"I like this one." Loki pointed to a large leather sofa.
"...it's huge. It'd take up the whole living room." Tony sighed, rubbing his temples, "Not to mention that would look ridiculous in the living room... it's like some victorian... thing."
"I like it." Loki crossed his arms.
Tony licked his lips, glancing at the poor Ikea employee who had been stuck with them two hours after close. He mouthed a small apology. The employee shook her head, and sighed.
"Come on... we're getting that one... the sleek white one, remember? We agreed on this."
"Yes, well we also got the table you liked."
"You wanted the 12 foot long table!"
"It would be grand for feasts!"
"We don't have feasts on Earth! Besides, we got the chairs you liked to go around the table!"
"You most certainly have feasts! You have your Thankful feast! And your...tree lighting days!"
Tony sputtered faintly, "We're not getting furniture big enough for a castle."
"Your home is big enough for them."
"I like it being open."
"I want it to be elegant."
"Jesus Loki, it is elegant! You're there! Bam. All the elegance anyone could want." he put on his best smile; he was more than willing to stroke the god's ego to get the hell out of here.
Loki hummed softly, "Very well. We do still need to pick out a bedroom set."
Tony let out a long breath, "Yep. Then we'll be all done. You all can deliver right?"
The employee nodded, "Yes sir Mr. Stark." She led the pair to the bedroom section, "Our king size beds are mostly here but we can also custom-"
"Stark. I want this one."
"Loki," Tony groaned, turning to see what Loki had picked now.
Loki circled his chosen bed, a large, black bed with a leather headboard with metal studs along the edges.
"That looks like something out of a german dungeon porn."
"...what?"
"Loki, that is hideous." Tony groaned, "Look, why don't we get something simple? Modern? Like this one." He patted the edge of the mattress of a bamboo flat bed, "See? Low to the ground, cozy-"
"Boring."
"Jesus Christ Loki, it's a bed. It's not suppose to be exciting."
Loki arched a brow, "Clearly not, given your prowess."
"Oh, you did not just insult my..." he glanced at the employee, "...bedding. Um.. miss, could you just give us a few minutes... we'll meet you in the lamps section in just a minute."
She put on smile, clearly irritated at the pair, and nodded, leaving the two.
"Come on Loki, this wasn't suppose to be a big deal."
"You are making this all to your taste!"
"I am not! I'm just thinking what would look best in the house."
"Do not lie to the god of lies Stark."
Tony sighed, getting up and going to look over the bed Loki liked. "It's just... it's too big."
"Yes well I am bigger than you."
"Taller. You are taller than me."
"I require more space."
"Loki, the mattress is the same size regardless of the frame. We are not getting this bed." he flopped onto the bed.
Loki looked away, arms crossing over his chest, but he fell silent.
Tony gloated, he'd won again. "Now, let's just get this tag and then we can get out of-"
Loki turned back to Tony, eyes too wide, and too green. "...You do not want...to share a bed with me?"
"I...what?" Tony fumbled as Loki crawled towards him.
"...this bed will be our marriage bed Stark...you do not want...something...fitting princes?"
"Loki, I-"
Loki's lips covered Tony's mouth, gently taking his lips between his teeth, and softly biting. He eased Tony down onto the mattress, the plastic prince tag crinkling under Tony's back as Loki straddled him. His cold tongue traced over Tony's lips, sliding into his mouth, and stealing every last breath from him.
He slowly parted their lips, letting his tongue trace over his own lips to lick up Tony's lingering warmth, "I want this one."
Tony nodded numbly, "Yeah. Yep. I like this one. This is a good bed."
Loki smirked, leaning down to kiss Tony again before he slid off of Tony, and collected the tag from the edge of the bed. Tony stayed where he was on the bed, just catching his breath and hoping that the tightness in his jeans wouldn't be totally obvious to the poor girl just trying to get them to check out.
He finally got back to his feet and went after Loki, "Fine, we got your bed... but we're still not getting the ugly couch."
Loki smirked, "We will see Stark. We will see."
Three years later, Tony still hates the ugly leather couch in the living room.