Love Amongst the Ruins
By: Angelus Erreare
Disclaimer: All characters featured in this fanfic belong to ATLUS USA. Serph, Argilla, Heat , Gale, Cielo and Sera all belong to ATLUS USA.
A/N: This is another Heat x Argilla fanfic that is dedicated to my H/A muse and wonderful yet wacky friend, Mika. I hope you enjoy this.
Note to Readers:
1. Sera is a member of Embryon
2. This has nothing to do with the SMT:DDS game's plot.
WARNING: SEMI-AU, OOC, crude LANGUAGE
Chapter 1: Shattered
Argilla could feel her heart pound as she walked ever closer to him…Him…her friend, her teacher, her leader…The love of her life.
"Serph…" she said, breathing out his name.
It had been the evening at Muladhara and the moon shone brightly, yet palely. She took heavy breaths as she reached his form, leaning by the railing.
His soft silver eyes were gazing on the horizon, his soft hair lightly moving from the playful breeze, damp from the chilly drizzle. He was so handsome in Argilla's eyes…
He was a kind person; he never hesitated to help anyone who needed it. He was strong and resolute and led their tribe from victory to victory. He had been the one who had united them strongly; the true measure of being a tribe. Before him, their tribe was in shambles as they struggled to find a new leader as their previous one had died due to old age…without an heir…And then, he came.
He was the one who had bound their group's hearts together…
He was the one that bound her heart to his…
She had been thinking about this for a long while now…Long had she followed him through hell and back, never hesitating, never reluctant…She never allowed herself to look at anyone else either. He was her inspiration; seeing him strong, brave and courageous only fueled her already raging desire to be like him.
He had been the one who took care of her…raised her when she had been an orphaned little girl.
But along the way, as she grew older, as they fought their way from being a mere mediocre tribe to being a prominent one, her feelings for this man steadily grew…
At first, she had been confused…She didn't know how she could harbor such feelings and merely brushed them aside…
But as she continued to be with him, as she graduated from the academy and was put in his elite team, she got to know more about him; more intimately. Not as a child who would see a man…No…but as an equal; as a comrade.
He really was transparent. He was inside what people saw him on the outside.
Months after that…she came to understand and accept that she had fallen in love with him. He had always been there to save her whenever she would need help. He was the one who carried her within his strong arms when her legs would fail her from utter exhaustion.
He would always be the one who would drape a warm hand on her shoulder, asking her what was wrong…
Serph would be the one who would embrace her and tell her that everything would be okay…That it would be alright…And that whatever it was they were going through, that all would work out for the better.
That was why…
That was why she was convinced that he loved her the way she did him.
She had willed herself to do this for a while now…but it was only now, at this night, that she had finally conquered her inner demons and had mustered all of her strength so that she may confess to him her feelings.
"Serph…"
He turned from the railing and looked at her, his gentle smile on his face, "Argilla. What can I do for you at this hour?"
Argilla froze at seeing his mesmerizing smile. She shook her head and walked over to him, leaning on the rail beside him, "Nice night huh?" she asked, letting her loose pink locks sway gently along with the gentle breeze.
"Yes. It is." he said as he looked out at the horizon again.
She sighed and closed her eyes slowly as she relished in his presence. She wasn't even touching him and yet, she could feel his powerful yet gentle aura encase her in a protective cocoon.
"Argilla," he began, putting a hand on her shoulder, turning her so that they faced one another, "what is it that you wanted to tell me? I've sensed it ever since you got up here."
She blushed; he really did know her…He knew very well how to read her. She turned and met his eyes head on, getting lost in them…She wondered for a moment if he knew or even suspected in the slightest of her hidden feelings for him…
"Serph…I…" she trailed off.
He took her hand in his and squeezed it worriedly, "What is it?"
Argilla couldn't hold it on any longer…Her heart had beat too fast to control. Her feelings were pouring out of her heart too strong for her to control…
She lunged herself at him, taking him by complete surprise, planting a kiss on his lips. She moaned as she kissed him. She could feel his hands hold her shoulders firmly. And then, a moment later, he pulled away.
Argilla blushed, "I…I'm sorry sir…I just got carried away…"
Serph laughed, "It's alright Argilla. Now, what is it that you wanted to tell me?"
Argilla looked within his eyes once more, feeling cold sweat trickle down her temples, "Sir…I…"
She had thought that the kiss would reveal everything for him…But as she looked at his puzzled countenance, she realized that she needed words…
He leaned closer to her and again took her hands in his, his silver eyes, gentle and soothing, "It's not 'sir', Argilla. It's Serph…" he whispered gently, "Whatever it is…you can tell me."
Argilla shivered, "I…I'm afraid…"
He caressed her face, "Don't be. It's just me."
Argilla nodded, "There's this man…that I…like…and well…"
Serph laughed and held her hands tighter, "Well, did you tell him how you felt?"
"No." she deadpanned shamefully, "I didn't."
Serph sighed and peered within her eyes, "Just tell him Argilla. It would put your mind and heart at ease."
"I'm just…scared that he doesn't feel the same sir." she told him.
He put a hand on her shoulder, "Argilla, in life, when you really want something…you have to take a chance…And if you really love this man, you'd tell him. Chances are, he's in love with you too. And if he isn't, well, it's his loss." he finished; his eyes twinkling.
Argilla could see the wisdom in his words but still…her courage was lacking…But still, he was right. She needed to tell him.
She took a deep breath, "Sir…you're right."
He chuckled, "So, there you go. Is that all?"
She shook her head and looked at him with a steadfast face, "Sir…"
Serph tilted his head to the side in confusion but at the same time, urging her to continue.
"I'm in love with you."
xxxxx
"Heat please!" a girl's voice sighed wearily, "We've been over this…I'm sorry…"
The redhead sat on the bench, his ruby eyes once fiery with passion, now dead and dull with numbness.
"…"
The woman beside him draped a warm hand on his shoulder as she looked at him worriedly as he continued to stare at the concrete floor, unflinching. She bit her lip as she felt the guilty feeling rise, "Heat…Please…Say something?"
Her heart skipped a beat as he slowly straightened his body from its slumped posture in order to look at her. Silver met red and a pregnant silence ensued.
"Sera…" Heat breathed out, slowly making for her hand. Sera closed her eyes and breathed out evenly as he held her hand. She opened them a moment later and looked at him with grave eyes, "Heat…"
Heat shook his head, "Tell me where I went wrong…"
Sera bit her lip again, "There isn't a place where you went wrong Heat…"
He looked at her with desperate, pleading eyes as he turned his body so that they faced one another, his hands now grasping both of hers effectively, "Then why can't you…?"
She turned her face away and closed her eyes, not bearing to gaze upon his desperate one, "I…I already told you…"
He shook his head and let go of one of her hands in order to grasp her chin firmly, persuading her face to turn back and meet his. She followed his tug and opened her eyes only to be greeted by his stern face, "Tell me Sera. Tell me why you couldn't love me."
Sera didn't reply.
Heat grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close to him, their faces merely inches apart, "Tell me." he said again, "Please."
She gazed at him with the outmost of sympathy but said nothing. Heat could feel himself get lost in her eyes, becoming detached from the rest of his body…
Suddenly, Sera leaned in closer, her hands going to the back of his head, pulling him, beckoning him to come closer. Heat followed her wordlessly, unquestioningly, and there, their lips met.
Heat's heart beat evenly, contentedly as she kissed him; he felt as though he were soaring up in the sky…without a care in the world…
And a moment later, she pulled away. He smiled at her; she did love him…didn't she?
She smiled back at him but it was different from his warm smile…It was a different sort of smile and at that moment, Heat felt scared…He didn't know what would happen next. All that he could hear was the dysfunctional chimes that were the erratic beating of his heart…
She pressed their foreheads together, and there, as she closed her eyes, she whispered, "I'm sorry…"
Painful astonishment was the only thing that Heat could fathom that he could feel as he fully understood what her words meant…
Seeing Heat's state, Sera slowly stood and slowly backed away from him, surrendering herself to the darkness of the shadows before slowly fading away from his sight…and his life…
Heat couldn't move; he couldn't speak, he couldn't think…All that he could feel at that moment was the sharp pain in his chest, constricting his movement and the pumping of blood. His eyes felt heavy as moisture began to accumulate within his ruby orbs.
He clenched his hands into tight fists and gritted his teeth in a vain attempt to hold back the inevitable. A drop of tear landed on the bricked floor…But he couldn't see it though…No…his tear…the tear that was the result of so much pain and grief had been washed away by the calm and cold drizzle…
Just as he had been washed away by her unloving soul…
"I love you so much…" he whispered to the cool and chilly air, looking at the spot where she used to stand…
xxxxx
Argilla could feel her legs begin to wobble as weakness suddenly invaded her veins, like a poisonous substance. He had been as quiet as a mouse since her confession. Her eyelids felt heavy; too heavy…She wanted to blink but she was afraid that if she did, their moment, their silent and pregnant moment would be broken…
She wanted to move forward and hear what it was he wanted to say but at the same time, she didn't want to hear him and would just be content at staring at him this way…
The second lasted as an entire eternity for her…It was long; painfully and excruciatingly long.
But alas, her eyelids felt too heavy and she could no longer keep up her façade and thus, blinked.
A moment later, he blinked as well. Argilla immediately turned her back at him, ashamed at what she had just done, "I'm sorry sir." she whispered, "I was out of line."
She felt a hand on her shoulder and she immediately stiffened. She could feel him coming closer to her but she remained rooted at where she stood. Serph came in front of her and tilted her chin upwards. This must be difficult for her.
He sighed; she wasn't alone though.
It was difficult for him as well…
His hand left her chin and grasped her shoulders as he looked at her with his twinkling silver eyes. He smiled tightly at her, "That wasn't so bad right?"
Argilla looked at him; puzzled. Wasn't he mad at her? Wasn't he disgusted about what he had just heard?
"Serph…" she said; her pink eyes searching his…She was probing his eyes, his soul for the feelings that he so carefully concealed from the rest of the world…
No…not the feelings that he had as Serph the leader, or as Serph the comrade…
No…that was not was she was searching for. She wanted to know his feelings; his true feelings as Serph the man; the man behind the kind and sparkling silver eyes. The man behind the responsibilities of being Embryon's leader…
At that moment, Argilla's searching was interrupted as she felt herself being drawn to his hard chest. She let him encase her within his protective folds, just breathing in his scent; his masculine scent.
She smiled in contentment as she smelled him…Just like the fresh rain…
She sighed as she felt his heart beating calmly and wondered for a moment if he could feel hers as well…
Serph buried his face within her cherry-blossomed hair, just appreciating the feel of her and then kissed it. From there, he slowly spoke, "I'll always be here for you Argilla…Whatever happens, I'll be here for you…as a friend."
Argilla stiffened; a friend?
'A friend? What did he mean? Didn't he already understand what I meant to tell him?' she thought frantically, cursing herself for the possibility of sending him mixed signals. She immediately pulled away and looked at him.
He was still smiling at her…
"Serph…I…what I meant was…"
He closed his eyes and sighed, cutting her off. Argilla closed her lips tight. He was about to say something. Serph let his hands grasp her arms once more and took a step back, and opened his eyes, gazing at hers firmly, "I meant what I said. I'll always be here for you…as a friend."
"A…a friend…?" she repeated with utter surprise and a bit of embarrassment.
He nodded, "Ah…As a friend."
Argilla blinked several times, "But I…I love you…" she said, squeaking a bit.
Serph looked at her and her saddened eyes…He had hurt her…He cursed himself…He didn't want to hurt her; not her. She had been completely loyal to him…She had done everything that he had ever asked of her without question. And now, this was what he had done…
He could see the fragile and weak seed of hope within her eyes…He could see the ever vigilant fire of passion within her very soul fighting to the very end to keep itself alive…
But he knew that as he would utter his next words…
He knew that that seed of hope would be crushed; and that ever vigilant fire…would finally go out.
It was because…he was loyal.
She had been loyal to him; now, it was time that he be loyal to her as well. No lies. No deception. Only undeniable truth…
No matter how painful.
"I cannot give you what I do not have." he told her firmly, his silver eyes never leaving hers; his hands grasping her shoulders even tighter.
Argilla could feel her world crumble as he spoke his words. They were like a dull knife imbedded at her gut, slowly twisting itself away within her organ.
She could feel her tears quickly forming. He didn't love her; it was a simple truth. He didn't love her the way she loved him…
'Well,' she thought sadly, 'there's no need to remain here…'
She nodded at him and laughed humorlessly as she closed her eyes, her hands wiping any tear that might have escaped. She forced them to open a moment later and smiled at him, her lips quivering slightly, "Of course sir. I beg your pardon. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." she said politely, her voice shaking, "Goodnight sir."
She tore her eyes from his and focused on the space behind him as she walked away from him, getting his hands to leave her shoulders.
Serph looked at her; saddened. But it was for the best. As a leader, he knew what it was like to make hard decisions…It was hard because it entailed that for the greater good of the tribe, something or someone must be sacrificed…
He was doing this for her anyway; it was for her own good.
He didn't want her to possess false hope. Because in the matters of the heart, there was nothing more devious and vile than to lead a person around only to crush their hopes and dreams as if they were insignificant.
He didn't want that for her…
Serph did tell her the truth though; no matter what happened; no matter what she did or what happened in between them, he would always be her friend.
It wasn't just that that pained him to see her this way. A leader would always suffer at seeing his men suffer…But a father would die a thousand deaths only to be resurrected and die once more at seeing his child writhe in agony and grief.
And that was what he was feeling at the moment as he watched her walk away from him. She was more than just a soldier to him…She was family; she was his friend, a comrade…a daughter.
xxxxx