his chambers looking for Rob. Instead she'd found Arya asleep on his bed while he sat at his desk reading. Sansa had shooed Arya out with some comment about it being improper for a lady to ever sleep on a man's bed. Remembering that incident, Jon wondered if Sansa expected him to sleep on the floor. He realized in that moment that he wouldn't really have any complaints if she did. "You can have the bed." He heard himself saying. "I'll sleep on the furs near the fire."
Sansa blushed. "I hadn't meant to make you give up your bed."
"You can't mean to sleep on the floor." Jon protested.
She blushed even deeper. "No."
"Oh. Are you sure?" He couldn't quite believe that his proper pretty sister was asking to share a bed with her bastard brother.
Sansa nodded. "I am sure."
Jon added more wood to the fire, enough to make it last the night, while Sansa prepared for bed. He turned to see her hanging his cloak back on the hook and as she did the oversized tunic she wore slipped off her shoulder, revealing a slew of scars. He crossed the room before she could get into bed. "What are these?" He asked, running a finger across her still exposed shoulder.
Her eyes clouded. "While I was betrothed to Joffrey he often had me punished."
"Punished how? And why?" He was already angry and feared he wouldn't like the answers.
"Anytime I said something that displeased him, or Robb won a battle, or he was just in a foul mood...Joffrey had the Kingsguard punish me…" Sansa was shaking at the memory.
"How?" He asked again,
"Sometimes they'd just strike me across the face or in the ribs, other times I was stripped naked before the court and beaten bloody with the flat of a sword." Sansa admitted, forcing the words to tumble out.
Jon didn't know what to say so he said nothing. Instead he turned back the furs in his bed for Sansa. She seemed to understand and climbed in. He covered her again and went around to the other side of the bed, blowing out the last candle and getting in himself.
Moments later he felt Sansa move closer to him. "Jon?" She whispered. "I know it isn't proper but...can I sleep closer? Will you hug me?" He could hear the worry in her voice. He reached for her without a word and pulled her into his arms. She clung to him, pressing her body firmly against his, and he felt her sigh with relief. She didn't have to share all the details for him to understand what she had been through. Jon was very capable of empathy. He knew now that Sansa had been alone and abused for the past six years. She had travelled alone from the Vale all the way to the Wall with no human help and had probably been exposed to the elements for much of the journey. She had learned to give up courtesy and propriety for the sake of survival. She had grown up to be far stronger than he might have expected.
He felt her tears on his chest and he reached over to wipe them away. "Sansa, you're safe now. I won't allow anyone to ever hurt you again. Not as long as I live."
At that, she could no longer stay composed. Her silent tears turned to sobbing. Jon held her close, rubbing her back, even kissing away the tears on her face. It was a long time before her weeping ended and her body relaxed. Eventually she fell asleep in his arms.
Sansa woke first the next morning, still nestled safely in Jon's embrace. She had not felt so secure in many years, she couldn't even remember the last time. He would never hurt her, or strike her, or manipulate her, she was sure of that. And he had promised not to let anyone else hurt her again. There was nothing else in the world so valuable to her as Jon Snow and his affection at this moment. He even smelled of woodsmoke and furs and melted snow, like the north, like home.
Jon awoke and found that Sansa was already awake and was absently playing with the laces on his tunic. She did look her mother, but was far prettier. Too pretty to be the only woman among all these men on the wall. He knew he should let go of her and attend to his duties. He needed to figure out what to do with Sansa now that she was here. But he didn't want to let go. "Sansa?"
She looked up at him, meeting his eyes.
"I had forgotten how pretty you are." Jon began.
Sansa smiled, blushing slightly.
"And that you're the only woman here."
"I could stay in here and lock the door while you're busy." She offered.
"Would you mind terribly? It will be dull...there are lots of books in the library. I can bring you any of them and I have some black wool you can have to make a new dress…"
"I don't mind at all." She gave him another smile. "It's fine. Truly."
Sansa spent the entire day in Jon's chambers. She mended some of his clothes, mended her own, and began work on a dress for herself. When she grew bored of sewing she read one of the books from his shelves or watched the men in the practice yard from the window. Sam Tarly brought her lunch and stayed for an hour. Jon had told her to expect him and that Sam was a friend. At evening Jon came back to his chambers, bringing supper for them both with him.
No sooner had he placed the bowls of stew on the table and Sansa hugged him. "I missed you." She said with genuine affection.
He returned her hug, a bit surprised by her words. "I brought you something." He passed her a silver cloak brooch fashioned in the shape of a direwolf.
She gazed at it almost in awe. "It's beautiful. How did you…?" She was going to ask how he'd found it or had it made so quickly but realized it didn't matter. "Thank you." She beamed.
He only nodded. "Do you want to stay here at Castle Black?" Jon made himself ask when dinner was done.
"Yes. I'll stay out of the way. I'll stay hidden and not keep the men from their work. I can sew new clothes and mend old ones, I don't mind being alone and keeping busy during the day, I won't be-"
"It's alright Sansa." He interrupted her worried ramblings. "I'm not going to send you away."
She clapped a hand over her mouth, eyes filling with tears. "You promise?"
"I promise. I only asked because you will need a room. We'll need to make one ready."
Sansa bit her lip, worriedly. "I don't take up much space." She began. "But I understand, you do need your own space."
"It's not like that. I'm just trying to be proper. I thought you would like that." Jon said with half a smile.
"I do mostly. Except…"
He realized she was afraid. "You can keep Ghost in your room. Maybe you should keep him with you by day as well. No one will dare harm you then."
"He did protect me before." Sansa said, trying to hide her disappointment. She hated to admit out loud how much she wanted to be near Jon. Sleeping in his arms had been the sweetest thing she had known and probably ever would know. Sansa had long ago decided that she wouldn't willingly marry. She couldn't bring herself to trust any man that much. But she did still need to be cared for and she hadn't truly been hugged in many years. She hadn't realised until the previous night how much she had missed physical affection. Father used to hug her each night before bed. Mother did as well and Bran and Rickon had been generous in giving hugs. She'd danced with Rob at many feasts never knowing how much she'd wish to do so again. She couldn't remember ever having been so close to Jon Snow as last night. She only knew she didn't want to go back to a cold lonely bed. It made her feel vulnerable just to think about it. And she couldn't tell him any of this. It wasn't proper and he would likely think it silly.
"Something is wrong." Jon said, her sadness wasn't lost on him.
Sansa brushed away a stray tear. "Yes, but I don't know that I ought to speak of it."
"Sansa, we're the only ones left, the last of the Starks. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know I'll help you if I can and I won't judge."
She met his eyes with her own. "I don't want to sleep alone." Sansa choked out. "I know Ghost will protect me but he's not the same as… as you." Her tears were spilling out uncontrollably now. "This morning was the first time in many years that I woke up feeling safe...you smell like father and Rob and the north… like home...I know it's silly and I'm sure you need your space… so just forget I even mentioned it…" Sansa said trying to get ahold of herself.
Jon was stunned. He had thought the last nights closeness was a result of the strain of her journey. He had assumed Sansa would come to regret it rather than ask for it to be repeated, though he too had been thankful for what they shared. 'Sansa I...I don't mind if you stay. But no one can know."
They set up a room for Sansa adjoining Jon's room. She used it by day for sewing and reading and as a place to keep her things. She did the mending for all the men and sewed them new things whenever they requested was her escort on the occasions that she left her room. Jon shared breakfasts and dinner with her in his room and by night, she slept in his arms as she had the first night. Neatly a moons turn had passed before there were any problems with their arrangement.
Sansa awoke late one night to noisy crackling of the fire. Jon was still asleep, his arms still around her and she noticed for the first time his hardness pressed against her center. She felt a pang of guilt, realizing that her presence hadn't given him any privacy to see to his needs. He must have found some way to manage though or they would have woken like this before now. From what she could feel against her body, she guessed he must be quite large. Larger than Petyr had been...curiousity got the better of her and she shifted enough to snake her arm between them. She felt him through his clothes, hoping every moment that he wouldn't wake up. He made a noise at her touch and she found that he was indeed larger than the only man she had ever been with. He bucked against her hand in his sleep. Sansa glanced up at his face, he was still asleep. If he stayed asleep, would it really be so bad to keep her hand there a little longer? It was difficult to keep still. Sansa found herself stroking him through his clothes. Her breathing grew deeper and though she knew she was behaving shamefully, she didn't care.
Jon woke hot blooded to find that Sansa was stroking him. His first thought was to pull away but it felt good and he couldn't bear to think of embarrassing her like that. He'd wanted to touch her in ways that weren't so brotherly for some time now. It did him good to know that she shared his feelings.
"Sansa?" He whispered. She stilled and looked up at him with a blush on her cheeks. "Don't stop."
She unlaced his breeches and took him in hand. He groaned at the sensation of her hands on him. Then his hands were on her breasts, his lips on hers and she was moaning with him. She continued her ministrations until she felt his member pulsate and spill his warm seed on her hands. Jon kissed her a little longer before lapsing back into sleep.
When Sansa woke in the morning, Jon was already out of bed. Her breakfast was sitting on the table but Jon was clearly gone. She did not see him again until evening that day. She hugged him when he returned as she usually did and found him to be stiff, arms at his sides. She tried to engage him in conversation over dinner, just asking him how his day was and telling him of hers. He was unresponsive. Finally, she decided to address the real problem.
"Jon why won't you talk to me? Is this about last night?"
"You're going to have to sleep in your room tonight. That can never happen again."
"It won't. I promise it won't. I'm sorry." She bit back her tears.
"It's too late now. We need to keep our distance. What I feel for you is wrong. It has to end." Jon choked out.
"I know. I feel it too." Sansa whispered.
They finished their meal in silence. Sansa went to her room to change and went tentatively back into Jon's room to try one last time. He was standing next to the bed about to blow out the candle.
"Jon please…" She whispered, trembling.
"Sansa I… I don't think things can go back to the way there were. Not without some time and distance. I'm sorry." He said sadly.
"Why do they have to go back?"
It took him a moment to comprehend her meaning. "Because I'm your brother! I can't be your lover."
She shrugged. "Better you than Joffrey or Petyr Baelish. Besides the Targaryns wed brother and sister and the Lannisters have all but done the same. It isn't unheard of…"
"You're serious?" He asked incredulously.
She nodded, worried that she might be ruining everything with her suggestion.
He let out a sigh. "Come to bed then."
They made love that night and on most nights for the next several months. Jon managed to secure a supply of moon tea from Molestown and no one ever suspected their relationship. Then, just four days after Danaerys Targaryn took Kingslanding with her dragons, Jon received a bird from Howland Reed.
To The Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, Jon Snow:
I have information that I must share with you. I swore an oath to Ned Stark many years ago that I would take this information to my grave. It is with a heavy heart that I share it with you now. I was with Ned when Lyanna Stark died in the Tower of Joy. She died in childbirth. Rhaegar had not stolen her, she had gone willingly. She loved him. On her deathbed she begged Ned to take her son Jon, to raise him and to never let Robert kill him for being Targareyn.
As the son of Rhaegar and Lyanna you have a better claim to the throne than this dragon woman. As the fostered son of Ned Stark you would make a more honorable king than this widow of a Dothraki Khal could ever be.
I have in my keep proof of the marriage of Rhaegar and Lyanna as well as a sealed letter for you left by Rhaegar in case that he died. Whatever you chose to do, I thought you deserved to know before I am taken by my illness and the truth is lost forever. -Howland Reed.
Jon felt the room spinning as he read the message a second time. He sat down, unsure what to make of it or even what to do next. Sam found him some hours later still in the rookery.
"So this is where you've been." Sam said. "Your sister is looking for you."
"What sister? I don't have any sisters. I never did." Jon passed the letter from Howland Reed to Sam.
"Seven hells Jon! This makes you the rightful king!" Sam exclaimed.
"What if I don't want to be king?" Jon said.
"Well… if you did want to be king, I imagine most of the North would fight for you."
"I imagine they would. But it could be that my Aunt won't be such a bad ruler. I don't intend to challenge her if she's fair and just." Jon mused.
"Fair and just? Jon, she attacked the capital with dragons and unsullied warriors. How many innocent people died so she can sit on the iron throne?"
"More will die if we resist." Jon said.
"True enough. Just think on it." Sam said, leaving him to his thoughts.
The following day another message came for Jon. It was news from the capital as came whenever anything major occurred in the kingdom.
To The Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, Jon Snow:
The riots in Kingslanding have ended and the Queen has begun giving food and aid to all the common people in the city. King Tomen has been executed as well as Queen Marjory, Cersei Baratheon, and Myrcella Baratheon. Jaime Lannister has been captured and has been scheduled for an execution by dragonfire in a fortnight. The queen says that the man who murdered her father will not receive anything as merciful as a beheading. The dragonpit is being rebuilt and will be the home of the Queen's pets. Several houses have already pledged allegiance to the throne including, all of the crownlands houses, Marbrand, Foote, Garner, Crane, Plumm, Ashford. The list of loyal houses continues to grow daily. So ends the news from the capital.
He knew he should feel relief that the Lannisters were dead and soon to be dead. He didn't. He remembered meeting Jaime at Winterfell and how he had tried to warn him of what the Night's Watch really was. Jon knew now that it was Jaime who had pushed Bran from the tower, all to hide his relationship with Cersei…and now he knew what it was to love a sister... no man should die by dragonfire. The person passing the sentence should wield the sword. Ned Stark had taught him that. Maybe Danaerys couldn't swing a sword but she could have a gallows built and drop the scaffold herself. Besides, Jaime was probably the last person alive who knew Rhaegar well. He had hoped to learn more of his real father someday. If Jaime died, he would never know any of the details of his real father. Jon took out a parchment and a quill.
To the Queen Danaerys of House Targareyn:
Word has reached me that you plan to execute Ser Jaime Lannister. I request that you send him to me at the Wall instead. In return for granting this request my parentage will remain secret for another two years.
I am Jon Targaryn, Lord Commander of the Night's Watch,Son of Rhaegar Targaryn and Lyanna Stark. I was raised as Ned Stark's bastard and can provide proof of my lineage accordingly.
I have no wish to challenge your rule but I can not promise that the northmen would not try to crown me anyway if they knew the truth. Send me Jaime Lannister that I might learn of my father from one of the few people left who knew him well. My parentage may never need revealing but I can promise it won't be revealed for two years if you will grant me this request.
-Jon
Three days later a reply arrived.
To Jon of House Targareyn:
I was gladdened to hear that I have any living relatives at all. My councilors assure me that you are as honorable as the Starks who fostered you and that you will not betray me by seeking the throne for yourself. I hope for your sake that they were correct as the wall can not withstand my dragons if you should break your word. Jaime Lannister will be sent North by ship.
-Danaerys
Sansa was not happy about the arrangement to take Jaime Lannister at the wall but she didn't complain. She understood that Jon needed to face his past. Only she and Sam knew about the letter from Howland Reed. She wondered if Jon planned to tell Jaime the truth as well.
Jaime Lannister arrived in chains a month later. He was escorted by two men on the city watch. They unchained him in the courtyard of Castle Black and left almost immediately. Sansa watched from the top of steps while Jon went down to meet him. The rest of the men pretended to stay busy with their work and sparring but they were watching as well.
"I owe you my life, Jon Snow, but why?"
"Come with me Lannister." Jon led him to his chambers. Sansa retreated to her own where she could hear much of what was said. "Sit." He said, offering Jaime wine and a bowl of stew freshly brought from the kitchens.
Jaime ate wordlessly while Jon watched him arms crossed.
"I do hope you didn't send for me because you've found a more creative way to execute me than dragonfire." Jaime quipped as if he didn't care what happened to him either way.
"I'm not going to execute you or torture you or even assign you the worst duties here on the wall." Jon said.
"Then why?" He asked quizzically.
Jon was silent for a moment. "Why did you kill Aerys?" He finally asked.
Jaime laughed. "You can't be serious. You can't have sent for me simply to find out why the kingslayer slew the king!"
"You're right, that's not the reason. But it is a question I've long had."
Jaime stared. "I killed him because he wanted to burn everyone in Kingslanding alive rather than let Robert Baratheon take the city. He had caches of wildfire all over the city. When my father arrived to take the city for Robert, the king ordered me to kill my father, then ordered the pyromancers burn the city...So I killed him and the pyromancers before they could carry out his orders. That's the reason. Satisfied?"
Jon nodded, then went on. "And what of Prince Rhaegar? How well did you know him?"
"Odd that you should ask, the Queen asked me the same question before she told me I was being sent to the wall. What's this about Jon Snow?"
"My name isn't Jon Snow. It's Jon Targareyn. I'm the son of Lyanna Stark and Prince Rhaegar."
"Seven hells!" Jaime said. "Why didn't anyone realize that before? Ned did bring you back as a babe right after the war…did you always know?"
Jon shook his head. "No. Howland Reed told me the truth of it some weeks ago. They were married, Rhaegar and Lyanna but she died in childbirth. She made them both promise not to let Robert kill me. I have all of it here, the marriage papers, letters from Lyanna and Rhaegar before the war…I told the Queen I would wait two years to reveal my parentage if she would send you to the wall."
"I wondered how you convinced her." Jaime said. "But now that the truth is out, what do you want from me?"
"Two things. I want to know everything you can tell me about Rhaegar."
"And?"
"And I want you to be master at arms here at the wall."
"What?"
"Most of the lads who sent here have never held a sword before. Who better to teach them than you?" Jon said.
Jaime supposed Jon's logic made sense. He accepted his duties on the wall without complaint. The lads took to his training fairly well and Jaime found he didn't dislike instructing them in swordsmanship. He actually liked it. Jaime saw very little of Sansa Stark. She didn't often join the men for anything and when she did either Jon or his huge wolf was by her side. He wanted to speak with her eventually, to tell her of the oath he had made her mother and to tell her that there were rumors of Arya being alive in Braavos. He tried several times to speak with her in the following weeks and each time she avoided him. Finally he caught her as she was leaving the hall after dinner one evening.
"Lady Sansa!" He called after her. She tried to ignore him and keep walking but he ran after her and caught her arm. Ghost snarled at him but did not bite. "Lady Sansa I need to speak to you."
"You do?" Her eyes showed fear.
"Yes, I've been trying to speak to you for several weeks but I think you know that. You've been avoiding me." He said.
Sansa swallowed, deciding not to deny the accusation.
"I wanted to tell you that I think your sister may be alive in Braavos. I spoke to several people who claimed to have seen her there."
"If that's true... then I thank you for telling me Ser. I should be getting back to my chambers." She said, clearly disturbed by this news. "I'm am tired and ready for bed."
"Your bed or Jon's bed?" He called after her. It was a suspicion he had held since shortly after he came there based on the way the two treated each other. There were passing glances, gentle touches, and the protective way Jon kept her from the other men.
Sansa blanched white. "I am a grown woman and Jon is my cousin. Why do you care what we do?"
"I don't. But he wasn't your cousin when it began, was he?"
Sansa neither confirmed nor denied it.
"Don't worry." Jaimie put a hand on her shoulder. "Your secret is safe with me." He grinned and walked away. Life was just full of irony.