1) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colours indicate that they are "covered in bees".

"Poke"

"Fred?"

"Poke"

"George?"

"Poke"

"For heavens sake you two! What are you doing?"

"We are poking you with spoons," stated Fred.

"But why?" asked Hufflepuff Ernie Macmillan.

"Because your house colours are yellow and black," replied George.

"So?"

"So you are covered in bees," answered Fred as though this were completely obvious.

"Poke"

The Hufflepuffs sighed. They knew any resistance is futile against the devilish duo known as the Weasley twins.

From her place at the high table Professor McGonagall watched as the two biggest pranksters of the school continued to bruise the Hufflepuffs with the blunt silverware. They do the strangest things sometimes she thought to herself. Perhaps one day she would write a list.

2) Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

"Mr. Weasley what is that coming out from beneath your bed"

"It's the marijuana I'm growing Professor."

"And why would you be growing marijuana?"

"As an extra credit for herbology Professor Minnie."

Ignoring her hated nickname Professor McGonagall simply said, "Growing marijuana is not an extra credit for herbology Mr. Weasley."

"What about hallucinogenic mushrooms?" asked Fred from his own bed.

"No hallucinogenic mushrooms either," sighed Professor McGonagall. Really she didn't know how these boys came up with them.

Sullenly both the boys went to their beds, pulled a couple of planters boxes from beneath them, crossed to the dormitory window, threw it open and tossed the lot out.

Professor McGonagall sighed, and chose to ignore them.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

"Hey! Hey Oliver!" A pair of all-too-familiar voices called to the quidditch captain as he crossed the chilly grounds on his way back to the castle.

Sighing Oliver Wood turned to face his Beaters.

"What?" he said warily.

"No offence Oliver but…" Fred began but Oliver cut across him.

"Look," he snapped. "If this is another joke about my name don't bother. I've heard every possible one."

The Weasley twins stared at him for a couple of seconds before simultaneously breaking into identical evil grins.

"Challenge accepted."

4) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

"What is that Mr. Weasley?"

"It's my date Professor."

"And why is your date the giant squid? How did you manage to get the giant squid out of the lake?"

"Magic."

"I see. Well Mr. Weasley the giant squid simply is not an acceptable date for the Yule Ball"

"Why not Professor?"

"Because," Professor McGonagall faltered. "Because it just simply is not."

"Shh," said George covering the spot where he thought squid's ears might be. "She's sensitive."

Professor McGonagall began to turn red in the face.

"Now see here Mr. Weasley..." she began. The following was one of the most spectacular shouting matches Hogwarts school has ever seen, including when Seamus Finnigan had shouted down his mother to stay for Dumbledore's funeral. In the end a very confused giant squid was returned the lake and the grinning George Weasley joined the Ball to dance with his fellow Quidditch player, Alicia Spinet.

5) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

"You will write 'I must not tell lies', let's say, for the next hour," said the pink-clad, frog like, woman.

The redheaded twins sitting in front of her only glared.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Fred?"

"I think I am, George."

One hour later Delores Umbridge said to the lawbreakers, "Alright put down your quills."

After the twins had left Umbribge looked at the sheets she had just picked up. Instead of a page full of the words 'I must not tell lies' she saw these words, written over and over again.

'I told you I was hard-core'.

6) If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

Fred Weasley just putting the finishing touch on his masterpiece when Professor McGonagall called from the front of the class "I want a 12 inch essay from all of you by tomorrow, what's that on your arm Mr. Davies?"

Fred's previously sleeping classmate looked at his left forearm in surprise. There, plain as anything, was the Dark Mark. Yes the Dark Mark, symbol of Voldemort.

"I - I don't know professor said the terrified teen.

Suddenly unable to control himself Fred burst out laughing. The entire class looked round at him.

"Fred?"

"Yes Minnie?"

"Five points from Gryffindor."

7) House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

Oliver Wood was fuming. He finally managed to book the Quidditch pitch for practice and, lo and behold, one of the bludgers was missing. Forget about bludgers, both of his beaters were missing.

"Has anyone seen Fred and George?" He asked his team. They all shook their heads.

"Here we are, Oliver," said Fred running towards them.

"We solved your bludger problem." added George following his twin.

Gesturing behind them the team noticed a third creature running out to the pitch.

"Dobby!" shouted Harry in surprise.

"Dobby has come to help Harry Potter practice quidditch!" said the elf happily.

"Fred George, no," snapped chaser Katie Bell. "We cannot use a house self as a bludger"

"It's only fair seeing as he bewitched the bludger to attack Harry in his second-year." Countered George.

Oliver Wood looked like he was actually considering using Dobby but then Harry spoke up,

"Hermione has a society for elvish right and I don't think she would forgive us for using Dobby as a bludger."

Everyone shuddered, imagining Hermione's rage.

"Well that settles it," said Fred matter-of-factly. "Hermione mad at us, really mad at us..." He shuddered again.

"I'd have to sleep with one eye open," agreed Angelina Johnson.

"This never happened," whispered Harry looking around nervously.

"Deal"

8) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

"Mr. Weasley what are you doing?"

"Starting a betting pool."

"On what?"

"The fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher."

Professor McGonagall's mouth had gone very thin. "And why would you do that?" she asked almost threateningly.

"It's a clever money-making concept," said Fred defensively.

Professor McGonagall exploded.

"It is not for money-making concept!" she screeched. "It is tasteless and tacky! I can't believe you Fred! This crosses the line"

Personally Fred thought Minnie had been talking to his mother too much, but thankfully for him he had enough tact not to say that out loud.

After taking a few deep breaths his professor had calmed down enough to say, "Detention Mr. Weasley, 7 o'clock, my office." And with that she walked away.

Watching her disappear around the far corner, Fred smiled to himself.

She hadn't taken away his profits.

9) Seamus Finnigan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

Fred and George Weasley were sneaking around the castle, jumping at small noises and looking around corners cautiously.

"What are you doing?" asked their also redheaded brother Ron.

"Hiding," replied George quietly.

"From what?" asked Hermione Granger curiously.

"Seamus Finnigan," answered Fred.

"Why?"

"He's after me Lucky Charms,"

"What?" exclaimed Ron. "That weird muggle cereal that Dad likes?"

"Well they're magically delicious," Fred announced.

At that moment Seamas Finnigan walked around the corner at the end of the hall.

"RUN!" Screamed Fred and George together as they took off down the hall.

"What's with them?" Seamus asked his fellow Gryffindors.

"You're after their Lucky Charms."

10) I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".

Fred and George Weasley found themselves walking alongside Padma and Parvati Patil.

" What's up, bookends?" the redheads asked.

"Who you calling bookends, bookends? The two girls replied.

"Well played bookends, well played."