Me still no own, you still no sue, yeah? This is the sequal to Apologizing - if you haven't read that, you don't know why Lily wants revenge - and it's a late birthday present for RavenclawsomeMom. Hey, at least I got it up before the new year! :)

"MOOOOONY!"

"Yes, Sirius?"

"I'M EXPECTING!"

"...You're expecting what, Pads?"

"I DON'T KNOW, JAMES, BUT I'm EXPECTING!"

"Shh! Sirius, we're in the library. Lower your voice."

"BUT, LILY–"

"But nothing. It's the week before exams, I don't want to get kicked out, and I doubt Remus does, either. Now, why don't you sit down, take a deep breath, and quietly tell us what happened?"

"Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh. So I was talking to these girls before Charms –"

"Trying to convince them to join you in a broom cupboard, no doubt."

"Don't be jealous, Reemy. Anyway, they were about to ditch with me, but then one of them suddenly pointed at my shirt and laughed, and the so did the other one and they walked off laughing hysterically –"

"Good job, Sirius. That was five claps."

"I know! I'm–get–ting–bet–ter! But back to the point. They spent all of Charms giggling at me, and when I asked them why after class, they said 'Sorry, didn't realize you were expecting. Congratulations.' And now I don't know what they meant or what I'm expecting or how they knew that I'm expecting what I don't know I'm expecting and–"

"Well I think I know the answer to that last one, Padfoot; it's written on your shirt."

"What are you on about, James?"

"Sirius, your shirt. It really does say 'I'm expecting'."

"Lily, there is nothing written on my shirt."

"Okay, then. Everyone that can see something on Sirius's shirt, raise your hand so we can get this over with."

"... PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!"

"Sirius..."

"Lily, what are –"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! THAT BUMP WAS NOT THERE THREE SECONDS AGO! WHAT IS GOING ON!?"

"... I'm gonna be honest with you, mate, it almost seems like you're..."

"LIKE I'm WHAT, JAMES?"

"Like you're... pregnant..."

"PREGNANT? I'M PREGNANT!?"

"Um, Sirius, that's really not possi–"

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, MOONY! YOU HAD ABETER BE PLANNING ON MAKING AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF ME!"

"Really, this isn–"

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN TO JAMES'S MOTHER THAT THE MAN THAT KNOCKED ME UP DOESN'T WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS CHILD'S LIFE? HUH? 'DEAR MUMMY POTTER, YOUR SON'S FRIEND IS THE FATHER OF MY UNBORN CHILD AND HE REFUSES TO MARRY ME, LOVE SIRIUS'?! DO YOU WANT THIS CHILD TO GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER?"

"Okay, Pads, calm do–"

"NO, JAMES, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! EVERYONE HAS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS! I'M PREGNANT! I'M PREGNANT WITH REMUS LUPIN'S CHILD AND HE WON'T MARRY ME!"

"... Okay, then."

"I'll go find him – explain that men can't actually get pregnant."

"Good luck with that, Remus."

"Maybe you should take him to the Hospital Wing. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will get a kick out of this one."

"Yeah, it'll be some entertainment to distract her from all the first years who've literally worried themselves sick over exams."

"...You two can be mean friends, you know that?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh."

"..."

"Okay, Remus is gone now. 'Fess up, Lils."

"'Fess up to what?"

"You're acting far too innocent to not be up to something."

"Oh, James, it was just a little revenge..."

"For what?"

"Well, I found out that Sirius was the one enchanting my clothes with suggestive phrases. I took revenge."

"Okay, so why couldn't Sirius see the words on his shirt?"

"I used the same charm he did, only I added a perception filter; everyone except him could see it."

"And the 'baby bump'?"

"Another perception filter – that's why I cast that spell under the table – but I made it so everyone could see it."

"... You can be quite evil sometimes, did you know."

"Of course I know, James. I'm good at evil. Haven't you learned that by now?"

"Remind me to never get on your bad side."

"Oh, James, you're always on my bad side. And I'll always take revenge..."

Happy birthday, Mommy!

Everyone else, you should review, okay?