A nice little one shot from me. Actually, it's kind of a long one shot. Oh well.
I originally thought that maybe I would write some 80 chapter epic about this, but that I realized that it had been done a bazillion times, so I decided against it. We all know what would happen. Mimi dies/goes away, Roger turns to Mark for help, they get together, they 'wonder should we have sex?', they do, and then it probably ends soon after that, with them being happy, or with Roger dying or something. Bleh.
I also decided that I only really wanted to write this one part. So, here ya go. I own nothing.
I've only read through it twice, so if there are typos, I'll probably fix them tomorrow.
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It's December, and it's freezing, and I'm standing across the street from my sister's house in Queens. My jeans are ripped, which isn't helping. I'm crying. My cheeks are cold. I'd been walking around my sister's neighborhood for about an hour, just crying. I knew where her house was, I just didn't want to go there right away. I still don't know if I want to go there, I might just turn around and leave. Where the hell would I go? Back to the loft? Back to Roger? I don't want to see him right now. I don't want to see anyone right now, except my sister.
Her and I were always pretty close when we were growing up, despite the fact that she's 10 years older than me. She would always take me places with her. She'd always know exactly what to say when I came home from school in tears because some kid was picking on me.
I wonder if she'll know what to say to me know? It certainly wont make anything better. Her words aren't going to change anything. Why the hell am I even here? I haven't talked to her in almost a year, and I haven't really talked to her since I was 15. That's when she got married and decided to become a housewife. That was harsh, our mom is a housewife, Cindy just works from home. She's a painter, she's really good actually. I have some of her paintings back at the loft.
I walk across the street though, and up the stairs. I knock. I can hear people on the other side of the door, yelling, fighting, tripping, falling. Finally the door swings open, revealing one of my nephews. I'm not sure which one though. She has twins. They must be almost 10 by now.
"Uncle Mark?"
"Brian?" Just a guess.
"Yep! You remembered!
"Is your mom here?" He nods and lets me in. As soon as I step into the warm house, my glasses fog up. I wipe them off on my coat and put them back on. My other nephew, who I can now identify as Steven, is laying on the floor.
"Mark?" I turn the sound of my sister's voice and smile. "Oh my god!" She comes over and wraps her arms around me. "Come on, come in." She says dragging me into her living room, past her husband Eric. Eric's pretty nice I guess, I don't really know him that well.
"What are you doing here Squirt?"
Squirt. She called me Squirt, and I lose it again. I collapse onto her shoulder crying tears that I didn't even know I had left. I hear her whisper to Eric, probably telling him and the kids to get lost. I appreciate that, I don't need an audience to see my breakdown. I hear the front door shut a few seconds later.
"Mark?" She says pulling away from me. "Are you ok?"
I look up at her and just shake my head no. I back away from her and sit down on the edge of the couch.
"What's wrong?" She asks, kneeling down in front of me
I can't say it. I haven't even fucking said it to myself yet.
"I…" I squeak out. "I…I have…I'm…HIV positive." I look up at my sister, all of the color had drained out of her face.
"W-what? How?"
"Roger. Him and I've been…I mean, him and I are…together." I say, not really wanting to look at her, but I see her nod her head. "And, you know we tried to be safe, but…but it broke. The fucking condom broke. That stupid fucking piece of rubber broke, and now I'm dead." I say, standing up and walking to the other side of the room.
"You're not dead Mark."
"What the hell's the difference?"
She didn't say anything for a few seconds. I could tell she was trying to find something to say.
"When was the last time you slept?"
What? I just told you that I'm dying, and you ask me when I last slept? I just shrug though. "I slept for a while last night." Does 20 minutes count as sleeping?
"When was the last time you really slept." I just shrug again. I hadn't really slept in a while. We had to wait a few weeks until they could actually test me.
"Why don't you go upstairs and lay down for a few hours? You look like you could use the rest."
I nod. "Give me your coat." I do, and then she leads me upstairs into the guest room. I pull my shoes off and lay down, probably falling asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.
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I wake to the sound of the door opening. Where the hell am I? Oh. Right.
"Mark?" I head her say in a low voice.
"What?" I respond, not bothering to roll over and look at her. I just keep staring at the wall.
"I uh, I got you your prescription." She says coming over and kneeling down in front of me. She sets a glass of water on the table next to the bed and holds out her hand, which is where I presume my pill is. My fucking AZT. I finally make eye contact with her. The streetlight outside of the window is casting a weird pattern of orange light and shadows on her face.
I take the pill from her and sit up. I just stare at the little white and blue pill for a minute.
"Christ, just take it!" She says, sounding slightly desperate. "Roger said-"
"Roger?"
"Yeah, he called here looking for you. He's worried about you, he seems sweet."
I have to smile at the last comment. Roger? Sweet? I pop the pill in my mouth and take a sip of water.
"Did you swallow?"
"I try not to." I can't believe I just said that. I see a small smile on her face as she sits down at the end of the bed.
"Here's the rest of it." She says handing me a large orange bottle. At least, I think it's orange, it could just be the streetlight again. "Eric got you double, so you don't have to worry about it for a while."
I just stare at her, puzzled.
"He's a pharmacist, remember?"
"Right." I say taking the bottle and setting it next to my the glass of water. I grab my glasses and put them on.
"So." She says, turning to look at me.
"So what?"
"Talk."
"I don't feel like talking."
"You seemed like you were ready to talk before."
"How long was I asleep?"
"About 6 hours. I saved you some food."
"I'm not hungry."
She nodded. There was an awkward silence that followed, which she eventually broke.
"So, you and Roger."
"Yeah."
"Care to elaborate? I mean, I never…I didn't know you were, well, gay. Not that I care, I don't, you know that, but, yeah."
I smile, for some reason. "I guess, I've always been kind of into, men and women…I don't know, it was weird. Roger had just been through a really bad break up and…I was there to pick up I pieces…or something." I don't mention Mimi's name, letting Cindy assume that Roger was with another guy. I didn't really feel like explaining everything. "And at first he didn't want to…well, you know, but I did. I convinced him that everything would be ok, I convinced myself that everything would be ok. We were careful, we did everything that we were supposed to, and…" I trail off as the tears well up again. I feel her come closer to me. She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her.
"You have to stop crying, it's not going to solve anything, ok?" She says wiping the tears out of my eyes. I know she's right, but what the hell else am I supposed to do? I'm dying! I'm fucking dying. Should I be happy about that?
"You need to cut your hair too," Cindy says, bringing me out of another depressing inner monologue. "Or at least comb it occasionally." She runs her hand through the very shaggy and very messy blonde mop on top on my head.
"I like it." I say, pushing her hand away.
"Well, I brought you some of Eric's clothes." She says standing up. "Some sweatpants and a few t-shirts, and some jeans to wear tomorrow." I nod noticing the small pile of clothes at the end of the bed.
"And the bathroom is at the end of the hall. There's towels and everything else in there you'd need if you want to take a shower. You can use my toothbrush too it you want, it's the purple one."
"Alright." I say. A shower sounds pretty good right now.
"So yeah, use whatever you need. Just be quiet, the boys are sleeping and they have school tomorrow."
I nod again. "Thanks." I call after her. She turns and smiles before flipping on the light in the room and shutting the door.
I stand up and peel off my sweatshirt and throw it on the floor. I grab some clothes and head down to the bathroom to try and wash some of this day down the drain.
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I wake the next morning to the sound of someone running by my door. I sit up and rub my eyes before putting my glasses on and heading downstairs.
I enter the kitchen to find Cindy frantically packing lunches and yelling at Brian and Steven about something. I always wanted kids, as weird as that sounds. Guess it'll never happen now.
I sigh and sit down at the table across from Eric.
"Sleep well?" He asks before taking a sip of coffee.
"Yeah…um, thanks for getting me my pills and stuff."
"No problem."
"I'll pay you back as soon as I can."
"Don't worry about it."
"No…I'm not gonna make you guys pay for my fuck-ups, I'll pay you back, I know it's expensive."
"I said don't worry about it, ok? I took care of it." He says standing up. "Come on you guys, we're gonna be late again."
I glance up at the clock, 8:45. I thought school started sooner than that. Hmm…oh well.
I sit there watching the next few minutes of chaos before Cindy finally pushes the 3 of them out the front door.
"Christ." I hear her say before coming back into the kitchen. "Roger wants you to call him."
"What?"
"Roger wants you to call him, he called a little while ago.
Roger? Up before 11? Amazing.
"I'll call him in a bit."
"And I called mom and dad and-"
"What?" I ask, slightly panicked. "Why did you call them."
"To make sure that they were both home today. It's Wednesday, dad's had this day off since the dawn of the century, but it never hurts to make sure. I don't want to drive all the way out there to find and empty house."
"I am not going to Scarsdale today Cindy, no way."
"Why the hell not? You're gonna have to tell them eventually, just get it over with."
"No fucking way, you know how they are!"
"Then it'll be the perfect fuck you and farewell to them wont it? I'm taking you there and you're telling them."
I sigh knowing that she's probably right, but that still doesn't mean I want to do it.
"Where's your phone?"
"Behind you."
I turn to see the phone hanging on the wall behind me, it's long cord was wound up into many different knots and tangles.
"That's the only one?"
"Yep, and it doesn't go very far."
She's lying. She's a lying bitch, and I know it. I decided to humor her anyway. I grab the phone and begin to dial.
"Hello?" Roger answers after one ring.
"Hey." I say. I hear a sigh of relief escape from Roger.
"How are you? Are you ok?"
"Never been better." I say sarcastically.
"Look Mark, I'm…I'm sorry. I don't know-"
"Stop, it's ok." I say turning away from my sister. "I'm not mad at you, it's not your fault."
"When are you coming back?"
"Probably later today. Cindy's dragging me out to see the 'rents in a little while."
"Do you want me to go?"
"No, it's ok. I'll be ok."
"Alright. I'll se you later then. I love you."
I turn back to my sister. "Love you too." I say before hanging up.
"Awwww." She says with a laugh.
"Fuck off."
"Go get dressed."
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"I can't believe that I'm in fucking Scarsdale. I haven't been here in 5 years." I say sitting in Cindy's car outside of my parent's house.
"They're really not that bad."
"That doesn't exactly fill me with confidence Cin."
"Look, just walk in there and be like mom, dad. I'm here, I'm queer, I'm in love, and I'm HIV positive, and if you want nothing else to do with me, then fuck off."
"It's not that easy."
"I know it's not." She says looking down at the steering wheel. "Just…you have to tell them. Get it over with, it'll be one less thing to worry about, ok?" There's a hint of sadness in her voice. I haven't even really thought about how she was taking it. She seems ok, but she was always good at hiding things.
A few minutes later I'm standing in the living room of my old house across from my parents. They're sitting at opposite ends of the couch. Cindy is leaning on the wall to my left.
"Mark, dear, what's wrong?" My mother asks again, in that stupid sweet voice of hers. I just keep telling myself to not start crying. Whatever I do, I can't cry in front of them. In front of my father.
"Well um…I'm…I'm gay." Again, I felt trying to explain the whole bisexual thing would have been a bit much. "And I'm…HIV positive. I got it from Roger and, it was an accident, but I mean…I love him and…yeah. I just, thought you should know." That was rather pathetic I tell myself. I had some speech in my head that I had been working on during the drive up here, but completely blanked once I started talking.
I turn to Cindy and she smiles. My father is the first one to say something.
"I always knew you were a little fucking queer." He says standing up.
"Dad stop." Cindy says.
"Who goes to Brown and decides to be an art major?"
"I was an art major." Cindy says, but my dad keeps staring right at me.
"You're a girl, though I guess our little Marky is one too. Well, you got what you deserved you little faggot." Tears. Tears are welling up. It takes everything for me not to lose it again right there. He scoffs as walks by me out of the room. I don't turn, but I hear him stop at the bottom of the stairs.
"And Cindy, keep my grandsons away from him."
"I'd rather have them around him than around you. Have a nice fucking life!" She yells grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the front door. I glance back at my mother, who still hadn't moved or said a word. She'd probably call in a few days. Thank god for answering machines.
"What an asshole!" Cindy yells as we pull out of the driveway. "I'm sorry I made you come here."
"No, it's fine. Like you said, one less thing I have to worry about."
"That's right, don't fucking worry about them."
"I'm not, can you just take me back to my place?"
"Yeah."
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"It's that building on the corner." I say as we turn onto 11th street.
"It's very…nice?" She says stopping in front of my building.
"It's very charming, I assure you."
"I'm sure. Oh! I got something for you, come here." She says jumping out of the car and heading to the trunk. I get out and follow her around to the back.
"It's a blanket, it's a really warm one too, I made Eric get it for you last night." She says handing me a large blue blanket wrapped in plastic. "And this is for food, or medicine, or whatever." She hands me an envelope. I can see the green inside of it.
"I'm not taking your money."
"Yes you are."
"You have kids, and a house and-"
"I just sold a painting. This is all the money I got for it. Take it."
I stare at the envelope for a second and then nod. She leans forward and gives me a hug. I hug her back as best I can with my free arm. She breaks away and sniffs.
"Well, call me, ok? Anytime you need to, I'm here for you, alright?"
I nod again. "I love you Cin."
"I love you Squirt." She says squeezing my hand. "Bring Roger next time you come. I want to meet him, but not right now, I'm sure you have some stuff to work out." She says before walking up to get back in her car.
I smile watching her get in her car and drive off. I take a deep breath before turning to head up to the loft. I guess sisters aren't that bad after all.
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