« Fili, my sweetheart, can you stop playing for a moment ? »
Fili looked up at his mother. He understood at once that she meant to have a serious talk with him. He frowned. Did he do something forbidden today ? Or maybe something stupid ? The answer to both these questions was no, so he relaxed and offered her his most beautiful smile. At almost five years, Fili was a sweet chubby lad with golden hair and bright blue eyes that sparkled with mischief. He was strong and lively, with a sharp mind. Dìs was particularly proud of him, even on days like these when he did nothing special.
« Sweetheart, your father and I we must tell you something very important, » she continued, smiling fondly at him and stretching out her hand at him.
Fili dropped his wooden pony and stood up, before grabbing his mother's hand. She was tall for a Dwarf-woman, with hair as black as a crow's wings and piercing blue eyes. Her soft beard was skillfully braided, but her clothes were simple and practical, made to be comfortable while she was working. The time when she was a Princess and wore pretty dresses of velvet and silk was definitely over, now. She was a Dwarf in exile, surviving as best as possible in the world of men with her husband and her son.
« Will Father buy me a baby dog ? » Fili asked hopefully.
He had been asking for a puppy for months, but so far his parents had always refused. But maybe now they had changed their mind ? Maybe the puppy was already at home, waiting for him in the small backyard ? He squealed enthusiastically and pulled on his mother's hand to drag her along. Why was she walking so slowly ? Could she not see how impatient he was ?
But when he reached the backyard he saw only his father, sitting in a patch of sunlit grass. No puppy.
Maybe they have hidden it somwhere to make it a surprise ?
He searched every corner of the yard with his eyes, but he still saw nothing of importance. Tears welled up in his eyes.
« Where is the puppy ? » he said pleadingly, looking up first at his mother, and then at his father. Urggo was smaller than most Dwarf-men, but he made up for his small size with exceptional strength and fortitude. He was one of the best warriors among the exiles od Erebor, and a brother-in-arms to Thorin, Frerin and Dwalin.
When Fili saw his parents look at each other, he understood he had been wrong. There would be no puppy for him today.
« Fili, » his father started, in his deep gentle voice that Fili loved so much. « There's no puppy, little one. »
Tears filled Fili's blue eyes.
« But we have something wonderful to announce you, » Dìs continued, and her hand came to rest on her belly. « Soon you will have a little brother or a little sister, » she said, as she sat down next to her beloved husband.
Fili stared at his parents in disbelief. They were both smiling, but he didn't share their happiness.
« But... but I don't want a little brother or a little sister ! » he blurted out, shaking his head so fiercely his blond locks flew all over his face. « Njord's got a little sister and all she does is crying and screaming and since she is born no one can sleep at night anymore. »
The idea that such an annoying creature would come to live in his on home was terrifying.
His parents both chuckled softly.
His mother patted her own thigh to invite him to come sit on her lap.
« Come here, sweetheart, » she said, still smiling. « Come here. » Fili obeyed, and settled himself comfortably on Dìs' ample lap. « I can understand you are a bit afraid of this little baby. Because once he or she is here, everything will change for all of us. »
Tears rolled down Fili's cheeks. He liked things as they were. He didn't want anything to change, not now – not ever.
« But change can be a good thing, laddie, » his father said, stroking his son's wet cheeks. « It means that you and me we will spend a lot more time together, when your mother will be too tired, or busy with the little baby. Did you not tell me, not so long ago, that you wanted to come with me at the forge ? Or that you wanted to learn to ride a pony ? »
Fili's face lit up as he heard the word pony.
« Yes ! » he exclaimed happily. « I want to ride ponies ! »
« And you will, » his father promised him. « You will ride ponies, and you will do lots of other things with me. »
Fili screamed in delight, but then his smiled disappeared again. He looked at his mother.
« So you won't have time for me anymore ? » he asked.
« I will always have time for you, my little lion, » she told him in a reassuring voice. « Always. You have my word, Fili. I will always be there for you when you need me, no matter how many brothers or sisters you will have. »
« So there will be more than one ? » he asked, appalled.
Dìs couldn't help but laugh.
« For the moment there will be only one, but in the years to come maybe there will be more to come. But don't look so horrified, Fili. It is a good thing. It lay be a bit hard in the beginning, when the baby cries a lot – even during the nights – but you will see. Once you are both a bit older, you will be the best friends in the world and you will share many adventures together. »
Fili seriously doubted it. No matter what his mother said, he already knew he would never be best friends with the baby.
« I already have a best friend in the world, » he said stubbornly. « I don't need another one. So you can send the baby away when it comes, because we don't need it. I'd rather have a puppy, Mother. Can I have a puppy please ? »
Urggo grabbed his son and took him on his own lap.
« Maybe you don't know it, but I had two little brothers, when I was younger, » he told his son, his voice suddenly full of nostalgia. « We used to get up very early, even before our parents. Then we slipped out of our home and we ran throught the meadows surrounding Erebor, and we watched the people of Dale as they busied themselves in the fields and the orchards. Most of them greeted us every morning when they saw us. And when we started getting hungry, my brothers and me we ran back home to eat our breakfast. Sometimes we loved to pretend that we were great warriors fighting in great battles, or exploring foreign countries, and we swung wooden swords as we ran, and we laughed – by Mahal, how we laughed. » His throat tightened. « I will never forget these moments of happiness, Fili. Never. Not even if I live thousand years. They are my most precious treasure. And it will be the same for you, Fili. You'll see. You will be a wonderful big brother. You will love that little boy or little girl so much, and you will laugh together, and you will make happy memories of your own. »
He paused, but his eyes were distant and unfocused as he was still lost in his the bitter-sweet memories of his past.
« Your father's right, » Dìs agreed. « Soon you will love the little one so much that will never talk about sending him – or her – away again. »
She smiled and kissed him on the top of his head, but Fili was still not convinced. Yet something else was bothering him as well.
« But... If you like your little brothers so much, why do we never go to visit them ? We always go to visit Uncle Thorin and Uncle Frerin, but why can't we go to visit your brothers ? Why do they never come here ? »
Suddenly his father's face was very sad.
«Sorry, » Fili said, but his father put his arms around him and hugged him tightly.
« I'm sure they would have loved to come and visit you, » he said. « But Mahal decided to take them away from us. »
« What happened to them ? » he asked. He hated to make his father sad, but he was also curious. His father had never mentioned his brothers – or his childhood – before, but now that this door had been opened it was hard for Fili to let it close again without asking questions.
« The day the dragon attacked our home, » Dìs answered in her husband's place.
The dragon, yes. Fili had heard stories about that. Uncle Thorin sometimes spoke about the dragon, and Dwalin too, and Balin. Smaug, he was called. He had killed many Dwarves and chased the others away, and now they all had to live here, in a place where the tall men didn't like them.
« But let's not talk about these sad events, » Dìs continued. « Today's a happy day. Let's celebrate the existence of this new life, instead of dwelling on those who have been taken from us too soon. »
She put her hand on her husband's, and they shared a long look. Their love was strong and deep. Urggo took a deep breath and forced a smile on his lips, making the braids in his moustache and his beard dance.
« You are right, » he said. « Let's celebrate ! »
He got up and swept his son off the ground, into his strong arms. They had the same blond hair, the same friendly face, the same dimples when they smiled. Fili loved his father to the marrow of his bones.
« You will be the best big brother in the world, little lion, » Urggo whispered into Fili's ear. The boy couldn't help but smile, as he did every time his father said something nice to him. He put his small arms around Urggo's neck.
« I made a cake, » Dìs told him. « With nuts and cinnamon powder, your favourite. »
Fili screamed in delight, and struggled to get out of his father's arms. Once both his feet were on the ground, he ran inside the house, straight to the small kitchen. He found the cake, and gaped in awe as he saw it. He had never seen such a big cake before. And the smell was divine. His mouth started watering.
Why did it take so long for his parents to come ? He was hungry ! So hungry !
When Dìs and Urggo joined him at last, he was so impatient to eat the cake that he had almost forgotten about the tiny spark of life growing inside of his mother's belly.