Spoiler Alert: Contains one or two lines from the ABC and CTV promos!

There are tears coming now. Slow, you know. Slow and silent. They're the tears she hadn't wanted to shed, the tears had had been building up since well, since she stepped on this thing and the beep went off and she saw the horror in his eyes and the ever-worsening prognosis for her fate. She'd wanted to stay strong, like she always did. Stay strong as she talked about what she'd actually thought when she first met him- something along the lines of OH MY GOD IT'S HIM IT'S HIM and I'm taking him in for questioning but excuse me favorite author his books quite literally saved her life She'd told him about that too, about how taking up his books- one of things mom had left her in her will- had dragged her out of the abyss. Funny, how that happened. Her mom had quite literally given her Castle.

They'd talked about how she had broken up with Demming and was going to tell him that she'd come to the Hamptons with him and he beat himself up over it for a while. They talked about how different things would be now if she had, how it was almost better this way. How she loved his insane theories, how she loved his annoying habits and even how he always reorganized her books every time he was over so that his were at the forefront… and always hid Paterson's. How he'd waited and waited for her to call that summer, how she'd been too afraid to dig all of that up again when the love and him were so intertwined with the shooting and the trauma and the pain. How she hated to do it to him, but hated to make him see her so weak. They went through everything together, every last inch of their history they could fit into the scarce time she had… well…

"How much time?" she manages to get out, stronger than she had expected, dodging Castle's agonized gaze as the bomb squad rep comes in. He was shifting around a bit, avoiding Castle's expectant gaze and her teary eyes. Bad news, then.

"Just under two minutes," the rep says quietly, "We think it'd be best if Mr. Castle were to leave the room as soon as possible."

"No," Castle asserts, "No, I'm not leaving her."

"I'm not letting you throw your life away," she says immediately, meeting his eyes again, "You can't stay here."

"What are you going to do to stop me?" he says weakly, blue eyes pained and clouded over already with grief and the hint of tears, "I won't leave you alone here with that thing under your feet."

"Castle," she pleads, "Think of Alexis, your mother. Promise me you'll go. I'll…" she swallows, "I'll be okay. For me. Just promise me you'll… you'll go."

"I…"

"A minute and a half, Mr. Castle."

"Rick, please. Go."

"…fine," he forces out after a long silence, "For you… I'd do anything, Kate. But-"

"I know," she whispers, "We had a good run, Castle. But it's time to say goodbye."

Oh god, was that broken thing her voice?

"One minute. We've got to go."

"I love you, Kate," he blurts out, "Always."

"I know," she whispers hoarsely, not knowing if she'll be able to get on past this, "I know."

He turns and leaves, eyes never leaving her as he disappears around the door frame as if he was trying to commit every inch of her to his memory. It's the last time she'll see his beautiful eyes, that ruggedly handsome face, hear that storyteller's voice-

And somehow the beeps have already counted down her seconds to 10 if she's been keeping track right.

And too late, too late, she whispers an answer she'll never have the chance to say to him, the words he'll never get to hear from a future they'll never have-

"I love you."

Looks like this is it, Beckett.

With tears careening down your face and a whole lot of regrets hanging over your head- you're going to be an exploded pile of mush in a couple of seconds. You should probably be a bit worried. Considering you've got about five beeps-mere seconds- left to go.

But all she does is look up at that dull ceiling, closes her eyes… and she feels this overarching feeling of a quasi-peace with herself. Well, alright, she hadn't really been expecting that a pressure-triggered bomb in their suspect's apartment was what would kill her in the end, but she hadn't expected her mom would die when she was 19, she hadn't expected she would become a detective, she hadn't expected to get shot at her captain's funeral, or almost freeze to death, or have her apartment blown up, or diffuse a nuclear bomb that could've destroyed New York, or almost get eaten by a tiger, or almost drown in the Hudson River… or fall in love with Richard Castle. That was all stuff she hadn't expected. And she'd never expected to let death come willingly at her like this without fighting it. Not like she had much of a choice. But if her life's taught her anything, everyday life's full of things like that, surprises. Maybe not as grand as those, but every day had something.

And some days, well, that surprise is getting killed by a bomb.

Speaking of.

4 beeps to go.

Guess they were right about that whole time slowing down when you're about to die thing. Though in past experiences it was never quite to this extent. She had him to keep the time. And she's pretty much an expert on almost dying- you can take her word for what it's like.

3 to go.

Well, okay, maybe the only thing that unsettled her was that unlived future with Castle. The undoubtedly amazing engagement speech he didn't get to give, the wedding they never got to hold, the kids they never got to have- and as much as she was scared of it, everybody knew that was where this was going. This would've been her it. Her one and done. Her happily ever after. But you know, at least she got almost a year of it.

Right. One year anniversary would've been in under a month.

Hope he'd find his present, the one she'd stuffed behind her power heels.

Here's hoping it'll make him smile someday.

Sure made her.

2 to go.

Wasn't really much more to think about.

She'll miss her dad. God, she hopes they'll look after her Dad. She'll miss the boys too. Lanie. Even Gates.

Wonder if this will feel anything like getting shot.

1.

Guess this is goodbye.

It's been fun, world.

It'll be nice to see Mom again if that's a thing that happens when you die. Hope she's not… disappointed.

And cue the gigantic explosion-

…and she was still here. Excuse me, world, she had prepared and everything. Why was she still here? Was this some sort of weird afterlife? Was her brain not processing the fact that she was inevitably dead?

Delayed explosion, maybe?

Hurried footsteps outside in the hallway makes her look over. There's Castle barging into the room, followed by a very harried looking bomb squad guy. She looks dazedly at them, not comprehending the whole I'm-not-dead? feeling quite yet. Not like she hadn't had it before, after being alive after getting shot and almost being blown up by a nuclear bomb and almost drowning etc. etc. etc., it was a familiar feeling. But it hadn't sunk in. At all. That was new.

That is until all of a sudden Castle is given some sort of all clear and he comes flying at her, drawing her up into a massive hug and crushing her to him as if he couldn't get her any closer.

"I'm… alive?" she questions, mind still not having quite caught up.

"You're alive," he says, setting her down to draw her to him in a kiss, "You're alive."

"I'm alive," she repeats, pulling away, a small laugh coming up from somewhere in that relieved heart of hers, "I'm alive!"

"Alive!" he parrots back at her, "Alive."

They just sort of stand there for ages just saying ALIVE back at each other like two little kids who only know the one word, lost in each other with little regard for everyone else. She vaguely registers that the team enters- oh god, must be like seeing your parents kissing- but she doesn't let go. She can't.

Alive.

She was alive.