Title: The World Revives
Rating: M – good lord, people, what else did you expect?
Summary: She can take whatever he dishes out. She deserves it. But his daughter does not.
Disclaimer: Did you see this at the end of 47 Seconds or in the promotion for The Limey? No? Then you know I don't own anything.
Author's Note: After 47 Seconds and the promotion for The Limey, I was just devastated. To combat my depression, I wrote this story. It contains spoilers for 47 Seconds and whatever I could glean from watching The Limey promo over and over again for an hour.
The world revives
Colors renew
But I know blue
Only blue
Lonely blue
Within me
Blue
Without you
~ Without You from the musical Rent
When he refused to go out for drinks, saying he was heading home, she was perplexed.
When he started barely speaking to her, that cold, hard look in his eyes no matter what he was saying or doing, she became suspicious.
When he pulled up to the crime scene in his Ferrari, a giggling blonde at his side, she became angry.
All he could see was her, looking at her, a smile plastered on his face but his eyes still cold and hard. And then she turned, just enough, planning to say something to Lanie and instead meeting the soft doe eyes of Alexis.
She was staring at her dad, staring at him like a deer stares at an oncoming truck. She was perfectly still, unmoving, her porcelain skin even paler than usual. Alexis Castle was good at maintaining control, at keeping things under wraps, but Beckett could tell she was shocked and saddened by what she was seeing in her father right then.
And Beckett was downright furious.
Lanie had said that maybe it was too late – that Castle was pulling away. Beckett cared about that, she cared about it a lot, and she'd been considering telling him how she felt when he'd pulled up, looking like the man she'd seen on Page Six, making her stomach drop to the ground.
But that didn't matter. Castle was punishing her for something. He was forever reminding her about how well he could read her. Well, that worked both ways, buddy; she could read him, too. She had hurt him, and he was punishing her, whether he realized it or not. She could take it. She was a big girl.
Alexis, though… nobody, nobody in the world, was allowed to hurt that precious girl, especially not the man who she worshipped, the man who was her world. How dare he do this to her? Could he not see the damage he was causing?
Beckett sucked in a deep breath, fear replacing anger for the barest moment. Then she raised her fist and pounded on his front door with all of her might.
He hadn't answered her calls or texts.
"Open up, Castle!" She yelled. She paused for a moment, and then banged on the door again. "I know you're in there!"
She paused again. When there was still no answer, she banged on the door once again, determined to talk to him.
"I will pick the lock, you know I can!" She shouted. "Don't you dare ignore me, Richard Castle! I will break down this door and get in there whether you want me to or not! You open this door or I swear to God–"
The door opened. Castle stared at her, that hard look in his eyes. He was wearing that blue button-front shirt she adored, but now it only emphasized the coldness in his eyes. Every feature on his face, every muscle, was frozen and stiff.
"What do you want?" He asked. His tone was polite, but there was a dark undertone that did not go unnoticed.
Beckett pushed past him into the loft, dropping her coat in its usual place on the rack before turning and glaring at him. Castle shut the door, never taking his eyes off of her. She would have paid money, every cent she had, to get that cold look out of his eyes.
"Why are you here?" It wasn't a question so much as a demand.
"What the hell, Rick." Beckett said. "What. The. Hell. Are you having a midlife crisis or something?" She asked.
Castle stared at her, surprised into silence for a moment before speaking. "What are you talking about?" He asked.
"The Ferrari, the bimbo hanging on your arm, just to name a couple things." Beckett said. "What is going on?"
"None of your business." Castle replied, his tone dangerously even.
"Like hell it is." Beckett snorted.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Alexis was typing up an extra-credit report on the Rwandan Genocide when she heard banging. She looked up, frowning.
It sounded rather like Beckett was pounding and yelling on their front door.
Alexis got up to investigate, but she only got to the top of the stairs before her father reached the door first. Alexis turned to go, but then she heard the exchange.
She wasn't an idiot – far from it. She knew that something was going on with her dad, and she hated it. She had never seen him this reckless, or this unhappy. What the hell had happened?
Curiosity struggled with respectfulness and won. Sitting down on the top step, able to see but not be seen, Alexis watched it all unfold.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Beckett advanced on him, her eyes blazing coals. "I don't know what crawled up your ass, or what the hell is going on with you, Rick, but it's got to stop. Look around you! Do you have any idea how you're hurting the people who care about you?"
Castle snapped.
"You want to know what crawled up my ass, Kate?" He demanded. "You did. The people who care about me? Are you one of those people, Kate? Or am I just a joke to you?"
"You could never be a joke to me." Beckett said quietly.
"Oh, really?" He gave a short bark of derisive laughter. It sent chills racing up Beckett's spine. "Because I sure as hell feel like one. Tell me this, Kate – what if you told someone you loved them? What if you laid it all out on the table? And this person pretended to not remember? What conclusion would you come to?"
Beckett had become stock-still, her eyes wide, her face drained of all color.
With her face pressed to the banister, Alexis watched.
"You'd be humiliated, wouldn't you?" Castle's arms were stiff at his sides, his hands clenched into fists. "You would realize just how big of a fool you were; knowing that you'd thrown yourself out there for nothing, knowing that you'd only brought embarrassment to yourself and that other person."
"That's not how it is."
"Really, Kate? Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure I had you look me in the eyes and lie to me. You told me you didn't remember. And then I get to watch as you tell some low-life pickpocket that you remember everything! What other reason is there?"
Castle was done with this. He'd had his heart broken; he didn't need it trampled on, as well. He headed towards his office with every intention of slamming the door shut. He didn't want to tell her to get out – he wasn't that far gone yet – but he couldn't be near her. Every time she got too close, he was struck by love for her and his heart broke all over again. It was so cheesy. It was so ridiculous.
He was so fucking screwed.
Alexis clung to the banister, watching with wide eyes. Beckett looked like she was about to double over in pain.
"I deserve this." Beckett whispered. "I get it, I deserve this, God I know I do but Rick, you are being a blind fucking asshole."
He didn't look at her, keeping his back to her, but he stopped walking away. "I'm the asshole?" He felt like laughing.
Beckett was angry again. "I'm a big girl, I can take it." She insisted. "But Alexis doesn't deserve this, she doesn't deserve any of this, and that's why I'm here. I don't think you've noticed but she was there when you rolled up in that fucking flashy car of yours. She looked like someone had punched her in the gut."
"Don't you talk to me about my daughter." Castle's voice was low, dangerous.
Detective Kate Beckett was afraid of only two things in the world, and neither of them was Richard Castle. She pressed forward, shouting as if to fill in the void of silence his quiet words left. "Well someone has to! Her mother sure as hell isn't going to. She's hurting, Rick! Can't you see that?"
Alexis was gripping the banister so hard that her knuckles were standing out, white and bony, against her skin. She pressed her lips together tightly, refusing to cry.
"That girl is the most precious thing in the world to you; I know that. And I know that you would never do anything to hurt her. So please, listen to me. I deserve whatever you want to dish out, I know that, and I am so, so sorry because you are the last person in the world that I want to hurt. But I refuse, I fucking refuse, to let Alexis become collateral damage, and the way you're going, you're hurting her almost as much as you're hurting me."
Castle didn't say a word. He stood there, a pillar of cold rock, staring into nothing. Beckett continued to yell at his back, hurling the words like knives at a glaring red target.
"You're better than this, Rick! I know you are! And when you go out and you… you pick up those… those fucking bimbos, you are being less than the man I know you can be. Do whatever you want to me. Leave the precinct, kill off Nikki Heat, I don't give a damn. But don't you dare, don't you dare, continue down this path because Alexis doesn't deserve it."
Castle didn't turn around, but he finally got his stone-set jaw to move. "Why do you care?" He asked tightly.
That made Beckett pause. "I've never been much into kids." She said slowly. "I was never even sure I wanted them. But when I look at her…" She swallowed.
Alexis was having difficulty breathing.
"I look at her, and I see everything that's good. She's so strong, and so smart, and so kind and loving…" Beckett looked down at the ground, feeling like she was going to throw up. "I really care about her, and I don't want to see her hurt. She has never done anything but love you, and now she's getting hurt by you. I know you don't want that, and I know neither of you deserves that."
A sob tore free, and she quickly covered her mouth with her hand in a vain attempt to stifle it.
Up at the top of the stairs, a tear slid down Alexis' cheek as she watched two people, both of whom she cared about, tear themselves apart as violently as possible.
"I hurt you, when all I wanted to was to be worthy of you." Beckett couldn't raise her voice above a whisper, all energy drained from her. "I've cause a lot of pain, but I will not cause your family to be torn apart. You don't deserve it, and neither does that beautiful, beautiful girl."
There was a long pause, one that lasted several minutes. Alexis was clinging to the banister, her face pressed against the slats, praying one of them would say something, anything.
Finally, Kate turned to go. "I'll just show myself out." She said quietly.
Castle pivoted slowly, his feet the only thing moving. It was as if he moved any more than he had to, it would cause him immeasurable pain.
"Don't bother calling me tomorrow."
Beckett paused, turning back to him. Her face was wet and gleaming with tears. He had never seen her this exposed, this naked, except for once before: at the hanger where Montgomery died.
She swallowed. This was it. This was where her cowardice, her hiding, had gotten her. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her, allow her to sink into its embrace, engulf her forevermore.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
He shook his head. "I don't want your pity."
Beckett snapped. "It's not pity." Her voice was hard. "I could never pity you."
She marched towards him, taking a fistful of his shirt in each of her hands. "I love you, damn it, and all I've been doing for the past fucking months is trying to find a way to tell you it!"
Her lips crashed onto his, shoving her tongue down his throat, taking everything he had, trying desperately to show him what she couldn't tell him. His arms went around her instinctively, and while he was far from finished with being angry he couldn't help but revel in this, let it surround him, the feel of her in his arms. He gripped her tightly, roughly, surely bruising her with the force of it, kissing her back hungrily. She had one hand at the back of his neck, while the other continued to hold onto his shirt, gripping him fiercely, holding onto him with everything she had.
Alexis hoped they'd sort out their problems before ripping each other's clothes off. She also hoped they wouldn't rip said clothes off in the living room. She had to watch television and stuff in there.
Seconds, minutes, hours… his hand moved down to massage her butt while the other skimmed up her back, burying itself in her hair, holding her head in place so that he could ravish her mouth properly. She gripped his biceps, gyrating against him, her lips refusing to leave his. Time had no meaning – it could have sped by or stood still and it wouldn't have mattered.
The fire didn't abate, and they didn't wake up and realize what they were doing. What made them pull back was the simple fact that they could no longer breathe.
They stared at each other for a minute. Kate reached up and touched his face, her fingers becoming wet. He hadn't even known that he was crying.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice choked. "I am so sorry, God, Rick, I never… I only… I'm sorry. I did this to you."
He looked down, but allowed her to keep her hand on his face, gently caressing his cheek. He kept his arms around her, too, holding on because it was the only thing he could do. If he let go, he was certain he would have fallen.
"Please forgive me."
Please love me. She thought. But she could never say that.
He seemed to understand anyway.
"Kate…" He shook his head, staring at the floor. "God, Kate, I…"
She nodded, stepping back, her hands slipping through his. "I'll go." She whispered. "But I promise, Rick, I will do anything I can to make it up to you. I'll spend the rest of my life making it better. I swear."
Now that she was out of his grip, he felt like he was going to sink to the floor. He raised his eyes, looking at her, the naked pain within making her want to just curl up into a ball and cry.
"I'll… I'll call you tomorrow, then?" She hesitated, asking. Extending the olive branch and praying that he would take it.
Rick lurched forward, grabbing her arm. "You're not leaving." He insisted. "Not until you explain."
Maybe once he understood, he could begin to forgive. He wasn't accepting the olive branch, but he wasn't beating her over the head with it, either.
Kate stepped forward, her hand automatically going up and pushing her hair behind her ear. It was her most obvious tell – she was nervous.
Alexis remembered to breathe and sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes never left their faces.
"I was scared." She forced herself to look into his eyes, to hide nothing. "I was a coward, and I didn't want to tell you because I was scared I would mess it up. I felt… I don't know."
Damn it, she was crying. She hated crying.
"You're the most important person in the world to me, Rick, I swear it. And I didn't feel that I could be who you wanted me to be, who I deserved to be. I couldn't be the person that you deserved, not the way I was. Please try to understand, I was going to tell you, I just… I just couldn't. Not yet. I'm sorry."
She was beginning to choke on her words now. "I'm sorry. Please… what can I do? How can I make it better? Anything you need me to do, anything you want; I'll do it. I'll do anything I can to make it up to you."
"Say it." He whispered. "Just say it."
"I love you." She stepped forward, taking his face in her hands. "I love you, I love you, I swear to God I love you and I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry that I did this. I never wanted this… I always hurt people, I always do this to them, and I didn't want to hurt you, too, and I did and I'm so sorry, I am so…"
He reached up, taking her hands in his and lowering them, holding them tightly. Kate stopped talking.
"Promise me." He swallowed, his throat so dry it hurt to breathe. "Promise me, that you will never do this again."
Rick had never asked anything of her. He had done everything for her, supported her, waited for her, helped her… all he was asking for was her honesty.
"Promise me you'll tell me, no matter what it is." He was being a hypocrite, asking this of her when he still hadn't told her what he had been up to, so he amended the statement. "And I'll do the same."
She looked at him, almost in shock that he was accepting her offer. She nodded vigorously. "I promise." Tears continued to stream down her face. "No more secrets."
He nodded, and pulled her in, hugging her tightly. She didn't sob, but the tears did stream slowly down her face, soaking his shirt.
"Since we're being honest here…"
Kate slowly pulled away, gazing into his face. "Okay." She whispered.
He led her into his office, closing the door behind them.
Alexis hovered at the top of the stairs for a good few seconds before the temptation became too much. She slipped down as quietly as she could, and pressed her ear to the door.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Kate stared at the image of her face, at all the faces, the information and facts like the string web they'd found in the professor's apartment except it was about her, she was Pandora, the linchpin, the thing holding it all together.
It was difficult to breathe.
Rick watched her, seeing the emotions play out on her features, her face tight. After a moment, she took the remote from him, turning it off before setting the remote back down onto the desk.
"This isn't the right time." She said quietly.
The tiny creature of hope that had started to bloom in his chest faltered, its tiny heart stuttering.
"I want to become more than this, and I can't do that by delving back into it now. Maybe later, when the opportunity arises but not now. I'm not ready. I'd just…" She shook her head. "I'd just crumble again, and I can't do that."
Her voice was low, so that he had to strain to hear her, but it gave him so much joy once he understood what she was saying. She wasn't saying no to them – she was saying no to the investigation. He'd underestimated her in this.
But then, he'd also underestimated her ability to hide things from him, and look at where that had gotten them.
Alexis cursed under her breath. She couldn't hear a darn thing when they were talking so quietly.
"I'm sorry." Kate shook her head, making her hair escape from behind her ears and get in her face. "I don't know what else to say."
He reached up, gently moving her hair behind her ear. "I think I have a few apologies to make as well." He said quietly. "To you, to Alexis… to the boys for making everything so awkward…"
She snorted, smiling. He stared at her. He should still be angry, really, he should, but it was so difficult when she was smiling and looking at him with so much love. He'd tried to dream about it, tried to imagine it, but he'd failed miserably. Now she was giving him everything, saying it all with her eyes, and he just couldn't stop the joy spreading through him.
She blushed a little, looking down and then back up into his eyes. It was like watching a spring thaw, seeing the warmth return to them, the icy blue deepening and darkening into the clear sapphires that she'd memorized, the ones that haunted her dreams.
"Can I kiss you now?" He breathed.
"Does this mean you forgive me?" She asked.
His lips on hers were all the answer she needed.
Alexis grinned. The sounds, muffled thought they may be, were easy to figure out. Her grin vanished, however, when she heard her dad say something about bedrooms.
She scampered up the stairs as fast as she possibly could, booking it into her room and closing the door behind her. As she breathed heavily, the thought occurred to her that she really should thank her track team coach.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The wild thought occurred to Kate that Rick was very good at holding his breath. First, in the rapidly-sinking car, where he'd managed to get her gun for her and shoot it after being underwater for far too long, and now, kissing her. He honestly didn't seem to need the oxygen.
Not that she was complaining. The feel of his lips on hers was the most intoxicating, wonderful, liberating thing on the planet.
It was when she was straddling his lap, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, that she realized this might not be the best idea.
"Rick?" She asked.
He was nipping at her collarbone, but managed to murmur a "Hmmm?" as he began to work his way down her neck.
"Don't you think this might explode in our faces?"
He helped her pull her turtleneck off. "Why?"
"Well, we did just have a huge fight over your daughter that morphed into a fight over us, and then a make-out session, and then we revealed all this information and now…" She trailed off when he finally removed her bra, pulling her closer to him so that he could focus on her pert breasts.
"Are you suggesting we go on a date or something? 'Cause I won't lie, I'm happy right here." Rick said, a trace of his old humor returning.
Kate smiled, kissing him soundly. "I don't know. I just don't want to mess this up. I don't want to have a taste and then… I can't lose you."
"You won't." He said earnestly. "Look at me, Kate. An hour ago, I thought I was an idiot. I thought you didn't love me. Now I know I was mistaken and I am never, ever going to let you go."
She searched his eyes. "I don't want to ruin this." She whispered. She was so, so scared, so afraid of destroying this, this most precious thing. "I couldn't handle it. Please don't let me ruin this."
He smiled, his eyes crinkling up. "You won't." He repeated.
Kate Beckett was in his arms. Nothing bad could possibly happen.
She drew in a shuddering breath as he ran his hands up her back, reveling in the warmth and smooth feel of it beneath his fingers. She went back to his buttons, undoing them frantically, pushing the shirt off of his arms. Their pants quickly followed.
She settled herself to take him in, but he flipped them so that she was lying on her back on the bed, gazing up at him. She opened her mouth to argue but he put a finger to his lips.
"Let me have this." He whispered.
She nodded.
He took his sweet time exploring her body. She lay there, her breathing quickening, hitching and deepening based on what he was doing to her. Her body was the orchestra and he was the conductor. By the time he was finished there wasn't an inch of skin on her body that he hadn't worshipped, carefully kissed and stroked. There wasn't a part of her that wasn't on fire, wasn't crackling with electricity, humming and thrumming with untold pleasure.
After what felt like minutes but was probably hours, he brought his lips back up to hers.
"I love you." She would say it over and over again, as many times as he needed, as many times as it took to heal his battered heart. She took the stones of what had once been her wall and built a bridge to him, reaching out to him, giving him everything she had denied him for the past four years.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Alexis dared to peek her head out and look at the closed door of her father's bedroom. She had finished six extra credit papers, two articles for the New York Times, and just reviewed a book (she was also interning with Gina, much to her father's dismay). What the hell were they doing in there that took three hours?
Oh God. The images in her head made her slam the door shut again.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
He was engulfed. It was the only word he could think of to describe it. Surrounded, encompassed, bathing, drowning in her; her scent, her skin, her inner channel clenching around him… and not least of all the sight of her, gazing up at him with a mixture of trust and lust that made his head spin.
She lay there, trying to focus on breathing, hoping he would start to move soon. She really, really liked being the one to drive but she knew he had to have this. She wanted him to have this. She wanted him to know that she was his, completely, and since she wasn't good with words she had to show him. She could only hope that he would understand.
When he did begin to move, they both had to suck in a breath at the sensation. Kate's fingers immediately dug into his back, her body arching against his in time to his thrusts. Every time that he moved, she felt like the bridge grew a little stronger. There was no turning back now, no changing their minds. It was the most liberating thing that had ever happened to her.
The idea startled her. She had always thought of relationships, of taking that dive, as being something to trap you, not to free you. But this did. She was soaring and free.
Movements became harsher, frantic, and they began to lose their rhythm as they drew closer. He was overwhelmed by the moment, by every intoxicating piece of her, and when the feeling of the climax swept over him, his breath was stolen from him. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think; he could only soar with her, feeling almost like they were one person instead of two.
Slowly, like feathers drifting down, they returned to earth. Rick carefully rolled off of her, but Kate came with him, not wanting to be without the feel of his skin against hers for a second. Her arms couldn't span his broad, smooth back, so she brought her hands up to rest on his chest, their legs casually entwined.
"We kind of did this all backwards." Rick observed.
"If any of this ends up in a book, I will put a bullet in you before you can even think of saying 'apples'." Kate warned him.
They both knew she didn't mean it.
"I love you." She said, earnestly, her eyes boring into his. "I don't know what I can do to prove it, but I do."
He kissed her gently. "We're going to figure this out, Kate. I know we will."
It wasn't going to be a short road, or an easy road, but they would figure it out. They would travel it, dealing with whatever skeletons they found along the way. Whatever slings and arrows life through at them, they could handle it. He believed it, with every fiber of his being.
"You're such a romantic." Kate scoffed.
Their tongue battle was interrupted when there was a timid knock at the door.
"Who is it?" Rick called.
"I hate to interrupt, but I'm hungry so I ordered pizza and I need your credit card to pay." Came Alexis' muffled voice. "Oh, and you have been in their four hours. You are officially the most disgusting people on the planet. And you owe me an apology for embarrassing me at the crime scene with the Ferrari and what's-her-name-Greta."
There was a long pause, as Kate stifled her laughter with a pillow. Rick gave her a look and then cleared his throat.
"Use the cash in the emergency jar in the kitchen – I'll refill it tomorrow." He called. "I can't really get to my wallet right now."
After a beat, Alexis replied.
"Thanks, I'll use that. Oh, and Kate?"
"Yes?" Kate tried not to sound like someone choking back laughter.
"Lanie blew up your phone. It won't turn on."
Alexis failed to mention this was because she had text Lanie what was going on in the loft's master bedroom.
"Thanks!" Kate called.
There was the sound of retreating footsteps, and then Rick rested his head back against the pillow. Kate smiled at him.
"We're screwed, you know that, right?" He asked.
In answer, she snuggled into his side. "Oh yes." She said, smiling against his chest. "We are thoroughly screwed."
He smiled helplessly at her innuendo, a warm feeling flooding him. He'd felt dead, empty, forgotten, and now he was revived. He was renewed.
For the first time that evening, he repeated the words he'd whispered to her over a grave.
"I love you."
Okay, so I'm not sure what this is. It started out all angst, and then I just started putting a bit of humor in there, and it became more hurt/comfort, and I really don't know. I was all over the place. I hope you all managed to like it anyway!
And a quick shout-out to purplangel, who has been begging for a Rick-on-top forever – I hope that you enjoyed this one babe!