This was hands down the weirdest day to every be in the esteemed Super Smash Bros mansion. It all started when Master Hand was going through the official smash rules for the care and management of the smash mansion. Yes, these actually exists but oddly enough Master Hand didn't create them, no body knew who made them but they had an official stamp on them so they were always followed to the best of their ability. Anyway, it was in going through these rules that he found a new one. It was stuck between two of the pages by an old wad of gum, located at the very back of the book, in the oldest, moldiest, most chewed up and spider infested part of the book that made Master Hand glad he had telekinesis and didn't need to actually touch these pages. It stated that since Master Hand is the older, more mature and saner of the two hands he should primarily be in charge of the mansion. However for one single day in the year Crazy Hand will be appointed the head hand so that in case something happens the Master and he is in charge he will know what to do to keep things running smoothly.
Frankly as soon as this rule was announced to the smasher they all collectively thought one thing,"What the hell was that guy on to think Crazy Hand should ever be in charge, of anything". Crazy, on the other hand, was all for this. He was bouncing back and forth and erotically twitching, his feared he would get so exited he would pee himself like a little puppy, if he could. But no matter the obvious "danger, bad idea" sign scribbled all over this plan the two hands united into a praying gesture as they gathered their power and in a blinding flash of light Crazy Hand was in charge.
It all went down hill from there. At first everything seemed okay, the walls weren't jello, the floor isn't lava, and the roof wasn't a wall of rainbows and sparkles playing Do you believe in magic. This plain normal room was then destroyed and it's other brother rooms were next on the list. The destroyers were Luigi, Lucas, Donkey Kong, and Diddy Kong.
"Now I will prove to everyone that Luigi, is not a punk!", Luigi yelled.
"My mothers dead, my brothers dead, my father was never around, everyone who loves me is dead!", Lucas screamed.
"If I completely destroy this mansion I can live my father's glory days back when he and Mario fought on a construction sight,", Donkey Kong said with glee.
And Diddy, Diddy just felt very trigger happy today. With a combination of punches, kicks, PK fires, and peanuts, they left craters and demolition in their wake.
In the hallway a fitness class was taking place. It was taught by Captain Falcon who would do certain exercises which his students were suppose to copy as quickly as possible. Said students were Fox, Falco, and Wolf, who all wanted to settle who was the best pilot once and for all and this was the most obvious solution.
"Falcon Punch!", Captain Falcon did his signature punch, which the Star Fox trio swiftly copied, albeit with less flaming bird. Wolf wondered if he lit Falco on fire and used him in his punch if he would get more points.
"Falcon Kick!", Captain Falcon did a thrusting mid air kick, they copied this as well still with no fire.
"Falcon Dive!", Captain Falcon jumped fist first, and they once again copied then they repeated the process.
"I don't think will settle anything doing this", Falco said during a punch.
"He's so slow we won't even break a sweat", Wolf agreed then kicked.
"I could do this in my sleep", Fox bragged punctuating this with a perfectly executed dive.
Unknown to them Captain Falcon heard everything and decided to see if they could put there money where their mouth is.
"Falcon punch, falcon kick, falcon dive, falcon dive, falcon kick, falcon dive,falcon punch, falcon kick", started moving lighting fast and the three were forced to move just as quickly, that shut them up.
"Show me your moves,", Falcon smirked holding a smash ball.
"I'm getting a bad feeling about this", Wolf said.
They were interrupted by Marth running by while being chased by Ike.
"Take off your shirt!", Ike commanded.
"I'm not a girl", Marth screamed.
"Then why are you wearing a skirt?", Ike yelled.
It was true, instead of their usual clothes Marth was wearing a school girl uniform and Ike was dresses like a teacher.
"No Ike sensei, yamete".
"Excuse me can I interest you...", they paid no attention to what Pikachu was going to say as they blew past him. Pikachu shrugged as he joined Lucario, Charizard, Squirtle, and Venasaur in their walk. They were going to every door in the smash mansion to educate people on their lord and saviour Arceus, who fainted for their sins. They knocked on the door for the female smasher's dorms, surprisingly Zero Suit Samus answered the door, just barely peaking her head out.
"Can we inform you of our lord and saviour...", she promptly closed the door in their face, then locked it. It couldn't really keep them out because their is only so much abuse this door could handle but locking the door helped people get the message.
Now that she was alone again she could go back to doing her secret hobby. She was wearing one of Princess Peach's spare pink dresses, crowns, and heels and walked up to the mirror.
"Oh, Mario"
"Save me!"
"Help, help!", she made an assortment of sounds usually made by a damsel in distress and numerous helpless poses to show she needed someone to rescue her. What, because I'm a strong independent women means I can't want to be a princess and get a Prince Charming?
She heard the sound of the door being unlocked and slowly turned around to the shocked eyes of Sheik, key still in hand. For a few suspenseful seconds they just stood there,
"Help me!"
"Save me!"
They cried out, both dresses in Princess Peach's finest dresses. They forgot that the door was still open and Pokemon Trainer walked in but he paid them no mind as he continued walking. He was trying to get through mt Silver on his way to the pokemon league but he kept going random directions, sometimes making full circles and crashing into every wall he could find.
"Anarchy", he said over and over again like a mantra with a blank computer like gaze.
In the cafeteria Yoshi and Kirby's were going to attempt it, they were going to see what happens if they inhale and swallow at the same time as a last hurrah before they went on a diet. Needless to say it was not pretty. On the other side of the cafeteria an adorable Pit was eating food of the ground.
"Floor ice cream gives you health!" Was his motto. Solid snake was next to him curled into the fetal position while crying under his box. He whispering," Solid Snake, Liquid snake, Solidus snake, Naked snake, there are too many snakes, and most people just call me snake so which snake am I?".
The dark side, not like Star Wars it was just the side where Master Hand didn't bother changing the dim lights, was converted into a bar like area where the more mature smashers could go. The entertainment that night was the pikmin who were singing Ai no uta while Peach and Zelda, their back up dancers, did the caramelldansen. Olimar was constricted in the grip of the Plasm Wraith who was forcing him to watch with it. It loved their date nights.
Next to them was the ice climbers duo.
"I just don't understand it. From all that time ago when we first climbed that mountain to now its always been sexist", Nana complained.
"What are you talking about?", Popo asked.
"I mean if I lose a brawl you can keep going but if you lose a brawl we're both going down"
"Come on Nana I think your thinking too deeply into this, so what if it's a little sexist, it isn't that bad".
"No it is, your not considering my feelings", Nana turned away from him,"I'm not sure I can still be a part of this relationship".
"Nana what are you saying?", Popo asked as he started to cry from his breaking heart.
The pikmin and princesses started walking off the stage because it was time for the next act. A bunch of waddle dees ran on stage and started dancing as funky music started playing, a random announcer said,"Are you ready for...".
"My big gay dance!", King Dedede finished as he appeared on stage from wherever it is he came from and started doing his new and improved final smash.
As the music played tears started appearing in Nana's eyes as well,"What was I thinking, Popo I'm sorry I could never leave you!", she threw herself at him into a hug and they both cried tears of joy at their renewed relationship.
"But kind of relationship do we have anyway?", Nana asked.
"I don't know, are we brother and sister, best friends, lovers?", and so the two of them sat there in confusion.
The other audience members were all gathered at one table farthest to the back, where they drank Lon Lon milk and talked about their problems.
"I'm The Lord of darkness, I've been reincartaded more times than I can count, and I have one of the most damaging attacks but still...", Ganondorf began breaking up,"I.. I... I'm at the bottom of the tier list,"he broke down in tears.
"My whole family is dead!", R.O.B cried, somewhere in the distance you could hear someone say," so is mine!"
"I feel like a shell of my former self", Power Suit Samus said as she tried drinking her milk but it kept knocking against her helmet.
"Beep, beep, boob,bob", mr game and watch said then took a swig of his milk. Possibly he might be talking about how he's so old people have forgotten him but we'll probably never know. His three drinking bodies just watched him drink and somewhere in their minds pondered how the milk just disappeared into his two dimensional mouth.
Close to this table was an especially dark part that was almost pitch black and in this darkness three shadows watched the sad smashers.
"Soon, the Lon Lon milk will be all mine", Toon Link said, he was in his dark link form so his large cat like eyes looked like pools of blood and his clothes and skin were shades of black.
"Patiences Toon, it will come in time", regular Link told his toon self, he too was in his dark form and had the same black and red colours as Dark Toon Link.
"Why am I even here?", Shadow the hedgehog asked himself as he stood next to his fellow red eyes black characters.
The three shadows stayed in the darkness two planning the opportune time to steal all the Lon Lon milk and one wonder if how cool he looked in this situation was worth all the strangeness it brought with it.
On the brighter side of the mansion Mario and Bowser were competing in another one of their competitions, this time they were playing Sonic and Allstars racing transformed with Mario as Docter eggman and Bowser as Sonic. It was the final lap they were far ahead of the CPUs with Mario barely in first place, the finish line was approaching so Bowser did his ultimate winning strategy move. He leaned over and breathed a giant puff of bad breath right in Mario face, disorienting him and making him crash and giving Bowser the championship title.
"That was just stinky and gross", Wario, of all people, said to Bowser as he drove by. He looked the same but instead of smelling like unwashed boy odor, garlic, and greed he had the pleasant aroma of light scented body soap. He reached into his poker and pulled out a giant strawberry which he took a bite into while driving his motorcycle which didn't shoot waves of exhaust but instead rainbows and glitter while something sounding suspiciously like Do you believe in magic played.
Seeing nothing out of the ordinary Bowser just continued flaunting his win in the face of the now awake Mario until the watch on Bowser's wrist went off.
"We'll have to continue this later plumber, I have to pick up the Koopalings and Jr from school".
So he put on his business suit, grabbed his handbag, and left for the Dark Lands in his minivan.
Mario sat there for a little bit before proclaiming,"I support communism".
"I support happy happyism", Ness said, appearing out of no where as well and since their colours conflicted they had no choice but to start a brawl. The only other occupants of this room other than the two rolling around on the floor in a "fight" were the two hands who were engaged in a game of patty cake, Crazy's idea. However he didn't take into account that you need to have at least two hands each to play this game so it just looked like they were air clapping most of it while occasionally doing regular claps. On the inside it was always a little embarrassing to be a giant hand and not be able to play a lot of hand games.
Ness eventually knocked Mario through a wall that was very weak because of certain people, and they continued their "fight" outside, rolling past Jiggilypuff and Metaknight.
The moment was very tense, they were at a distance that could be crosses in a second, they were both sporting traditional samurai shoes and clip on pony tails, and they both had their hands on the hilt of their weapon. They didn't move a muscle as the wind blew the grass and leaves around, they were waiting for a signal to begin. One leaf in particular was between them doing loops and turns in its inevitable descent. Jiggilypuff could feel herself sweating as the leaf fell, Metaknight remained completely calm.
The moment the tip of the leaf hit the ground Jiggilypuff rushed at Metaknight about to draw her weapon but Metaknight reacted faster and in an instant he was before her. He then drew his weapon faster than she could see and knocked her over with his paper fan.
"You hesitated, you must not wait for the leaf to touch down, you must anticipate it then at that moment strike", Metaknight chastised as he pulled his student to her feet.
"I'm sorry Metaknight sensei, I will do better next", Jiggilypuff pleaded.
"Hmm, it was still your fastest time yet so that is improvement", he admitted while walking back to his spot,"Now, again!".
They went back to their earlier stance, not breaking their concentration even when Crazy kamikaze himself pass them just to be caught in the Master's palm who then started squeezing him. Crazy decided to give up on patty cake and instead they were playing Rock Paper Scissors with the extreme rules.
If it was rock they would punch the other, if it was paper they would crush the other, and if it was scissors they would cut the other. Objectively they were suppose to do this to each other if they other lost the game however they wouldn't just sit there and get hit, no that was not their way. He would have to catch his brother and if a few trees, boulders, houses, and smashers were in the way then so be it.
This is what happens when Crazy Hand is put in charge, it is truly the smashers at their worst, which is why his day is on February 29th because even doing this once a year every year was too much.
Sitting on the roof of the smash mansion were two mysterious figures. One was Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest thing alive, and the other was Metal sonic, his robotic counterpart. They were both watching all the happenings of the mansion on one of Metal sonic's screens, occasionally laughing at the other smashers insane states while under the effects of Crazy Hands magic.
Then they both towards where they knew the fourth wall was located, stared right at the viewer, then simultaneously said,"Strange isn't it?".