Journal Entry #The more the merrier
December 14 2015
It is two days before my birthday and it is b-e-a-U-tiful day outside. I will be turning 21, while I am not necessarily excited for my birthday I do have this feeling inside that I can't quite place. It is nothing to bothersome, it's not a worry feeling or a dreadful feeling nor is it an exuberant feeling or of complete and utter joy of turning 21. What could this feeling possibly be? Maybe its anxiety, it is almost a buildup of all those things, maybe I'm…anxious?
Ah anxious, yes that's it, it feels as if something is going to happen and yet while I do not know what it is I don't fear it, I welcome it really.
Many of friends ask me what am I to do on my birthday and the response I give is the same for each "I am going to live". Live meaning, live like I do every other day, glad and happy to be alive. Am I fully happy with my self, no not yet but in time I will be, I have yet to see what the world has for me and I have for it but I cannot help but think that day will come soon.
Outside today is so bright and lively, the snow awakening the dreary sky making the world seem that much lighter. I always loved the snow and its feathery touches on my cheeks, on my palms, on nose and tongue. How the snow can cascade itself on a plank of land and stay put for days not quivering to anyone but the sun and its ever present heat.
I found some more old journals this morning left behind by my mother. She was such an adventurist. It talks of stories and places she's visited. People she's met, it all sounds so wonderful. But there are times I am a bit confused when I read through them, she starts of each journal stating it is then whatever date it was then onto the activities of that day, and so on and so forth. In her journals she recalls past times and places almost as if she lived through them but the date she starts with are so far apart.
After mom passed my grandfather took over the house, I lived there for a short while but I didn't want to burden him. He's retired so there is but so much he could provide for us. I worked through high school and eventually I had enough money saved up to live on my own. It was tough at first but I managed. I visit the old house some days, and that's where I find these precious journals. Scattered all around the house some in obvious places and others hidden from sight.
I decided for my birthday I wanted to spend the day with jiichan and my little brother, if I should even call him that. He is so tall now. But no matter he will always be a little twerp.
Well that's' all I got for today, laters!
Fin