A/N:

In occasion of June 3rd I decided to make a prologue for my new story. This is, as many other fics lately, a post season 6 fic, meaning the beginning of season 7. I'll write on this story from now on and over summer, so I guess it will be around ten parts or so. This title comes from Roxette's "Milk and toast and honey", which is going to be the main lyrics in this story, but in this prologue it'll be from "A shoulder to cry on" by Tommy Page

Prologue

Life is full of lots of up and downs
But the distance feels further
When its headed for the ground
And theres nothing more painful
Then to let your feelings take
You down

She could feel his smile along with his excitement of finally being close to her again, but she couldn't find the thrill herself. It was gone along with Luke. His arms tightened around her, like he was afraid of losing her. But she wanted to be lost. She wanted to run out of his arms and then glide down the hill until she would reach the rock bottom. And there she wanted to spend the rest of her life all alone.

But she knew he wouldn't let her glide. He wouldn't let go of her, not again. But she didn't need him in her life anymore. She did when she was young, but that was ages ago. All the feelings she once had for him was gone. Every time she'd showered, she'd washed some of them away and a few years ago they were all gone. But his feelings for her were still there, and they didn't want to go away. She felt his love for her just by lying there next to him, but her love was with someone else... it was with Luke.

The night before started to return to her mind. The Friday night dinner, where Christopher had been invited and then some stupid psychologist that did exactly what they did. She had twisted Lorelai's mind, so she would do something completely insane, and well she did. She ran straight to Luke and confronted him. But first she threw the whole eloping in his face.

She was reminded of all those crazy people that never went to bed, cause they were sitting in Las Vegas playing some crazy card games. Most of the time they just lost all of their money if they threw the wrong card at the table at the wrong time. And that was what she'd done. She'd thrown the "eloping card" on the table way to early which came up with the result that she lost everything. She lost Luke. He'd been her rock and now there was nothing. What she had left... nothing. She then remembered knocking on his door, not Luke's but Christopher's. Why? She kept asking herself, why?

Suddenly she realized that she was the one who got herself there. In that bed beside that man, the wrong man. She remembered the feeling she had in her gut when she knocked on the door. She knew that there was something coming up, but she was to tired and to upset, to listen. All she needed there was to be comforted. So she knocked on the door and entered his apartment and ended up on the couch, and there she cried bitterly. First he was just sitting there saying nothing, but after a while he went to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of tequila. Better known as the best drink to drowned all pain. And she drank the tequila voraciously. Suddenly the bottle was empty, but he just went to the kitchen and got another one. After hours of tears and tequila, they ran out of alcohol.

And that caused her breakdown. Now she no longer had anything to hide her pain, and that turned out to more tears and more pain. But he just listened to her babbling. Words that made no sense, together and apart. Together and apart, that reminded her of a wedding vow, and wedding vow reminded her of June 3rd, that then lead to Luke Danes and being engaged to him. While she was sitting there on the couch, Christopher suddenly did something surprising. He just leaned in and kissed her. First she tried to pull back, but then she gave in and kissed him back.

What damage could it cause? In her mind, nothing, cause all damage was already caused. But now in the morning she realized how empty she felt and how wrong what she'd done was. The big whole in her gut, stomach and heart suddenly felt empty. The day before she'd filled it with tequila, but now it was just empty. It was the spot where everything that ever had surrounded Luke used to be. But now there was nothing, no Luke, no tequila! God life sucked when all you had was Christopher Hayden.

At least that's how she ended up there, in bed with Christopher. The part from kissing Christopher to getting into this bed; it was all gone. Not gone, just more like a shadow, a blur. All she knew was that she felt nothing when it happened. Not like she felt when it was Luke. God, she wished he was the one lying beside her now. Just as so many times before. She remembered the first time. The feeling in her gut; all flying and jumping. But yet she still loved him, not Christopher but Luke. Luke was equal love, her love.

She remembered when she realized that she really did love him. It was when the word "yes" came out of his mouth. That was the time she realized that he would be the one she would be marrying, and if that didn't happen she would forever be a loner. And now… she was going to be a loner. When she thought back on the time they'd gotten engaged. It had been a great time. More than great, it had been wonderful, because Luke was wonderful. And together they made a perfect couple.

Lorelai looked out in the room, the bedroom, his bedroom, Christopher's bedroom. Soon she saw her own clothes on a chair. It was placed nice and neat. But how? and who? She let her eyes wander across the room until they fell on a towel, apparently Gigi's if she judged on the little the name written with stars and then a moon over the name. A moon, a full moon.

"Full moon, moment's here! Let's go!" he yelled. Lorelai wiped away a tear and left Rory's room. As she walked out, she looked over her shoulder, like she wanted a last glimpse of the room. She sighed and then closed the door gently. It was like she closed a book she'd just finished. A very, very long chapter. Once again she felt the tears in her eyes, but she just blinked and they were gone. She couldn't allow herself to cry, and she wouldn't cry either.

She simply shook her head and walked out of the kitchen, though the hallway and out of the front door, where she found Luke on the swing, on the porch. He smiled, and she smiled back. But it was only her lips that formed the smile. Her eyes were sad and he saw it immediately.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah… I'm fine… You said something about a moment. Tell me!" she said just to turn his attention to something else. He sighed and then patted the seat on the swing beside him. She smiled weakly and went over to sit beside him. As she sits down he places an arm around her shoulders.

"It's Rory, right? I mean you two were always close and now suddenly…" he paused. Unsure whether to go further with this subject or if it wasn't his area to step on. But she answered him before he got to continue.

"Yeah… Luke?"

"Huh?"

"Can we… will… I really don't want to talk about it right now. It just doesn't seem like the "lawn" is ready to be stepped on yet."

"Okay" he nodded in agreement

"Thanks… So, moment?" He grinned and kissed her gently.

"Yesterday." he began.

"What's that?" Lorelai pointed at his hand, the one that wasn't placed around her. His hand was closed.

"Nothing." He said and then opened his mouth to continue.

"You're lying! Open your hand!"

"Lorelai!"

"You're hiding something from me, evil being! Come on, show it to me. Or have you become a chicken, just because you had one bottle. ONE bottle of chick beer. Come on, Luke!" Luke sighed and then turned so he looked deeply into her eyes.

"Lorelai, you know you're kind of ruining this, right?"

"Ruining what" she asked, smiling.

"This" he said and then removed his arm that used to be around her shoulders, so his hand would cover her eyes.

"Hey, who turned off the lights?" Luke just ignored her comment and took her left hand in his and let out a sigh.

"Lights, please! Dear God, please let me see what's going on around me, cause I have a very bad feeling." Lorelai tried to remove Luke's hand on her eyes with her right hand, but nothing happened. He apparently didn't want her to see anything. Meanwhile Luke was doing the best he could to get the ring he had in his hand on her finger, but it wasn't an easy assignment he had given himself. At some point he was pretty close to let go of her eyes, but in the end he made it with one hand. After he made sure it was perfectly placed on her finger, he removed his hand.

"Ligh…" she started, but then stopped herself when she saw the ring on her finger. It was wonderful, no beautiful… It was perfect, just like Luke. The man who had gotten it.

"Luke…" she mumbled.

"It's… it's beautiful!" she then exclaimed.

"So, you like it?"

"Like it? I love it! It's beautiful!" she felt it right away. He had been holding something back, a weird feeling and now she got what it was. Now he was just relieved.

"Good. That's good. I'm glad." he said silently.

"You know what?"

"No, I don't."

"I've tried this before, I mean sitting here and then having some guy give me a ring."

"So it's a random thing for you. Getting engagement rings?"

"No! Max just gave me one here too."

"Oh, Max. Right. I should've known at least assumed."

"Luke listen. The ring Max got for me was way to big, I almost lost it. But this one fits…" she paused and then started shaking her left hand. And the ring stayed on.

"See, it fits perfectly. It means something, it's a sign Luke. It fits, which in some weird way means that we, you and me, fit together. Okay?"

"Okay." He said, but he could see she didn't really believe him. To confirm that he truly meant it he leaned in and kissed her. When they pulled apart after a while they both smiled. They both knew it, this time it was right. This time they had found the right person to have the right time with…

The ring! Lorelai let her finger find the ring. Yep, it was definitely still there. And then it hit here. She was still engaged to Luke! And that led to the fact that she had actually cheated on him… with Christopher!

Luke's worst nightmare was no longer a nightmare, it was reality. All over suddenly she was seized with panic. What on earth was she doing in this man's bed? She didn't even consider that he might wake up when she pushed his arm away from her waist and jumped out of bed. The sheets were tight wrapped around her. Quickly she grabbed her clothes from the chair and then she ran to the bathroom. She slammed the door after her.

The woman in the mirror… it couldn't be her. But it was. She looked at her skin. She was paler than ever and her eyes were sunken. Talking about her eyes; they weren't as blue as they used to be. They had simply lost their sparkle, and she was sure than if she happened to run into Michel's mother that day she wouldn't ask if they were real. They would just be eyes like everybody else had. Sadly. Her hair also looked dead. Just like her eyes. It was just hanging there. No soft, wavy curls that would move gently in the wind. It didn't look black anymore, more like some shade of grey. Oh no she was getting older! She let a hand run through her hair and she felt it; the dirt and the shame. 'Funny what kind of things you can find in your hair', she thought. Her hair had also grown lately, it was around the same length as it was two years ago at the test run.

The test run… She had to smile at that memory. It had been a great day, one of the best in her life.

Lorelai was awakened by the sound of somebody knocking at the bathroom.

"Lor? Are you in there?"

"What do you think Christopher? There's nobody else in the house."

"I know, I was just wondering. You've been in there for ten minutes now, and I don't hear the water running so I assume that you're not taking a shower."

"You're right. I am not taking a shower in your house. You must be insane."

"Hey, what happened to you? Are you alright?" No answer. He was standing there, waiting for an answer, when the door suddenly was ripped open.

"No, I'm not okay!" she shouted and she stormed past him towards the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"Where am I going? Hmm, I wonder… Let's see. Driving, and then driving and more driving until I reach the gazebo, then I turn left and then right and then I stop the car…"

"What gazebo?"

"How many gazebos do I know… ONE! And that's funny enough placed in the middle of Stars Hollow, the town where I happen to live. Isn't life just funny?"

"I know you live in Stars Hollow."

"Then why the hell am I here early on a Saturday morning? Can you explain that to me, Chris?"

"You spent the night here."

"Spent the night? Like a slumber party?" she said sarcastically.

"No, not like a slumber party… We…"

"I'm not a complete idiot, Chris! I know what happened."

"Then why the hell are you dressed if it's that early. Let me make you some breakfast. Actually I know how to make chocolate chip pancakes…"

"NO! You can't make me breakfast. There's only one man in the world that knows how to make real chocolate chip pancakes, and that's Luke. God, Chris when will you get it?"

"Get what?"

"That you and I, we're done. Actually we never started anything and by the way I'm still engaged, so sorry; I'm taken."

"By whom? Luke?"

"Chris… You and I, different things. Simply never meant to be."

"Never meant to be huh? Who's meant to be then; you and Luke, me and Sherry? Rory and that Logan kid?"

"Chris, listen. I don't want to make a big deal out of this."

"Not make a big deal out of it? You always do Lor. First you sleep with me and then you regret it."

"Yeah, the vicious circle! I know it very well, 'cause I've actually been there. But I tell you, I'm out. I'm done!" Lorelai tried to get to the door, but she wasn't quick enough. There he was, blocking the door.

"Move!" she shouted at him, but it didn't seem like he was going to move right away. He obviously wanted her to stay forever, but she just wanted to get away. She tried to push him away. But instead he grabbed her arm and then forced her face up with the other hand so she would look him in the eyes.

"Let go of me Christopher!" she cried, but he ignored her.

"Where will you go, Lor? To Luke and cry on his shoulder?"

"Chris, please don't" she begged him through tears, but instead of letting go of her arm, he tightened his grip.

"He crushed you, Lor. He crushed you!" he shouted in anger and frustration.

"Let go, let go" she cried again.

"He broke your heart for God's sake" Lorelai tried to turn away from him. She tried to hide her face, but his hand forced her back. She tried to close her eyes, but the look in his kept hers open. He was right, Luke had broken her heart, but she wasn't crying over him now. She was crying over the person Christopher had become. He held her head tight and then he kissed her. She tried to pull her head back, she did her best, but there was nothing she could do. She just bit her lips and sucked them in. And then he pulled back

She tried to be brave. She did her best to stand tall and smile to the world around her, but she couldn't. She couldn't be strong any longer. She was devastated and she just needed to get away from there. But then she dove deep into the bottom of her heart she found him; a piece of Luke. And that gave her some strength back.

"You broke my heart too, Christopher! Several times! And you even managed to break Rory's too!"

"Rory's? So now I'm a bad father! I get it."

"No you don't! You've never been a father for her Christopher. You were never there for her when she needed you. Never!"

"But I was there for you. You were the one who came here yesterday."

"I know I did. And I regret it bitterly. I regret everything that has happened within the last 24 hours."

"You came here because you needed me to be there for you like I always have" he said again.

"Yes, I came here last night because I needed a friend. Someone to comfort me, someone to listen to my heartache. But instead you got me drunk and used me. And that proved what you aren't. A friend, my friend. And you showed me that you haven't been there at all. Only one person has always been there to comfort me when I really needed it, and that someone is Luke!"

"Luke, Luke and more to Luke. If you really thinks he's the one then why are you here and not with him?"

"Once again it was a mistake. Please let go of me, I need to go to the man…"

"the man that broke your heart"

"I was gonna say; the man I love, cause that's what I do. I love Luke. I really do." And then he did it. He let go of her. Loosened the grip and she was free. But he was still standing in front of her. She looked at him and then realized something. The man in front of her was no longer needed in her life.

"The door is closed Christopher. The door is closed. What ever happens with Rory… that's up to her."

He was just standing there, paralyzed by her very last words. She had taken a big knife and just cut the bond between them. She could see on his facial expression how much it hurt him, but she just needed to do it. She had no choice. He didn't understand her choice. But she didn't have the time to explain or the strength either, so she pushed him aside and walked right past him without even looking back. Christopher Hayden was a finished chapter in her life, and now it had finally come to an end. She; Lorelai Gilmore was out of his life forever and always.

Its so hard to know
The way you feel inside
When theres many thoughts
And feelings that you hide
But you might feel better
If you let me walk with you
By your side

And end of prologue.. I really enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. To complete this story you would all help if you left a review. I'll be gone for the next week, so you have plenty of time, but please review and tell me if you think I should continue of just dump it…

Love, Asta