A/N: So I spent a good deal of time after S4EP3/EP4 wondering what would've happened if anyone else in the staff noticed Anna's sudden shift in behavior after the attack, and this wondering spawned a thread with tumblr user carson-thebutler-speaking (the title of which is "Off Balance," just like this fic), and she gave me permission to delve into this in fic form. So there's a little prefacing, I suppose. Some chapters will carry heavier trigger tags than others, and this specific chapter doesn't, so we're all covered there.
Disclaimer: I don't own Downton Abbey, and some of the text is not written by me, but by carson-thebutler-speaking.
On with the show!
Charles watched as Anna regarded her breakfast with disinterest, her eyes fixed on the toast before her as if she were memorizing every detail of the food instead of eating it. He couldn't help but notice how she seemed to make herself take up as little space as possible, at least enough that she wouldn't risk touching James or Mr. Bates, who sat on either side of her, and, though he hadn't heard anything on the subject, it was clear that something was wrong
Ever since the house party (at least, that's when this new behavior had shown itself), he'd noticed that Anna had become suddenly more withdrawn, more easily frightened by the slightest noise, and less present at mealtimes. He knew she was a private person—ever since she'd arrived at Downton nearly twenty years ago, she'd kept to herself about most things, and never intruded on other people's affairs—but the silence with which she'd gone about her chores for the past fortnight was odd. And she'd never stayed in the same room as Mr. Bates for more than a second, always avoiding eye contact when such a course of action was necessary—yet another odd occurrence.
It was all very unlike Anna, to be so silent, and to leave as soon as her husband entered the room. One would think, that after everything that the two had been through, that they would want every moment together, and Charles hoped that they hadn't had a falling-out. If that was the case, the most he could do would be to hope that they forgave the other soon, so perhaps Anna would return to her previous state. He hoped this for her sake as much as for Mr. Bates's, though their disagreement (whatever it may be) had not upset the running of the household yet, making it a lower priority for the butler.
As the staff left the table to continue on with the day's chores, Charles seized the moment to find out what was wrong with Anna before she could go see to Lady Mary, waiting until she was alone in the servants' hall, as not to make a scene. Surely she would tell him if something were amiss, and if not, well, he didn't enjoy being kept in the dark about things such as this. Perhaps, if she wouldn't yield any information, he could ask Mrs. Hughes—she was sure to know.
But what if the housekeeper didn't know, or what if she wouldn't tell him?
"Anna, might I have a word?" he asked, making sure to speak in a way that wouldn't startle her.
The lady's maid met Charles's gaze for a moment, and in that moment, the butler saw fear flash across her eyes before it was replaced with a stony, guarded look that was completely and utterly foreign to him. "Is everything alright, Mr. Carson? If it's about doing the extra mending, it's really no bother, truly."
He hesitated before answering her with a brisk nod. "You've done nothing wrong, if that's what you are wondering, Anna," he said, and it wasn't a lie.
In her twenty-plus years of service at Downton Abbey, Anna had never broken any of the rules, never slacking or partaking in relationships with any of the hall boys or footmen, and never behaving in an unkind manner to anyone, not even Mrs. O'Brien. It was safe to say that everyone at Downton admired her strength of character, and it was one of life's indisputable facts that Anna was the kindest soul downstairs (Lady Sybil would always be the kindest of the family, and she was fair enough competition for Anna in terms of who was the kindest overall).
True, the butler had qualms about allowing her to do work that could easily be done by Madge or Alice, but it was clear that she was at peace when she was working, so he made no comment. As long as those whose work she took on didn't become too lazy, Charles saw no reason to reprimand her for doing their work. Mrs. Hughes could always find other tasks for the housemaids to complete, and then maybe he wouldn't have to worry about the footmen and hall boys getting into any trouble with the maids.
"Perhaps we should go talk in my pantry," he suggested, doing his best to be patient with her (which he hoped no one else saw, not even Mrs. Hughes or Mrs. Patmore). She was clearly scared, and while he didn't know the best way for dealing with it, he knew being patient was a step in the right direction, and that was better than nothing.
It all came down to maintaining authority for Charles. If he came across as too gentle, too caring, or even the slightest bit sentimental, as Mrs. Hughes sometimes did, he feared he would lose control. Also, the youngest member of staff (Kate, the new scullery maid) was almost sixteen, which was old enough to take care of oneself. He didn't need to be playing father to every maid and footman under this roof, let alone allowing them to find comfort in his presence. He stood for order, and if that was what they stood for, they knew to handle their problems themselves.
Anna opened her mouth to protest, but, when no sound came, closed it and nodded. "Yes sir," she said, lowering her gaze. "I have to see to Lady Mary soon, though—"
"It won't take long, I promise," he said, watching her stand and marveling at how much she had changed, not just in behavior, but in body. He could now see shadows under her eyes, and, as if that was not enough to trouble the butler, the way her dress seemed to hang off of her shoulders suggested that she hadn't eaten since the house party, for whatever reason there was. It was clear even to him that she was trying to hide it by pinning her dress and holding herself so she didn't appear to be swallowed by the dark fabric.
She followed him silently to his pantry, her feet barely lifting off the floor as she went, and he could almost hear her glancing around the hall, which was mostly empty by this point in the morning. A sudden gasp escaped her lips as they passed the closed door of the boot room, and he heard her freeze.
When he turned around to address Anna, to ask her what was the matter, he saw her standing, frozen in place, her posture as stiff as a poker (a metaphor Charles disliked, but it felt fitting at the moment), and her eyes fixed on the door.
"Anna?" he asked, taking a careful step towards her, not sure what to do. Where is Mrs. Hughes when you need her? He thought, casting a glance that was hopefully not too distressed-looking up and down the hall. "Are you alright?"
At first she didn't reply, not for at least a few minutes, when she shook her head, and the clouded- over expression of panic left her face. The crease in her brow smoothed as she wrenched her gaze from the door of the boot room, her face settling into its previous dark neutrality. "Forgive me," she said, her voice coming as no more than an apologetic whisper.
"Of course," Charles said, taking a step back, giving Anna her space, though not without a careful look at her.
There was something amiss, surely. How many times had Anna walked past the boot room without freezing up like that, yet now, she froze like a deer in front of a hunter's rifle? Had she had a nightmare concerning the boot room (to Charles, the notion was impossible, but he considered it nonetheless), or was there something he was missing? There'd been a haunted look in her eyes, like he'd seen in the eyes of the soldiers who'd stayed at Downton during the war, and sometimes the same shadow passed over Mr. Bates and Thomas's expressions as well, when
they thought no one was looking. It was yet another puzzle to him, seeing as Anna hadn't experienced war, nor had she been involved in any conflict to warrant such behavior—and so suddenly too!
Whatever it was, Charles was determined to get to the bottom of it, and maybe then, then, there would be peace for Anna, as well as for him.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Mr. Carson is a challenging character to write from, that's for certain, but I do my best, and you could help me improve by leaving reviews (I suppose that sounds a bit desperate).
Thank you for your support!