Turning Point
A/N This is a side fic to "Wedding Bells Just Turned to Rust" it chronicles the meeting with Dumbledore when Severus offers to spy on Voldemort. It will make a lot more sense if you read the other fic first but you can get it without reading that. In case you can't be bothered with that, though please do, the opening quote is said to Sev in Wedding Bells by Narcissa Malfoy and the "him" refers to Lucius Malfoy. For those who are reading Wedding bells this takes place during Chapter 10, he goes to see Dumbledore after holding Draco in the hospital.
**Severus' thoughts**
************************************************************************
**"You're no better than him so don't pretend you are!"**
**God, how those words have haunted me! Did you know what you were saying and how seriously I would take it? What would you say if you knew what I was about to do? Would you condemn me? Or would you tell me that for the first time in many years, possibly in my life, I was about to do the right thing?**
Severus Snape took a deep breath and apparated directly outside the Hogwart's grounds. He hesitated at the gates he had not seen since the day he left. **I never intended to come back.** Then, shaking his head, he walked resolutely up the long path to the front doors of his old school. **I've come too far to turn back now.**
However, what he ran into next was enough to make him wish he could turn back. As he walked the corridors of the school a cold and angry voice greeted him.
"What are you doing here?"
He turned to face his old transfigurations professor and realised that she wasn't as scary as he remembered her, she was more so. He felt like a guilty child again. **Only this time I've done something far worse than neglect my homework or skip some classes.**
"I need to see Professor Dumbledore."
"Why?" There was animosity in her voice but she also seemed curious.
"Personal business. I didn't come here looking for a fight. Please Professor."
The young woman looked at him in much the way she used to do in Transfigurations, assessing his motives, though back then it was normally over whether or not Sirius Black had stolen his homework. This time it was much more serious. Finally she spoke.
"I will undoubtedly regret this, but I believe you. Come with me."
Severus followed his old professor to Dumbledore's office wondering at how little she'd changed and noting that she still managed to intimidate him with a look. She said the password and led him up the stairs to the office. At the top she knocked on the door and gestured Severus inside. He hesitated once again and her face softened slightly, "Go on, Severus." He nodded and stepped inside.
"Severus. This is a surprise." Snape found himself unable to hold Dumbledore's piercing gaze and instead dropped his head to stare at the floor.
"I found him wandering the corridors, said he needed to see you."
"Thank you Minerva, do take a seat Severus."
Severus sat down and McGonagall nodded at Dumbledore and left the room.
Severus waited for the headmaster to speak but he merely sat there and then, after a few moments, offered him a sherbet lemon. **Oh God, and they say this is the man that Voldemort fears? A deatheater walks into his midst and he offers them a sherbet lemon? Then again Voldemort might be thrown off a bit if someone offered him a sherbet lemon.**
"I believe you know how I have spent the last few years."
Dumbledore merely remained silent and then nodded for him to continue.
Lost for words Severus said, "Did you know Narcissa Malfoy has had a son? They asked me to be the godfather. Lucius wasn't even present at the birth."
There was another uncomfortable silence until Severus began again.
"Today I looked at that child and I realised what kind world it would grow up in. I have seen Narcissa endure so much and I cannot stand the idea of her son going through the same. I've seen and done things that I can't stomach. I hate what I've become. There's no way to undo the things I've seen and done but maybe I can do something to help those who are still...alive. I am offering my services as a spy. I'm not asking for immunity from prosecution or protection should I be discovered. I ask for nothing but the chance to help you. If you want to have me arrested then I will submit to your judgement, but I can help you."
Dumbledore stared at him for a moment as Severus looked him straight in the eyes determined to maintain his pride and dignity no matter how he was feeling inside.
"You mean what you say." It wasn't a question but a statement, Dumbledore believed him, the relief was overpowering.
"You would be risking a lot to do this, I am sure I do not need to tell you of the consequences of your getting caught."
"I have considered all that. I am willing to risk it."
"You would need a cover story to explain any meeting with our side. What if you were to become a teacher here, I am I need of a potions master and I seem to remember you being quite the expert."
"You mean tell Voldemort that I took the job so that I could spy for him on you?" Snape said understanding.
Dumbledore nodded, "It would reduce the risk of your meeting with us."
"The other staff would never accept me."
"Yes they would. They remember you as a student for the most part, that's how they think of you, not as a deatheater."
"I'm not fit to teach children anything."
"Why do you say that?"
Severus snorted and leapt to his feet eyes flashing dangerously, "That's why!" he snapped, roughly pulling up his left hand sleeve to reveal the ugly mark which disfigured the otherwise flawless skin.
"Severus, we are all capable of making mistakes," Dumbledore said gently, "I trust you."
Severus sat down again in shock. **Dumbledore trusts me!?**
"Now, will you take the post or do I have to make Minerva lecture you again, that always used to do the trick I seem to remember."
"I'll take the post." **I'll do anything just don't bring that woman back in here!**
"Good, you'll start next week?"
"Of course headmaster."
"I'm not your headmaster anymore, you can call me Albus."
Severus merely nodded unable to shake the feeling of being a student again.
"Alright well, can we meet again on Saturday that'll give you the weekend to settle in."
Severus nodded again.
Dumbledore smiled at him and Severus rose to leave.
"Severus?" Dumbledore called him back.
He turned to face the headmaster.
"Are you sure you won't have a sherbet lemon before you go?"
*******
Severus shook his head as he walked down the stairs, **I think we need to send him to some AA meetings. I can just see it now, "Hello, my name is Albus Dumbledore and I'm addicted to Sherbet Lemons."**
He reached the bottom of the stairs and found McGonagall waiting for him there. She smiled and said, "I take it your meeting went well?"
"Yes. I will be joining the teaching staff as Potions master." He hesitated then glanced down at the floor and said quietly, "I volunteered my services as a spy."
The woman smiled at him, "I'll walk down to the gates with you."
"Seeing me off the premises?"
"Wouldn't want you taking any points off my Gryffindors on the way out, you're not a teacher yet."
She fell into step beside him.
"Felt quite like old times before what with me escorting you to the headmaster's office. All we needed were James and Sirius to loudly protest that it was all your fault so that you could refute it and say that it was in fact all theirs."
"It was always their fault," he said bitterly.
"Actually I seem to remember you were all to blame."
"You always acted like it was my fault."
She looked regretful, "Maybe I did. But then they never mocked me when my back was turned."
"Well, if you will have eyes in the back of your head!"
Minerva smiled suddenly, "Yes, well I'm not your teacher anymore."
"I remember you trying to reason with me and my friends, you told us power was not the only thing worth having, there are days when I wish I'd listened to you."
"You're here now, that's what's important." She paused, "I'm proud of you Severus."
He smiled slightly.
"Why did you do it?" she asked but it was without anger or disappointment or reproach.
"I was a Slytherin, wasn't it what you expected?"
"No, actually. I never expected it of any of you, even Madeline Wilkes, and she tried to hex me once."
"I suppose I liked the idea of power, I was stupid and naïve enough to believe it bred respect and that was what I wanted, people to respect me."
"Severus, people did respect you."
"No they didn't! They looked at me like I was dirt!"
"What?"
"They did. You know my father was always going on at me about how low my grades were?"
"Your grades were fine, you were top of your year in potions though I do remember your skills in transfigurations were limited."
"They weren't good enough for him. Nothing ever was good enough for him, or my mother, though where she got off calling herself that I don't know the woman hadn't a maternal bone in her body. The Dark Lord...he seemed to respect me, he valued my potions abilities and I was just too stupid to see the difference between someone respecting you and simply finding you useful. Besides there are things that aren't worth anything even the respect I wanted. I saw Lucius Malfoy and how he seemed to have everything. He had a charming wife who loved him and a child on the way, he had the respect of both sides of the wizarding community, then I started to see past the perfectly crafted image he presents to the world. I saw him torture people and take pleasure in it and I still excused him, I'd seen worse anyway. Then I realised that he'd done things I couldn't excuse, he hurt Narcissa, broke her arm and endangered their child's life, he murdered Davies because he wouldn't join us, Evan was there when it happened and was killed in a fight with the aurors afterwards I think he let that happen. Evan cared about Davies underneath his attitude, he was an excellent dueller and I don't think he could have been taken down by an auror easily. I can't believe I ever admired Lucius for what he was."
"Lucius Malfoy has the amazing ability to keep trouble at arms length, it just breaks over him like water rolls over a ducks back, he hides behind his money and power but I think he'll get what's coming to him one day. Narcissa's a different matter though, I remember her when she was head girl here, she was independent, capable, talented and a very compassionate person, how did she end up as Lucius Malfoy's shadow?"
"She fell in love, I guess that's what it'll do to you."
"Oh Severus, don't be so cynical."
"I'm not being cynical, I'm pointing out that a young woman who should have been a power in her own right has been reduced to Lucius' shadow because she fell in love with him, I think she still is actually."
"How can she be?"
"I don't know, I wonder if she does."
"Lucius does not have everyone's respect, I never even liked him when I was at school with him." She sighed then added quietly, "I respect you. I respect the courage it must have taken you to come here and I respected you before that. I respected the way you took on Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew single handed and I respected the fact that you were the only one in your group who seemed to think for themselves, I was shocked when I heard you were one of them and I didn't want to believe it. I won't lie to you, you were hardly my favourite student but you weren't that bad."
"I'm sorry I let you down."
"You didn't, you let yourself down and by the sounds of things the people who should have cared about you let you down, and I think today you took a big step towards setting things right."
"I'll never be able to set things right."
"Maybe. I don't know the answer to that but I do know that people can make mistakes and that they can make up for them and I'm damned sure you will."
Severus hissed in pain as his mark began to burn and he gripped his arm tightly. "I have to go."
"I understand, look after yourself Severus, I think you're going to make a fine teacher." She extended a hand and after a moment's hesitation he shook it.
"Thank you Professor."
*******
A/N: If you want to know who Davies and Evan are then you should read a fic by honest_iago, you can find her in my favourite authors section of my bio and the story's called, "Dark clouds smoulder into Red." Evan refers to Evan Rosier and Davies is an original character of honest_iago's called Davies Brennandez. These two were close friends of Sev's at Hogwarts, both Slytherins, the bit I have read of her fic about them so far is fantastic! I would advise anyone to read it. Basically this links between that and Wedding Bells Just Turned to Rust as it is the events of both of them which cause Severus to switch sides. I have to say that I think he was amazingly brave to do that! Damn Mad Eye Moody, I don't care of that was the real him or not, he's evil to lovely Sev!
Oh, and we both refuse to believe that McGonagall's like seventy as we're big fans of Snape/McGonagall so we figured out that she and Lucy were at Hogwarts at the same time but in different years.
I'd love it if you reviewed! Seriously, you'd make my day!
A/N This is a side fic to "Wedding Bells Just Turned to Rust" it chronicles the meeting with Dumbledore when Severus offers to spy on Voldemort. It will make a lot more sense if you read the other fic first but you can get it without reading that. In case you can't be bothered with that, though please do, the opening quote is said to Sev in Wedding Bells by Narcissa Malfoy and the "him" refers to Lucius Malfoy. For those who are reading Wedding bells this takes place during Chapter 10, he goes to see Dumbledore after holding Draco in the hospital.
**Severus' thoughts**
************************************************************************
**"You're no better than him so don't pretend you are!"**
**God, how those words have haunted me! Did you know what you were saying and how seriously I would take it? What would you say if you knew what I was about to do? Would you condemn me? Or would you tell me that for the first time in many years, possibly in my life, I was about to do the right thing?**
Severus Snape took a deep breath and apparated directly outside the Hogwart's grounds. He hesitated at the gates he had not seen since the day he left. **I never intended to come back.** Then, shaking his head, he walked resolutely up the long path to the front doors of his old school. **I've come too far to turn back now.**
However, what he ran into next was enough to make him wish he could turn back. As he walked the corridors of the school a cold and angry voice greeted him.
"What are you doing here?"
He turned to face his old transfigurations professor and realised that she wasn't as scary as he remembered her, she was more so. He felt like a guilty child again. **Only this time I've done something far worse than neglect my homework or skip some classes.**
"I need to see Professor Dumbledore."
"Why?" There was animosity in her voice but she also seemed curious.
"Personal business. I didn't come here looking for a fight. Please Professor."
The young woman looked at him in much the way she used to do in Transfigurations, assessing his motives, though back then it was normally over whether or not Sirius Black had stolen his homework. This time it was much more serious. Finally she spoke.
"I will undoubtedly regret this, but I believe you. Come with me."
Severus followed his old professor to Dumbledore's office wondering at how little she'd changed and noting that she still managed to intimidate him with a look. She said the password and led him up the stairs to the office. At the top she knocked on the door and gestured Severus inside. He hesitated once again and her face softened slightly, "Go on, Severus." He nodded and stepped inside.
"Severus. This is a surprise." Snape found himself unable to hold Dumbledore's piercing gaze and instead dropped his head to stare at the floor.
"I found him wandering the corridors, said he needed to see you."
"Thank you Minerva, do take a seat Severus."
Severus sat down and McGonagall nodded at Dumbledore and left the room.
Severus waited for the headmaster to speak but he merely sat there and then, after a few moments, offered him a sherbet lemon. **Oh God, and they say this is the man that Voldemort fears? A deatheater walks into his midst and he offers them a sherbet lemon? Then again Voldemort might be thrown off a bit if someone offered him a sherbet lemon.**
"I believe you know how I have spent the last few years."
Dumbledore merely remained silent and then nodded for him to continue.
Lost for words Severus said, "Did you know Narcissa Malfoy has had a son? They asked me to be the godfather. Lucius wasn't even present at the birth."
There was another uncomfortable silence until Severus began again.
"Today I looked at that child and I realised what kind world it would grow up in. I have seen Narcissa endure so much and I cannot stand the idea of her son going through the same. I've seen and done things that I can't stomach. I hate what I've become. There's no way to undo the things I've seen and done but maybe I can do something to help those who are still...alive. I am offering my services as a spy. I'm not asking for immunity from prosecution or protection should I be discovered. I ask for nothing but the chance to help you. If you want to have me arrested then I will submit to your judgement, but I can help you."
Dumbledore stared at him for a moment as Severus looked him straight in the eyes determined to maintain his pride and dignity no matter how he was feeling inside.
"You mean what you say." It wasn't a question but a statement, Dumbledore believed him, the relief was overpowering.
"You would be risking a lot to do this, I am sure I do not need to tell you of the consequences of your getting caught."
"I have considered all that. I am willing to risk it."
"You would need a cover story to explain any meeting with our side. What if you were to become a teacher here, I am I need of a potions master and I seem to remember you being quite the expert."
"You mean tell Voldemort that I took the job so that I could spy for him on you?" Snape said understanding.
Dumbledore nodded, "It would reduce the risk of your meeting with us."
"The other staff would never accept me."
"Yes they would. They remember you as a student for the most part, that's how they think of you, not as a deatheater."
"I'm not fit to teach children anything."
"Why do you say that?"
Severus snorted and leapt to his feet eyes flashing dangerously, "That's why!" he snapped, roughly pulling up his left hand sleeve to reveal the ugly mark which disfigured the otherwise flawless skin.
"Severus, we are all capable of making mistakes," Dumbledore said gently, "I trust you."
Severus sat down again in shock. **Dumbledore trusts me!?**
"Now, will you take the post or do I have to make Minerva lecture you again, that always used to do the trick I seem to remember."
"I'll take the post." **I'll do anything just don't bring that woman back in here!**
"Good, you'll start next week?"
"Of course headmaster."
"I'm not your headmaster anymore, you can call me Albus."
Severus merely nodded unable to shake the feeling of being a student again.
"Alright well, can we meet again on Saturday that'll give you the weekend to settle in."
Severus nodded again.
Dumbledore smiled at him and Severus rose to leave.
"Severus?" Dumbledore called him back.
He turned to face the headmaster.
"Are you sure you won't have a sherbet lemon before you go?"
*******
Severus shook his head as he walked down the stairs, **I think we need to send him to some AA meetings. I can just see it now, "Hello, my name is Albus Dumbledore and I'm addicted to Sherbet Lemons."**
He reached the bottom of the stairs and found McGonagall waiting for him there. She smiled and said, "I take it your meeting went well?"
"Yes. I will be joining the teaching staff as Potions master." He hesitated then glanced down at the floor and said quietly, "I volunteered my services as a spy."
The woman smiled at him, "I'll walk down to the gates with you."
"Seeing me off the premises?"
"Wouldn't want you taking any points off my Gryffindors on the way out, you're not a teacher yet."
She fell into step beside him.
"Felt quite like old times before what with me escorting you to the headmaster's office. All we needed were James and Sirius to loudly protest that it was all your fault so that you could refute it and say that it was in fact all theirs."
"It was always their fault," he said bitterly.
"Actually I seem to remember you were all to blame."
"You always acted like it was my fault."
She looked regretful, "Maybe I did. But then they never mocked me when my back was turned."
"Well, if you will have eyes in the back of your head!"
Minerva smiled suddenly, "Yes, well I'm not your teacher anymore."
"I remember you trying to reason with me and my friends, you told us power was not the only thing worth having, there are days when I wish I'd listened to you."
"You're here now, that's what's important." She paused, "I'm proud of you Severus."
He smiled slightly.
"Why did you do it?" she asked but it was without anger or disappointment or reproach.
"I was a Slytherin, wasn't it what you expected?"
"No, actually. I never expected it of any of you, even Madeline Wilkes, and she tried to hex me once."
"I suppose I liked the idea of power, I was stupid and naïve enough to believe it bred respect and that was what I wanted, people to respect me."
"Severus, people did respect you."
"No they didn't! They looked at me like I was dirt!"
"What?"
"They did. You know my father was always going on at me about how low my grades were?"
"Your grades were fine, you were top of your year in potions though I do remember your skills in transfigurations were limited."
"They weren't good enough for him. Nothing ever was good enough for him, or my mother, though where she got off calling herself that I don't know the woman hadn't a maternal bone in her body. The Dark Lord...he seemed to respect me, he valued my potions abilities and I was just too stupid to see the difference between someone respecting you and simply finding you useful. Besides there are things that aren't worth anything even the respect I wanted. I saw Lucius Malfoy and how he seemed to have everything. He had a charming wife who loved him and a child on the way, he had the respect of both sides of the wizarding community, then I started to see past the perfectly crafted image he presents to the world. I saw him torture people and take pleasure in it and I still excused him, I'd seen worse anyway. Then I realised that he'd done things I couldn't excuse, he hurt Narcissa, broke her arm and endangered their child's life, he murdered Davies because he wouldn't join us, Evan was there when it happened and was killed in a fight with the aurors afterwards I think he let that happen. Evan cared about Davies underneath his attitude, he was an excellent dueller and I don't think he could have been taken down by an auror easily. I can't believe I ever admired Lucius for what he was."
"Lucius Malfoy has the amazing ability to keep trouble at arms length, it just breaks over him like water rolls over a ducks back, he hides behind his money and power but I think he'll get what's coming to him one day. Narcissa's a different matter though, I remember her when she was head girl here, she was independent, capable, talented and a very compassionate person, how did she end up as Lucius Malfoy's shadow?"
"She fell in love, I guess that's what it'll do to you."
"Oh Severus, don't be so cynical."
"I'm not being cynical, I'm pointing out that a young woman who should have been a power in her own right has been reduced to Lucius' shadow because she fell in love with him, I think she still is actually."
"How can she be?"
"I don't know, I wonder if she does."
"Lucius does not have everyone's respect, I never even liked him when I was at school with him." She sighed then added quietly, "I respect you. I respect the courage it must have taken you to come here and I respected you before that. I respected the way you took on Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew single handed and I respected the fact that you were the only one in your group who seemed to think for themselves, I was shocked when I heard you were one of them and I didn't want to believe it. I won't lie to you, you were hardly my favourite student but you weren't that bad."
"I'm sorry I let you down."
"You didn't, you let yourself down and by the sounds of things the people who should have cared about you let you down, and I think today you took a big step towards setting things right."
"I'll never be able to set things right."
"Maybe. I don't know the answer to that but I do know that people can make mistakes and that they can make up for them and I'm damned sure you will."
Severus hissed in pain as his mark began to burn and he gripped his arm tightly. "I have to go."
"I understand, look after yourself Severus, I think you're going to make a fine teacher." She extended a hand and after a moment's hesitation he shook it.
"Thank you Professor."
*******
A/N: If you want to know who Davies and Evan are then you should read a fic by honest_iago, you can find her in my favourite authors section of my bio and the story's called, "Dark clouds smoulder into Red." Evan refers to Evan Rosier and Davies is an original character of honest_iago's called Davies Brennandez. These two were close friends of Sev's at Hogwarts, both Slytherins, the bit I have read of her fic about them so far is fantastic! I would advise anyone to read it. Basically this links between that and Wedding Bells Just Turned to Rust as it is the events of both of them which cause Severus to switch sides. I have to say that I think he was amazingly brave to do that! Damn Mad Eye Moody, I don't care of that was the real him or not, he's evil to lovely Sev!
Oh, and we both refuse to believe that McGonagall's like seventy as we're big fans of Snape/McGonagall so we figured out that she and Lucy were at Hogwarts at the same time but in different years.
I'd love it if you reviewed! Seriously, you'd make my day!