A/N: A little while back I saw someone on tumblr wondering why no one had ever written the story of James and Lily meeting Vernon and Petunia, after we'd gotten Jo's lovely excerpt about it on Pottermore. I'd been looking for a one-shot prompt, and who better than the queen herself to provide one? So, after a much longer span from the original idea than I'd expected, here it is!
Lily Evans smoothed her skirt with trembling hands, pausing outside the restaurant door as she tried to remember why she'd thought this would be a good idea.
"He's going to hate me," she said suddenly, voice shrill and wobbly with panic.
"He won't," her boyfriend, James Potter, assured her automatically.
Lily looked up at him, green eyes wide with worry. "I shouldn't have brought you."
James raised his eyebrows. "Ashamed of me, are you?" he joked. "Well, best I find out now rather than later, I suppose."
"No, I just meant it's too much—Tuny's never met you, Vernon's never met either of us, and since we're both…." She trailed off, leaving unspoken her worry that being part of the wizarding world would be too overwhelming for her sister's new fiancé to take. Even though Lily knew Petunia had told Vernon about her, Lily suspected that anyone dating her sister must share her same desire for order and simplicity in the world. And Lily had caused nothing but disorder and chaos for her sister almost from the day she was born.
"You've forgotten how charming I am, though," James teased. When Lily didn't look reassured in the slightest, he added more genuinely, "It's going to be fine, Evans."
"What if it isn't?" Lily almost whispered. Much as she didn't like to admit it, some small, long-hidden part of her still wished for her older sister's approval. The two had finally built a tolerably polite relationship after Lily graduated from Hogwarts, and she was loathe to ruin it in one evening.
"Well, you're never going to find out if we stand here all night," James said, and with a firm hand on the small of her back, he ushered Lily inside.
Blinking as her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting within, Lily scanned the tables for her sister's slim figure, finally spotting her in a corner booth. Beside her sat a man whom Lily could only assume was Vernon Dursley, though the mental image of him she'd carried around for the past week was sorely upset by the reality of the man himself. He was, in a word, enormous. Rather than making him seem harmless, however, his size only intimidated Lily further, as did his solemn expression. As she and James drew closer, Lily's wonder at how Petunia could possibly be attracted to such a dour man began to war with her nerves. Just before they reached the table, Lily felt James squeeze her hand, and she smiled briefly at him in appreciation as they came to a stop.
"You're late," Petunia admonished in lieu of a greeting.
"Sorry, Tuny," Lily began to apologize, "We—"
"My fault," James interrupted, and Lily watched her sister's gaze move suspiciously to him. "I take ages to get ready—these sorts of good looks don't come about by accident, you know. James Potter," he added in the same breath, sticking out his hand for Petunia to shake.
Thin lips stretched into a tight smile, Petunia took the offered appendage and pumped it once, looking very much as though she'd rather not touch James at all. She did permit Lily to kiss her on the cheek, but it wasn't until Petunia turned to the large man beside her that a true smile lit her features.
"This is my fiancé, Vernon Dursley," she announced, and Lily saw the great pleasure her sister took in uttering the word "fiancé."
"It's lovely to meet you," Lily said, hoping her words didn't sound false.
"Likewise," Vernon replied somewhat dryly, his tight grip causing Lily to wince as he shook her hand. "Potter," he added to James with a nod; James returned the greeting with a carefree grin that made Lily wince again.
Their waiter soon came to take their order, with James ducking his head to hide a grin when Vernon stated that he'd just take the clam cakes appetizer as he was trying to "watch his weight." They passed the time until the food came with an awkward discussion of the weather and a boring rendition of Vernon's recent board meeting, which was clearly staged so he would seem important and impressive. Lily watched the bushy mustache on his upper lip bounce up and down as he spoke to try and distract herself from his uninteresting words.
Snatching onto the moment of silence that followed Vernon's speech, Lily asked her sister, "How's work for you, Tuny?"
"Dull, as always," she replied, with a sigh. "But Vernon says I won't have to work there after we're married, because I'll have him to take care of me." She placed a hand over her fiancé's, giving him an adoring smile. Lily heard James snort quietly, and though she was having a difficult time not rolling her eyes herself, she kicked him under the table regardless.
Their food arrived, and after eating an entire crab cake in one swallow and taking a sip of wine, Vernon asked James, "You own a car, Potter?" Lily found this an odd question, but when Vernon followed it up with, "I just bought a Bentley myself," she began to understand. It seemed that her sister's fiancé was attempting to measure up Lily's boyfriend. And she did not like it one bit. But when she tried to frown at Petunia, in the hopes that her sister would see the rudeness of the question, she merely found her waiting for James's answer as well.
"Oh, but your lot don't have cars, do you?" Vernon continued.
Lily rather thought this addition had been thought up beforehand, both so Vernon could establish himself as superior, and so he could use the phrase "your lot" so as to separate himself and Petunia from Lily and James.
Lily clenched her teeth in an effort to calm her temper as James answered, "No, we ride brooms, mostly. Or Apparate—just reappear wherever we need to go." His eyes darted to Lily as he said this, and she knew he was wondering if they should be sharing so much about the wizarding world with Vernon and Petunia. There were laws against revealing information about magic to Muggles, after all. But Lily supposed there had to be exceptions for family. Or prospective family, as the case may be. Suddenly, Lily had a vision of all future Christmases and Easters, stuck listening to Vernon drone on dully about his latest business deal while Lily tried not to fall asleep into her pudding. But it's not your decision who Tuny marries, she reminded herself, and resolved to find something pleasant about Vernon by the end of the evening.
As she looked back she found the man frowning at James, and Lily thought he looked slightly affronted, though she couldn't imagine why.
"Where is it you go to school, Potter?" Vernon asked abruptly, and Lily once again had the sense his measure of James's worth depended on the answer. "You do go to school, I suppose?" Petunia's fiancé added. Lily felt her hand tense angrily around her fork at the condescension in his voice.
"Just graduated, actually," James said proudly. "From Hogwarts, the wizarding school in Britain."
Lily opened her mouth, hoping to steer the conversation away from what had become something of an interview of James, but Vernon spoke again before she could.
"So you have a job, then? What sorts of positions can your lot hold, anyway?"
Your lot. There it was again. Lily's lips pressed together angrily, but when she eyed James sideways, she found that her boyfriend looked as calm and relaxed as ever. This, at least, made Lily smile—no one could say he wasn't making a good impression.
"I'm not really employed at the moment," James said carefully, and Lily's smile vanished, her stomach flipping as she remembered the conversation they'd had only last week with their former Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. It's an underground resistance group called the Order of the Phoenix, and we could use two talent wizards like yourselves…
Vernon's forehead creased. "On unemployment, then, is it?"
James cleared his throat, and Lily knew his hesitation in answering resulted from his discomfort with discussing his family's wealth. "I, er, have some gold saved up in Gringotts—sorry, that's the wizarding bank. My dad oversaw the Department of International Magical Cooperation at the Ministry before he died, and my mother's family doesn't really lack for money, either…." James coughed quietly again, half-glancing at Lily as though hoping she'd save him from embarrassing himself.
"What?" Vernon barked sharply, causing James to look at him again. "You think you're better than me, just because you've got a load of magical gold saved up somewhere?" He'd clearly misinterpreted James's unease as pity. "I'll have you know that I am an educated man, Junior Executive at a fine company—I'll be making plenty of money soon enough, which is more than you can say, I'm sure, with nothing to recommend you but a degree from that Hogswash place—"
"It's 'Hogwarts'," James corrected him with a grin. "Though I think I'll have to recommend Dumbledore change the name to Hogswash, sounds much more—"
"Are you laughing at me?" Vernon demanded abruptly, and the grin quickly disappeared from James's face.
"I will not be mocked at my own table!" Vernon bellowed, seeming to forget momentarily that he was not, in fact, at home. Rising to his feet with more alacrity than Lily would have though possible for someone so heavy, he threw down his napkin and stormed from the restaurant.
The stunned silence that followed lasted only a beat before Petunia leapt to her feet as well. "This is your fault, Lily, for bringing him along!" she screeched, jabbing an accusing finger at James. "Why do you always have to ruin everything?"
"Petunia, she didn't—" James tried, fumbling to work out how things had spun out of control so quickly.
"Shut up!" Petunia shrieked at him, face red with anger. "You're worse than that Snape boy!" Turning back to her sister, "Why can't you have normal friends, Lily?"
We're a bit more than 'friends', James's inner voice peevishly pointed out as Petunia hurried away, calling after Vernon in a voice choked with tears.
It was only then that James noticed how quiet the other guests had grown. In fact, some seemed rather angry at having their private dinners so rudely interrupted. "Double dates, eh?" James tried to joke. "Never work out they way you'd like." A few smiled vaguely at his attempt at humor, but most continued to survey their table with looks ranging from pity to offense. Dropping his gaze to Lily instead, James felt a pang of guilt when he found her with her head in her hands, tears leaking between her fingers.
You're worse than that Snape boy!...I don't want you to make him apologize, you're as bad as he is! James smiled humorlessly to himself as he considered that the two sisters still managed to think alike, despite being different in almost every other way.
"Evans…" he started helplessly, resuming his seat.
"I knew this would happen," Lily sobbed. "Just when we were starting to get along again…"
James didn't know what to say, and so he simply pulled one of Lily's hands gently from her face and held it firmly in his until her tears subsided.
"Can we leave, please?" Lily asked in a low voice still shaky from crying.
"'Course," James said, reaching to pull out money for the bill. "Er," he said when his fingers found only gold in his pockets.
Lily reached silently into her purse and carelessly tossed a wad of Muggle notes onto the table. The two stood and exited the restaurant, thankfully not attracting any more stares on their way out.
Once outside, Lily turned to James. "You were wonderful, I'm not blaming you for what happened," she assured him, and James felt a swoop of relief. He'd half-expected her to start screaming at him as Petunia had. "I can't believe how calm you were, with Vernon practically attacking you with questions, spurting out all that 'your lot' rubbish…" Her momentary anger deflated quickly, and James's stomach sank with Lily's shoulders. "But Tuny…I don't think she'll ever speak to me again."
"She will, I promise" James said, suddenly determined to set things right. "I'll sort it out, don't worry—I'll talk to Vernon, and Petunia. It was all a misunderstanding, anyway, I'm sure they'll see…" There was a moment of silence, and then James took Lily's hand, his eyes solemn as he met hers. "And I promise," he continued earnestly, "to never, ever, grow a mustache that atrocious as long as we both shall live."
Despite herself, Lily laughed out loud. "Thank Merlin for that."
"Now, I don't know about you, but I'm still starving. Should we have a second attempt at dinner?"
"Lead the way, Potter."