For the Frostbite2015 1,5 Million Words Challenge!

RPOV

Beep beep beep.

I groaned as I heard the annoying sound of my alarm telling me that it was time for training with my new least favorite person in the world.

Dimitri.

How was it that I could both hate and love him at once? It was confusing, not to mention, interfering with my sleeping. One night I was dreaming about kissing him and us being together, the next I was waking up crying after yet again remembering what had happened after the lust charm.

Flashback

I walked into the gym ready to confront Dimitri about what had happened, he must feel something for me right? After kissing me like that, and holding me so close and- focus! I ordered myself. I needed to do this right. I saw Dimitri sitting on the training mats reading one of his westerners. He was so adorable.

"Morning Comrade," I said trying to sound more confident than I felt. He looked up at me with his guardian mask on. That wasn't good.

"Hello Rose" was all he said. No Roza? Ok, I guess I was going to have to be the one to get the ball rolling.

"So, about what happened the other night- "

"What happened was a mistake that can never happen again," he said in a cold hard voice that caught me off guard. Whaaat?

"What! Why not? You obviously care about me and I have been trying very hard to hide what I feel for you in public. I mean I know there is the age difference thing to consider, but I will be 18 next year, it's not really that long a wait and-"

"No Rose, it's not that. What happened can't happen again," he said looking a little sad.

"Why?" I asked trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

"Because we are going to be Lissa's guardians and we can't have feelings for each other. The lust charm may have brought our feelings up to the surface, but we still can't act on them. We should just pretend that it never happened."

I didn't bother to try to fight the tears that fell down my cheeks. "But...I..I thought that you loved me," I whispered hating how pathetic I sounded, but I couldn't stop myself. I had to try, even if it all ended in flames.

"I do Roza," he said in a soft voice and I felt a surge of hope. Until he said, "But that doesn't change anything. They come first and that's all there is to it."

I just cried harder. "I love you!" I said. It was the first time that I have ever said those words and I felt painfully vulnerable. I could tell that what I said had an affect on Dimitri, because his face softened for a moment. But then it was replaced by his guardian mask.

"I know. But that doesn't change anything. We need to just forget that it happened."

I ran out of the gym and didn't stop until I was in my room, where I literally cried myself to sleep.

End flashback

Well maybe he could just forget about his feelings, but I couldn't. Every time I was with him, my heart broke a little bit more. How much pain could my heart be expected to take and keep beating?

I dragged myself out of bed and got ready. I was determined not to let him see how much what he said had hurt me. I was going to be as blank and emotionless as he was. I would wear a mask just like he did and never show him how much I was hurting inside.

DPOV

It had been 3 months since I told Roza that we couldn't be together, and 3 months since I started hating myself. I knew what I said would hurt Roza, and even though she was hiding it, I could tell how much pain she was in. I was feeling it too.

It had be three very long months. And in that time, Roza was getting more and more colder towards me, and I hated it. I know I said that we couldn't be together because we were both going to be guarding Lissa one day and that we couldn't afford to distract each other. But still, she didn't have to act like a robot around me. And I was actually thinking that it wasn't that impossible. I know we had to both focus on Lissa, but surely there was a way to be together AND do our jobs. Love for Dhampirs was rare, so rare. And I didn't want to throw it away.

"You did well today, but you need to speed up your back kick so it doesn't hang in the air and can get grabbed by a Strigoi," I told her as we finished up for the day. She just gave me a nod to acknowledge that she heard me. I felt myself slump a little. If she wanted to go all "ice princess" on me then I wasn't going to be able to get two words out before she shut me up. But still...

"Rose, about what I told you a few months ago, I -"

"Save it Guardian Belikov," she spat my name like it was acid in her mouth. "You already made your feelings perfectly clear, now if you will excuse me, Lissa wants to see me."

I just let out a defeated breath.

"You can go now," I said in a cold voice trying to match her mood. I had already tried to bring this topic up before, and she has shut me down, just like she did this time. It was like she had a layer of ice around her heart that I couldn't break. I know she still loved me, but she just wouldn't let herself admit it.

I had to find a way to get her alone long enough to get her to hear what I had to say before she shut me down and walked away. I could always pin her to the floor and wait until she was too tired to fight back and had no choice but to listen to me. But something told me that that wasn't the best way to start what I hoped would be a relationship.

I shook my head to try to clear thought of me and Rose together and left the gym. I was on my way back to my quarters when I heard a voice. I realized that it was coming from Christian's room. I didn't want to be nosy or anything, but the voice I heard sounded familiar.

" -doesn't understand. I gave him my heart, and he just stood on it when he said that we needed to put our jobs before each other. I mean I know we need to focus on you and guard you, but can't we do both?" I heard Rose say. My heart started to race.

YES! I knew that she still felt the same way about me! I moved in closer to the slightly opened door so I could just make out the two sitting on the bed. I know I shouldn't be eavesdropping on what they were saying and that if anybody walked by right now and saw what I was doing, I would have a lot of explaining to do. But this might be my only chance to hear what Rose really thought about me.

Roza had her knees tucked to her chest and as laying her head on them. She was so beautiful even without trying.

"You could give him another chance? It might work out better this time," Lissa said gently as she sat next to Rose. But she just shook her head.

"He hurt me once, I won't give him a second chance to do it again. I will just go the rest of my life with out love, I'll..." I zoned out after that. The rest of her life! She didn't need to be without love, I loved her! And I would tell her if she would just let me get a word in when we trained. I walked away from the room with my head spinning.

I love Roza. And she loves me. But she won't let me get close enough to her to prove it, so how could I get close enough to her to get under her ice princess mask?

I was so deep in thought that I didn't even notice Jack, another guardian, walking up behind me until he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Hello! Earth to Belikov!" he called out and I finally heard him.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought," I said and gave him a small smile.

"I could tell. You know thinking is a dangerous passing time, you could really hurt yourself," he said while laughing.

"Anyway I just wanted to see if you heard the news yet?" he asked. "But from that blank expression on your face I would say no. Well the school is sending a bunch of the older novices and Moroi on a ski trip. Their working on some stuff for the next term and you and Rose are on that list."

My head snapped up at that last part. "Why?" I was baffled.

Jack just shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know, something about continuing her training is a different environment or something, but since you're in charge of her you can do pretty much whatever you want."

My heart was pounding, a ski trip with Rose? Where we could be alone and talk in private and not worry about someone walking in on us in the gym? This was PERFECT!

But I didn't have training on my mind. No, I was going to break that ice wall around my Roza's heart and show her that we could be in love and still be guardians. I smiled to myself, I would have Roza back in my arms in a week tops.

And what better way than a romantic holiday?

I know it's short. But my internet isn't working so your lucky that I can update at all;)

So what do you think? Should I continue?