To my beloved husband,
It has been four years since your death, and I still feel so...stuck. Stuck in time, note being able to move on from all the grief your passing had put me through. I can't feel anything. I can't seem to move. Everything I see around me has drained of all color. All I hear are just ghostly whispers, as memories of that incident take over my head.
If only I was the one who had been in your place in the car crash, everything wouldn't be so bad. Just look at how everyone's feeling right now. Bia's suffering deppression, Carla's starting to have anxiety attacks every now and then, and Tiago would rarely speak nowadays. Pedro and Nico aren't doing well with their nightclub, either. Even the Toucan family misses you dearly. And of course, I felt the worst.
When I first met you, I knew you were the one—I just decided to hide it first. You were quite shy and adorably nerdy at that time—the perfect epitome of the bird of my dreams. I'm really sorry for lashing out at you every now and then, though, but then you were just so blunt and talkative, I had to shut you up before we meet consequences. But as time progressed, I've seen the real you. A brave, fearless, feathered warrior, determined to be strong for the sake of the ones you cared about. And of course, a good parent. Entertaining, funny, cheerful, protective, wise, so full of life...you were the perfect image of a father who cherishes his family more than anything else.
But now...look at you, sleeping peacefully in a cold, lifeless stone casket, unaware of the world above you. Unaware of the teardrops and blue feathers on your grave.
Blu...what will I ever do without you? How can I raise my beloved children by myself? How...how can I smile at the darkest moments, forget all about my worries? What's a Yin without a Yang? What's a tree without a root? What's a morning without a night? What is a word without meaning?
Here I am, sitting listlessly, waiting for a sign. A sign from you, if possible. A sign from you signifying that you're still there for me, that you'll still love me, even after death. I know you probably can't do that, but you don't need to, because I already know that everyday, I could still feel your warm, loving presence. Everytime the wind passes by, I hear your lovely voice whispering your love for me. When the sun shines down on me, I could feel your smile radiating on my face. When the stars come out, I see your handsome face in the many constellations. And everytime I drift away, I would always see you in my dreams, wings stretched out, waiting for my loving embrace.
I swear to God that when we meet again in Heaven, I will never take you for granted.
Ever again.
I love you, Tyler Blu Gunderson, and I will always will until my last breath.
From your wife,
Jewel Marquez-Gunderson