One Day
Seven AM. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I throw my arm out and shut it up.
Usually I find it relatively easy to get up for work; my own business, my pride and joy, staff that depend on me, orders I depend on.
But not now.
Not now that I could feel his skin so close to mine.
Now I just wanted to lie here, with him, forever.
"That clocks gonna break if you keep hitting it." Nick mumbles from under the duvet.
"Don't care. It can do what it likes." I croak, my morning voice groggy, something which Nick finds weirdly cute. "I'm staying here."
I reach out and put my hand on his chest, I need to be closer to him. I roll over so that I can finally face him, his eyes are adjusting to the light, hair ruffled from another disruptive nights sleep thanks to me...
I freeze at the thought as the nightmare comes back to me. Fire swirling, smoke suffocating me, the screams of people around us.
Nick can tell what I'm thinking about. He's felt me stiffen. He slips his arm underneath my back and rolls me into his chest, his head resting on mine.
"You're safe I promise." He whispers into my hair, which is the same thing he says every night when I wake up in a cold sweat; heart pounding, breath racing, tears streaming down my cheeks. They are the words that I need to hear to keep me sane and only when he says them.
"Why does it keep happening?" I mumble into him as he strokes my hair with his fingers.
"Because you've been scarred." He sighs. "I told you we can go and get sleeping pills if you like but-"
"No." I object, stiffening again at the thought, my hand clenched into a fist. "...Not after last time."
"Ok." He soothes, calming me down again, relieved when my breathing regulates. "I'm sorry."
"Not that I would... Again." I look up at him as his eyes meet mine.
"I know." He places a kiss on my forehead. "One step at a time hey. At least you know you're not responsible and that's a step in the right direction."
"In the day things are normal." I tell him, my walls invisible when I'm this comfortable with someone. "Everything's back to how it used to be. The flat's decorated. Work's back on. I'm no longer flushing hundreds of pounds down the drain on gambling websites."
"Exactly." He nods. "So you see, things are getting better."
"They are better." I reply. "It's just at night. I have to re-live it..."
"Well I'm here at night." He murmurs. "I'm here to hold you and to keep you safe, no matter what."
"...I don't know what I'd do without you." I sigh, feeling his chest rise and fall beneath my fingers.
"Well you don't have to think about that." He tells me. "Because I'm not going anywhere."
"Do I have to?" I moan, walking out of the bedroom after finally dressing and applying make-up.
"Yes, my mum always told me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day." He has his back to me, buttering toast.
"When in doubt, listen to Gail Platt." I mutter, but loud enough for him to hear. I can feel the smile appear on his face before I see it and he turns to hold his arms out for me. I gratefully accept them and fold into his chest. "Mmm, can we skip work and stay here?"
"Well we could but we wouldn't last long." He chuckles, inhaling the scent of my shampoo.
"Well then we'll run away, live in the wild, who needs money?" I question.
"Um... You do." He laughs, holding me at arms length to observe my curious expression. "You wouldn't last a day in the wild Carla Connor."
"I so could, I'm tougher than you think." I defend myself.
"I think I know exactly how tough you are." He responds and I know he's being serious; he did. He got me. He understood me. More importantly he had waited for me. So I had put every faith in him to believe in me. "Besides, camping's your worst phobia."
"Ew." I shiver at the thought of sleeping in a tent. Yeah maybe work didn't seem to bad.
"Well I know where we're not going for our three month anniversary." He laughs, kissing me on the forehead.
"Three month anniversary?" I frown, trying to count the months from 20th August.
"It's on Friday." He tells me and I feel slightly ashamed that he has remembered and not me. "Doesn't matter it's not a big occasion, I was just thinking of taking you away that's all."
"Not camping." I look at him alarmed.
"No not camping. Can't say it's really my style either." He laughs at the panic in my face. "I was thinking more a hotel."
"Mmm... That sounds better." I nod. "Although don't feel inclined to take me away anywhere."
"Yeah yeah." He replies and lets go of me to pick up the now cold piece of toast he had been preparing. "Well this looks appetising."
"What a shame... No breakfast for me." I shrug, grabbing his hand and virtually dragging him out of the door.
"Right well then Roy's it is." He sighs and I push him up against the corridor wall after closing the door behind us. Kissing him passionately for a few seconds.
"If you say so." I grin, beginning to walk off as he follows me.
"Ughhh!" I groan as I enter the bistro, dropping my bag onto the surface of the bar and hoisting myself into a stool.
"...Sorry sweetheart we don't serve that in here." Nick greets me. "But I can get you a red wine."
"You know me so well." I try a weak smile and he turns away to pour my drink.
"Bad day so far then?" He sets the large glass down in front of me and I take a sip before responding.
"Well... It was alright. We got the Stokes order and I sent that email to McKnees." I tell him and he nods. He had worked at the factory for a bit back in 2010 so he knew roughly what I was on about. "But then I found out that Sean's been putting lace on his lingerie and his wasn't supposed to be that decorative."
"...You know if anyone over heard that, he didn't come off well there." He jokes and I give him a withering look. "Sorry..."
"No it's ok." I sigh. "I'm getting wound up about nothing as usual."
I reach for his hand across the bar top and entwine mine with his, we both stare down at how I'm playfully connecting our fingers before looking back into each other's eyes.
"Tell you what." Nick finally voices. "Night in tonight. Movie, take-away, popcorn, you and me on the sofa."
"Well I was supposed to have a meeting tonight..." I cock my head to the side. "But that sounds a lot more fun so I'll get Aidan to do it."
"Sorted." He leans over to kiss me lightly before turning back to serve some more customers.
"Mrs Connor?" Beth opens the door to the office without knocking.
"Yes Beth." Aidan responds in my place.
"Well we were just wondering what's happening with the Christmas party..." She babbles. "Only there's been no mention of it and-"
"It's November." I cut her off. "The decorations aren't even up yet."
"Yeah but-" She continues.
"Don't worry, I'll sort something out nearer the time." Aidan promises her. "Now back to your machines please. Five minutes and you can go."
"...You're slipping into this good cop role very nicely." I tell him once the door has closed behind her.
"Yeah well what can I say? I like to make friends." He flashes me a cheeky grin before turning back to his paperwork.
"Here to save you from slaving away at your desk." Nick announces, opening the door to the office. He has a bottle of wine from the Bistro in his hand.
"Ah, my knight in shining Armani." I smile, spinning in my chair to face him.
"You realise no one who's stepped foot in this office has had that response today." Aidan tells him.
"Yeah well what can I say? I have that effect on people." Nick laughs.
"And he has wine." I point out, standing to kiss him.
"Ooh, get out of here before I throw up." Aidan pulls a face at us.
"You sure?" I ask him.
"Yeah, I'll lock up, I was gonna leave in ten anyway." He smiles at me and I nod appreciatively, waving him off as I grab my bag and jacket.
"So... What do you fancy for dinner?" Nick asks, taking my hand in his and swinging it gently in the breeze. It was darkening now and I was regretting only wearing a thin cardigan, despite the short walk to Victoria Court.
"I don't know... Chinese?" I shrug, goosebumps appearing on my arms.
"You're cold." Nick observes, stopping before letting go of my hand to remove his jacket, placing it gently around my shoulders.
"And now you're cold." I point out, glad of the warmth that was now encasing me.
"Yeah but you're more important so..." He grins, beginning to walk again.
"Aww." I smile, placing a kiss on his cheek and cuddling into his side as we walked. He puts his arm around me and kisses me on the top of my head. "I love you."
"Thank you." He mutters and I give him a gentle slap on the arm before he says; "I love you too."
Once we reach our block of flats, he stops to enter the code for the building. I peer up at it cautiously, noticing that my feet were not far from where I had been lying half a year ago, whilst I watched my flat swarm with flames. My eyes had been so blurry from the smoke and I could hardly breathe.
"Carla?" Nick says softly, sighing as he lets the door swing shut and coming over to me. A tear slides down my face without warning and he puts his arms around me protectively, slowly rocking me from side to side.
"Sorry." I whisper and he shushes me quietly.
"It's ok." He tells me and then turns me round to look at him, carefully wiping a tear from my cheek. "Hey. It's over. You're safe now, I promise." He kisses me ever so gently as if I'm a fragile object that would break at any second. He plants another kiss on my forehead before I breathe a sigh of relief and take his hand, leading him towards the door. He enters the code again and we head upstairs in complete silence.
Once we are in the flat, he closes the door behind us and then walks over to place the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter. I stand there stiff, still in his jacket, not daring to move. My eyes are focused on him as he pulls two wine glasses out of the cupboard and begins to set out cutlery. I can't help but smile at the fact that he feels so at home here, he hardly ever went back to his flat anymore, only if we had an argument. He knows where everything belongs as if it's his own home.
After busying himself, he opens up the Chinese menu out of the folder next to my microwave. That folder had more use than the microwave itself; I was worse at cooking than I was at singing and trust me, that was something.
"Do you want the usual?" He finally asks me, turning to face me again. I just nod, satisfied that he knows what I'd normally order... Or maybe we just had too many take-outs. "Go get changed then."
I salute him jokily before turning my back and heading into the bedroom. I throw on a night shirt and my dressing gown before leaving my clothes in a crumpled pile on the floor. Not very Carla Connor, but right now I didn't care.
"Right." Nick announces as I emerge from the bedroom, hair brushed out over my shoulders and make-up removed. I didn't have to make an effort in front of him, I think he'd proved that he'd love me no matter what after the hell I'd caused him the past few months. I notice he's playing Photograph by Ed Sheeran on his iPhone dock, which is the same song that played the night he cleared out the Bistro for me... The night I told him I loved him. And meant it. "You, sofa, now." He points to the settee and I sit down on it obediently. Tucking my legs underneath me as he hands me a glass of wine. I take a short sip of it, still feeling quite fragile after my moment outside the flat's. He could tell I still wasn't right because I can feel his eyes focusing on me, trying to read my mind and doing a good job at it. "Do you want to talk."
"...No." My voice is muffled as I shake my head. "I don't ever want to talk about it again. I want to forget about it."
"You will." He tells me, playing with my hair because he knows how much I love it. "One day, you will."
"But I don't want it to happen one day. I want it to happen now." I raise my voice, an unintentional hint of anger laced in it.
"Ok." He soothes as I raise my hand to my mouth, covering it so I couldn't lash out again. He reaches out and removes my hand from my face, squeezing it tightly against his chest.
"You'll help me?" I whisper, my voice suddenly hoarse. He could hear the weakness in it, the desperation. He pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me and I close my eyes contently as I feel his heart against mine.
"You know I will." He promises into my hair, placing yet another lingering kiss on my forehead. "Of course I will."