ahahahaha, i have no idea what i'm doing. but i'm gonna be honest right now it's rated M for my mouth, and well, the dwarves bc they need soap on their tongues.

pls don't sue me, or make me pay for your therapy bills.

i'm a poor ass college student. k thnx.

honest to god i have no idea where i'm taking this. i just woke up one day and thought "omg?! i wanna do a skyrim fanfic? and i wanna cross it over with the hobbit like what i'm a genius why has no one thought of this?" but then i realize if i'm failing at math i'm going to fail at being original too bc someone has probably already thought of this idea (obviously there's a fucking catagory for it hahahahhahahahahha fuck me). let's see where it goes.

Chapter One: Radioactive.

It always snowed. It always stormed. The sun never shone through the grey clouds that drowned out the sky like a thick, dirty ocean, except for today it seemed. It was incredibly depressing, though she preferred to stick around this dreadful town. Why? Perhaps because it wasn't the only one practically in ruins these days, and as she bent down to gently run her fingers over a fresh print – a subtle warmth radiating off it – in the deep snow, she hummed in her chest at the thought. They still hadn't cleaned up the wreckage after that civil war. It was also the only place she seemed to really find peace among the world. She cared not for bustling cities, or large crowds, or loud atmosphere's, no, unless she was called to one on duty (not that it would ever happen again. It had been quiet the while since she had been summoned anywhere). Standing back up, she reached her arm to her back and plucked an arrow from her quiver, her pale blue eyes like a bolt of thunder trailed over the tip of the small spear, and the topaz colored glass glistening like a gem in the morning rays that poured through the thinning pine trees. The area was good for hunting, and that was how she spent her time. The forest may have been blanketed in snow ninety percent of the time, but it was still busy with life – new and old – and a variety of fruits even if they were mostly berries, nuts, and ingredients. Speaking of berries, she caught the color of blood peaking from the corner of her eye, and a smirk came over her face as she would remember the path she walked to come back later, but as of now, as her feet sank into the white land with a soft crunch, she continued onwards, gripping loosely to her bow and arrow. She was on a mission. A delicate one.

A snort, a gentle and calming noise came from her side and she stopped, turning her head very slowly, a few flakes of built up snow dropped from her hood, and she saw her prey; a beautiful a healthy Buck, it's rack at least 8 points high. Not only could she get a good amount of stock from it, but she could get a fair price for its head on a mantle. Not that money was a matter, more like a pass-time. She was quiet the collector; gems, ancient weapons, armor, you name it. Settling down further in her spot, she watched with narrowed eyes as the animal's ears twitched backwards, obviously hearing a sound it didn't like and its head shot up, causing her breath to halt and it felt as though everything around her stopped. No, her life didn't depend on this, not at all, but she had her reasons that this was so important to her. Waiting, listening to the sound of her strong heart pounding in her ears, she was so still with her eyes wide that she could almost feel the mixed blood in her veins flow and pump along with her heart, making her whole body feel as though it was shaking. It felt like an hour that she sat with small diamonds glittering down from the sky, and the feel of the warm sun beating down onto her black clothing making her sweat, but it had only been a few seconds, and she heard the majestic animal chewing again. Perhaps it was a good thing she was part Wood Elf, or she would have had to train harder to hear such things. Put into action once more, she quietly docked her bow, and took her shot – a flash of topaz crossed the woods, the sound of the small but deadly shaft buzzing past each tree, and the buck and birds screaming as the beast fell to the forest floor with an encouraging noise.

With a smile, she stood, though she felt guilty as it laid on the ground writhing in pain, crying out for help from its kin or the like. So, with a faster pace, she pulled out a small blackened and worn dagger from her thigh and struck the beast down, silencing it and sending its peaceful soul back home. Sheathing her dagger, she let her hands fall to her side for only a moment, letting the sounds of the forest flow through her pointed ears. Sometimes it was strange to her how things to could go back to moving as though nothing had ever happened, even with the fact a woodland creature had just been slaughtered in front of any surrounding animal's eyes. The circle of life was cruel thing. Reaching down and wrapping her gloves hand around the plush neck of the lifeless corpse, she slowly lifted it up with an inhuman strength, the muscles in her arm rippling and shaking, straining to hold the dead weight in the air before her. She tilted the head to one side, then to the other, examining it with guilty eyes. But it was all for a good reason. "Fear not – you did not die in vain, Beast," she murmured, crouching down slightly and maneuvering so it rested across the span of her back and over her shoulder, and she stood up as straight as she could with a grunt. It would be an agonizing trek, but her destination was not too far from her location.

Beginning her walk, she clutched onto the carcass with a tight grip, dodging trees, roots and, various plants as she slowly walked back down-hill. The tri-blood knew she didn't have to make this journey alone, she could have easily bought a companion with her, but that would defeat the purpose of her 'get-away plan' or her 'vacation' as her apprentice prefers to call it. The poor boy never understood why she felt the need to get away; Winterhold was not even big enough to consider a town (though the boy barely called it a village himself), and the College barely had any activities or anyone new coming. He was a good man, she couldn't deny, Onmund had helped through several things and even when she was a student, she remembered how he fought along-side of her when she needed it. Even now, he had pledged to her, especially the few times she had saved his life when he was reckless with their travels. The young mage had seen things he would never forget, and his blood pumped for adventure like a true Nord, but that was not her… not much anymore. The same could not be said for Tolfdir, unfortunately, as talented as her Master Wizard was, the older man wanted absolutely nothing to do with their childish ways and preferred to stay at the College and keep a watch over the students, the professors and, the town. Though, like the younger Nord, he understood what the tri-blood had been through and the inability to stay settled in one place for too long (even though there had been several times Tolfdir had mumbled under his breath that if he had traveled all over Skyrim and back he would prefer to sleep for a year and never set a foot outside his door unless it was for stock and food, something to which she would always laugh at), but in the end he would touch her shoulder and giver her his blessing, telling her to come back in one piece for several reasons; he was too old to handle the college as Arch Mage, he would miss her far too much, and he certainly didn't want Onmund in charge (the poor boy would always get flustered and defensive at that).

Wrapped up in her thoughts, she realized she had finally arrived at the steps leading up the hill to her small cabin. It was a homey little place, just enough space to live comfortable and keep everything she needed, unlike her quarters at the college that contained … well, all her belongings; her armors, her gems, her books, her weapons, and her … special artifacts. Trekking up the stairs, she stopped dead at the door, squinting her eyes at the sound of multiple thuds inside of the small house. There seemed to be a pause before each one, followed by a disgusted grumble. Looking side-to-side and once behind her, she unsheathed her dagger and gripped It in her hand before kicking the door open. It must have been a sight to see to whoever was in there because they let out a painful noise, followed by the sound of several things hitting the floor; a woman cloaked in all black, a large Beast on her back and a powerful dagger in her hand, and the blinding sunlight flooding the main room. Moving quickly into the room, she shut the door and dropped the Beast. The sound of its skull sent a terrifying crack throughout the room, but before she could act, the dagger was slapped from her hand and thrown into the fire as her vision – no, the room filled with multiple black spots and – "One, I find it absolutely astonishing and quiet offensive you would use a Daedric blade in defense against me, and two … " the monotone voice drug out before it completely cut off, and bright blue eyes bet a single burning yellow one, that of a cat or Kahjit. "Venison, again, Dovahkiin? And here I thought the warrior of the world would at least know a thing or two about a… healthy diet," the voice almost mused, although one who did not know better would guess he did not care at all about the conversation. "Or did that part of yourself die away along with Verulus? Hmmm….?"

To anyone else, it should have seemed strange – scratch that, terrifying, disgusting, revolting, and the list could go on in the Dragonborns mind, to see nothing but a black mass of shadows in the air as though it were stretching across the wall, pale-green tentacles crawling and slithering out and circling around nothing but a large golden eye with a slit pupil. Do not get her wrong, every time she simply laid eyes on Hermaeus, she had to continuously tell herself not to vomit all over a Daedric prince. That would surely end her life into an eternity of being hunted by Hericine himself, or even worse… living her life in Hermaeus Mora's library taking care of his damned books. But aside all of that, the blue-eyed female sighed, turning around to her kill once more, so easily turning her back to one of the most dangerous entity's to ever exist in all Tamriel. "That was once," she mumbled, lifting her catch in both arms with a grunt to throw it up onto the clearing on her wooden table. "I no longer have the ring in my possession anyhow." the tri-blood huffed out, slowly running her hands over the hardening fur on the dead animal, almost as though she were petting it. It calmed her somehow. Maybe she should get a pet…

"It's under your bed, actually. "

She froze, the muscles under her eyes twitching slightly in annoyance at her visitor. Honestly, out of all the dark Princes and Princesses that she had met in her life-time, or the one that seemed to be most interested by her had to be him. Why couldn't it have been someone like Clavicus that was mildly interesting, or Sheogorath the mad who tended to make her laugh, or Vaermina who would want nothing to even do with her after the whole 'skull' incident. No, she got the walking dictionary of all Tamriel, and Divines knows where else. Sighing, she grit her teeth together in annoyance and gripped onto the wooden table a little tighter. "What, do, you, want?" she bit out, holding her tongue from telling him exactly how she felt about him.

It was almost immediately that she felt something slimy and wet slap across the back of her head, and the brunette had to hold back her gag reflexes. "Speak to me in such tone – hold your tongue, Dovahkiin!" the voice seemed almost stern that time, like talking to a child who was stepping over a line that their parent drew. "Or do you forget who so graciously helped you survive Miraak? Or are you already forgetting things in your old age? Interesting, really, the minds of you humans… how important and fragile your brains are…" Then he tapped, the very tip of his tendril poking her temple, and it sent a large shiver down her spine, goosebumps breaking out over her paled skin.

Akatosh, Talos, Divines, help her.

The Dragonborn sighed deeply. "Not that you did it out of the kindness of your heart, because I'm more than sure you don't actually have one – "

"I'm summoning you on a favor," He cut her off immediately, looking over his tendril like he had hands, fingers, and nails he was observing like some high-and-mighty Jarl who was getting bored with the whole situation. She wouldn't doubt if he was, cutting straight to the point like he did. Not many of these Daedric beings enjoyed beating around the bush. A lot of them cut straight to the point, and while she could appreciate that, sometimes these bastards could just be rude-

Wait, what? Favor? A favor!?

Something inside of her snapped, or was it the table seeing as she held a piece of ragged wood in her hand, turning around to face the dazed-off Prince. "What favor!?" she shouted, her voice rumbling in question and the ugly eye slid from the small mountain of books her had created over to her. "I already did your favor back in Solstheim. You murdered it – him, remember?"

If Hermaeus had both eyes, he probably would have rolled them, but no, instead he rolled all of them, even the small ones doting the black mass and it was the second most disgusting thing the Dragonborn had ever watched. "Of course, I remember. He was very useful."

"Then your trip was wasted," she growled, her chest rumbling like thunder. It never failed to sicken her at how easily these beings could murder someone for their own selfish reasons, but what right did she have to act all righteous about it? How many times had she killed simply to live? To make money? Or perhaps even for nothing when she had simply gotten an order? The war… all the men and women she slaughtered in the name of Ulfric Stormcloak and a free Skyrim. Two things she wanted to damn away for so long. Damn the Nords, damn the Thalmor, the legion, all the gods – Daedric or not. Sometimes she hated them all, and it was almost in those times she could understand why Alduin wanted to rid this world of every race except for their own and Akatosh, or enslave the mortals that would serve him. But then, she remembered her friends; the Companions, the College, the Blades, the Thieves Guild, even some of her brother and sisters in armor that battled beside her, and she remembered why she fought for this world. Everything deserved a second chance. Though sometimes she thought the world would never change, no matter what she had done for it. It wasn't that she wanted everyone to know of her good deeds… it was just, she wanted them to realize what could have been and that they need to… well, change.

"You fail to understand, Dovahkiin," came a horrendous whisper that chilled her to the bones, and the fire in her hearth flickered fiercely before dying, and her world was cast into shadows. The only thing she could see was a golden eye staring her down, the iris shimmering in the faint sunlight like a pool of melted gold. Had it been anything else before her, it would have entranced her, drawing her in, but a raging fire burned inside the pit of her stomach and it grew ever more, lapping at her immortal heart. Her icy eyes screamed death, and held no fear as the sound of metal clicked against metal, her long sword unsheathing. The cold steel glimmered in the scarce light from her windows as the tip pointed only inches from his eye. She couldn't kill the bastard, but dammit, she could send the old fool back his library in Oblivion. "It wasn't a choice."

"Fid zey zek wah Sovngarde, Sivaas." (Send me back to Sovngarde, Beast.)

She couldn't die anyway.

/ pitifully rocks back and forth in her corner

/ singing it's a hard knock life

/ kumbaya

it's been a really long time since i've played this game? or like, did anything in this fandom? so i'm like 99% all of my dovahzul its gonna be like 99999999% wrong as a mother fucker. if so, don't be afraid to beat the right words into my face? i'm pretty sure? i? deserve it? for this trash? ;u;

but if i did do it right, and you do like it? fucking bow before you pleb? lmao. jk. it's trash. burn it. burn your eyes. burn your computers. burn your homes. burn yo kids. burn yo wives.