Warning: Emotionalities. Cussing. You may spontaneously combust into flames.
Disclaimer: Do I look like Rumiko Takahashi to you? I wish I owned it, but I don't...so...yeah I make no money from this.
It had always been difficult for Inuyasha to show his emotions. His deeper feelings were typically kept to himself. So much pain dealt in the past had caused him to form impenetrable walls which were not easily broken. Anger in the place of covering hurt. Frustration when he tried and desperately tried over again to communicate with others, only to be slighted when he wasn't taken seriously. Even now, he wondered if his wife or his friends even really knew who he was. Of course, they never could know. It wasn't their fault.
After all, he never revealed much.
Tossing a random stone away, he watched as it skipped over the water. Laying against the rough trunk, his ears swiveled curiously as he looked up. With a grunt he leapt into the branches and sat down as he typically did with the intention of delving into his thoughts. Nobody would believe that though. They liked to believe he was a stupid, arrogant being who could barely string two coherent thoughts together. Still, it wasn't their fault. He did present himself as somebody who was quite idiotic and brash. It was a defense mechanism, he supposed. It kept others away.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome's voice sounded loudly, even over the humming bugs. The heat blazed down on the girl as she walked towards the tree he was lounging in.
He smirked. She was the only one who truly stood by him. At first he had assumed she was naive when they had first met, until he realized that him being a half demon didn't mean much to her because people like him didn't exist in her world. She didn't care.
"What is it?" His eyes flickered down towards her, brow raised.
She gave him a knowing smile. "We're supposed to meet Sango and Miroku for dinner. Remember?"
Ah, yes. The annoying part about being a couple - having to mingle with other couples, friends or not. It just wasn't his thing. Being social wasn't high on his list of priories. However, if it was what Kagome wanted, then he supposed he'd have to just go with it. Otherwise she would 'sit' him until he had literally dug his own grave.
"Right." He mumbled, landing on the ground.
As he began making his way back to the village, she walked faster to catch up with him. "Wait up! I need a lift."
He sneered at her. "It's not that far."
She pulled her lips tight, but otherwise stayed calm. "I know that, but my feet hurt. I've been helping Lady Kaede and Rin in the fields all day."
Rolling his eyes, he continued to walk. "So? Sore feet ain't gonna kill you."
When he heard silence, Inuyasha knew he had messed up. He glanced over his shoulder and swallowed at the look on her face. He already knew what was going to come next.
"Sit!"
Beads glowed brightly as they forced him face down into the dirt as usual. Spitting out the mouthful of ground he'd gotten, he turned his head to glare at her. A weird, unexplainable fury lit up his veins. Normally he was irritated, but not this upset. He wasn't sure what was causing it.
She folded her arms expectantly. "C'mon, Inuyasha. Please?" Her tone was kinder this time, a sweet smile quirking her lips.
"Right." He muttered, standing up before lowering down to let her onto his back.
"Thank you!" Her voice was drawn out and almost mocking in nature as she giggled.
Rolling his eyes into what felt like another dimension, he continued to walk as he silently fumed the entire trip back.
o
Dinner wasn't much better. Inuyasha listened to them talk about very human things. Normal things that he didn't really understand. It was always like this. He sat there quietly during a meal, usually away from them, while they talked and played card games with each other. Occasionally Shippo would try to sneak some of his food, but quickly was reprimanded for that.
"Inuyasha." Kagome said warningly when he bopped him on the head a second time.
"It's not my fault the kid keeps trying to take my food." He then turned to the fox kit with a frustrated expression, "Just because you're leveling up on those fox demon exams and learning more tricks doesn't mean you can use them on me! Got that?"
"Why not? I'm practicing." Shippo said innocently, shrugging. The glint in his eyes told the hanyou that he was messing with him as usual.
"You're so annoying." The hanyou shook his head, biting into his fish.
"Oh, please. You're one to talk, Inuyasha!" The fox retorted, pointing an accusatory finger at him.
"Now, now. Settle down please. Let's try to eat the rest of this meal in peace." Miroku glanced at the two with a somewhat stern look.
"Whatever." The hanyou mumbled.
"Cheer up, Inuyasha. You don't always have to be such a grouch." Sango told him, sighing a little. Even as serious as she could be sometimes, the demon slayer knew when to lighten up a little. The half demon was always on the defense.
He snorted rudely. "Yeah, whatever."
"Is that your response to everything?" Kagome looked almost exasperated, but covered it up with a gentle smile. "You could try being a little more-!"
"A little more what?" He narrowed his eyes.
'I love him, but does he always have to ruin everything? This was supposed to be pleasant.' She thought, setting her chopsticks down with a sigh.
They didn't realize he was nearing his last straw. He felt that same heat from before return, stronger this time. It was frustrating for lack of a better word. There was something he wanted badly, yet had no idea what it was.
The hanyou always thought settling down and being in a relationship would somehow heal him or change the past, but it had done none of that. If anything, it had made it worse. He found himself growing more and more irritated as the days past. It was one thing to put up with the others' treatment while traveling to find Naraku. There had been a purpose back then, a reason for him to stick by his group. But now, things were not the same.
"You know what? Forget it. Be like that." Kagome said, shrugging as she sipped her drink.
A growl escaped him before he realized it. The sound was different from his usual low, annoyed growls. It was menacing, deep, and not something to be taken lightly. The others stared at him with wide eyes. Shippo, who sat next to him, backed off a little as he swallowed nervously.
"I-Inuyasha?" He squeaked, blinking large turquoise eyes up at him meekly.
"Relax. I'm not turning full demon or somethin'." He took a deep breath, attempting to calm his racing heart.
Kagome grinned out of relief. "Thank goodness. I would've been forced to subdue you in that case."
His head sharply snapped up at that. "Yeah..." His tone was light, distant.
Suddenly, he felt the strong need to get out of the stifling hut. Without excusing himself, he ran outside and into the forest. His heart was still racing, he couldn't control it at all. No matter how many calming breaths he took, no matter how much he willed his body to relax.
"Damn it!" Punching a tree, he panted as he noticed how off he was right now. The wood barely even cracked. Resting his head against the bark, he tried to focus. A rustling of leaves nearby disrupted his thoughts. He turned quickly, a hand gripped his sword's hilt.
His once racing heart nearly came to a stop. Puppy ears slicked back against his skull at the unnatural sight. Whatever it was, it was unlike any demon he'd seen yet. It was bald and pale, a stretched malicious grin on its face. It didn't walk - it hovered above the ground. It was somewhat tall, resembling a human man. The white kimono it wore drug against the grass as it floated closer. Its dark eyes scanned him in an interested manner, seeming pleased about something. Inuyasha stood completely still. His eyes widened further as it offered out a hand.
"What the hell are you? And what do you want?" He snapped.
The demon silently laughed, tossing its head back. The smile seemed permanent and that was when Inuyasha realize this demon didn't talk. It sent chills down his spine looking at that unnatural expression. The smile was far too wide for its face, all of its teeth sharp and blaringly white.
"You don't talk, huh? Well, I'll make you then." He smirked, though his gaze looked uncertain as he swung his sword back
The pale demon held a hand up and he lunged forward, only to realize he was frozen to the spot literally. Gritting his teeth, the half demon tried to move but couldn't. Cold sweat beaded at his hairline as he realized this being had some kind of strange power.
"Just tell me what the hell you want!" He yelled.
It reached its hand out again, releasing him from its spell. Its dark eyes glanced from the outstretched hand to his confused gaze. It nodded, beckoning him closer.
Inuyasha sheathed his sword, scratching at his neck nervously. His ears flickered as he glanced about curiously, wondering if there were more of them hiding somewhere. Even though he couldn't scent another one, it didn't hurt to take precaution. Surviving on his own in the forests had taught him that well.
'The power won't last very long. It'll be enough. A taste.' It spoke to him telepathically. 'You can come back for more, if you wish.'
'I don't understand. Why pick me of all people?'
It tilted its head. 'Because you are sad and broken. You haven't been happy in a long time. I only come to those who no longer wish to live.'
Inuyasha jolted at that. He was growing sick of his day-to-day life, but suicide had never crossed his mind. Well, not quite yet.
'You've got it all wrong, alright? I do want to live.'
'Yes, but you yearn for change. Do you want it?'
Inuyasha swallowed, raising a brow. He glanced down at the hand, snorting rudely. "Why? So I can get some freaky, stupid powers? I don't need magic. I'm a demon."
If possible, the smile seemed to stretch more. 'Half demon. A being who belongs in neither world. Yet, one calls out more than the other.'
"Okay, now you're not making any damn sense." Inuyasha sighed, folding his arms. "I'm about this close to just killing you and getting on with my day."
The demon shook its finger at him tauntingly, shaking its head. The hanyou scowled at that, his glare growing more heated.
'It's temporary.'
Inuyasha could see this demon had no intention of leaving him alone, so he rolled his eyes and took its hand begrudgingly. A series of painful shocks traveled up his spine, causing him to yell out and clench his eyes shut. It was over nearly as soon as it started. Inuyasha stumbled back, breathing harshly as he felt a different sort of power travel through him. It was invigorating to say the least. Addicting.
"How long will it la-?" He looked up, only to notice it had disappeared. Perhaps he'd imagined the whole thing.
He walked through the forest aimlessly, subconsciously heading back to the village. He didn't actually want to go back, but figured it was better than being alone. It was, wasn't it? The hanyou looked up at the sun. They had dinner early today, so there was still time left before sunset.
The leaves rustled in the wind. The breeze was more than welcome considering the heat outside. Animals darted around nearby, the dirt hot beneath his feet. His puppy ears flickered when he heard someone approaching. Opening his eyes, he unfolded his arms which had been situated in his haori sleeves. Lazily, he rolled his neck and cracked his back a little as he felt a sense of calm overcome him. Despite the fact Kagome was coming towards him angrily, he wasn't worried this time.
"Hey." He stood casually, to one side as he smirked.
"That's all you have to say to me?" Kagome asked disbelievingly. "You took off without a word, that's so rude!"
"So?"
His tone was eerily calm, past casual at this point. It made the priestess pause as she focused on his aura. It was also then she noticed his eyes were a deeper color, a dull gold that had no life to it. It was dark, not in a full-blooded demonic sense. It was like he'd been enveloped in an unexplainable darkness.
Her eyes widened when she realized what it was. Just as there were priestesses and monks, there were people who practiced darker rituals. Powers that were better left alone.
"What have you done?" She asked quietly, a clenched fist raised against her chest as she scanned him worriedly.
He gave her a blank look. "Bored now."
She raised both brows, gaping at his calm tone. This wasn't like him. Reaching out to him, she was immediately pushed back by some invisible force. Looking up at him warily, she laughed nervously.
"This isn't funny, Inuyasha. Look, I know you were upset, but we act like that towards you all the time. We don't mean any harm by it." She smiled a little.
"Doesn't matter. I'm tired of being treated like a joke." Still, he didn't sound angry.
"You're not, you're our friend. We all care about you." Kagome said, looking hurt. "And you know that I love you. I mean, I'm your wife. Don't you trust me?"
"You know what?" He sighed amusedly. "You're right, it's not you guys. It's me. I'm sick of being the scapegoat."
"You're not-!"
"But I am. I always have been." Golden eyes narrowed slightly. "Even surrounded by people, I'm still having to fight for basic kindness. To be treated like...hell, I don't know...like someone who's...somebody normal."
"You are normal."
"Bullshit." His tone was terse and low, causing her to frown.
Tears filled her eyes as she shook her head. "I don't understand where this is coming from. Just talk to me, you know you always can."
A smirk twisted his lips. "Talk? I'm tired of talking. It ain't gonna solve anything. It won't change what I am."
"Maybe if you talked to me, you might feel better." She insisted, not about to give up just yet.
He shook his head, still looking oddly calm. "Nah, I'm good."
"You're being ridiculous." She said, her eyes filled with frustrated tears. "This isn't you."
He gave her a funny look. "How would you know, Kagome? Believe me, nobody knows me. Hell, I don't even really know me."
"Please, just..." She swallowed, wiping her tears away. "Let's go back to the village and just relax. You're just having a bad day. Although, you're always usually grumpy..." Laughing a bit, she looked up at him expecting him to just roll his eyes and laugh a little at himself, to take it easy.
He only stared at her. "You know all those times you ran home? Well, this time I'm the one that's leaving. Maybe you don't see anything wrong with my situation, but I do. I'm not your lapdog, Kagome."
"But-!"
"You treat me more like a brother than a husband. Like a goddamn pet, even. You never take me seriously and I'm sick of it." He said lowly.
Kagome lowered her gaze, knowing there was some truth to that. "Well, maybe I have treated you a little unfairly at times, but you haven't exactly been pleasant all the time either."
"I know." He said, his tone suddenly devoid of anger. "I'm the angry, hurt, idiotic half breed and you're the girl who was nice enough to look past my flaws. Sounds like a good love story, doesn't it?"
She could only stare at him, speechless.
"Do yourself a favor. Find somebody who's actually right for you. Someone who can love you without their past getting in the way."
"Don't leave." She murmured, attempting to step forward.
"I'm sorry, Kagome."
Again, the invisible force prevented her from going anywhere. He looked apologetic, before that same calm replaced it.
With that, he took off again. This time he didn't plan on returning.
o
With these new powers, there was someone he wanted to test it out on. Vengeance coursed through him, propelling him forward until he found his next target.
It was Sesshomaru's unfortunate luck that he had decided to visit Rin on this day. As he approached the village, he could immediately tell something wasn't right. A dark power emanated from it. Whatever it was, it was leaving the village and heading right for him.
A displeased frown settled across his handsome features. He supposed that Rin might have to wait for her gift this time. Drawing Bakusaiga, he patiently waited until it grew closer. Whatever it was, he would eliminate it quickly. Such was his power, after all. There were few who could best him.
His eyes widened a fraction when he realized it was Inuyasha. It was indeed the hanyou, but he smelt distinctly different. The aura was evil, disgusting. It reminded him of Naraku.
"What has the fool done to himself this time?" Sesshomaru wondered aloud, frowning.
"I bet he's turned full demon again. The brat is so reckless, after all. You should simply kill him and get it over with, milord." Jaken complained loudly, haughtily tossing his face up.
Sesshomaru didn't respond as usual. There was no need for that. He didn't have to explain himself to the imp or anyone for that matter. Aside from his mother and Rin, he rarely responded to anybody unless it was important. Or an annoyance such as his little brother.
The hanyou landed in front of him abruptly, standing slowly. The demon lord instantly furrowed his brows, unable to help the slip in his icy exterior. He hadn't felt such darkness since...well, not for a long while.
Regarding him carefully, he wondered if Jaken was right after all. As if being half demon wasn't bad enough, he had such vile energy flowing throughout him now. His nose wrinkled slightly in disdain at what he considered a foul stench, the scent of a hanyou.
Still, he had let the fool live all this time. He had even allowed him to marry that human girl, Kagome. At this point, it seemed foolish to suddenly try to harm or kill him. He had ignored the younger male throughout his childhood and it wasn't different now.
"Why have you come to me, Inuyasha?" He used his name, yet it sounded condescending and unwelcoming.
"No more talking." He said blankly.
The demon lord was about to scoff at the absurdity of his poorly chosen words. He rarely talked as it were in the first place. Before he could throw in an thinly disguised insult about his sheer stupidity, he felt his body freeze into place.
Sharp golden eyes glanced up at him. "You-!"
Inuyasha made a movement with his hands, causing the other to be forced down to the ground. His muscles felt like they were being ripped apart as he fought in vain to break free of whatever was holding him back. His teeth gnashed at the pain, his eyes glowing red as he considered transforming.
"You're an asshole. A pathetic excuse for a brother. A murderer. You think you're so above everything. Perfect. Nothing's perfect, you know." He made another movement with his hands, stretching the other's joints and muscles to nearly impossible limits.
"I will kill you, half demon." He growled.
"So?" Inuyasha shrugged. "Do it. Hell, you wanted to. Just get it over with, then."
"You realize your priestess will surely miss you. Is this worth it?" Red eyes glared up at him, the once impeccable features growing distorted and frightening as his face partially transformed.
"Yes. Because I'm gonna kill you first." Sesshomaru noticed his tone was far too calm. It was that moment he realized the younger man was not himself.
Even in their estranged, turbulent past the half demon seemed to have some hope that maybe things could be brotherly between them. At the very least he hadn't wanted to end his life.
A pulsing in Inuyasha's body made him stop. Looking up at the setting sun, he cursed his terrible luck. Of course tonight would be the new moon. Just when he was about to get retribution. Scowling, he looked down at the older male.
"You're lucky." There was something about the way he said it that made the other feel uncomfortable.
Like he didn't simply mean lucky tonight, but fortunate to be full demon and to have known a rather charmed life for the most part. It didn't sit well with him. It made him feel guilt. He did not wish to feel such a human emotion. Yet it twisted at his insides, even as he stood up and pretended that had never happened. This almost felt worse than when he'd felt that aching despair and hopelessness when Rin had died a second time in the underworld.
Looking behind him, he noticed Jaken cowering behind Ah-Un. The imp finally peeked around the dragon, letting out a relieved breath.
"That was the most foul energy I've ever felt in my life." He shuddered.
"Indeed, it was odd." This time, he bothered to speak.
"Are you alright, milord?"
"I'm fine. Let's go."
o
Racing through the forest, he stared down at his hands as claws shrunk into regular fingernails. His hair looked as though blank ink had been poured over a white canvas, his eyes darkening, his body growing weaker as he turned mortal.
Once it had finished, he stopped to catch his breath. He abruptly collapsed to his knees as he felt the power given to him earlier drain away. Panicking, he shook his head. He needed this to last longer. Was it gone now because he was human? If Sesshomaru followed him, he was a dead man.
Now that his mind was clear and he was himself, overwhelming guilt ate at him for what he'd said and done to Kagome. The look of hurt on her face, her tears. Still, in his heart, he knew leaving was the correct decision.
It wasn't healthy to fight the way they did. Having disagreements was normal, but it seemed to be far too frequent between them. Besides that, he truly was tired of living in the village. Somewhere within the twisted corridors of his racing mind, he knew that he would outlive Kagome and the pain of losing yet another woman he loved would be nearly unbearable. It was better this way. She could live the life she deserved, and maybe so could he.
That is, if Sesshomaru or some other demon didn't kill him first while he was fragile and defenseless.
Looking down at his human fingernails again, a forlorn expression crossed his face. Should something attack now, he wasn't even sure he could muster energy to run. That magic, while great, had totally drained his energy.
It almost hadn't seemed real though. Whatever that power was, it had turned him into an entirely different person. Someone level-headed, calm, and powerful. He hated to admit it, but part of him had enjoyed it. The power wasn't demonic, it was different somehow. He wanted more, but had no idea how to find that creature again. Perhaps it would come to him.
When he heard rustling once more, he gasped as he turned his head. Expecting the pale creature to step out, his curiosity quickly turned into terror as a large ogre demon burst through the bushes, looming over him. The demon turned to him, smirking widely.
"I thought I smelled a human. You ought to taste good." Its deep voice rumbled.
Inuyasha froze to the spot, willing his tired body to move but it didn't budge. Fear encased him as he looked up at the nearly drooling beast, realizing that he may very well die tonight. He supposed he deserved it. There wasn't much to live for these days anyway. Nobody would miss him, except maybe Kagome. Despite her temper, she had a big heart.
He turned onto his stomach, flinching and tensing as he waited for the final blow when the ogre swung its large arm down at him. It would crush him instantly with its strength. Cringing, he clenched his eyes shut when he felt blood splash onto him, coating his body. In his mortal panic, he couldn't figure out what had happened.
Hands shaking slightly, he checked his body for wounds. His eyes were still closed, the thunderous sound of his heartbeat sounding in his ears.