Keep Holding On, an outsiders fanfic

A/N: To answer previous questions, Ponyboy isn't nessesarily "gay" in this fiction. He simply has intense feelings for Johnny, bording somewhere between romantic and friendly. The fic is loosely based around the idea that Ponyboy told Johnny he loved him before he died, but never specified in what way, and that Ponyboy is simply living the remainder of his life because that is how Johnny would have wanted it. Sorry if I ruined it before you read it. xD Just wanted to clear that up.

-James.

Your smile, it still kills me to think about it. Your laugh, it still hurts like nothing else when I hear it in the back of my mind. Your touch, I can hardly bear this all. Why did you have to leave? Why did you leave me here alone, to fend for myself, with no support system... with no armor, no shield?

You're not alone, together we stand

I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold and feels like the end

There's no place to go, you know I won't give in

No, I won't give in

You don't know how reckless you've left me. You don't know how many pieces you've broken me into. What am I supposed to do without you? Who will I talk to? Who will understand me? Who will I trust? Why, Johnny, why? Things are so wrong now, I can't see ahead without you.

Keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through, just stay strong

'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

I can't even look at you, give you a proper send off. All I can look at is a locked casket that holds your remains. But it's not you. You're not here, are you? Because you've left, you've run away. You've escaped, and left me here all alone to find my own way. But I need you. I need you.

There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

I feel everything disappearing, Johnny. Without you here, there isn't direction, there isn't light to show the way. Hope is gone, the point is lost. What am I supposed to do without you? What can I do? I told you everything, and you kept it close. Everything I said, it's gone with you. But you heard it. I love you.

So far away, I wish you were here

Before it's too late, this could all disappear

Before the door's closed, and it comes to an end

With you by my side, I will fight an defend

I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah

We could get along without anyone but you, Johnny. It's not just me that needs you, it's everyone. The gang needs you, the world needs you. I need you. Come back... please, come back. Save me from this. I just need your arms, your strength, your love. But I'll never have it again. Why'd you have to go, Johnny? Why didn't you fight?

There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

It can't get worse from here, can it, Johnnycake? First you, then Dally, who next? Sodapop, Darry? I couldn't stand to lose anyone else, but you... you're the one person I can't make it without. I can't see my way, and I fall and stumble. I need your hand, I need you to guide me. I need your support, your love... I love you.

Here me when I say, why I say I believe

Nothing's gonna chance, nothing's gonna change destiny

Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Will you be waiting for me? When I leave, will you be there with open arms? You will, you have to be. You have to be my goal, my golden reward. If I can make it, Johnny, will you be waiting at the end? I'll make it for you. I'll go on for you. As long as you're here for me... be here for me, Johnny. Please.

There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

I miss your touch, your soft hands. I miss your words, quiet and caring. I miss you, Johnny. And it's my own fault, but you're just waiting. I'll see you soon, I know I will. I just have to. I can't make it without knowing that. Nobody else matters, Johnny. I just need you. I miss you. I love you.

Keep holding on

I'll stay for you. I'll hold on because it's what you'd want. I know you still want the best for me, and I have to except that, for now... for now. But I have a goal now, and I'll meet it. I'll meet you. I'll love you, you'll love me. We'll be one again, Johnny, we have to be. We have to be.

There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

And, I see you. Open arms, smile as big as the world. You waited, Johnny! You waited for me, and I knew it was worth it. Every last minute, and every last second, it was all worth it, wasn't it? I knew it was all just a matter of time. You're here now, and I'm here. And we're together. After so long, we're together, Johnny. I love you.