Percy felt like the worst hero in the world. He forgot Calypso, left Bob and Damasen in Tartarus, and he didn't know how many more people he forgot on his selfish road to happiness.
Whenever Percy looked in the mirror he felt disgusted with the person looking back at him. The person looking back couldn't deal with the nightmares; he was weak. He wanted to think things would get better, but he somehow couldn't. He knew once the world was saved, something or someone would rise up and endanger it gain and the Gods will just watch their children die for them. They acted like their children were not human, like they could just be used as pawns to protect them from losing power.
He didn't even play an important role in defeating Kronos. All he did was hand Luke a knife. Luke was the real hero. He wasn't even the one who changed Luke to the good side. That was Annabeth, the California girl with stormy gray eyes that loved to kiss him when he did something stupid. She deserved someone better than him. She was perfect and he was just a mess up. When she sent a smile his way all he wanted to do was keep it on her face, but he couldn't even do that. He couldn't shield her away from the nightmares or monsters she still fought in her head.
His friends would look at him in sympathy. He was weak that was all those looks proved to him. He didn't think they saw him freeze up when a monster loomed over him or when the nightmares were really bad and he would see his friends turn into the monsters he faced. The looks of sympathy were because of his wretched screams when he was asleep. They didn't see the times when the memories would flood back to the surface of his mind during the day and he didn't tell them. They didn't know the dark emotions and thoughts that ran through his head like a wildfire, but they still tried to help him. They would look at him like he was a god, like he was actually strong. He wanted to live up to that, but his mind or heart wouldn't let him. They looked up to him as a leader, even Jason, and he felt like he was failing them.
He tried to stay afloat in the inky waters of his mind, he really did. He felt like he was suffocating under the pressure of what people wanted him to be. When Percy looked in the mirror and saw the bags under his eyes or the pale look of his skin he felt replaceable. What has he done in the Giant/Gaea war except for fall into a hole? Everyone else has contributed something. What has he done?
He felt like a failure as his emotions ruled his thoughts and actions and he flipped the safety off. He lifted the black shiny gun to his temple and closed his scared green eyes ready for the piercing sound. "People need you." Percy thought. Though, everybody would be better off without his PTSD self. Thalia has found a home with Artemis and Nico hated his guts again. Hazel and Frank had each other and there confidence was starting to appear. Piper and Jason finally seemed to show affection outwardly to each other and started to trust in themselves. Leo and Grover were starting to find themselves and become confident in their abilities. And Annabeth was better of finding a strong boyfriend that could actually take away the nightmares that haunted her. All of them would be better off without him.
He tightened his grip on the gun when he heard the door open and a small cry come from the person standing there. He lowered the gun quickly and his eyes shot open as he stared at his friend's shocked expressions. His eyes locked on the shocked scared blue eyes of his girlfriend and then to each of his friends. Hazel's eyes were big and she was slightly fanning herself with tears in her eyes. Frank was behind her, hand tightening on Hazel's shoulder with his mouth wide. Piper's eyes were wet and her hands were covering her rosy lips. Jason was next to her, shock written plainly on his face.
"What…Percy…" Hazel's voice shook. Percy's hand tightened on the gun, his eyes wide. Everything was finally setting in. The people who he tried so hard to put on a face for have seen him at his weakest.
"Drop the gun, man. We can talk about this. We won't judge, I swear." Jason said, trying to sound confident and reassuring. Leo nodded along forcing a shaky smile, not knowing what to say. Annabeth walked forward and took the gun out of his hand slowly. Her eyes never left his face as she took the gun and threw it on his blue bed.
"You said we were always going to stay together." Her soft voice rang out. He rushed forward to hug her feeling guilt wash over him. He hugged her, slowly rocking her back and forth. He muttered apologies into her shaking figure. She looked up into his seaweed green eyes that were pleading with her to forgive him.
"Do you want to tell us…" She broke of looking at the gun that now resided beside her and Percy. A brief look of indecision crossed percy's face before the words poured out of his mouth. He told them everything. Every small detail, every small worry, and every small emotion that played through his mind fell upon the ears of his closest friends. Annabeth's soft hands held onto him tighter. "Percy you could of told us." She said softly.
"You helped each of us individually man. We would do anything for you." Leo said with a wavering smile. The whole group sat around them on the wooden bed.
Percy's eyes lowered to the black carpet that Leo installed in the ship. "But I don't deserve it." He whispered. "You do Percy." Annabeth said lightly kissing his forehead. "Yea man. I can tell you the many times you have helped me…"
In the next chapter Leo tells Percy his experience with Percy. Then Hazel, Frank, Piper, Jason, and Annabeth. If you guys like this idea favorite it and if you guys have any ideas for the story message me. Even if you don't have any suggestions I love when people comment something nice! Hope you guys liked it! Happy New Years! P.S The more you guys like and message me the more I want to write. Just a tip. ;) Wow I just sounded rude and weird.
All the love, inspiretoinspire