Chapter 1:
Tommy stood in front of me, his eyes staring into the ground. The bloody bastard couldn't even look me in the eye. Rage burned inside of me and I no longer wanted to push it out. It was a part of me now, just as the flare was a part of my brain.
"Kill me!" I spit at him. "KILL! ME!" I punctuated each and every syllable. My brain screamed at me to just jump on him, pummel his face in until his lungs stopped working, until his heart stopped beating. He needed to kill me, and if he wouldn't, I would kill him.
The sensation of saliva bubbling on my lips distracted me for a moment. It was just long enough for a simple thought to pass through my head: 'Mum would be so disappointed if she saw me like this…'. It caught me off guard as I realized that I didn't even know my mum… And then Tommy's eyes were there again, wide with fear and confusion. He looked like a scared little kid, because...because of me. A sob escaped from my raw throat as I sank to the ground. I was becoming a monster.
"Please, Tommy," I choked out. My voice was shaking and it hurt - everything hurt. I just wanted it all to stop. "Tommy," I mumbled again, tears clouding my already foggy vision, "please...if you have ever loved me, please...kill me…"
Finally, Thomas lifted his eyes to meet mine. Tears were falling silently and evenly down his face, making canals through the dirt that coated it. His body twitched to the side, and I knew he was thinking about running. After all I'd done for him, after all we'd been through together, he couldn't do this one thing for me. The monster that was devouring my brain was threatening take control again, but I pushed the anger down before it went to far. I couldn't let it devour me now, not when it was all so close to ending.
"Please," I whispered one last time. Thomas raised his arms, carefully aiming the gun straight at my head. I heard another sob come out of body; it felt as though I was hearing it from a distance, like this was a movie and I was a mere onlooker. Tommy's lips moved to form an "I'm sorry", too soft to hear. And then, in slow motion, his finger jerked the trigger.
I felt the bullet pierce my skin, reach my disease-ridden brain. I felt my limp body as it flew backwards from the force. And then I caught a glimpse of my best friend, running away as if he were still being chased by a hoard of bloody cranks. In the few milliseconds before unconsciousness consumed me, I watched as Thomas ran away from me forever. 'I'm sorry, too, Tommy. I'm sorry, too.'