The Galapagos letters
Author wobbear
Rating General/K
Pairing Grissom/Sara
Disclaimer If they were mine, they (and we) would be happier now
Spoilers Set after 9x02 The Happy Place. Presently AU.
Author's note A gift for SeteLuas, who kindly gave me permission to post this.
Summary Grissom and Sara need to be in a happier place. Some letters start the process.
Envelope 1:
Sara Sidle
2507 La Playa Street, Apt # 2
Sunset
San Francisco, CA 94122
Placed in the mailing tray on the reception desk at the Las Vegas CSI lab at 9:30 am on October 17, 2008 (Forever stamp positioned 2mm from each edge of the upper right-hand corner). Inside, this letter:
Sara,
Over the past week, I've had a small reminder of what life with you is like. Your warmth, your compassion, your steady support. You've been a beacon of hope shining through the bleakness. Even in the midst of our awful loss, you've grounded me, given me a reason to hold on.
Given the chance to have that conversation in my office again, I'd like to think I would do better. I couldn't do any worse. It was a nightmarish déjà vu, as if time had turned back to how it was years ago, with you asking a pointed question and me unable to articulate my thoughts, my feelings. I thought I had gotten past that verbal paralysis.
As I struggled to speak, I was overcome by the disappointment in your eyes, the harshness of your tone. And now I can't even remember what I said. But it can't have been good―I do remember your reaction. All I knew was that you were leaving and I was going to be alone again.
Please don't let this be the end for us. Please. If Warrick's death had any point, it has reminded me how much I love you. How much I need you. I hate that you left before I could clear the air.
Asking you to stay was stupid, selfish. I know why you had to go. My head understands the reason, but my heart and my body crave the utter comfort of you. The gentle touch of your hand, your warm, wide smile, the ecstasy of being in your arms again. Even your skeptical squint.
Living without you is mere existence, and I've existed long enough. I can't do alone any more; I've lost the knack. Only with you am I truly alive. Sara, you're my life, my future.
As a first step towards our future together, after I get a grip on things here, can we revisit your vacation idea? The Galapagos Islands would be wonderful. I'll get started on some background reading when I get home. Thanks to your careful organization, I know exactly where to find The Voyage of the Beagle, in the D section of the big bookcase. I'm trying to be optimistic, can you tell? But I'm not avoiding the bigger issues. I need to work on relinquishing the reins. I'm ready now. I want to. I will. Will you, can you, wait for me, just a little bit longer?
―I'll love you forever.
Gil
Envelope 2:
Gil Grissom *PERSONAL*
2974 Westfall Avenue
Las Vegas, NV 8915
Deposited in USPS mailbox at McCarran International Airport at 11:32 am on October 17, 2008 (Forever stamp affixed crookedly). Inside, this letter:
Gil,
As I write this I'm missing you already, again, as always. I wish I could've left on a better note, but the reality is that we're both grieving and stressed, on top of all that was going on before, and we both said things we now regret.
Leaving you in these circumstances is hard, much harder than last November. Then I was so consumed by the need to escape, to save myself, that I felt I had no option. Now―Warrick's death aside―I'm doing so much better. I'm clear-headed, and I do know how much you're hurting, and how much my going will hurt you. But I came back because of Warrick. I was never going to stay. We both knew that.
Although you may not see it this way, the whole Adler situation confirmed that I made the right choice. I can't live my life in the dark any more, surrounded by death and deceit.
Please remember that I love you. But I can't be here, where every corner I turn I'm reminded of another case. Whatever I do, I know that somehow, sometime I'd be drawn back into CSI, chasing more rabbits. I couldn't see it so many years ago when you tried to caution me, but you were right. Look what happened when I came back for a funeral; I couldn't stay away from one of my old cases.
After you've had a chance to employ some new staff and settle them in, I'm going to insist on that vacation trip. You need to take some time off, let others shoulder the burden at work. And selfishly, I want to be with you far from Las Vegas. I'm not so secretly hoping it will remind you that there's a whole world waiting outside the lab. You need to give yourself the chance to enjoy it. And me.
Gil, we've both come a long way since we met in that lecture hall. With all that's happened between us, having gotten this far, I'm not about to give up on you. But I can't be as we were, where you still are. That would end up destroying us both. So it's in your hands. You have to decide what you want.
Of all the challenges I've faced, this is by far the toughest. You know me, I set goals and work like crazy to achieve them. But it's not up to me here; the choice is yours. I've laid it on the line; I can't go back to what we had. I want to go forward, with you. Do you?
―I love you. I always will.
Sara
*******
A/n 2: How these rather odd letters came to be―I've been reading Darwin's The Voyage of the Beagle. Mention of the Galapagos Islands made my mind wander to The Happy Place, and I noticed that Galapagos starts with "G" and ends with "S". That thought morphed into two letters, in which each para starts with the letters of "Galapagos", used in order (backwards, in Grissom's case). Yes, I am a sad word geek. And yes again, their letters crossed.
Thanks to the gentle urging of SeteLuas, there is a TBC at the bottom of the screen.
TBC